His looks and his expression however, puzzled her. He too was frustrated, she could tell that and knowing him so well, she knew he also wanted to talk to her. Her anger turned to uncertainty. Oh, if only Dillie would go away. For Heaven’s sakes! This was Alfie whom she had known since her childhood. Why was Dillie still so fidgety and protective of her? Why would these men never concede that she was a grown and married woman now? Go away, Dillie!
At last, Dillinger was called over to meet someone who had just arrived and had perforce to go but he looked at the two young people with a certain unease as he moved away.
The two erstwhile lovers looked at each other and both breathed an identical sigh of relief.
‘Good, at last we can talk!’ said Alfie in a whisper as he handed her a glass of wine from a passing tray, ‘Ellie, I can’t believe you’ve married. Father wrote to tell me and I was devastated by the news, faithless girl!’
‘Oh, were you!’ she said indignantly, but in an equally low voice, ‘when you left me without a word of farewell, explanation or anything else. No letter, nothing. Don’t you suppose, you vain careless creature that when a girl is jilted, she turns elsewhere for solace.’
‘Jilted! I did no such thing. I was packed off quite suddenly. Father said a good commission had just come to hand with the Lancers and I would have to leave forthwith if I didn’t want to miss the opportunity. So I did. You know full well I always wanted to join the army.’
‘Despite its reputation!’
‘Well yes, despite its reputation. And I see nothing to understand why so poor a reputation has been gained. My fellow officers are gentlemen of the highest degree and most upright and brave. I have nothing but admiration for my men who are well disciplined and well behaved. Ours is a noble and ancient regiment.’
‘I know you have always played soldiers,’ she said, ‘you used to order us all about in the old days. We were your troops, your brothers and I. Always your playthings.’
‘Don’t be so bitter towards me,’ he said, troubled, ‘why are you so changed? Why did I never hear anything from you?’
She looked at him in amazement. ‘From me? I wrote to you but never had a reply. Not a word from you.’
‘But when I went to join my regiment I left a letter to be given to you explaining my sudden departure.’
‘Well, I never received it,’ she said coldly.
Alfred frowned and fell silent, stroking his moustache, deep in thought.
‘Something has been afoot to separate us,’ he said, ‘but why?’
‘Perhaps your parents don’t feel I’m good enough for you.’
‘Well, wouldn’t that have been too bad! Surely, it’s untrue. You know full well it’s not what I think about you, Ellie. I have been so unhappy wondering about your sudden coldness towards me. I wondered if you had grumbled to my father and he had packed me off on purpose. He even gave me one of his best horses and he isn’t usually so generous. He dotes on you and I see no reason why he would have opposed our match. Now I see that my fears were not unfounded after all. You had another man in mind. Your protestations of love were all false.’
‘Alfie, shush,’ she said looking over at Fred who at that moment was regarding them with a concentrated, frowning expression unusual to see on his normally clear and cheerful face.
Alfie followed her eye. ‘Is that the husband?’
‘Yes, that is my husband,’ she said, ‘let me introduce you to him.’
‘I don’t wish to be introduced,’ he said.
‘Don’t be petulant. Something strange has indeed been afoot but it’s all too late now. You’re a soldier and you say there’s to be a war soon, so you must fulfil your duty. I am a married woman and must fulfil mine. That’s all there is to it. Anything else must be forgotten.’
Fred was moving towards them now across the throng.
‘My husband is a very jealous man,’ she added in a low whisper.
‘And I am jealous too,’ her old lover replied fiercely.
She shook her head in disbelief. What a peculiar situation. It was like some strange nightmarish dream.
She looked at the two men after she had introduced them and listened to their strained, polite conversation. No two men could be more different. Dear, lazy Fred with his fair hair, open features and ready smile looked so different to the mature and worldly-wise Alfie who had changed even in the time that they had been separated. Alfie was now leaner, more distinguished and had already an air of strength and command about him. Her old feelings of desire and love flared up in her once more and she had to turn her head aside and pretend to smile at someone else in order to hide the flame that coursed through her suddenly.
