by Debra Elise
Her mom had been opinionated until the very end. Between treatments and her naps, her mom had watched all the news channels. She was stoically independent in her political views, and she’d argue with the right and the left TV commentators.
Noel couldn’t watch a news show without thinking about her mom. They were the few good memories from the last few months of her mom’s life she had. There hadn’t been too many towards the end. Her brothers had struggled to deal with what had become inevitable. Their mom wasn’t going to recover.
She’d dealt with it by tutoring online every spare hour she had. The extra money made the difference between eating tuna or chicken. And she’d happily given up sleep as long as it meant her mother would stop worrying. And asking Noel to track down their dad. That was one thing she wouldn’t do for her mom. Ever.
She tucked away her memories of being a caregiver and surrogate mom to her brothers instead of being a typical teen. Yes, she’d readily filled those roles. Being needed had, in a weird way, filled her up. But remembering served no purpose other than to weigh her down and prevent her from believing she could achieve a life without responsibilities.
Apparently, old habits had been hard to break since she was staring at the possibility of one hell of a responsibility in the face.
She still wanted to ensure that everyone in her circle was happy and living the life they wanted. But what she wanted more than anything was to be wanted for herself and not what she could do for anyone. And she wanted TS to want her for her, not just for sex whenever they both had the itch.
Another wave of nausea had her sprinting for the bathroom.
After she was done, she splashed cold water on her face and brushed her teeth. She caught her reflection in the mirror. A hollow laughed escaped, followed by a second that made her sound like a loon. There was no getting around what she needed to do.
She walked back into the kitchen and grabbed the bag filled with the pregnancy tests dumped out the chocolate, and dry heaved at the thought of it—dammit.
Back in her bathroom, she took out all five out and followed the instructions. One after another, she lined them up on the countertop without looking at them. Then she waited. Five minutes went by and she still hadn’t looked. She paced in her bedroom. She waited for another five minutes.
The tests had to be ready by now, but was she? Nope. But she was running out of time. She’d need to leave soon for girl’s night. She scooped up the tests and closed her eyes. When she looked down at the death grip she had on five plastic life-changers, she let out an unladylike snort.
Five plus signs burned an impression onto her retina. Even when she closed her eyes, she could still see them.
Her latest vision board hadn’t included today’s surprise.
World rocked.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Noel arrived at The Club five minutes early. Proud of herself, she gave herself a pep talk before she got out of her car. Tonight, she’d put on her best smile and pretend everything was fine. She had years of practice under her belt.
“Noel! I can’t believe it. You’re on time.” Kelsey stood up from the booth in the back corner to let her in. It was their favorite spot, and thanks to Reese, it was always available for their nights out.
“I was just telling everyone that Mari held onto her rattle today, when she moved her hand and the toy made a noise her smile made me cry. Oh, she was soo proud of herself.” Kelsey’s face, flush from her excitement, turned to Noel.
“I wish you could have been there. All of you. Darn it. Maybe I should set up a surveillance camera twenty-four-seven, so no one has to miss all the excitement.”
Noel joined in as everyone laughed at the absurdity of Kelsey’s wish. She would loved to have been there to see little Mari discovering something new. Her goddaughter had a massive piece of Noel’s heart. And now Noel would have her own baby to share silly moments about.
A waiter showed up at the table and teased Reese about slacking off. It allowed her to wipe away a stray tear. Great, her hormones were already kicking in. Then a moment of panic hit her. She couldn’t have any alcohol pregnant. How was she going to get out of ordering her favorite, a glass of Merlot?
Would one drink harm the baby? She had no idea, but she didn’t want to take any chances. When the waiter paused and looked at her for her order, she asked for the wine and a glass of water. If she were lucky, no one would notice if she left the wine untouched.
The talk turned back to kids as three of the ladies at the table were moms. She and Reese looked at each other and shrugged and joined in when they could.
Twenty minutes later, Noel’s wine sat on the table, taunting her. She’d asked for her water to be refilled twice. So far, no one had said anything. And they were still discussing baby stuff. She’d tried twice to change the subject, but it always circled back around to the babies. Was this what she’d be doing once her baby was born?
“You know, maybe we could talk about oh, I don’t know, my wedding instead of how to get spit up out of a silk blouse?” Reese said sarcastically. She softened the question with a big smile.
Noel could have kissed her. She would have happily discussed baseball then keep talking about diaper rashes and sore nipples from breastfeeding. All the things she’d probably need to know about, but not today. Today, she needed a diversion from how her life would soon change. Planning a wedding fit that bill.
Except she wouldn’t be. Reese’s mom wanted the job.
“I’m sorry, Noel. You know you would have been my first choice, but my mom is insisting on handling everything. Now that she’s retired, she has a lot of time on her hands. And she’s already driving me nutty, but I can’t say no. Please don’t hate me.” Reese reached out and placed her hand over Noel’s.
“C’mon, I’m not going to hate you. For long.” She sent Reese a wink. “To be honest, I’ve got three high maintenance projects keeping me busy. My assistant has taken over the rest of our client list, and I guide her when I can, and TS and I get together whenever we’re free…" And oh, shit. She just said that out loud. Her and TS, in the same breath.
