by Theo Baxter
Sound familiar? Naturally, Bella came to mind. I made the same mistake all over again. Like before, the consequences of my foolish actions were severe. Even more so this time around.
Despite my anger and feelings of betrayal, it was really hard for me to say no to Melissa. She knew what an effect she had on me and tried to use it to her advantage. My body craved her despite everything. I felt like a drug addict.
Like a true addict, I tried to avoid temptation as much as possible. That meant avoiding her altogether. She saw right through my strategy, implementing one of her own in return.
Felling exhausted simply by being inside this house, I had a quick shower before going to bed. Or at least that was my plan. When I left the bathroom, Melissa was waiting for me, lying on my bed despite the fact that my father was sleeping only a couple of rooms away.
She was completely naked, sprawled over my covers, inviting me to have my way with her. What the hell was she thinking? Although it was pretty self-explanatory.
I was freaked out and turned on at the same time. My reason won since this reckless behavior had to stop, yet only by a thread.
"I miss you so much," she practically moaned, and my body swayed.
Do not dare fuck this up.
"Melissa, we are over, so please stop trying. You're embarrassing yourself," I added, intentionally trying to hurt her pride.
"Do I look embarrassed?"
She looked sexy as hell, but I couldn't say that. That would only encourage her, and I needed to avoid that at any cost.
"You look ridiculous," I forced myself to say. "And this foolishness can only hurt both of us."
My meaning was clear. My father was near, and he could discover the truth. She looked at me for a couple of heartbeats as my dick tried his best to convince me that mounting her would be an excellent idea.
Sighing, she started to rise slowly, seductively, and having her on display, I felt like I was on the verge, so I looked away, faking boredom. My face was saying been there, done that, but my hormones told an entirely different story. I would need another shower, longer, colder this time.
"Dean, I will never stop trying because we need to be together."
I didn't like how she phrased things one bit. Wrapping herself in my comforter, she left.
Fuck me, I thought, breathing deeply as though I just ran a marathon. This woman would be the death of me. Suffice to say I took care of business by putting a lock on my door. Not that it did me any good, looking at the grand scheme of things.
Feeling quite desperate and stuck in a corner, I did the only thing that I could at the moment. I went to see Dr. Blake, which was something I should have done from the start. If I'd only kept my promise and remained truthful to her that there was a change, none of this would have happened between me and Melissa.
Shoulda, woulda, coulda, I said to myself, tired of such useless thoughts. I couldn't change the past, only find a way not to repeat the same mistakes in the future.
First thing in accomplishing that was taking responsibility for my actions. Nobody forced me to sleep with Melissa, as nobody forced me to be with Bella before that. I did that on my own. I had poor judgment. Despite going to therapy, I had learned nothing.
If anything, the therapy fucked me even more since it gave me false confidence. I acted as though I could have it all without having to pay the price. Life didn't work like that, especially not mine.
Dr. Blake looked genuinely happy to see me, which made me feel worse. Would you feel better if she refused to see you? Of course not. I hated that I was such a failure.
"Long time no see, Mr. Andros."
It was true I’d skipped a couple of sessions. Okay more than a couple, as of late. It was yet another classic move of mine. I was with Melissa and didn't want anything raining on my parade.
"I fucked up again," I said without preamble.
"I knew you would. Now tell me, in what regard, specifically?" she replied without missing a beat.
"I slept with Melissa, or more accurately put, we had an affair. That's not all, though. I discovered she’d filmed us the entire time."
Dr. Blake whistled in return once I finished whining. "Honestly, Dean, I will have to get you one of those chastity belts because this is unacceptable. You are turning me into a bad psychiatrist."
I rolled my eyes in return. "Can we get serious now?"
"Sure. I'm done teasing you, for now. Come, sit and tell me what happened," she urged.
So, I did. This time around, I didn't leave anything out. I thought I would feel ashamed laying it all out, and I was surprised that I didn't. The experience was cathartic. This was pressing on me for far too long, and now, I was finally letting it all out.
"It's over now. I ended it," I concluded my narrative.
"Good. That was the right thing to do. I still wish you’d talked with me about it before doing something stupid." Despite her words, there was no reprimand in her words. She was stating her professional opinion and nothing else.
"Where would the fun be in that?" I replied glumly.
"I am worried about the videos you mentioned," she expressed.
See, that's how normal people react after hearing something like that. Thank you, Dr. Blake. "Me too."
"Do you have any idea what she might do with them?"
I simply shrugged in return. "No idea."
I didn't like that, and apparently, neither did my therapist.
"Okay, for now, simply keep your distance and focus on your job." Of course, I'd bragged about my new teaching position.
I made a face hearing her say that.
"What's the matter, Dean?"
"Melissa is not taking this break-up seriously. She is trying her best to win me back."
"And?"
"It's hard."
"Then you have to be really stern with her, communicate in proper terms how it's over between the two of you."
She made it sound so easy.