This was a terrible situation and she felt ill, unable to face the thought of the food about to be served. However, dinner was announced and they all went downstairs to the dining room. His lordship returned now and offered Ellie his arm to escort her to the table where he sat her on one side of him. Alfie, she noticed, was exiled to the centre of the table while Fred was seated next to his hostess, Lady Mary, at the opposite end.
Suddenly she wanted to see and speak with Alfie again, to understand what had really happened and what mystery lay beneath his sudden banishment… for a banishment she now felt sure it had been. Alfie had his faults but he was never untruthful. His feelings seemed as they had always been. He loved her still and thought she was the faithless one. How rashly she had rushed into a marriage! But how was she to be blamed for that?
Lord Dillinger talked to her through the meal but his voice was almost like a buzzing monotone in the background. She smiled; she answered as best as she could but felt dizzy and ill.
‘You are not eating, my dear? Would you prefer something else?’
His voice cut through her haze and she aroused herself and smiled at him.
‘No, the food is lovely, sir, I just feel… a little faint.’
‘Open a window,’ his lordship ordered a footman who obliged. The cool rush of air revived Ellie a little and she breathed deeply for a few moments.
Lord Dillinger looked at her with some anxiety but she made a supreme effort and began to eat a little more and smile again. Occasionally she glanced down the ranks of guests at the table and caught Alfie looking at her and when their eyes met he would shake his head a little and frown at her as if to say Why Ellie, why? Why did you marry another?
The meal over, the ladies retired to the drawing room and the gentlemen remained behind to smoke and pass their port. Eventually they joined the ladies and seated themselves in chairs set out before a small dais. A small ensemble with stringed instruments began to play some delightful baroque music for the guests. When they had finished, requests were made for the fair ones to sing, play, and generally entertain the company. Ellie was asked to perform her party piece and with a wan smile sat down at the piano whilst wishing herself a hundred miles away. Perhaps she should have listened to Fred and not accepted the invitation after all, not renewed this acquaintance with Lord Dillinger. It was all in the past now. Fred was a man who was moved by his instincts and she should learn to listen to him a little more and not be so heedless and headstrong.
Alfie had begun to move towards her at the piano but as always Dillinger smoothly intervened and smiled down at her as he stood beside her and turned the pages of the music. He made no conversation, however, and when she had finished her song, he delivered her over to Fred.
‘Your bride is as accomplished as she is beautiful,’ he said in the dry, flat manner that always seemed to Fred to have a tinge of sarcasm or rebuke.
Fred smiled back and bowed, polite and frosty. Ellie sighed at the absurdity of the whole thing.
Suddenly she realised that she too had changed with her marriage. Fred was no thrilling lover but she felt a sense of ease with him and his peaceful, quiet companionship. She loved their home and the comfort she now had from belonging to a man who loved her tenderly. Not being so in love with him was not a bad thing for it allowed
her to be the ruler not the ruled, which suited her strong-willed nature. It was a good deal more attractive than all the pain she had felt over Alfie. Oh, now he was suddenly so in love with her again! Or more likely, was it not that he was a spoilt young man who had been thwarted and wanted to have it all as he desired?
She looked over at that moment and caught Alfie’s eye. It was eloquent with feeling and her heart lurched. Damn him, he still had a hold over her. She loved him; no amount of reasoning could ever banish that. However, he was to go away to Malta soon and she would simply have to put him out of her mind and heart yet again.
Chapter 15
As Ellie sat in the dining room the next morning, her mind went back to the meeting with Alfie. She had tried to put it from her mind and think of ordinary household matters but it came back again and again and with it the old pain she had felt when they had been separated from one another.
