One More Try

by Rachel Hanna

  With an apologetic look, she said, “I’m sorry, with the stress at work, I’m just a little tired. But I promise, I’ll get my second wind in a few minutes.” She didn’t believe that herself; she was too preoccupied. She couldn’t stop running Jake’s words through her head, considering just how much of it was true and how much of it was just the manifestations of a poet. She would have given him every sincerity, the complete benefit of the doubt based on their deep conversations the night they’d met. But his ability to simply walk away with nothing more than a note negated that impression and made her wonder just how honest he really was.

  Shaking her head against the continued thought process, she tried to dislodge the images of Jake in her mind, both those of him in youth three years ago and those of him with the contusions to his face now. How could the man be so beautiful with such damage to his features?

  “I bet being a doctor really is tiring,” Rick commented. “But I’ve never had a doctor as young and pretty as you.”

  He was trying to be flattering, but it was really a bit of a put off because he obviously didn’t pay attention. “Well, I’m actually a nurse, not a doctor,” she corrected, slightly irritated.

  Joan chuckled, and Sadie recognized the flirtatious tone in the sound. “Of course, as nurses, we actually work harder, and even though we don’t have the same paperwork and a few less years in school, we can do the same job.”

  Randy reached out and touched Joan’s hand on the table. “I assume that means you’re really smart.” The sultry eyes Joan gave him in return for the cheap compliment made Sadie want to gag.

  Unable to listen to any more, Sadie pushed her plate, still full of food, away from her. “I’m stuffed. Joan, I’m heading to the ladies’ room. Would you care to join me?”

  With a look of resignation, Joan nodded. “I’ll be right back, doll,” she told Randy as she grabbed her clutch and followed Sadie toward the restroom. As they entered, she sighed and turned on Sadie.

  “What’s wrong with you? Don’t you like Rick?”

  Trying to be politically correct, she nodded. “He’s a nice guy. And yes, he’s sexy,” she conceded as Joan raised an eyebrow. “But no, he’s not the guy for me. And I really am tired, Joan. I don’t want to put you out but I need to get out of here.”

  “No way, Sadie. It’s more than just a little shut-eye. You’ve got something else on your mind. What the hell has you so distracted? You can’t even follow a conversation tonight!” Joan stood with a confrontational look, her hands poised on her hips with a demanding expression. “Talk to me, Sadie. You’ve been weird since all this celebrity stuff came around. I know it’s stressful, but you’re so much better than that. What are you not telling anyone?”

  Sadie wasn’t about to open up about her entire life history with Joan, who was a good friend but not a close one. There were too many people they knew mutually, all coworkers, and she couldn’t abide anymore drama at work than she already had right now. “It’s the first really high profile patient load I’ve had to deal with, and I had to confront the administration today about the way they were handling things. They had me threatening to walk out the door, with half the nursing staff behind me. It was a thoroughly exhausting day.”

  “I don’t buy it, Sadie. I’m sure it was high stress, but this started days ago. And I think it has something to do with your patient in particular.” Now, Joan crossed her arms, stubbornly staring her down. “What is your issue with Jake Donovan? It was the mention of his name that really got you riled up to start with. I may act like a crazy young ditz from time to time, but I’m not stupid, and I read your sudden energy shift like an open book when I first talked about Cryptic. It only got worse when you discovered Jake Donovan on our patient list.”

  Determined to keep her private life private, Sadie worked out an explanation quickly, hoping it sounded plausible. “Look, I went with a friend in school to see the band early on, and she was so madly obsessed that after the show, she wanted to try to get onto the tour bus. She made a fool of herself, and I nearly got trampled, all the while listening to the band reject all but the three or four hottest girls, all of them younger and dumber than we were. I lost a lot of respect for them based on that decision because I can guarantee they took advantage of those girls, who probably weren’t old enough to be legal.”

