by Sumia Sukkar
The person’s feet are tied back. Their body is rising up and down. They are alive! Oh my God they dumped a living person! I run towards them and lean down. They need help. I start praying under my breath and take a look at their face. It’s Khalid! It’s Khalid! Oh my God! Khalid is alive! I shout as loud as I can for someone to come out and help me. Ali and Amira come out quickly and ask me what I am doing out here in the dark. I don’t reply and start untying the rope around Khalid’s feet and they come and help me without saying another word. We carry him inside and lie him down on the big sofa. We all stand back and stare at him. We all know what to do nowadays. Khalid’s eyes are bruised and one of his cheeks is puffed up and purple. His neck has scars that look like they go deep down but I can’t see because he is wearing a shirt. There is blood on it and it is ripped on his shoulder. I lean down and whisper ‘hello’ to him. I see his eyeballs move under his eyelids but he does not open his eyes. Amira tells me to move back from him at the same time as her stomach makes the loudest hungry noise. Her face goes red and she pretends nothing happened. Her facial expression is fighting to say something but she keeps the same face.
We don’t have any clean water for Khalid to drink. I try to think of somewhere we might have hidden some water. I remember the honey Amira hid and run to the bathroom. Honey is better than nothing. I come back to the sitting room and see Khalid’s eyes open. I don’t know if he can see us though, his eyes are really puffed. Amira sees me holding her honey jar and jumps up.
‘Who told you to touch it?’
‘It’s for Khalid, Amira.’
I have never seen her this angry.
‘It’s for me and my baby! He will die if I don’t feed him.’
I don’t know what to say. Amira looks skinnier not pregnant.
‘Can I give some to Khalid please?’
‘Okay, some!’ Her eyes look down then she makes a stern face and takes the honey jar out of my hand.
‘I’ll give him some, you go call Baba,’ she says.
‘Where did Baba go?’
‘Look for him in his room.’
I run to his room and knock on the door three times. I don’t get an answer but I open it slowly. I can see Baba’s legs then I open it fully and walk in. I see Baba sitting on his knees like he is praying but he is holding a box in his hands. I can’t see what he is doing with it from here so I walk closer. I can’t believe what I am seeing. I cover my eyes and open them again. Baba doesn’t look up at me, I don’t know if he heard me come into the room.
‘Baba…’
Baba jumps up, he has hands held against his face with blood dripping down to his knees.
‘What are you doing Baba?’
Baba doesn’t reply. His pupils widen.
‘I’m feeling Khalid’s agony.’
I don’t know if I should go near him. I’m scared. He doesn’t look like Baba any more. His face looks completely different.
Why would he touch Khalid’s hands? Why would he touch the blood? Is this what people do when they lose someone? I have never heard of it. I think Baba is really upset. I once watched a movie with a woman acting crazy and she didn’t know what she was doing or who she was. Is Baba like her?
‘Baba… Khalid is here.’
Baba’s eyes open up. He replies when I call him Baba.
‘Khalid? Did they send his dead body?’
‘No Baba, he is in the sitting room on the sofa.’ Baba jumps up, drops the hands and runs out. He doesn’t even wipe the blood. I look down at the box and a shiver runs through me. The box looks messy with blood and Khalid’s hands. How can Baba touch that?
Khalid is slowly sipping honey from the spoon.
I sit down on the sofa and just stare at him. Baba is sitting next to him holding onto his arm but Khalid keeps moving it away. What happened? I always have to connect the dots myself. Khalid closes his mouth tight so Amira doesn’t feed him. He tries to move away but his face scrunches up in pain. Why isn’t he speaking? Can he not speak any more?
‘Talk to me Khalid, are you ok?’ Baba asks.
I want to ask so many questions but I fight the voices in my head. I don’t want to upset anyone. Everything is always happening to people around me. What about me? Is it my turn next?
I am happy Khalid is back home, but where is Yasmine? Is she coming back home soon? Is she going to be hurt as well?