She still loved him, he still loved her. It was all madness. She was a married woman now and there was an end to it. Was she to be a Guinevere – have that sad lady’s tormented fate? There was no happiness in such a situation and she wanted nothing of it. She had felt so happy with Fred, and now Alfie had returned into her life to trouble her peace.
She tried to bring her mind back to balancing the housekeeping accounts but kept looking up from her desk and staring out into the garden and wishing she could crawl away somewhere and hide from these tormenting thoughts. The housemaid knocked at the open door and on request entered the room. She was carrying a basket of oranges and apples on top of which lay a huge bunch of snowdrops and crocus.
‘Good Heavens, who are these from?’ said Ellie in surprise, motioning the girl to set them on the table.
‘Think they come from Lord Dillinger’s place, ma’am,’ said the maid, ‘I’m pretty certain the fellow who brought them over was one of his men. Can’t be sure though.’
‘Well, there’s bound to be a card, so I shall see,’ said Ellie and waved the curious girl away.
She took up the flowers and inhaled their delicate fragrance. Yes, of course they were from Dillie. This was the first time he had sent anything like this to her since she was married. He knew she adored these early harbingers of spring and grew the loveliest on his estate which would be awash with daffodils in another month’s time. Dillie usually included some pretty little lacy missive wishing her joy and happiness but there was no note with the flowers this time, which was strange. She moved the fruit about gently. The oranges and apples had a delicious fragrance, which she inhaled with pleasure, and their bright colour cheered her sad spirits.
Beneath the fruit was a small sealed note, slightly stained now with the fruit and flowers. It was not from Dillie. She knew the handwriting immediately and her heart leapt within her.
So, it was Alfie who was the generous giver of gifts. Or had his father sent them over and Alfie used the opportunity to put in this note? It was the sort of saucy thing he used to do when sending secret missives in the past. She couldn’t help a little smile and a sense of great excitement such as she had not felt for some time. Her spirits rose immediately.
She slipped the note into her pocket just in time. Fred came into the room and said, ‘I understand you had a special delivery, my dear.’
‘Yes, Dillie has sent me some fruit and flowers from his estate. Isn’t that kind of him?’
‘Very kind indeed, ‘said Fred coldly, ‘and what may I ask is the special occasion?’
‘Oh, there doesn’t have to be one. He used to send flowers to Mama almost every day from his estate when she was alive and he has never failed to keep it up since then – until our marriage anyway. I’m glad he’s decided to renew the pleasant habit! Dillie is always so very generous and when the roses come out he generally sends the first crimson ones.’
She picked up the snowdrops with pleasure and looked at their delicate white petals, tinged with pale clear green.
‘Aren’t these lovely? Wait until you see the spring flowers arrive. Lord Dillinger’s estate is said to produce some of the finest daffodils and tulips in the county. The scent and the colour are exquisite. One could never find flowers quite like his anywhere else, you know, Fred. And the roses… wait till you see them! They are especially beautiful and I shall look forward to them later in the year. I must ask Dillie if he will let Harris take a few cuttings and see if we can grow them ourselves.’
‘Oh, why not? A good idea,’ was the curt reply and she knew that Fred was annoyed at anything to do with Dillinger as usual. Why? He was just so silly about it. However, this was not the moment to challenge or tease him. She longed to escape to her room and look at the note in her pocket. There was no opportunity yet, for at this moment Mrs Thompson, the cook, obeying an earlier summons to come upstairs, stood ready to inform her mistress of what they had in the larder and to ask what she might want to make of the leftover mutton and beef for dinner tonight.
Fred bowed to Ellie, left the room and set off on his own devices. His father had sent a note to ask Fred to join him for lunch at his club. Fred had a feeling he was about to have the yearly list of critical complaints from his father and rather dreaded it. As for Ellie, she took herself off to her bedroom after a light lunch with the excuse that she had a slight headache and needed to lie down for an hour on the sofa there. As soon as she managed to dismiss Mulhall, who was fussing over her solicitously, she took the folded note and breaking the seal, read these words.