  The skeptical narrowing of Joan’s eyes told her she didn’t quite buy the story but was at least considering giving Sadie the benefit of the doubt at this point. She was obviously anxious to get back to her date and didn’t want to waste more time here. “I think we’ll probably have to discuss this in greater depth at some point. But for now, what do you plan to do? Just check out on us?”

  Sadie hated leaving Joan, but she really didn’t think she could stomach anymore bland conversation or unintelligent sense of humor. “Here’s what I’ll do. I’ll pretend to get a work call or text about an emergency, and I’ll get a cab out of here. I know that leaves you with an extra leg, but I think you can probably ditch Rick, now that he’s spent most of the evening with his cousin. Get him a cab back to Randy’s place, and everything should be golden.”

  “You know, I think he really likes you, Sadie. Isn’t there some hope you could give him?”

  “Not really, Joan. I can’t take it that far. Look, I gave it the old college try. I just can’t stomach it.” Not when she really wanted to talk to Jake, try one more time to find the underlying truth or lie in his request for a second chance.

  Joan pursed her lips and nodded in resignation. “Get out of here, I’ll cover for you. Just know that this isn’t the end of our conversation.” Joan gave her a hug and sent her on her way, and Sadie rushed outside, calling the taxi company and hoping the cab arrived soon. She feared Rick would come after her and try to say goodnight or get her phone number, or even grope her or try to kiss her goodnight. She wanted nothing more from him, the idea of his hands on her making her shiver and the thought of tasting his lips after that single kiss from Jake almost nauseating.

  No, she had to get out of here, and she couldn’t go home yet. It was after nine, but she worked at the hospital, and she didn’t think there would be questions about her presence, as long as she was discreet about getting into Jake’s room. Besides, she still needed to issue and order to distribute all those damned flowers to the patients who could have them. It was enough of an excuse.

  Luckily the cab only took about ten minutes to get there, and she gratefully stepped into the backseat and gave directions to the hospital. She was going to finish this confrontation once and for all, either saying a final goodbye to Jake or offering him an opportunity to make things right, if that’s what he really wanted.

  The parking lot below had finally grown quiet, and Jake rested his head, laying back on his pillow and wishing he could have his damned guitar. He’d found the most amazing lyrics, written some incredible verse that gave him more of a sense of pride than anything he’d written on the last three albums. He simply lacked the music behind it, and he desperately wanted to finish the bloody song.

  Instead, he was stuck in a hospital room, watching reruns of American sitcoms, nightly news, and late shows, pain shooting through his rib cage from all the movement and writing he’d done, in a bed that was more uncomfortable than he imagined it would be to sleep in a barn on the hard wood floor. He scowled, perturbed and suddenly considering the idea of obtaining a place at a private, luxury facility. But he wouldn’t leave until he’d accomplished his goal, and that seemed like a far cry from happening still.

  The door to his room opened, and he started to put on his face for the young woman who’d assumed his care several hours ago, likely delivering yet more meds and a reading on his vitals. But as the door clicked closed again behind Sadie, his mouth went dry. She looked incredible in a flowing blue satin dress, her hair curled around her face, and her makeup perfected. What on earth was she doing here, dressed for a night on the town? He couldn’t address her seriously and had to use humor
as a crutch to help hide his shock. “Have you come to spring me from my cell and take me dancing, then?”

  She looked a little a little amused but also embarrassed at his words. “I was out already, and I decided we needed to talk.”

  That shut him up, and he swallowed hard, though there was no lubrication to ease the ache. “Well, I’ll say this. You look absolutely amazing, and I can’t seem to take my eyes off you. So, you can be sure you have my full attention.”

  She nodded. “Thank you.” Her voice rasped from her throat, and he realized she was incredibly nervous. “Just so you know, the parking lot is almost completely empty. The few people who insist on keeping vigil out there are quiet and seated at the side entrance, not blocking anything. The press release sounded great on the air. I heard it on the way back over here as it was recapped for the nightly news.”