A look passed among the group. A look that said they all knew something she didn’t know, or they already knew. Dammit, they’d already known about her and TS. Of course, they did, because they were all thick as thieves.
“Um, about TS. So, how’s that working out. You two seeing each other a lot, huh?” Lara giggled as she asked the question.
So yeah, her friends knew she was seeing TS. She looked at Kelsey and waggled her finger at her. “Couldn’t keep it a secret, huh?”
“I didn’t have to say a word. Every time you two are in the same room, it’s fireworks. It’s been that way, well ever since he moved back. But honey, since the holidays, you two can’t keep your eyes off each other and well it’s— “
“That obvious, huh?” Noel sighed.
Caris gave her a reassuring smile then added for the group, “Okay, let’s get this out in the open. We’re not mad that you didn’t tell us about you and TS. And don’t be mad at Kelsey. She didn’t say anything until we guessed.”
“We’re happy for you. All of us.” Lara added.
“But?” Noel asked.
“There’s no, but.” Lara smiled then looked down at her drink.
“Um-hm.” Noel wasn’t going to make it easy for Lara or for any of them. She wanted to hear what they had to say.
“Okay, there’s a but. We were just wondering why you’re keeping it a secret?”
A wave of concern hit her as four sets of eyes stared at her. She took a sip of wine. One little sip wouldn’t hurt the baby, and she needed the fortification to tell them about her and TS’s arrangement without letting it slip that oh, yeah, I’m knocked up too.
Noel played with the wine stem of her glass. “TS and I hooked up right before Christmas, at the cabin. It was supposed to be just a one-time thing, you know. And then, well we decided to do the friends with benefits thing. Neither one of us i
s looking for anything more serious. And well, it’s been good.” She looked up and found four different reactions.
Caris’ face held concern, ever the psychiatrist. Kelsey’s she couldn’t read, but then again, she had a damn good poker face. Lara had a look of wanting to ask more questions and Reese, well she had that knowing look. The look that said, ‘hope the sex is worth the heartbreak’ look because I’ve been there.
“It must be good; you’ve had a perpetual glow about you for the last couple months.”
This from Reese. Then her friend looked pointedly at Noel’s wine glass. Busted.
“I appreciate all of your concerns, really. But you know I’m okay with this arrangement. I’m not looking for marriage. And neither is TS. We’ve both had lousy role models, and when you’ve lived through it, believing in a happily ever after isn’t a thing.
But that doesn’t mean I’m not beyond excited for all of you. You deserve what you’ve found with each of your Outlaw’s and I’ve become an auntie to three beautiful babies. It’s all good. I promise.” She paused and took a moment to decide how much more she wanted to reveal to them.
“What a bunch of bull pucky.” Lara reached out and took her hand. “Noel, I think we can agree that all of our guys were resistant to settling down in the beginning. I don’t want to see you alone just because you think you don’t deserve or can’t trust in love or whatever because of your messed-up parents.”
Kelsey finished her drink and set it down hard on the table and rubbed her hands. “Okay, here’s what I think. You’re both scared. I get it, boy do I. You both are so wrapped up in not wanting to get hurt, that you can’t see that you’re perfect for each other.”
She wanted to believe Kelsey and Lara. But they didn’t know what she knew. That his mother had become pregnant on purpose and used it as leverage. And now history, at least for TS, would repeat itself.
“Is there anything else, Noel? Maybe a reason why you’ve barely touched your wine, and you haven’t called me for a movie night to pig out on ice cream and chocolate. Not since before, you know the holidays.”
Kelsey, Lara, Caris, and Reese could sniff out a lie at twenty yards. So, she wasn’t going to lie to them. “I’m pregnant.” She whispered it, then cleared her throat. “I can’t believe I didn’t see the signs. I think I’m at least six weeks.”
No one congratulated her. Her announcement wasn’t like Kelsey and Lara’s. Yes, they’d each become pregnant before marriage, but for them, they knew their guys loved them. Both Mav and Luke had been shocked sure, but they’d both wanted kids. And they’d wanted to get married and were living their happily-ever-after’s.
Noel didn’t see the same for her and TS. With some guilt, she let her friends plot on how to break the news to him and assured her he would be happy. If not right away, he would undoubtedly come around. After all, they’d each seen how he was with their children. But other people’s kids were easy; she wanted to scream. No commitment, no responsibility, no worrying in the middle of the night if you were a good parent or not.
She left the restaurant, not any clearer on what path she’d take with TS. But she’d been given plenty of advice on how to handle nausea. Peppermint tea and pressure point, sea-sickness wristbands thingies. Plus, the name of several pregnancy books.
Noel was grateful to them all. She knew they had her back, but a numbness crept over her as she sat in her car. The weight of her pregnancy hit her hard. She’d never imagined herself as a single mom.
And despite what her friends had agreed upon, she knew what TS’s reaction would be. Their friends-with-benefits would turn into resentment, reluctant duty or maybe denial. Not the fairy tale they were trying to convince her would happen.
