"Leprechaun," Dustin muttered, "pull it together. We need their help."
He was right. There was a war at stake and we needed the back-up. Clenching my teeth tight, I took a few deep breaths—through my mouth, not my nose. Oh my God, I wasn't stupid.
"I'm good," I replied, pulling my shoulders back and steeling my spine. "Let's do this."
Dustin gave me a brow raise that said he didn't totally believe I wasn't going to hurl all over his expensive shoes, but still lead us further into the room and toward the raised VIP area. The club—at a glance and without using your nose—looked just like any seedy, low budget, underground nightclub. Loud, obnoxious music, disco lights, and ton of raving ‘people’.
On closer inspection though, those ‘people’ had extra limbs, oozing sores, eyes in totally the wrong places … and that was just the surface of it. Hopefully the queen was going to be a bit easier on the eyes—and the nose—or I was really going to struggle with this one.
Dustin and Warden marched straight up to the VIP area, as there didn't seem to be guards anywhere, and I scurried along behind them so as not to get swallowed by the crowd of creatures. Literally. I just saw a huge thing that looked like he was made of lava and rock … swallow a midget.
Admittedly, not everything was as it seemed in this world, so for all I knew it was just a cleverly decorated cake or something. But still, I wasn't taking any chances around here. No, siree!
"Queen Dick," Dustin greeted the mildly less offensive looking woman perched on a threadbare throne-like chair, "thank you for seeing us. This here is Warden, my compeer, and Arizona, the spirit of my sept."
"No, she's not," the woman with a monobrow and hairy mole sneered, showing off her grotesquely crossed teeth. "Her bond to you is frozen." She tucked her greasy, lank hair behind a tall, wickedly pointed ear and batted slightly crossed eyes at Dustin. Huh. And I’d thought the Seelie Court was terrifying. This was … a whole new level of weird for me.
"It's a temporary situation," he grimaced as I tried not to let society’s absurd standards of beauty taint my mind. But, like, damn. Damn. I didn’t want to say this woman’s pimples, ragged gray wings, or long, curled yellow fingernails were … hideous, but uh, I certainly wasn’t interested in collecting beauty tips from her.
"Wait, Queen Dick?" I blurted out. What? I never had been amazing at holding my tongue under pressure. And seriously? Her name was Dick?
"Or Dick Supreme, if you prefer," she informed me with a haughty sniff. "It does sound so much more regal than Sara don't you think? Ridiculous name, that. But what can you really expect from a troll mother and a goblin father, am I right?"
She threw me a lopsided wink and then chortled like a donkey before refocusing her eyes … err … one of her eyes on Dustin. The other seemed to watch me.
"What have you come here for, elemental?" she asked, while sipping a drink from one of those novelty hen's party straws (translated to American: bachelorette party straws), with a little penis on the end. Fuck, what was it about fairies and their phallic obsession?
"We've come to seek your assistance against CUM in the coming magical war. They plan to wipe out all the fecking elementals, and you know how badly that would destabilize the world." Dustin was all business again and it was hot as hell, let me tell you. All he needed now was a whip and … okay, yeah I was really going to need to see Billy's fetish for myself. Otherwise I was going to keep fantasizing about whips and chains everywhere I looked. Also, I was pretty sure Dustin would be down for a bit of BDSM, too …
"So why are you here? Why not COCS? Who even are you three?" Queen Dick squinted at us, just as I heard footsteps behind us. "And who are these idiots? My, aren't I popular today, hmm? Makes me wonder where you all were during the annual Unseelie Court tithing. You all want my help now, but when it came time to really step up and start sacrificing animals and firstborn sons, where were you then?”
"We're the rest of Arizona's sept," Shane announced, his sexy Southern drawl rolling over my name in a way that made me shiver. Also, kind of hot the way he ignored the queen’s rambling. He was in total alpha male mode right now.
"Ahem," Gemma cleared her throat pointedly. "Let's not forget you're actually my sept now?"
"For now," Billy muttered, shooting Gemma a glare that could strip paint.
"Oooooh, drama!" Queen Dick sang, rubbing her hands together with glee. "Although technically, that's not true either," she informed Gemma with a casual shrug, and my twin’s jaw dropped.