"I can't wait to leave that house."
"That would be for the best."
The whole situation made me feel depressed. You made your bed, now lie in it.
"Tell me a little about your seizures," she added after a small pause.
I shrugged. "I had a few mild ones and one slightly bigger. I woke up on the roof. It took me forever to get down without breaking anything."
"Have you thought of changing the dose of your medications?"
That was actually a good idea. Overall, it was good sharing my inner thoughts with Dr. Blake. That didn't mean I felt magically cured or that my problems had disappeared. Therapy was a journey, not an instant fix. Unfortunately.
I didn't feel like going home. Nothing good could happen there. I missed my old apartment. I banished those thoughts since they were making me feel worse. I prayed I wouldn't see any of the other residents of the house on my return.
Part of me hoped I really wouldn't have to have a talk with Melissa, as Dr. Blake suggested. That she would realize on her own that we would not be resuming our relationship.
Relationship? The affair, I corrected.
Unfortunately, I wasn't that lucky. This time around, she waited for me in front of my room. She was leaning against the door, preventing me from going inside.
I couldn't believe she was this stubborn, reckless, to want to do this in the hallway. It was true my father wasn't home, but that didn't mean we were alone or safe.
I simply stopped in front of her, waiting for her to do her thing so I could move on with my evening. Since my first online course was such a big hit, I was trying to create another.
"I really need to speak with you," she said eventually, seeing how there was a lack of response from my part. Melissa sounded almost sad as she said that, and I wondered why.
Don't fall into her web, I cautioned.
"There's nothing for us to talk about," I insisted. "It's over." I was stern. Dr. Blake would be proud of me.
"I don't accept that. You're just angry over nothin
g, and that's all."
Her complete lack of accepting reality confounded me. And despite her oversimplifying things, it most definitely wasn't all.
"Look, I'm glad that shit happened because it made me realize there's no future for us."
She was surprised by this turn of events. She apparently didn't expect that I would say something like that. "Don't say that."
"It's the truth. Look at us, look at where we are. You are my father's wife, living in my father's house. That's never going to change."
She tried to say something in return, but I didn't let her. There was one more thing I needed to share.
"And let's face it, I could never really afford to be with you. You require a certain wealth that I don't have." I delivered the final blow with precision and waited for her reaction.
As expected, she recoiled as though I'd slapped her, obviously startled. It only lasted for a few seconds before she recovered quickly. I could see how furious my words made her feel. Without saying anything in return or slapping me, which I took as a good sign, she walked away in a huff.
Taking a deep breath, I entered my room and locked the door.
That went well.
Chapter Twenty-One
That didn't go well.
Melissa shot daggers at me every time we ran into one another, so I avoided leaving my room. I had to focus on my work, anyway.
Yeah, keep telling yourself that, you coward. At times, it was hard to silence my father’s voice in my head, but I managed. As it turned out, avoiding Melissa was a strategy that could take me only so far.
For whatever reason, she was determined to speak with me, and in return, I was sure that meant she would try to persuade me anew that we should be together again, but for obvious reasons, that was something I couldn't allow.
One day, when I got hungry, I reluctantly decided to leave my den. I mocked myself the entire time how I resembled that ancient squirrel from a cartoon as I looked through the fridge, trying to find something I could eat for lunch. Nancy was out, doing some business presumably, and I wouldn't bother her even if she were here. I settled for a turkey sandwich. My work was on the sloppy side and I didn't care. It was meant to end up in my stomach, not on Instagram.
"Dean." Melissa suddenly appeared at the door of the dining room, startling me a little. Seeing her, I slapped two halves of bread together around the meat, crying inside that I couldn't make more. Leaving all the mess behind, I practically ran toward the door as she approached me. I used the second door, the one to the garden, simply so I wouldn't have to come near her.
"You can't avoid me forever," I heard her say behind me.
I can most definitely try, I thought in return.
For a second, I wondered why she hadn't followed me outside. It wasn't as though she would burst into flames coming into the light. I spotted Yorgos, the gardener, and waved to him with my sandwich. So, she did have some sense left if she didn't want to argue with me, or whatever, in front of witnesses. He was my new best friend since he kept that shark away.
That was close. I really needed to get out of that house because apart from everything else, this was starting to be ridiculous. I was actually hiding from my father's wife.
Naturally, I told Dr. Blake of my near encounter with Melissa at our next session. I could see on her face that she was picturing the whole scene and trying really hard not to laugh. I ran through the garden with my sandwich, my prized possession, as though running through the forests of the Amazon. I wouldn't hold it against her if she did laugh. I did.
"What do you think she wants?" Dr. Blake asked.
I simply shrugged in return. "I have no idea." And to be perfectly honest, I didn't want to know, either. Whatever it was, I was sure it wasn't anything good. "Like you suggested, I made myself perfectly clear that we were over," I added.
"Good." After a small pause, she continued, "Do you think it may be something regarding your father?"
