by Robyn Nyx
Landry smiled. “What if you don’t ask the board to authorize it?” Landry’s smile became a grin as Jenkin raised an eyebrow and her eyes flashed with a certain mischief. “What if I don’t mention it again to anyone, and I leave for the mission as planned with one operative? There’s a maximum of six strings—with Muniz, Delaney, Simson, me, and the other operative returning, that leaves an empty string. Who’s to say I don’t need Jackson to help me secure Delaney and Simson through the time circle?”
Jenkin shook her head. “You’re incorrigible. Why did you ever choose a career of taking orders in the military when you’re so desperately poor at following them?”
“Not true. I follow the good orders, but sometimes there needs to be a little engineering for an even better outcome.” As their exchange had continued, Landry’s sub-conscious had released memories of countless exchanges like this with Jenkin. She’d been her sounding board and co-conspirator for years when Landry didn’t want to consult her mom. How did I forget all this?
“That’s settled, then. Diaz will send you the mission brief. Do you have a particular operative in mind you’d like to work with?”
Delaney. “Someone experienced. Someone with no family.” She thought of Griffin, who’d left his partner behind, knowing full well he’d never see him again if their mission succeeded and the doc cured cancer. At least Perry didn’t have any family on the island. But extractors and operatives alike knew the risks of their position. As did Landry, but it had never really mattered before Jade.
Chapter Fifteen
“You’re going back?”
Jade’s disappointment was clear. Landry wasn’t sure how Jade would react to the news that the Pulsus board had authorized her to return to Chicago. At least she wasn’t holding anything back. Landry much preferred when people were open with their emotions, even when it wasn’t something she was particularly comfortable with doing herself.
“Do you want me to stay?” Such a loaded question. There was no right or wrong answer, no black or white. Landry wasn’t even sure why she’d asked, because she was pretty certain she didn’t want to hear the answer. If Jade wanted her to leave, Landry might feel unwanted. If Jade wanted her to stay, Landry might feel like her wings were being clipped. In truth, she had no idea what she would feel about any of Jade’s potential responses. She did know that being in love was confusing, and desperate, and vulnerable. And she was an uneasy bedfellow with all of those things.
“Do you want me to want you to stay?”
Jade laughed, and Landry joined her. The absurdity of the conversation would have been farcical if it wasn’t so personal.
“It was a stupid question. Forget I asked.” Landry gently pushed the hair from Jade’s face and tucked it behind her ear. “You look beautiful today.”
Jade pulled Landry’s hand to her lips and kissed her knuckles. “You say that every day you see me.”
“That’s because you’re beautiful every day.”
Jade shook her head. “Are you really doing this?”
“Doing what?”
“Distracting yourself from a difficult conversation with sweet talk? We’ve just spent three hours in bed. You can’t need any more.”
“I always need more of you.” Landry kissed her and lingered on Jade’s lips. She wouldn’t be leaving for a few days, but she still wanted to make sure she could memorize every contour, scent, and sensation of her lover. After her botched homecoming, Landry was almost getting anxious that she and Jade would never make love again. She needn’t have worried. Tonight, she’d barely gotten out of her car before Jade had her upstairs, naked, and splayed on the bed faster than Landry’s Mustang could go from zero to sixty. Their lovemaking had moved from fast and frantic to slow and sensuous and back again, but each orgasm, each fall from the precipice of pleasure had further sealed Landry’s adoration of her new love.
She sighed deeply, and Jade tapped the center of Landry’s forehead. “Hey, stop playing back your sex video and focus.”
Landry smiled. “Fine. Spoil my fun. Is there something specific you want to know?”
Jade nodded. “Who’ve you been told to bring back?”
Landry clenched her teeth and flexed her jaw. “All of them. I floated the idea of dropping Simson off with the local law enforcement to stand trial for Perry’s murder, but it didn’t fly.”
“How do you feel about that, baby?”
“Seriously, are you taking night classes to become a shrink when you finish playing ball?” Landry pulled Jade into her arms.