  It didn’t really matter to Jake, but he figured this was a process for her, and since he didn’t know where this opener would lead, he maintained patience and waited curiously to find out. “I saw a bit of it earlier. I’m impressed. Unfortunately, I’m quite aware you had much more to do with that than the publicist I pay and, therefore, he will be off the payroll very soon.” He softened his tone, his anger having flared a bit at that reminder. “Thank you for all you did to make that go smoothly.”

  Again, Sadie simply nodded. “You look tired. Have the staff taken care of you, given you what you need?”

  “They’ve been beyond kind and diligent. But I don’t think that’s what you wanted to talk about.” He narrowed his gaze on her. “What troubled you enough to bring you back to my room, when you look like you were dressed for a lovely evening?” He tried not to consider the possibility that she’d been on a date, his jealousy getting a little out of hand. He had no right to feel possessive toward her, but the thought of her with another man, even though Jake hadn’t been in her life for nearly three years, made something inside him burn with rage.

  She took several steps toward him, stopping still feet from the end of the bed. “Jake, I have to know the truth. You keep saying things, and I want to believe you, but the night we met, you seemed so incredibly sincere and then you just walked away without even a goodbye. So, I don’t know whether or not I can trust you, not now. And it’s important to know that before I can decide whether or not I’m going to put my sanity or my heart on the line for someone who could easily walk away again and never look back.”

  Leaning forward and adamant that she really listen to his plea, Jake leveled a determined gaze on her. “Sadie, I have no such intentions. I had none in the beginning. I would rather die a thousand deaths than hurt you ever again as it seems I once did. I don’t ask for a lifelong commitment upon returning out of nowhere after so long. I only ask that you try, that you give me the chance I missed and should have taken before.”

  The turmoil had Sadie’s heart squeezing in her chest. Part of her wanted to blame her desire to do as he asked on the sympathy she felt for him, now that he’d lost so much. Part of her also wanted to believe that sorrow and despair were what led to Jake making his plea, trying to replace one enormous loss with something he had once lost but had a chance to reclaim. And another part of her wanted to turn and run out of fear, believing him to be nothing more than a smooth talking poet. That part of her was the young girl who’d been frightened for years to become involved with anyone, believing that all men would hurt her in the end.

  But deep down, she wondered what could happen, in the end, if she simply said okay and followed a different path, one that was more terrifying than anything she’d ever faced. Jake Donovan held a lifestyle she couldn’t imagine. She’d come a long way in being independent and creating a career and a life for herself. But none of that could possibly compare to dating a man who was revered as a god, worshiped by not only music lovers but by throngs of people – especially women – who were fascinated by his looks, not to mention his lyrics. He traveled, he came from another culture entirely, and if she was honest, other than their profound sense of deep poetry, they had nothing in common.

  And yet...

  With timid and almost mechanical steps, she found herself approaching the bed, almost within his reach. Her voice trembled as she spoke, her uncertainty boiling over to the surface no matter how hard she tried to pull it back. “I want to believe every word you say, Jake. The night I met you, I was intoxicated more by you than by anything I drank. And I loved every minute of it, found you fascinating like no one I’d ever met, and you’re right – I had no idea who you were in this world. Things are different now. We’ve both grown and changed and come into our own in separate lives, and I don’t know if those lives and personalities we’ve developed can mesh or if they’ll clash.”

  She watched him for a reaction, but he trained his expression well, giving nothing away. “I was out tonight, like I said, and I tried to distract myself from all the worry and stress and questions in my head that you’ve raised. I mean, you have to admit that having you as a patient came as a shock and then, to have you ask this of me on top of it has really sent me reeling. But if there was anything I learned by making that attempt tonight, I think it’s that I can’t get away from my own curiosity as to what I might have missed out on. One thing I won’t do is walk away right now, knowing that there could possibly be something to fight for.”

