I was miserable being at her funeral. It was shoddy, at best. Not because of the loss of innocent life, but because it felt like no one was there. No one wanted to be recognized for knowing her—no one wanted to be affiliated with a murderer. The eulogy was even piss-poor, which really struck a chord. I wanted to say something, anything, but seeing as how she died, I didn’t want to bring any unwanted attention my way. Instead, I honored her life by being at her service. I barely knew her, but I did some digging. She was trying to go into nursing. She took a couple of classes at the local community college at night and worked at Vickie’s whenever she could to scrounge up a living. She wanted to help people, and now people wouldn’t even think twice about pissing on her grave.
The night Benjamin died we were able to save a man and a woman. I’m grateful for that, but the day things went south at the coffee house still plagues my mind. If I hadn’t fucked up, things would be different. I should have been more prepared.
“I don’t think you’d be normal if you did,” Abby says from beside me, pulling me from my thoughts.
“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” I answer half-heartedly. I feel like I heard that response at least a thousand times already in one form or another.
Benjamin’s guests eventually filter out, the crowd thinning as they say their final goodbyes. The people that pass me are like wandering shadows, blurs of black forever moving in my peripherals.
As time moves, one of the shadows reaches out and touches my folded arms. Sarah Evans.
“Thank you again for coming.” Sarah’s wrinkled hand rubs the length of my forearm, teasing the fabric of my black jacket. Her face is warm, but her smile looks almost as frail as she is. Just holding eye contact with her is disheartening.
“It’s the least we could do…Benjamin was a great guy.” Sarah’s umbrella grazes Abby’s while we stand in the rain, but neither her nor Abby make a moment out of it. There’s too much at stake.
“Benjamin was lucky to have friends like you. I always thought he was so alone, but I’m glad he got the chance to know you all.” Sarah’s thumb strokes the top of my forearm, not too far away from the demonic mark that symbolizes the bond I share with the demon latched to my soul. In a way, it’s almost ironic.
“Thanks,” I respond and force a smile. “We were lucky to have known him.”
“I mean it. I’m not just saying it. For you all to be so worried about my son’s wellbeing, it means a lot. It means the world to me to know that Ben was loved and cherished. That’s every mother’s wish. They want their child to be happy…to feel like they belong. I think you did that for Benjamin. All of you. You made his time here on earth that more special.”
“He was there for us,” I reply soberly. “If anything, he made us feel like we belong. He was just that kind of guy.” Lying to a mourning widow—another reason to hate myself. Sarah continues to gently rub my forearm with her crinkly fingers.
This is starting to feel like a sick joke.
My smile deteriorates, but Abby steps in just in time to cover for my apathetic mood.
“Ms. Evans, if you need to talk or anything, don’t be afraid to reach out to us, okay?”
“God bless you, sweetie, but I don’t want to be a burden.”
“No, I’m serious,” Abby says. “If you need anything, just call. There’s no reason to go through this alone.” Abby rubs the side of Sarah’s bicep as they share a mutual gaze. I watch and so does Blaze. Neither of us says a word.
In the midst of it all, Sarah’s hand finds her way from my body to Abby’s shoulder. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
“His life was short, but I’m sure it was full,” she says while trying her hardest to keep her smile. “Well, thank you again for coming, but sadly, I’m going to have to excuse myself. I have other guests to attend to. I’d like to get to them all before the rain shoos them off.” She laughs softly, but it quickly fades, along with her smile.
“It’s no problem. We understand,” I say, my voice lacking any form of inflection. Sarah takes a moment to nod to the three of us before gracefully leaving the conversation. I linger on as the rain continues to pour overhead, my eyes, unfocused, my mind, detached.
“Sailor.” Blaze breaks the somber atmosphere, cutting through the void that death often brings.
“…Yeah?”
“We’ve been able to pinpoint locations.”
“I know,” I respond succinctly. “I got the texts.”
