Release Candidate

by Aziz, M.

  ‘You better get pessimistic over your jaw!’ he whispered.

  From within the room Dong-yul’s muffled voice contrasted with the loudness of another. The amount of footsteps sounded multiple.

  The door opened wide. Dong-yul re-entered. He was followed by a short, long blonde-haired white male in a green army jacket. Behind him a taller, bald, black man in a navy bomber jacket emerged alongside a medium-sized olive man who sported a fringe of black hair stabbing at his brows.

  Tomás stood up.

  ‘Goyo! You can’t ‘ave forgotten me? ‘ro boy!’

  Fringe walked forward and kneed Tomás’s groin. He dropped to the floor.

  ‘Dong, couldn’t you hold your joke in ‘til later?’ shouted fringe.

  ‘This fucker’s heard of you.’ replied Dong-yul. He looked at Tomás. ‘Hey, how do you... You his family or something?’

  The white man cracked his knuckles together. The black man shook his head and fingered a cross necklace on his chest.

  Tomás wheezed. He slowly stood up.

  ‘If you guys lower your damn testosterone I’ll spit more out!’

  ‘He has our man’s eyes and bollocks, though, for real.’ said long hair.

  ‘Gary. Don’t open your mouth!’ replied Goyo. ‘Alright man, you do the opposite.’

  Tomás spent a number of minutes explaining. The others randomly yawned or laughed.

  ‘You must be a film producer, right?’ Goyo pulled out a cigarette pack. He brought one to his lips.

  Long-hair stepped forward with a small device emitting a red beam. The end of the cigarette glowed amber. Goyo puffed and blew.

  ‘Fuck me if I know what’s really bugging your brain.’ he continued. ‘We ain’t got any fixes.’

  ‘I’m honest to God! My eyes aren’t deceiving me about you.’

  ‘Here.’ he extended the cigarette.

  ‘Give it to someone else.’

  ‘Really? Well, that’s fucking sweet, ‘cause though Pascual weren’t no chimney he’d never ever shoo one! Guys, shake his blood up. You look like an anybody to me. It won’t be long ‘til I know who you rehearsed these lines with!’

  ‘No, hold on! How else can I persuade you?’

  Rob, Gary and holy man stepped forward.

  Dong-yul put up a hand. ‘Your head isn’t completely fucked, is it, pal?’

  Tomás nodded.

  ‘Then quit acting like a little girl and dig deep. You should be able to pull some big nugget out.’

  ‘Brother looks like he’s stayin’ dim.’ said Rob. ‘Maybe he needs some real deep head massage? You get me?’

  ‘Rob, easy.’ said Goyo. ‘Alright, whoever you are, you heard my little Korean friend.’

  Tomás closed his eyes.

  ‘Sheesh, man. I’m not planning to bring a sleeping bag.’ added Goyo.

  Silence.

  ‘...You know, you’re lucky your neck’s still intact after first saying “Hi, I’m Goyo” and then trying to push your weedy little slug in my face. There, I just dragged you out the cupboard, you fuckin’ bum bandit!’

  Goyo’s jaw dropped.

  ‘You’re not bloody that way are ya, Goyo?’ asked long hair.

  Holy man speed-drew a cross on his chest.

  ‘Hey! We agreed that you...’ Goyo tailed off. His face turned pink.

  ‘Your baboon-ass face says it all now.’ said Tomás. ‘I bet you didn’t laser off that red heart on your hip? What was written on it, again? Ah, yeah. Mum!’

  Goyo lifted Tomás up and threw him against a wall.

  ‘Woh!’ said Rob. ‘You gonna wallop surgery boy with a pink handbag or scratch him up with your bare fingernails?’

  Tomás adjusted himself. The others laughed.

  ‘Do I look like a faggot?’ asked Goyo. ‘Some punk must’ve slipped me a funny tablet then.’

  ‘And I thought gays liked poppers, but maybe poppers make... Never mind!’ Tomás extended a hand to him. ‘Bang what you want as long as it’s not a part of this hombre. Brothers?’

  The laughter died down. Goyo looked deep into Tomás’s eyes.

  He forcefully kissed him on the lips.

  The others made vomit sounds.

  ‘Yuck!’ Tomás spat. ‘I’ll pretend that was from some leggy blonde!’

  ‘Okay, so I’ve done dick, everybody!’ he eased off. ‘But I’ve long since come back to only bangin’ bush. There, it’s out!’