"What?" I exclaimed, looking between Gemma and the Unseelie Queen so many times I felt like I was giving myself whiplash.
"She's full of shit," Gemma snarled. "What would a half-troll, half-goblin know about elemental magic anyway?"
"My bloodline doesn't make a difference, little girl. I inherited the full powers of the Unseelie when I was voted in as queen. And those powers tell me there is something rather fishy going on with your bonds." Queen Dick waggled her unibrow and took another slurp of her glowing blue drink through her novelty penis straw. "But that's not my place to talk about. Right now, the topic up for discussion is whether the Unseelie Court will help you clean up CUM."
"That's right," Shane confirmed, laying a hand on my arm to silence me when I tried to push the Gemma-stolen-bond issue.
"No," Queen Dick responded with a dead-straight face. "The answer is no. We don't want to be involved in your silly elemental war. Now, was there anything else before my guards toss you out into the street on your asses?"
"What?!" I yelled, tired of having my voice silenced. I am woman, hear me roar and all of that crap.
"You heard me." the Unseelie Queen rolled her eyes … I think. "This is not faery business."
"But the Seelie court are covered in CUM. They clearly think it's faery business." I folded my arms over my chest and glared at her smugly.
"They have, have they?" she murmured to herself stroking her chin and drawing attention to the long hairs protruding from her mole. "Done. Count us in. I've been waiting for an excuse to kick Francesca's prissy white ass for a long fucking time. Don't even get me started on that fake British accent she uses!"
"I knew it was fake," I whispered under my breath, and gave a little fist pump to myself.
"Glad to have you on our side," Dustin accepted with all the grace of a rich gentleman, which, I guess he was.
Queen Dick snorted. "Oh, it'll cost you. The Unseelie don't do jack shit for free, buddy."
Dustin's teeth ground together so hard I could actually hear them before he responded in a cool tone. "What payment would you like?"
"A glamour," she replied succinctly. "One from your chalice and athame when they’re at full sept power. I can wait until this little drama gets resolved, of course." She waved her hand between Gemma and me before returning her snaggle-toothed grin to Dustin. "But I want a full-powered glamour to make me beautiful. More beautiful than that hateful Seelie bitch."
"Done." Dustin accepted without bothering to consult us all first. Which was fair enough. We really needed all the help we could get in this fight … I'd taken on succubi and incubi firsthand, so I knew how damn hard they were to kill.
Besides, it was no real hassle for us to create the glamour magic … all it'd require—once our bond was restored—was a group sex session with chanting and runes and the magical cup and knife in the room with us.
"Excellent. As soon as your bond is confirmed with one of these two Mary Sue's, you'll complete the ritual and provide me with my glamour." Queen Dick spat on her hand and held it out for Dustin to shake, which he did. Damn. He was the one with the really strong constitution here!
"You can leave now," the queen commanded, "we’ll be there when you need us."
As we made our way back through the stinking mass of party people, something about what she'd just said clicked for me, and I pulled up short.
"Hold up, Dustin." I grasped his arm in panic. "She said when your bond was confirmed with one of these two. Does that m
ean that if Gemma succeeds … you'll …"
"Have to have an orgy with Gemma? Yes. But that won't ever happen, Lucky Charms." The look he threw me was confidence incarnate, and even though the room smelled like hell, and the people in it were ugl— didn't conform to society's traditional beauty standards, I felt heat surge through my body and had to bite my lip to keep from reacting to it.
"But how do you know that?" I asked, keeping my voice low enough that Gemma couldn't hear me. The music was thumping so goddamn loud, I could barely hear myself think, but still. The last thing I needed was my maniacal twin overhearing my insecurities.
"Because we won't let it," George said, appearing on my other side and casting a look over one, smooth bronzed shoulder. He must've found a shirt on his way out of Gram’s because he was wearing a loose white tank and giving Gemma a look.
I plucked at the fabric with my fingers as we stepped outside.
"What's with the excessive amounts of clothing?" I asked, wiggling my brows as George turned back to me.