She nestled in and placed her hand on Landry’s chest. “This is currently my favorite place in the world.”
Landry kissed the top of Jade’s head and caressed the smooth outline of Jade’s back through her sheer T-shirt. She loved how Jade was always warm to the touch. “Now who’s changing the subject?”
“I’m just easily distracted by the soft beating of your heart beneath your hard chest.”
“And now you’re being just as cheesy as me.”
Jade tugged at the hem of Landry’s shirt and kissed her abs, one by one. “If you can’t beat ’em…so, how do you feel about bringing Simson back?”
“Surprisingly indifferent. There’s no feasible alternative, and Pulsus has no justice system. It’s not like we have sovereignty to go around denying people their freedom. I have to settle for a mind wipe and hope that she was a better person before Pulsus.”
“I’d like to get my hands on her for what she did to you.”
Landry laughed, took Jade’s hand, and kissed her knuckles. “My protector. I love it when you talk tough.”
Jade pulled her hand away and looked affronted. “Hey, I can hold my own, hot shot. Ask my ex’s little fling.”
“I believe you. I have no desire to go looking for your New York butch, thank you very much.” The image of Jade going crazy on the unwanted sexual intruder made her smile. “I know you Latina women can have vicious tempers.”
“Stereotyping much?” Jade flicked hard at Landry’s nipple.
“Ouch.” Landry pressed her hand to her sore breast to prevent further attack and shoved her bottom lip out. “My bad.”
“I just don’t see how you can be so relaxed about Simson.”
Landry shrugged. “I have to look at it objectively, like it’s not personal.” Jade looked set to interrupt, but Landry pressed her finger to her lips. “Hear me out, baby.”
Jade sank back onto Landry’s chest and sighed. “Okay.”
“It was personal for her, sure, but that’s not my problem. I’ve had far worse done to me in the line of Pulsus duty than she and her buddies did. If I held on to that crap, I’d likely never go on another mission.” She kissed the top of Jade’s head. Having someone this protective over her was a novel feeling, but it was certainly one Landry could get used to. “I hate what she did to Perry and that justice won’t be done. I hope that if Pulsus does make their time travel missions public, they could be somehow linked to the current justice system. That way, anyone who went off the reservation could be punished when they returned to the island. I’m hoping harder that something like that just doesn’t happen again.”
“Accountability would be a good thing.”
“Exactly. But we’re not there yet, and I’m not going to ignore my screaming morality or believe that I’m the law, and be judge, jury, and executioner. I couldn’t live with myself if I did that.”
Jade stroked Landry’s inner thigh and pressed the heel of her palm into the crotch seam of Landry’s underwear. “You’re very sexy when you go all high and mighty like that.”
Landry shifted her shorts and caught hold of Jade’s wrists. “What were you saying moments ago about not needing any more?”
“I’m a conundrum, Landry Donovan. Deal with it. What about your protégé? How did that idea fly?”
Landry flashed back to her unexpectedly deep conversation with Jenkin. “Better than I thought it could. You know how I’ve explained I’ve got two sets
of memories because my first mission was to stop my mom from being murdered?”
“That’s not really something a girl could forget. Go on.”
“It’s complex. They’re almost fighting for supremacy up there, for conscious space. Some of my lived memories override the new memories of my life with Mom being around.”
“I kind of get it. I can’t begin to grasp how hard that is for you, or how you cope with such a mind fuck, but you’re a tough sonofabitch. If anyone can handle it, it’s you.”
Landry smiled and kissed Jade again. “I love you.” Jade’s understanding of Landry seemed to be growing every day they spent together. Being understood and accepted for everything she was, was something Landry never expected to experience.
“I know. How could you not?” She smiled, and mischief flashed across her eyes. “Keep talking.” She pulled her wrist free of Landry’s grip and continued to trace her fingers over Landry’s body.
“I went to Jenkin half expecting a fight, because that’s all I remember us ever doing since Mom ‘came back from the dead’ and I found out they were, you know…”
“Having sex.”