  ‘Where?’ laughed Rob. ‘Someone hand me a microscope!’

  Goyo and the others joined in laughing.

  ‘It’s great not hiding behind a mask, ain’t it?’ asked Tomás. ‘And it’d be great if this fuckin’ one on me knew more about itself. There’s bloody moles diggin’ all over my head, mixin’ up dirt. I wanna get it all tidied up a bit, y’know? I don’t hang with you freaks just for laughs, do I?’

  ‘God damn, man. That’s some soup they made.’ replied Goyo.

  ‘As I was saying, this ain’t really who your eyeballs are cottonin’ onto. My feet aren’t meant to be on this floor. They don’t enjoy being here.’

  ‘Ey, ey, Dong!’ said Rob. ‘This brother look like a snitch to you, or what?’

  ‘Rob, relax.’

  ‘So how do we tighten up your bolts, then, man?’ asked Goyo. ‘You need some green for a shrink?’

  ‘They’d only put me in a straitjacket.’

  ‘Well, enlighten us, pal?’ Dong-yul snorted. ‘I’m sure a one-off college-like reunion isn’t all you’re here for.’

  ‘Black magic.’ said holy man. ‘That can be the only explanation.’

  ‘This tale don’t sit right, man.’ said long hair. ‘You don’t hear shit like this on the news.’

  ‘So I guess you know everything ‘bout the Roswell UFO shit from there, huh?’ replied Tomás.

  ‘Ey, debate over! Detective hats away.’ said Goyo. ‘Guys, you gonna fret about every single word out his mouth this very moment?’

  ‘I can spill reams about who they put in here. It’s Tomás.’

  The others laughed.

  ‘Man, we can’t be havin’ a toe-mass in our group!’ said Rob.

  ‘I put these fingers around a man’s neck recently, squeezed tight.’ Tomás’s lips trembled. ‘These hands aren’t so used to that, are they?’

  The group looked at each other.

  ‘Welcome home.’ said Goyo.

  12

  Tomás ran a hand down his face.

  ‘Brother, I’ll get you one with no milk.’ Rob exited the room.

  ‘It gets X-rated, pal. You got the stomach?’

  Tomás nodded unconvincingly.

  ‘If we wore badged uniforms people would not attach us with heinous labels.’ said holy man. ‘As if it were the skin of saints. But all men are tainted. Some for greed, others for much less so.’

  ‘You been to Eton or what?’ asked Tomás.

  ‘I simply attended where I had to go and put pen to paper. Unlike some.’

  ‘Ah, can it preacher!’ said Goyo. ‘These days a few fancy letters after your name would make you just lucky enough to hold a bottle of bleach and a brush. But at least those guys deal with the shit unlike the oinkers on patrol. You, me and these guys should be holding the batons. Sure we fatten our pockets too and don’t bleach some corners, but like the pee wiper we don’t just walk away.’

  ‘So is this place a hobby thing, then?’

  ‘Shit, man!’ laughed Goyo. ‘It’s all tied together!’

  ‘I was hoping I was just some common troublemaker that went too far once. Twice.’

  ‘Throwing stones at windows ain’t your gig, man.’

  ‘So, what’s my score?’

  ‘You’ve worn packs of chalks.’

  ‘Guess the pigs fail to nab us often, huh?’

  ‘Well, that was true ‘til you made your own noose. You fucking fully twisted one of their heads in front of a whole sty. Damn, man! I heard a long course of methadone flushed that side out of you.’

&nb
sp; ‘You’re dickin’ with me a bit now, right?’ he rubbed one hand over the other and repeated.

  ‘None of us here share the same blood but we’d happily spill some for each other. We give the world outside the finger. Some well-off bitch wants her bed-hopping man’s sack bladed? Us genies click our fingers. Need to score some happy medicine? We’ll check our pockets or force discounts.

  ‘You really need to squeeze this big orange floating in space to get some juice, you know? But we try to walk past anyone who wouldn’t lay a finger on us first.’

  ‘My ears must be clogged up.’ he shook his head.

  ‘Don’t go in denial, pal. You’re not anything else.’

  ‘One second.’ said holy man. He pointed at Tomás. ‘He just said what’s inside isn’t him.’

  ‘To be honest you could pin me to be anything at the moment. Both sides of the scales weigh nearly equal.’

  ‘For what it’s worth,’ said Goyo, ‘you were the one giving orders. I stepped in when you started receiving them elsewhere.’