From the corner of my eye, I see his head tilt towards the ground for a second before he lifts it and exhales. “I know you got them, but did you read them? You’ve been in the wind.”
“Guys, not here,” Abby intervenes, as usual. Believe it or not, I actually don’t hate her. She’s a good person. I haven’t known her long and virtually don’t know anything about her, but it’s safe to say that she isn’t a soulless ginger. If anything, she’s a saint, and I have no idea why.
“Gareth’s phone…,” Blaze begins again. “We’ve been using it to uncover information on Desmond’s drug ring. Just like we suspected, the vessel we took care of was his primary—the phone had some valuable information we could use. Desmond’s would have been the Holy Grail, but you know how that went.”
“Was there anything on me or my dad?” I ask indifferently, trying my best to block out the events of that night.
“No—nothing about either of you, but with a little digging, we were able to find out a lot of other things.” I hide my emotions and continue on. It was a long-shot to begin with.
“With Abby behind the keyboard, I imagine the phrase ‘a little digging’ is quite the understatement,” I force out.
“Yeah, you’re right…Gareth was a trusted distributor. I didn’t want to relay that much over text.” I catch him scoff from my peripherals and my interest peeks. “We think we know where they’re manufacturing Sphinx. Like, their main production plant…a few of the smaller ones as well.” Just the thought of Sphinx makes me nauseous.
When Desmond captured me, I was drugged with a specialty dose, and I almost lost my mind. Before that, Gareth tried to get Ben to slip some into my drink at Club Hex. That stuff is dangerous, and not just by worldly means. It’s meant to facilitate demon possession, highly addictive, and can literally fry your brain. All of this and still, deep down, I still feel a hint of a subtle yearning. It’s been well past a week since I was dosed, so the craving isn’t strong, and honestly, I don’t think it’s even one hundred percent me. When the drug was forced on me, it was forced on the demon inside of me, as well. It could be him messing with me whenever he manages to break free of my safeguards. The stuff was made to help demons control humans, after all. There’s no reason why he wouldn’t want any. He wants me under his thumb until he can manage to take full control.
I’m glad the other hunters are doing what they can to clean up the area, but I can’t risk getting exposed again. If Blaze and the others hadn’t saved me when they did, I don’t know what would have happened. Chances are I wouldn’t be here today…at least not as Sailor. His pull is getting stronger.
“Not interested,” I huff. It’s best that I stay away. I knew this was coming. Believe it or not, I did read the texts and remembered Abby gushing about the possibilities now that we acquired a key player’s phone back when we killed Gareth. “And you shouldn’t be either. You were shot three times if I recall.”
“Two out of the three were minor…and it’s been more than a week, unlike you who goes gung-ho after waking up from a hostage situation and drug-induced coma.”
“That was different. You know that.” I turn my head to face him, fire evident in my eyes.
My eyes begin to water, but with some effort, I manage to suppress my emotions. Blaze purses his lips and exhales through his nose, noticing he overstepped his boundaries.
“…The sting is going to be in a few days. We just need to tie up a couple of loose ends and makes sure our intel is accurate. I’ll be in even bet
ter shape by then, and they’ll be more than just a handful of us.”
I shake my head before turning back towards the lawn. “That’s good. It’s safer that way, but still, I’m not interested. I’ve got plans. Just like I said back when we left Sarah’s house the last time we met… I’m taking some time off. I’m sure I don’t have to reiterate what exactly happened to drive me to this point.”
“No, you don’t.”
“Good, because I’d rather not… I’m going on a road trip by the way…with Valerie. Figured it can help me clear my mind.”
“Really?”
“Yeah…it feels like I haven’t talked with her in a while and I need a getaway. This funeral was the last thing on my to-do-list before heading out.”
“So you’re leaving today?”
“Yeah, I think so. Maybe today, maybe tomorrow. You never know with her. It is raining, after all. It might just turn into a slumber party tonight,” I sneer, “but I’m okay with that as long as we don’t watch rom-coms.”