My eyes start to feel heavy. When I think about Yasmine when I’m tired I get really depressed. I try to stop thinking about her and get up and go to my room. I’ll pray tonight that Yasmine comes back home tomorrow. She’s been gone for too long.
*
I wake up all of a sudden and look around. It’s still dark outside and my heart is racing loudly. I had a nightmare, which I was stuck in. I was trying to get out but I couldn’t. I don’t want to think about it. I don’t know what time it is, it feels like I slept for a whole night but it’s still dark. I couldn’t have slept more than a few hours.
I get up and rub my eyes. I have crust in the corners. I try to take as much off as I can but it needs to be washed away by water. I go into the sitting room and look at the time. It’s only 2:30 a.m. I slept for three hours. There is nobody in the sitting room. I go back into my room and take my books from the bedside table. I haven’t had time to read lately. Nobody has time to read when there are bombs and blood everywhere. I wish I had more time though. I start to read and feel good. I love reading, it feels like I am travelling. I miss this feeling, like you’re invincible. But I can’t feel invincible during a war. I learnt that word at school when a boy was pretending to be Superman and stood on the table to jump off and shouted ‘I’m invincible!’ He’s a clever boy, he always gets good marks. I went home and searched for what it means in the dictionary. That’s why I am using it now. Whenever I learn a new word I try to use it as much as possible in any sentence. Yasmine used to always laugh at me whenever I’d say a new word in every sentence.
I hear the sound of a car engine outside. The street is pitch black because we don’t have any more street lamps. But I can see the car headlights coming towards me. There is no other sound on the streets but the car driving up. Are they going to throw Yasmine outside? I go a little under my covers so they don’t see me. I don’t want them to know I’m here. The car stops on our street on the neighbours’ side. I can still see it very clearly. A man comes out of the front. His face is covered with a cloth. He looks around him and then closes the car door after him. He walks to the back of the car and opens the trunk. He looks around again. What is he doing? Are they going to kill us? I should sneak out of bed and wake Tariq up. I remember that he left the house earlier, but I think he has come back home now. He never stays out at night any more like he used to. It’s not safe outside.
I shuffle down my bed a little trying to get to the edge slowly without making any sound. The guy buries his head into the trunk for what seems like a long time then comes out again grabbing two legs. They are wrapped up in a white cloth, but I can now recognise a dead body from miles away. Another man comes out from the front and opens the back door and three men follow. Two men take the body from the first guy and carry it together and the other two take the next body and follow the first two. They are walking towards Ali’s door. Are they the people who dump the bodies inside? Should I call the police? I don’t even know if the police station is working any more. I don’t know if anything is any more. Everything is different. I don’t move and just watch the first two men come out of the house and take another body from the trunk. How many bodies are in there? How did they fit them in? The last man carries a body alone and walks towards the house as well. I can’t tell if he is holding a small child or half a body. It just looks like a small body without a beginning or an ending. Who are they? Are they good or bad? No one ever knows who’s good or bad these days. I just know that I want this to all end.
It starts raining really hard out of the blue. It hasn’t rained in ages. I want to go out and drink the water
. I can feel the cold breeze come into my room and I pull the covers tightly on me. I want to go out in the rain but I’m scared of the men. They all come out at the same time and run into the car and drive away quickly like they are being chased. Is there someone in the neighbours’ house who is alive? The thought of it scares me. I don’t know who to tell about what I saw. Maybe I’ll tell Tariq if he is in a better mood. I jump out of bed and run to everybody’s doors. I knock three times and run to the next door. I shout ‘It’s raining!’ I shout once and hear all the doors open. I don’t even think they were sleeping. We all run outside and gather the water in the palms of our hands and drink it. I rub my body with the fresh water and imagine it’s a shower. I open my mouth and face the sky and let the water fall.
‘I’ll get a few buckets to fill up,’ Amira shouts. Her voice sounds happy. I go in and help her, she looks really tired. We let the buckets fill up and play around in the rain. I can hear other people coming out of their houses and laughing. This is the happiest moment of my life. I can see butterflies playing around with us. It feels like we are living a normal life again.