  Rob returned. He put the mug on the desk, took a look at Tomás’s head and exited again.

  ‘Scalp looks pretty messed.’ said Dong-yul. ‘Could make someone say anything.’

  ‘On you, maybe.’

  A minute later Rob returned with a green, white-crossed plastic box. He placed it on the desk and clicked it open. A cotton bud, a small bottle of blue liquid and a strip of bandage were pulled out. He uncapped the bottle and dunked a tip of the bud.

  Tomás scrunched his face as Rob attempted application. He then leant forward and controlled his reflexes as Rob cleaned him up.

  ‘Don’t let him starve now.’ said Goyo.

  ‘Brother, I ain’t no octopus!’

  ‘My mind hasn’t stopped whirring yet.’ said holy man.

  ‘Ah, jeez!’ replied Goyo.

  ‘So it is as if they poured liquid into a jug that wasn’t really empty?’ continued holy man.

  ‘You’ve been paying attention to me, I see.’

  ‘Then aren’t you, Tomás, simply some contamination?’

  Rob stopped dabbing. Tomás looked around at the game show host expressions hoping the contestant doesn’t lose the star prize.

  ‘I’m not some virus. A person is more than just gases or whatever on a science chart.’

  ‘Do you believe man has a place to go after his time on Earth?’

  ‘Oh-oh! If only preacher had a zip.’ said Goyo.

  ‘I don’t really follow any book.’

  ‘One is worth reading.’

  ‘Could’ve fooled me.’ laughed long hair.

  ‘You seem someone to shed tears for, Tomás. What powers you isn’t a scrapbook of info.’

  ‘Don’t get heavy on him.’ said Goyo. ‘It’s just a few quirks we can shake out.’

  ‘Reciting a character’s lines does not make me him or her. That is your illusion.’

  ‘Your crap’s just bouncin’ off my ears. This here is just a puppet. I operate the strings!’

  ‘Exorcism. It is the only way.’

  ‘Okay. Back to your side of the ring, altar boy!’ shouted Goyo.

  ‘Let him spout.’ Tomás tilted his head as Rob tied a knot in the bandage.

  ‘Pascual,’ continued holy man, ‘the truth is bitter but so are cures. Though I did not study health, I know they now focus more on securing funds now.

  ‘Though I have not always followed the righteous path, I believe the Lord has reserved me a place for helping remove from here immediately those who belong below. Your doctors shall too go for taking advantage of one who thought he could exist and one who barely knows he does.’

  ‘Hey, this ain’t the sermon channel.’ said Dong-yul.

  ‘I cannot let him remain in the clouds.’

  Tomás looked at the floor.

  ‘Something from the microwave will sort you out, brother.’

  Tomás felt his shoulder patted. Rob packed the kit and left the room.

  ‘That sad face won’t do, man.’ said long hair. ‘Whatever radio stations you’re flickin’ between you ain’t goin’ out that door alone now.’

  Rob returned with a mug of water and an open silver carton containing an exotic mix of vegetables and brown rice.

  Tomás pulled out the dug-in white spoon. He scraped at the moist contents. Taking a bite he saw Goyo observe him with narrowing eyes.

  ‘That your kinda thing?’ asked Goyo.

  He turned up his nose as he chewed.

  ‘Weird.’ he added. ‘Our man chows that shit down.’

  Tomás placed the carton on the desk and picked up the mug.

  ‘I guess this skin knows where its home is. But I brought it here. Make up a new name for me if you want because you guys need to be properly fleshed out in my head again.’

  ‘Are we diggin’ our own graves with this guy?’ asked long hair.

  ‘This pal knows to keep us sweet. Besides, there’s been a bigger void since Salim.’

  ‘Where the fuck’s he?’ shouted Tomás.

  ‘That spark something?’ replied Dong-yul.

  Tomás paused. ‘Just a still. No sound or movement.’

  ‘You guys didn’t exactly gel. We got more earfuls from him than preacher man here.’

  ‘Brother, you gonna share more about your... You know, the sick side?’

  Tomás squeezed the bridge of his nose. ‘Cheated nature, walked into hell. End.’

  He picked up the carton. Between bites he slowly stirred the contents.

  ‘That’s heavy, brother. Look around. All God’s men here, if you followed that shit. It ain’t fluffy white wings and halos that make streets safe.’

  ‘Fuckin’ time out for now!’ replied Tomás.