“Does she know—?”
“About what we do yet? No. I haven’t told her, and I don’t plan on it. No point. I’m looking for solace, remember? Not a headache.”
“Big words.”
“I try to read every day.”
“So this is goodbye?” Abby asks, cutting in between Blaze and I’s pointless banter.
“For the most part, yeah, but I’ll be back before you know it. Stuff’s been weighing on me, and I need some distance from this place.” Man, I feel like a broken record.
I sigh and tilt my head up towards the rain, allowing it to pelt my face for a moment before lowering it.
“It’s not just the string of deaths; personal things…it’s…personal. I think now seems to be the perfect time to work through it.”
“It’s okay. You don’t owe us an explanation, Sailor. Take as much time as you need. I just hope you sort out what’s bothering you.”
“Thanks, Abs.” I turn and face her. For a moment, her warmness touches my soul, which is quite the accomplishment. It’s been harder to reach these days. “I’ll bring back souvenirs.”
Not long after that, they walk me back to my car. Abby hugs me first while Blaze lingers near my trunk, keeping his distance for some reason, almost like I’ve got the plague. I do my best to pay him no mind until I’m done with Abby. When he finally comes to hug me, it’s business as usual. We briefly exchange words, and I promise to keep him updated before hitting the road.
The drive to my apartment is short-lived, and I arrive at my place within the hour. Valerie’s car isn’t anywhere in sight, which is fine by me, as well as expected. My shit’s already loaded in the car. I pretty much keep a couple days’ worth of clothes and supplies just in case I get stranded somewhere or need to lay low. It’s kind of a necessity if traveling is something you do frequently, and by traveling, I mean hunting things around the states that have no business existing.
I swing the door open to my place and sigh at how much of a mess everything is. If someone had to choose between raging alcoholic and depressed chick in over her head, they’d pick the alcoholic, hands down. Last night wasn’t too fun, but thankfully, Valerie won’t have the chance to see my disaster of an apartment. To say the least, I might have gotten hammered and had a pity session.
My phone rumbles from inside my pocket and I fish it out to check the caller ID.
It’s her. Speak of the devil.
“Hey, how long until you get here?” I ask tersely, my forearm tucked against my stomach as I pace my living room.
“I’m actually outside and I need to pee, like really bad.” Seriously? I roll my eyes and shake my head as I walk towards my kitchen to work at picking up my filth. “Sailor, you there?”
“Yeah, yeah, I’m here,” I respond as I grab at some empty bottles and walk towards the trash. “I was just busy with something.” The bottles clink as they collided at the bottom of my stainless-steel garbage bin. “The door is unlocked, so you can just waltz on in.” I scurry from the kitchen to unlock my door. “See you in a bit.” I hang up, chuck my phone on the couch, and contemplate continuing with my crunch-time cleaning. Nope. Fuck it. She’ll just have to deal. I throw myself onto my couch, prop my head on top my palm, and stare at the door, waiting for her arrival.
About a minute later, Val walks through the door and extends her arms towards me like a needy toddler. “Hey, Ray-Ray!” She scrunches her hands twice and does this weird, giddy bounce thing not even two steps away from my door. I roll my eyes, trying my best not to act impressed, but I can’t hide my smile. Life sucks, but normal is refreshing. And by normal, I mean normal as in anything totally unrelated to paranormal affairs, so I admit, there’s a wide range. Valerie is cool though, quirks and all.
I stand up from the couch and walk directly into her arms. “Valerie,” I say with much less enthusiasm, my head nestled in the wedge between her shoulder and neck. She squeezes me tight and rocks me back and forth. “I…wasn’t expecting you so soon,” I say as I pull away from her embrace.
“I rushed here as fast as I could to beat most of the rain,” she replies, somewhat distracted. “Bathroom?”