"Gemma," he said with a slight shrug, and a grimace. "She wouldn't stop staring at my nipples." I pursed my lips and leveled my own glare over my shoulder as we paused on the sidewalk next to the Bugatti. It was hard to resist the urge to tear off my clothes and beg one of the guys to fuck me on it. Wouldn't be appropriate seeing as we were in public and all that. But maybe later, I could convince one of my husbands to drive me to a secluded lookout point like a horny teenager and …
"Would you stop looking at me like you want to tear my clothes off? That's incest, and unless it's Supernatural and Dean and Sam Winchester we're talking about, incest is not wincest."
"What?!" I choked out, realizing that my mind had drifted while glaring at Gemma, and instead of narrowed eyes and a curled lip, I was staring at her with droopy lids and a goofy smile. Eww. Gross. "Get over yourself." I did a hair flip that would've had Britt totally and completely proud if she weren't being held hostage by evil sex demons aligned with evil sex faeries aligned with evil bio parents.
I sighed.
"That was surprisingly easy," I said as Billy got out a cigarette and lit up. Dustin plucked it from his lips and took over, eliciting a growl from the fire elemental. Instead of starting shit, he got out another and lit up with some flame on the tip of his finger. "I was expecting a fiasco akin to an exploding dildo throne."
"Yeah, well, the Seelie and Unseelie are always at each other's throats for one reason or another," Reg said, hands clasped behind his blonde head as he gazed up at the darkening sky. "It's not exactly a win to get them on our side, more like a given." He sighed, and it sounded a lot like mine. Like he was tired. This was supposed to be our honeymoon week and yet, everything was going to shit.
We were gearing up for war, my husbands were bound to a different woman, and I still hadn't had enough sex to make up for all the bullshit.
"I'm supposed to teach that karate class tonight," Billy said as we all stood there in silence, gray smoke drifting in the cool evening air. "If I cancel again, they'll find someone else to do it. But I just can't imagine wasting time there when we have more important shit to worry about."
"No, you should go," I said, rubbing at my temples. "There's enough of us to give you a break. We'll work on a plan to rescue the male elementals from the sewer fiasco. That, or have a nice stiff drink and try to get the rest of my adoption story out of Gram."
"Adoption story? Please, you were kidnapped," Gem scoffed, glaring daggers at me.
"Right? And I'm supposed to believe that story when the best you could come up with for your missing years is the lie that you were trapped in a zoo? You don't act like a person with any sort of trauma."
Gem clenched her jaw, but she didn't say anything.
Well, fuck her.
"Let's go home," I said, taking the Bugatti's key fob from Dustin's pocket and handing it over to Billy. "Have fun at karate, and take one of these other assholes with you so you don't get jumped by bondage wearing incubi or naked men named Nigel or Adonis." I shivered with the awful memories.
"I'd rather take you," Billy said with a smirk, grabbing my wrist and pulling me in close. He crushed me against the leather front of his jacket and met my eyes with a fiery heat that stole my breath away. "If I need a break, then you need one twice as much. Besides, since you're not bound to us right now, it's really Gemma that should lie low and stay out of trouble."
"If they get you, they can drain us all," Gem said, gesturing at Billy and … vaguely in my direction? Huh. What was that about? And what the fuck had the hideou— not-conforming-to-society's-traditional-beauty-standards queen said about my bond to the boys? Frozen. She said frozen, not broken.
"Yeah, well, the karate place is just down the block from our dads’ warehouse,” Billy said. “Since they had to take over all those plumbing jobs we were supposed to do, they'll be around. I'll call 'em and let 'em know to have our backs while I put Arizona on hers—through karate, of course."
"Right," I said, as Billy flicked his cigarette in the air and disintegrated it to ash with a little magic.
"You guys'll be alright without her?" he continued, already pulling me toward the car. Maybe after karate lessons, we could stop on the way home and see how good those shocks really worked? It was supposed to be the smoothest ride in the world, right? So what if Billy rode me on top of the hood? Meh, there was no time for car sex anyway, too dangerous. Besides, that was something more like Kit Davenport, my fave book character, would do. Not my style.
Oh wait.
I was a slut; it was totally my style.