I see Khalid walk slowly outside. I run to him and smile. He doesn’t have his shirt on and he has bullet marks on his skin and scratches. He has a hole next to his belly button. It looks like it was cut out. I look up at him and try not to look down again. His body looks scary.
‘How are you Adam?’ Khalid speaks at last! My voice gets stuck in my throat. I am really happy.
‘I am good Mr. Khalid.’ Khalid smiles and walks to Baba. Baba looks at Khalid and Khalid falls to his knees and starts begging Baba for forgiveness and crying. I don’t know why he is doing that. Baba holds Khalid’s head against him and rubs his hair. Baba starts crying too and everyone else stops playing with the rain and watches them.
‘What is happening Amira?’
‘I don’t even know.’
Khalid stands up and kisses Baba’s forehead and starts laughing. Baba put his hand on Khalid’s face and doesn’t say anything. He is still crying. Even when we are happy, we still have tears because the war is just above our heads. I want to paint this scene.
We all go in with our three buckets of water.
‘Go put a shirt on Adam, you’ll get sick,’ Baba tells me.
Tariq goes to the fireplace and lights it up. Everyone sits around and dries off. I can’t wait to go to my room and start painting. I can’t sleep any more.
‘I can’t sleep any more Ali, can you?’
‘I can sleep forever!’
Amira laughs and rubs her belly.
We all get up and I go to my room and get my painting kit out straightaway and start painting the scene under the rain. We look like a happy family, but behind us there are collapsed buildings and the sky looks darker than it ever did, even at night. I don’t know how to explain how black the sky is. There is no sign of the moon in the navy-blue sky; just black smoke covering it. One day, when the war finishes, I’ll have my paintings to show people what was really going on. My paintings don’t lie.
Chapter Fifteen
GREY
I SIT IN THE ROOM Baba showed us and listen to music; the power is back on. I forget about everything until Tariq opens the door and comes in. Whenever I come here he is here too. Does he come every day? I want to tell him about the neighbours’ house but I’m scared he’ll shout at me for going in. Liquorice squirms in my lap while I think about what to tell him.
‘Can I tell you something Tariq?’
‘Where’s the cat from?’
‘This is Liquorice. Liquorice this is Tariq my brother.’
‘Nice to meet you Liquorice.’ Tariq pulls out his hand to greet her. Tariq is funny. We laugh together.
‘Sure, tell me.’
‘You won’t be upset?’
‘Just tell me Adam.’
I don’t know if I want to tell him any more. I don’t like people ignoring my questions.
I tell him everything anyway and how I found Liquorice and try to feed her whenever I have something to eat. His facial expression keeps on changing the whole time.
‘Wow. You’re really brave Adam!’
‘Really?’
‘Yes! If I were you I’d be having nightmares.’
‘I have been having nightmares.’
‘Well I’m glad you told me.’
‘So you’re not upset?’
‘No Adam, things like this happen. A war isn’t a pretty thing.’
‘So you’ll let me keep Liquorice? I don’t have to hide her any more?’
‘Of course. There’s an Islamic saying that a prostitute once fed a thirsty dog and all her sins got wiped away and she went to heaven.’
‘What is a prostitute?’
‘Mmm, a bad woman.’
‘So what does that mean?’
‘That means that looking after a needy animal is a very good thing and God likes it.’
I smile because it makes me happy to hear that I am doing something good. We sit in silence and listen to Abdel Halim Hafiz.
I go to the kitchen and drink a lot of water from the bucket. My mouth is dry. It’s weird, my mouth usually gets dry when I speak a lot, but now it gets dry when I don’t speak. But I don’t really need to think much about that now because everything is getting better. We have water, Khalid came back and it rained. Khalid’s arms look scary though. I don’t like looking at them. His arms end at his wrist and a piece of thin skin grows over them. We have to help him do everything. I don’t think he likes it. He used to like doing everything alone.