“Yeah, that.” Landry had adjusted to the relationship Jenkin and her mom were having, but that didn’t mean she was comfortable with any talk about their sex life. “I was still hung up on idealized memories of my father, but I didn’t know that meant I was suppressing actual memories of a really good relationship with Jenkin. Since Mom and I talked about what happened with my father, and his war crimes, and Jenkin’s role in our lives, I’ve been getting flashbacks of Jenkin in my past.”
“The one you haven’t really lived that should take precedence?”
“Exactly.” Landry rolled her ankles to stave off a threatening cramp. She’d hit the gym hard after leaving Priscilla at Pulsus in an effort to clear her mind of…everything. “And they’ve been pretty great memories of her being supportive, and helpful, and always there when I needed her to be. We started talking yesterday, and it was like slipping on a comfortable jacket. The animosity just fell away, and we had our first honest conversation in…forever.”
“Aw, you’re getting in touch with your emotions. That’s good news for me.”
Landry enjoyed Jade’s teasing. Having a conversation this serious but still being relaxed was another new experience she was appreciating with Jade.
“You’ve been given the go-ahead to bring Brooke Jackson forward, then?”
Landry shook her head. “It’s not exactly been authorized, but it will be happening.”
Jade stopped her exploration of Landry’s legs and looked up, her eyebrow raised. “Are you planning to get into trouble with your boss again?”
“I am not. It just might be that I have no choice but to bring Jackson back with me.”
Jade leaned back onto Landry’s chest. “What if she doesn’t want to leave her time?”
Landry shrugged. “I’m going to give her the option for the ‘big adventure’ she said she wanted. Jackson will make her choice. It’s hers, not mine. But I’ve done my research. All her family is dead, and there was no sign of a significant other before she died. I don’t think she has anything to hold on to in 2055.”
“Last, but not least, where are you with Delaney?”
Landry didn’t respond immediately. Jade was so matter-of-fact about all elements of the mission, Landry wished it could be that simple. The truth was, she didn’t know where she was with Delaney. She was dancing with two versions of her history, and memories of her friendship with Delaney were like lights slowly dimming in the stage of her mind. To combat the fade, Landry was watching videos of their debriefs, training sessions, and soccer games. She’d even written some notes on anything and everything she could remember about Delaney. Landry had never been one to write a diary, and it felt alien. But it was also strangely soothing. I’m not ready to let you go. “I vacillate between complete antipathy and a desire to…” Am I safe enough to say this out loud? “Surrender. Delaney’s broken and that’s the fault of the work she’s done for Pulsus. She’s also desperately in love with someone who was murdered because of our mission. Again, the culpability lies with Pulsus.”
“Pulsus didn’t make Delaney fall in love.”
“No, but Ilsa is dead because we interfered in her timeline.” Landry twirled a lock of Jade’s soft hair between her fingers. “I don’t think I can wholly blame Delaney for the path she’s followed when Pulsus virtually laid it out for her.”
“You miss her?”
There was a hint of vulnerability in Jade’s tone that made Landry think carefully about her own words. “The part of my mind that’s hanging on to our memories misses her. It’s not love, baby. It’s no threat to you or us.”
Jade smiled, but her lack of response spoke of her concern.
“I’ve felt guilty because I thought I didn’t do enough, but I’ve come to realize that no matter how hard I try or how much I want it, I can’t always make things the way they need to be or the way I want them to be. Pulsus changes the past to affect the future. I started thinking that I had the same power.” Landry shook her head and offered Jade a sad smile. “But I don’t.”
“Babe…”
Jade lifted her head and kissed Landry. It was a soft, loving kiss, made of such sweet promise that Landry’s heart ached for more. Ached for longer like this. And this is all Delaney wanted, too. It’s what I encouraged her to seek out.
“What will they do to Delaney when you bring her home?”
“The same as Simson. They’ll wipe her mind to before she was recruited for Pulsus and set her up in a modest place, in her home town. She’s got no family to speak of, but hopefully, there’ll still be some old friends there.”
“Will you be able to see her after that?”