“Oh, right—just go through that door over there, behind you. It links up to my bedroom. I’m pretty sure the door is shut on the other side, but you might have to do it yourself. Head’s up.”
“A bathroom that links from your living room to your bedroom?” she snorts. “How convenient. I bet it makes for a nice party story.”
“Stop. Go pee,” I huff as I shift my weight onto my right leg.
“Okay, mother.” Valerie giggles as she steps back and places her hand on my bathroom door. “No seriously, you’re just like her,” she confesses. “…always trying to tell me when to handle my business.” Her blonde bun bops as she shakes her head in a display of exaggerated disappointment before entering the bathroom and shutting the door behind her.
“Yeah, well don’t forget to wash your hands when you’re done!” I yell obnoxiously, still standing where she left me. Valerie is such a dork, I swear. I play with the thought of doing some more cleaning, but the sound of my toilet flushing overshadows the AC. A few moments later, Valerie emerges. “So what’s the deal? Are we leaving now or waiting it out for the storm? I’m all packed up and ready to go.”
Valerie never told me where we’re going. Surprises are kind of her thing. Of course, needing a change of pace, I opted in. If I know anything about Valerie, she knows how to have a good time.
“Patience,” Valerie says while she adjusts her tan thermal and cross necklace, ensuring their symmetry. “Aren’t you forgetting something?”
“Directions? I thought you were going to GPS it? I’m still driving by the way.”
“No, your outfit. You’re dressed like…well, you know.” Valerie gestures with her hands to make up for her lack of words. There really isn’t a delicate way to say it. I’m dressed like I just came from a funeral.
“Yeah…yeah,” I say, glancing down at my wardrobe. “I’ll go change.” I lift my head and meet her concerned gaze. “Make yourself at home. I’ll be out in a bit, okay?” Just as I break eye contact with her, I catch Valerie’s smile damper before I walk into my room and shut my door. It doesn’t bother me that she accidentally brought up the funeral or anything, but I can tell it put a kink in her mood—especially given how we’d gone back and forth via text these last couple of days. Death being on the forefront of our conversations. With a sigh, I comb through my wardrobe, perusing my closet for something decent to wear. I settle on a pair of black jeans, a light blue top, and black hoodie and throw them on my unmade bed. “So do we have reservations or anything?” I yell while stripping down. There’s some nonsense playing on the TV in the living room. A reality show or something that Valerie flicked on to pass the time. “Like a hotel? Resort, maybe?” I slide my jeans on and slip into my shirt. “How long is the drive going to be? That out of state crap you told me earlier was too vague.” I toss on my h
oodie, sink my feet into some sneakers I have against the baseboard of my wall, and pull at my door. “Ugh. You’re killing me, Val. You know that?” I say to her as I emerge from my room. Not to my surprise, Valerie is sitting with her legs crossed under her on my couch, watching a sitcom, while nibbling on one of her nails.
“Well you insisted on being the driver, even though I offered. In fact, it was one of your only requirements,” she recites confidently.
“Well, you’re paying for all of this and set everything up. I’d feel like crap if I let you handle everything. It’s the least I can do.”
Not to mention that my car has a shit-ton of hunter gear that may or may not come in handy if we end up in the middle of nowhere. I told Blaze and Abby that I was taking a break, which I am, but that doesn’t mean I should let my guard down. Not with a freaking demon gnawing away at my insides. I’m not an idiot. I know I have to get rid of him. But now isn’t the time with Blaze and Abby’s people working on sweeping the city clean of Sphinx.
Tensions are too high, and the last thing I want to be is a burden, or worse, fuck up Blaze’s group once they find out his ex, a person he works with, is harboring a demon. I have Vartal under control, for the most part, I think…not really. But I figure I have at least a few more months if not a year before I’m too fucked up to function. It’s hard to tell, honestly.
Sailor Ray and the Beautiful Lie (The Pact Book 3) Page 2