I take Liquorice out because she keeps on squirming and hissing. I think she wants some fresh air. I don’t think she likes staying at home. She runs away the moment I put her down on the ground outside.
‘No Liquorice! Come back!’
I run after her until she stops next to a bin. She jumps in and goes down into the rubbish. The bins smell very strong and disgusting. I never take the bin out, I hate it. How does everything we eat stink when put together in a plastic bag? I can hear Liquorice scratching around inside the bin. She comes out with a bone in her mouth and keeps licking it. The bone looks yummy. This is the closest I might get to the taste of meat again.
‘Can I have some please?’ I try to pull it a little from her but she holds on tight. Then she lets go and jumps inside again. I take the bone and start sucking it. I can taste the faint taste of meat. Liquorice is so clever! This is how she feeds herself!
I tip up the whole bin and Liquorice comes jumping out and screeching. I laugh and apologise to her. She jumps back in as if nothing happened and we look for food together. Everything together smells horrible but when Liquorice finds something it smells nice alone. She continues to find bones and even some rotten cheese. Who would throw away food? Or maybe nobody has looked through this bin in a long time. Maybe we are lucky. I love Liquorice for finding this food. I kept her to feed her, but now she is feeding me.
Liquorice and I walk home now, full for the first time in a long time. I have a bag in my hand with some things for everybody at home. I look up at the sky and try to look beyond the grey smoke and think about the blue sky and sun. It’s a cosy feeling, it makes my heart feel warm, like I am home again and everything is good. Some buildings that we pass are now half dust. A huge white mess remains behind them. Ali told me that all these people move far away and live in tents. How do people do that? How can a family fit in a tent? I just want to stay at home until the war finishes and be able to go back to school and see the girl with the Nutella eyes. I wonder if she knows that her eyes look like a tub of Nutella? She didn’t seem like she spoke a lot. I think she is shy, maybe she is like me. Maybe there are people out there like me.
We walk home and I run straightaway to Khalid’s room because he is the most sick. When I walk in I see him sitting down facing his cupboard. Maybe he didn’t hear my knocking.
‘Khalid?’
‘Mmm…’
‘I got you some food,’ I whisper. I am scared
of him turning around, what if his scars got uglier?
‘I don’t want it.’
‘But you’re sick.’
‘Where did you get food from?’
‘From the bin, Liquorice helped me.’
Khalid turns around quickly and I can sense an explosion. His eyes turn maroon. I hope he doesn’t shout at me.
‘What?’ he shouts.
I close my eyes and pretend I’m with Yasmine. I don’t know what to say. Why does he have to shout? Did I do something wrong? I brought him food.
‘Are you a scavenger? Why are you eating food from bins?’
Even though I am pretending I can’t hear, I did hear what he said.
‘I’m hungry,’ I whisper.
Liquorice rubs herself on my leg. I think she feels that I’m upset and feeling gloomy.
‘We are all hungry Adam!’
I don’t know what to say. The food was yummy and I haven’t eaten in a long time. I miss food. I drop the bag on the floor and run out of his room. Liquorice follows me, I can hear her steps. I run to Baba’s room to go to the small room so no one can find me. I don’t think they will even notice I’m gone. I want to live with the vinyl records until Yasmine comes back.
I pick Liquorice up and knock on Baba’s door and walk in. I don’t know where he is. I wonder if he is hungry and wants the food I brought or if he would shout at me too? Baba is lying on the bed, still. His eyes are closed and his chest is still. No, no! Why isn’t he breathing? He couldn’t have died. I drop Liquorice and run to Baba’s bed and start pushing my hands down on his chest like I saw on TV. I don’t even know if this is what I should do but this is the only thing I know. Baba opens his eyes and looks confused.
‘What are you doing Adam?’
‘Baba, you’re alive!’
‘Of course I’m alive, are you trying to kill me?’
‘No, I was trying to bring you back to life.’
‘I was just sleeping!’
‘Thank God! Are you okay Baba?’