"We'll be fine," George said softly, smiling reassuringly in my direction as Gemma fumed. I imagined this little hostile takeover of hers was not going the way she'd planned. The boys were bound to her … and still loyal to me. I resisted the urge to make rude pelvic gestures and say suck it bitch. Please, I was almost thirty and totally mature.
Instead, I stuck out my tongue.
"I have an idea anyway," Reg said, blue eyes sparkling as he watched Billy open the door to the Bugatti. "I'll run it by the guys … and Joan." He cringed a little and flicked a look at me like he was apologizing for even bringing up her name. Whatever. I knew my MIL was part of this equation whether I liked it or not. Was I hoping she'd be killed during this little standoff?
I wasn't going to say hell yes, I was! But the thought of her being electrocuted by one of the bio moms had crossed my mind. Also drowned and incinerated were pretty high up there on the list as well.
"You're sure about this?" I asked again, because it didn't seem like the best idea in the world to be separated right now. But Billy shoved me unceremoniously into the passenger seat and closed the door before anyone could respond.
"Let's go teach some kids how to kick ass," he said, as he climbed into the driver's seat and struck a handsome smirk with his inked fingers curled around the wheel. My panties were already soaked and that smug expression on his face? It didn't help. Sometimes, I wondered why I even wore panties seeing as they ended up getting pushed aside, taken off, or even torn away so often. But then, this was the reason. I had to have something down there to catch all the … uh, excitement.
"Let's do it," I said, crossing my arms over my chest and leaning into the sumptuous leather seat. I felt a flicker between me and Billy, like a bit of flame leaping from him to me, but when I glanced over, all he was doing was putting the car into drive.
If our bond was frozen as the queen said, and not broken … then it could be thawed, right?
"Hey, after we do the karate class, can we stop by Anita's shop?"
Billy arched an eyebrow at me, and shrugged his broad, muscular shoulders under that leather jacket of his.
"I don't see why not?" he said, and then whipped us out of that parking space at a speed that was most definitely illegal in all fifty states.
I got my ass kicked by eleven-year-olds. Like, not one or two really good eleven-year-olds, but all of them. Even a little boy with pink pigta
ils kicked my ass. Although I did seriously respect his refusal to conform to traditional gender stereotypes.
"Unicorn shirt wearing little punk," I growled under my breath as Billy watched the last of the evil monsters … err, underprivileged children leave with their guardians. I rubbed my hands down both arms and tried to shed the glitter that boy had plastered me with when he was beating my ass into the mat.
"So?" Billy asked, hot as hell in his … uh, karate outfit? Yeah, I don't know terms and even though they're only a Google away, it wasn't worth the effort. I'd forget ten seconds later anyhow. "What did you think of the class? We could do this every week together. Like, this could be our thing."
My entire body felt like it'd been through a wash and tumble dry. Sounded like hell to be quite frank.
I smiled.
"I'd love that," I said, stepping in close and putting my hands flat against the crisp black … uh … karate outfit? Billy had that fresh male sweat scent about him that literally drove me insane. I read once that while old sweat goes through a chemical change that literally repels people, fresh sweat is full of pheromones that make people want to bang. It seemed true in that moment anyway. "Teach me some more moves … on my back."
Billy grinned and groped my ass, squeezing my cheeks in the white … karate outfit? … that I was wearing. He leaned in toward me, bringing with him that fresh sweat and campfire smell, the slightest hint of cigarette smoke clinging to him.
"Maybe when we get home, I can finally tie you up and show you what I'm all about? You said you liked rough sex, didn't you?"
"I might have," I whispered when he squeezed my ass tight enough to bruise—no matter considering it was bruised all to hell from the pink pigtail kid anyway—and jerked me against him, the hardness of his cock grinding between our bodies.
"You sure you want to stop at Anita's?" he whispered, kissing along the side of my jaw to my ear. "Because I'd rather go straight home."
"We have to stop there," I gasped as Billy slipped his left hand into my … what the fuck is this karate thing called anyway?! … and started massaging my breast with a firm unyielding grip. Even through the stupid sports bra I'd picked up real quick at the shop next door did nothing to stop him. "I have a plan … to … Gemma …"
Elements of Desire Page 18