I gave that a thought. I really hope not. "I guess it's possible. I doubt it, though."
"Okay, want us to move on to another subject?"
"Please."
"How's your new online teaching position?"
"Great," I replied instantly, offering the first smile since I got here. "People are responding really well, and the feedback I get from them allows me to constantly adapt my courses to their needs."
Even a few former students I taught in college signed up for the courses online, which I took as an excellent sign that I was doing something unique and worth everyone's time.
She smiled in return. "I’m glad to see you like this."
"Like what?"
"Hopeful," she replied.
That stunned me. Was I hopeful? My smile grew bigger. "I guess I am," I allowed.
This teaching job was the only good thing I had in my life at the moment, and I really didn't want to screw that up like I normally would. But no pressure. I said as much.
"I understand that. At the same time, you should allow yourself to enjoy it a little. You deserve it."
I wasn't a superstitious man, yet I didn't want to jinx it. By allowing myself to be fully happy, I was asking for trouble, plain and simple.
"I am, in my own way."
She was not convinced. Her next words confirmed as much. "It is important to be realistic in life and acknowledge when there's a problem and who's the source of it. At the same time, it is imperative to find all the small ways to celebrate accomplishments, all the good that surrounds you," Dr. Blake advised.
As always, she was right, and I wholeheartedly agreed. It was simply that I was timid at the moment, but I was working on that.
"I have other, potentially good news."
She looked at me expectantly.
I continued, "According to my calculations, if I add another course to my list, I should be able to leave my father's house in a month and a half." That half was especially important to me because it gave me hope. It sounded better than two months.
"That's excellent news, Dean," she complimented.
"I think so too."
Forty-five more days and I would be free. Of course, I would never fully, completely be free of my father, but in this important regard, I would finally regain my freedom and independence. It was hard not to start searching for an available apartment right then. I contained my excitement, not wanting to get ahead of myself.
Having this experience was sobering. Never again would I take my freedom for granted. I would do better this time around since I didn't have any other choice. I experienced the alternative, and that was something I wouldn't wish on my biggest enemy. Not that I had any.
I sobered up. There was one more piece of news I had to share with my shrink. She noticed the change in me as well. "What came to mind?" she urged.
"Something's started happening, and I can't say if it's a good or a bad thing."
"What?"
"Before seizing, I can see auras around things."
"You mean, you are experiencing visual sensations."
I shrugged. "Yeah, if you want to call it that." I was fine with any definition. To me, it was just weird.
"And the headaches?"
"Since I started meditating on a regular basis, they went away again, and now this started happening."
When it occurred for the first time, I freaked out. I was sure I was going blind.
"Does it hurt?"
"Not really. It's a bit uncomfortable and nothing else."
We discussed that some more before Dr. Blake informed me our time was up.
Getting home, I ran into my father. And I've been doing so well, I thought in exasperation. I believed I hadn't seen his face in a week. The best week of my life, I joked. Unfortunately, now, I would have to start counting all over again.
"You are still here," he grumbled while looking at me as though my presence ruined his mood. Highly unlikely. The sun shining too brightly, or at all, could ruin his mood.
All the same, I understood the noti
on completely. I felt the same way about him. My day was pretty okay until this encounter.
"Don't worry too much about that. I'm working to change it." Working hard to leave this damn place for good.
He grunted. "You won't manage to change that by staying in your room all day like some dangler, or worse, a drug addict."
So, his comment and being surprised I was still here were all for show. I should have known better than to trust anything coming from his mouth.
"I'm teaching," I felt compelled to point out. Although I got used to the fact that my father only saw the worst in me, I would continue to do my best to prove him wrong.
"Right," he countered, making a face of disdain.
Seeing no point in prolonging this conversation, I said, "It was a blast catching up, but I have to go."
With that, I jumped on the steps to climb to my room and my father probably went to his favorite place, his office. I had no clue where Melissa was, and I preferred it that way. As long as she was far away from me, I didn't care about the details.
Sadly, I celebrated prematurely. While climbing the stairs, I saw Melissa coming my way. I was trapped since there was no place for me to run to from there. I moved upward only to meet her halfway. I groaned. Today really wasn't my day. I tried to sidestep her, yet she wouldn't let me.
"What do you want?" I snapped.
She cocked an eyebrow. "Is that the way you want to speak with me?" she challenged. Another power play? I felt like I should go to my room and pack immediately since this place was unlivable alongside these two people.
"What do you want from me, Melissa?" I repeated, although in a much gentler way.
Instead of answering, she said almost conversationally. "I finally realized what you meant by what you said to me the last time, and it's not going to work."
I didn't understand any of it. "Excuse me?"
"I saw right through your ploy, Dean, and I'm telling you now, it's not going to work. You are not getting that wealth through me."
That threw me off balance even more. I told her I couldn't afford to be with her, and she now believed that was some kind of a secret message that I wanted money from her? That was insane, preposterous.