Dearest, I am driven half-mad with grief after seeing you and learning how we have in some cruel manner been parted, kept away from one another. I am in despair! How could you marry another; desert me? We must meet one more time at least, speak to each other, renew our love. I know you still care. I see it and feel it, you cannot pretend with me. May I call on you tomorrow at 10 am after breakfast? It may be the only time available to me. You
must allow me to come, you must!
She half-smiled. It was typical of Alfie, insistent, commanding, so sure of himself. She kissed and folded up the note and hid it in the bottom of her jewellery casket. It should go on the fire at once but just for the moment she couldn’t bear to part with it. She would burn it later on tonight.
As luck would have it, Fred had to go out the next morning. Fate, it seemed was on her side and Alfie, as always, lucky. Fortune certainly favoured the bold! This was obviously destined, meant to be.
She waited impatiently for Fred to leave the house, casting a surreptitious eye at the clock and in a panic lest Alfie should call earlier. It would seem very strange to have a gentleman call at such an hour and it was hard enough persuading Fred that he had no cause for jealousy. He was such a possessive man yet it pleased her to find him so protective. With a certain satisfaction, she thought to herself that now there was some substance to his anxiety. At the same time, she felt a flutter of apprehension. She knew that it was dangerous and foolhardy to allow this meeting, but explanations were sorely needed if she was ever to lay to rest the doubts and uncertainties in her mind.
After seeing Fred off on his business with a wave and smile that she felt were pure hypocrisy, Ellie then went upstairs and surprised the little maid-of-all-work by appearing in her bedroom at such an untoward time. The girl had already made the bed and was now dusting the furniture with care and interest for she loved to be in the mistress’s room. She bobbed a curtsey as Ellie came in and looked flustered.
‘Where’s Mulhall, Alice?’
‘Downstairs, mum. She told me to finish and come let her know so she could sort out your clothes and tidy your dressing table herself. That’s what she said, mum.’
‘You needn’t do any more, Alice, it all looks fine.’
‘But there’s the floor to sweep yet, mum.’
‘Oh, it all looks very well!’ Ellie said a trifle impatiently. ‘Go
and tell Mulhall to come up to me as quickly as she can.’
‘Yes’m, right away,’ said Alice.
Mulhall came hastening upstairs, l
eaving behind with some regret a delightful cup of coffee, wondering what it was to put her mistress out of her usual morning routine.
‘Is something wrong, Miss Ellie?’
‘No, nothing is wrong, Mulhall. I need you to help me into my blue morning dress.’
Mulhall looked at her mistress who to her mind looked perfectly neat and pleasing in the grey plaid dress she had put on after breakfast but she made no comment and helped Ellie to change into a dark blue costume.
‘Have you any shopping to do, Mulhall?’
‘Shopping , Miss Ellie? Well, I expect so… ‘
‘Then take this purse and go shopping on your own account and while you are out in the village, fetch me some eau de cologne and lavender water. And go to the bookshop and see what the latest novels are. You can select anything you think I may enjoy. Then take some tea in the tea shop and don’t be back till lunchtime.’
‘Very well, Miss Ellie.’ And Mulhall went off to put on her boots and her bonnet and take herself off. She was not unduly surprised by this behaviour for Ellie was prone to sudden fits and changes of mind and often rather liked to have some time alone.
By the time Mulhall had been dispatched, it was nearing ten o’clock and Ellie seated herself in the back parlour that looked out over the garden. She had arranged her flowers and set them on a table in the room. Their delicate scent filled the air. Her little finches twittered and fluttered in their cage and she spoke to them, murmuring endearments. One day she would have a little aviary made in the garden and keep many birds. This was her own little parlour where Fred seldom ventured, for in the mornings he liked to be in his little studio upstairs to paint, write his poetry or letters and generally idle his time away in a gentlemanly manner. What a strange thing that of all mornings he should be out in the City. And
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