Landry clenched her jaw and tried to smile. “No. That will end our friendship.”
Jade glanced away, and Landry couldn’t read her reaction. She hadn’t realized Jade felt so threatened by Delaney. She’d worked hard to make her feel secure, loved, wanted. Delaney was her best friend, not her lover.
“How’s Priscilla doing?”
Landry bit her lip. Mission stuff was relatively easy to deal with, and aside from Delaney, she was managing to maintain her usual professionalism and distance. It wasn’t that simple with Priscilla. “Why does this conversation feel like a mission debrief?”
Jade scooted down Landry’s chest, turned onto her back, and looked up at her seriously. “Because it’s my chance to find out everything important that’s happening or going to happen. This is how it needs to be to maintain my sanity, Landry.” She reached up and gently stroked Landry’s cheek. “It’s not like you go off to work for the day to fold and stack T-shirts in American Eagle. It’s more complicated than that, and this is how I’m coping with it.”
Landry took Jade’s hands in hers and kissed each of her fingertips in turn. “I’m sorry, baby. I’m just teasing. I understand you need to know as much as I can tell you.”
Jade gave a decisive nod, in what Landry was coming to understand was a show of vindication.
“That’s right. Spill.”
“It’s way too early to say anything. Mom did a scan yesterday and a lot of other tests I don’t even begin to understand. She’s going to keep her under observation for forty-eight hours after she completes her investigation, and hopefully she’ll have more news for us after that.”
“Lizbeth called after you left with Priscilla. I hate having to lie to her about not knowing any more than she does.”
“You don’t know a whole lot more in terms of Priscilla, and if you told her that my mom had fixed your leg, it’d probably raise her hopes unreasonably. What Mom did for you, she’s been doing for extractors and operatives for three years. What she needs to do for Priscilla is virgin territory.” Landry paused when she saw the veil of distress fall lightly over Jade’s face. She was obviously expecting Priscilla’s treatment to be a done deal. “I’m sorry, baby. I wish I
could tell you it was going to be easy, but my mom’s been working on DNA engineering and curing the fragility of the human condition for over a decade.”
Jade teared up, and she swallowed hard. “I…”
For the first time in Landry’s experience, words failed Jade. She leaned down and kissed her tenderly. In Landry’s absences, Jade had spent as much time as she could with Lizbeth and her family, occasionally foregoing time with her own family. Jade had gladly admitted that Priscilla had found a home in her heart. She had the same effect on Landry, despite her best efforts not to become attached. “She’s in the very best hands she could be in, Jade, I promise you.” There I go again with the promises. Landry was throwing them around like birdseed at a lake lately. It seemed the more people she became close to, the more she found herself feeling powerless. The ability to fix everything was beyond her, and that didn’t sit well at all.
Chapter Sixteen
“What will you do with him?” Landry could see Kondo in the background of one of her mom’s medical rooms at Pulsus. She’d resisted the temptation to go back to the island to talk to Kondo personally. Interrogation had never been something that had interested Landry. She preferred to wrangle the required information using nothing but words, charm, and persuasion.
Her answering smile was tight. “We’re preparing him for a mind wipe, as per the contract he signed when he was loyal to Pulsus.”
I need to check my contract of employment. “Lucky you perfected the technique just in time to use it, huh?”
“It was something I didn’t think we’d ever need to use on our people for this reason.”
Her mom had begun its development to help operatives who might want to forget the things they’d had to do on missions. It hadn’t progressed fast enough to help Delaney. Landry wondered if her mom could go into Delaney’s memories and erase the series of events that had led her to trigger this cluster fuck. Could we go back to normal? She wanted to believe they could. Delaney had been their best operative. Would Jenkin agree to at least try it? And what about Ilsa? Pulsus would never authorize a mission to return to save her, just for Delaney—would she be better off if she’d never known that love? Landry didn’t want to imagine her life without Jade and her love. Not knowing her past, her history of love, her friendships, she might as well be a tree without roots. How long would it be before she rotted away unnourished?