  His heart pattering in his chest, Jake reached for her, wanting to take away her vulnerability and concern, and while he couldn’t do that, he could at least alleviate the tension in her shoulders. She let him take her hand, and he pulled Sadie down so he could kiss her, this time with more than a brush of lips. This time, he could taste her, the sweetness of her lips, and while the pressure made his face ache, he knew at that moment he would tolerate any pain and brave anything for the sensation he felt when he kissed her.

  For Sadie, it was the most satisfying contact she’d had with any man since the night she’d regretted for so long. And the more gooseflesh this kiss raised on her arms and the back of her neck, the more regret slid from her mind and shoulders, her entire body melting with the memories of what they’d had together for one beautiful night. She placed her free hand on his cheek, ever so gently, careful and cautious of his injuries, and even now, his skin was soft, as soft as she remembered, beneath the three days’ growth of stubble and over the broken bones and bruises.

  She never wanted it to end, and that thought made her weak, her body tingling and begging for more. Only the rational thought of being at the hospital, where Jake was in recovery for a terrible accident and she was an employee who’d already tread on thin ice today. Slowly, she backed away, wishing she could continue this but knowing it wasn’t the time or place for it. Licking her lips and loving the same musky flavor she remembered so acutely, she closed her eyes for a moment, collecting her thoughts, and then met the shining gaze in front of her.

  Jake’s eyes carried a magic of their own, and she couldn’t look away. “It’s late. I should go home.”

  He nodded, not releasing her gaze. “I’m sure you need to rest.” He took a deep breath. “Sadie, I don’t want to leave here for a private facility for rehabilitation. Instead, I want to have private care in a place of my own. Would you consider assisting me in finding a home here, one that meets some requirements for me? I think your taste would be lovely, and I can compensate you well.”

  Her eyes wide, Sadie shook her head. “Is that what you think of me, that I’m some hired help?”

  Jake wasn’t sure what he’d said wrong, but obviously he’d made a mistake. “I’m sorry, I certainly didn’t mean to offend you. I simply know that your time is valuable, and I can tell you spend a great deal of it here, working charitably and showing compassion to people. I can be very demanding in my home requirements, and that means a certain amount of time dedicated to the task of finding something that fulfills my needs. I don’t want to assume you’d be willing to give up that kind of personal time free of charge for a petty, demanding man in a hospita
l bed.”

  He watched her guard go back down slowly. “I appreciate that, but if we’re going to try this, we both have to be free and open and willing to ask for things from each other.”

  He smiled at her sheepishly. “I admit to being completely at a loss for how to handle a relationship, or even something that could turn into a relationship. I’ve not had the desire to experience anything intimate or emotional.”

  The admission was so honest and raw that Sadie was taken aback. Had he really neglected to attempt loving someone? Was he as damaged in that area as she was? She couldn’t believe it herself, but just maybe she wasn’t the only one carrying scars from the unknown and the unrealized. With a deep breath, she told him, “If you need help with something, anything, you should just ask. And if it’s something reasonable that I can accomplish, I will help you.”

  She saw the struggle and debate as he considered her words, but finally, he asked in a quiet, childish voice, “Would you assist me in finding a place to call home here, when I am released from the hospital, should I give you a list of requirements?”

  She couldn’t help but laugh. “Yes, Jake, I would be more than happy to help.” She shook her head. “Just how demanding are you? Does the house have to face a certain direction at a specific elevation with a precise floor plan?”

  He feigned offended shock. “I’m not that self-righteous! However, things like having a music room that can be sound-proofed and a large enough yard for three to four dogs are important. And a state-of-the-art kitchen with a spacious layout would be nice.”

  Sadie raised an eyebrow. “You cook?”

  He nodded. “On the rare occasion I have that luxury, yes, I can. And I distinctly remember that you enjoy cooking, as well. Since I would love to have the pleasure of your company, I take such things into consideration in the functionality and design of my home.”