Would he refuse to acknowledge their child? Would he look at her differently? The similarities to his parent’s beginnings… damn, she grabbed the wheel tight. She started to hyperventilate. No, no … she took in a slow breath and let it out slowly. And did it again.
Her cell went off. It was TS wanting to get together.
For the first, since they began seeing each other, she turned him down.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
How do you tell a man whose mother had become pregnant on purpose in order to force his father into marriage, that you’re pregnant with his child.
“Sorry, I know we used protection each time, but oops—surprise! You’re going to be a daddy.”
Yeah, that wasn’t going to work. TS was going to shut down on her, shut her out, and what… deny he’s the father? Would she have to go through a DNA test for proof?
She may not have thought she’d become a mother, but now that she was, well, she’d get used to it. She did love children, she just never wanted to put one through what she’d lived. Could she do this on her own?
Her cell rang. Kelsey’s picture popped up on the screen.
“Hey.”
“You come up with anything yet?” Kelsey rushed her words out.
“No. At least not anything worth repeating. Maybe he won’t notice.”
Kelsey’s sigh landed in the pit of Noel’s stomach. She knew how worried her friend was, and if the tables had been turned, Noel would have—what? Made the announcement for her? Demand the father marries her friend? What was the right solution when neither party had planned for, let alone wanted to have a child?
She wasn’t going to force anything on TS. She just needed to decide how to break the news without starting a fight.
“Right. TS notices everything. You think he’s not going to notice when your boobs get bigger, and you’re suddenly wearing boat neck dresses?”
She knew Kelsey was trying to get her to laugh, but all her humor had left when she’d read the positive result on the pee stick. All five of them. Humor was not going to get her out of this situation, but maybe a business deal would.
TS spoke fluent corporate speak, and he was nothing if not pragmatic. She’d work up a contract. Give him a multiple choice of custody, a fair childcare estimate and an option clause for a marriage in name only for a set period, then an amicable divorce. She’d ask nothing for herself; only shared financial responsibility.
Even though she hadn’t wanted a child, there was no question she was keeping this baby. She’d do her very best to give him or her a life where they’d never doubt that they were wanted. She’d give her child enough love for two parents.
“Okay, then. What are my options? Pretty soon, he’s going to find me puking in the bathroom if I continue to sleep with him. Or like you said, he’s going to notice my body changing if we continue to sleep together.”
Noel walked over to her full-length mirror and ran her hand over her stomach. As much as she’d been puking lately, even she could tell her tummy was a bit rounder.
She didn’t have much time left. She needed to tell TS.
Her doctor said the second trimester should be better and the nausea would ease up.
“All this worrying over how to tell him is making me crazy. I’m going over to his office, and I’ll just tell him.”
“And then what?” Kelsey asked.
“I’ll let you know. And Kelsey. Thanks for putting up with me. I don’t know what I’d do without you.” She called TS’ secretary Lois to see if he had any openings for her to come in. Noel reasoned, telling him in his office might ensure less of a blow-up.
***
TS was daydreaming. Typically, if he allowed himself to dream, it would be about baseball. That he’d been good enough to play pro, and instead of owning a team, he was on the team. He hadn’t had one of those in years. Now his daydreams were filled with Noel.
She’d turned him down last night day, and he was restless. He’d become used to seeing her. Their time together had involved more than hopping into bed. He found himself talking to her about work and last week, they discovered their love of the same crime fiction writer.
Noel had worked her way under his defenses, and he wasn’t sure how to handle the new set of emotions that creat
ed.
“Hi. Lois said I could come right in.”
Noel stood on the threshold, a hesitant look on her face. It produced a sinking feeling like she might be thinking of ending things. “I was just thinking of you. Come in. Close the door.” He left his desk but stopped before he reached her. She still hadn’t moved.
“Noel? You okay?” He offered her his hand.
She looked at it before she grabbed it and followed him. She sat down in the chair, facing his desk instead of the couch. Not a good sign.
“You look tired. You okay? Have you been sick? I was wondering why you didn’t want to get—"
“I’m pregnant.”
Her words came out in a rush. Maybe he hadn’t heard right. “I’m sorry.”
“Me too. I’m so sorry, TS. This is… not what either of us wanted. But I saw my doctor. I’m almost seven weeks. And you’re, um, you’re the father.”
He sat down before he fell down. Pregnant? Noel Snow was pregnant with his baby. His heart skipped a beat, and a loud rushing sound overwhelmed him.
She was oh, hell, she was crying. He looked down at the square pattern on the carpet. He opened his mouth twice to speak, but he couldn’t, didn’t know what to say.
Goddammit. He started to laugh. A low laugh he couldn’t control. When he saw the look on her face at his inappropriate reaction, he stopped. Shit. Like father, like son apparently. Except he’d never treat a child of his, the way he’d been treated. A baby. Someone was going to call him daddy. A part of him felt… happy but the rest was terror. And one of the reasons he never wanted to be a father. But now? Now, maybe he and Noel could figure out a way to make it work?
Unfortunately, she knew his backstory, and she was probably scared as hell to what his reaction would be. He needed to handle this… oh my god, he was going to be a father.
“You uh, have already seen a doctor?”
She looked over at him with a frown. She nodded, then stood up and began pacing the room.