  ‘Shit, getting leery! No sweat here if the odd wrong man, like wrong in every way, gets his gravestone ‘cause of me.’

  ‘Yeah?’ Tomás got up from his seat. ‘It’s not as if I’ve got a lot going for me anyway!’ he started pushing Rob’s shoulders.

  ‘Hey, back on the chair!’ shouted long hair.

  Centimetres from hitting the wall Rob pulled down Tomás’s hands. He threw a tight fist. Tomás crashed to the floor.

  ‘Look at you. Went like a fly from a tiny swat! Pascual, my ass. A turd of his maybe.’

  Tomás sat up. He ran a finger across his lips. A fading red streak stained his hand.

  ‘I say we step on this bug!’ said long hair.

  ‘Harming desperate creatures is sinful.’ holy man raised a hand. He walked towards Tomás and picked him up by an armpit. After resettling him at the desk he walked a few paces back.

  ‘What do you think about your existence on this planet, Tomás?’ he asked.

  ‘It’s no sweet dream any more, that’s for sure.’

  ‘So, you must be impatient for the next life?’

  Tomás smiled. He looked poised to laugh but was restrained by his red cheek.

  ‘Do I look like a comedian?’ continued holy man. ‘Though it goes against teachings, I believe one should continue to breathe only if there is some evident light ahead of them on this Earth. How often do the voices end for schizophrenics?’

  ‘Don’t call me that!’

  ‘Oi, preacher. A bit of silence, please!’ said Goyo.

  ‘Tomás, I have the utmost brotherly love for the person you are possessing. Exorcism is archaic. Painless bloodshed would release both souls.’

  ‘Go sit on a traffic cone.’

  Holy man clasped his hands together.

  ‘My hands are itchin’!’ shouted long hair. ‘Talk to Jesus like that, preacher. Not him!’

  ‘Def!’ said Rob.

  ‘You guys are gonna pop a lung!’ shouted Goyo. ‘Shit, man. You guys kick your frail gramps when they come over to visit, do you?’

  ‘You gonna say something, pal?’

  ‘Fuck it. I’ll take it as a favour. Don’t put me down like a dog, really get it out of your system!’

  ‘I never turn down a request!�
� said long hair. He walked forward.

  ‘Don’t walk another step.’ holy man held him back. ‘This is the Devil’s choice only.’

  ‘Ah, go bake some hot cross buns, man! I’m gonna do ‘im!’

  Holy man slapped the back of long hair’s head.

  ‘Why should this keep pumping?’ Tomás patted his chest.

  ‘For what reason should it not?’ replied holy man.

  Tomás shrugged.

  ‘I offer this gift with no malice, Tomás.’

  ‘Rewind back to my devilish request.’

  ‘Return to the query.’

  Tomás raised a brow.

  ‘Purpose.’ continued holy man. ‘Your so-called treatment could simply have been a divine way of opening a cell door. This was only ever about one particular person, Tomás. At most the Lord may have been unwilling to push you through a hopeless death alongside.’

  ‘You need to take some laxatives, unload some of that shit.’

  ‘Looks like you’re starting to shake off your hallucination.’

  ‘Once more and I’ll snap your fuckin’...’ he cut off.

  ‘Two roads, Tomás. One vehicle.’

  ‘I think I’ll see myself out. Mistook you guys for The Samaritans.’ he rose from his seat.

  ‘Your butt stays on that chair!’ Goyo sat him back. ‘For all I know you’ve turned grass.’

  ‘Look, I don’t know what fuckin’ magnets pulled me to this place. You guys can’t do shit for me!’

  ‘Try throwin’ some math, Einstein.’ said Dong-yul. ‘If we were real god damned monsters you’d be doubled on the floor by now.’

  ‘You’ve lost it if you think I hang with pigs. You all got amnesia about all the shit I... think I pulled you guys through...’

  ‘With all due respect, pal, follow what comes out our fuckin’ mouths and you won’t lose any more blood.’

  ‘The brother’s lost his fangs, gonna turn our floors to swamps!’

  ‘I know if I set foot out I won’t last long. My choices so far ain’t of a guy who wants to top himself. And the thing with my dad... Well, that weren’t a decision!’

  Holy man touched Tomás’s face.

  ‘There’s a vacancy from above you can still fulfil.’

  Tomás threw off holy man’s hand.

  ‘Tomás, at the moment you are a plucked string, giving the illusion it is doubled in its vibration. Choke it.’