I stepped out onto the bedroom deck, carefully avoiding my guests below. I just wanted to look up to the sky and try to feel my father’s presence. Mama always believed that he was never too far away from where it mattered most, and that was our hearts. Carter had given me a bracelet to wear from his mother’s jewelry collection. It had a locket attached to the clasp where he had a picture of my father placed in it. When he gave it to me, he said that even though my father was not here to walk me down the aisle, it would be as if I was carrying him along with me. I cried and cried while he held me in his arms.
Wearing his mother’s jewelry pleased him very much. He said for a long time that it represented so many things he would have rather forgotten, but now seeing the precious pieces on me had made him so happy and filled his heart with light, making the dark memories fade away. We would both always miss our angels who now watched over us, which made Carter and I appreciate our life together even more. We would never go back, only forward side-by-side, loving each other.
I recited my prayer, and as I made my way inside, the warm breeze coasted against my skin, and I knew daddy heard me. I made my way downstairs where mama and Trudie were waiting for me. Mama knew I was talking to daddy, and she just hugged me and kissed my forehead.
Trudie signaled to the musician to begin. The song that Carter chose was “All My Life” by Linda Ronstadt. The lyrics told a story of two people searching for love and finding it with the other, a connection that was always felt that led the lovers here at this moment marrying under the night sky with a little help from above. As I reached Carter, he held out his hand for me to take. He lifted my hand to his lips to place a chaste kiss and tell me how much he loved me. His love was my oxygen that brought me back to life when I wasn’t really living. He said we saved each other, and as I stood here with Carter by my side, how true it was.
Under the glow of moonlight with the warm breeze on our faces, we were pronounced husband and wife. Carter took me in his arms and kissed me passionately. I was dizzy. Here we were, married. Our wedding was everything I imagined it would be, it was perfect. We didn’t need or want much, just the closest people in our lives who loved us, and for the ones who were absent, we said a prayer in their names. We released lanterns out into the night sky that floated over the Pacific Ocean, one for my father and two for the special women in Carter’s life, his mother, Clarissa, and his grandmother, Ruth. They were here with us in our hearts, and we both knew how much their love for us was all around us today as we said our vows to one another and became husband and wife.
We waved to mama and Trudie as their car disappeared down the driveway, and then it was just us. I was Mrs. Carter Newbanks. As if he could read my mind, he hugged me from behind, pulling me as close as two people in love could get.
“You make me incredibly happy. I love you, Thea.”
“I love you too, my husband. Thank you for never giving up on me. I never believed I would ever get here, but you had enough faith for the both of us.”
“Always, my love. You have me for always and forever. I promise you.”
“Hey, Chief, we’re ready when you are,” Tony said as he knocked and then entered my office. “You okay, man? You look a little nervous.”
“Do I? I don’t know why that is. It feels like I have been waiting forever for this day to get here, and now that it is, I’m freaking sweating. What if I forget my vows? Or like the famous ‘Friends’ episode, say the wrong name? I think I would die.”
“You don’t have to worry about that, Nick. I think Karen would kill you first before you had a chance to. C’mon man, she’s the one, and she’s waiting right outside these doors for you to become her husband. It’s time, Nick.”
I calmed myself the best way I knew how by sitting down in my father’s chair. It was where I felt most centered and felt his presence. Marrying Karen here at his house, my house, was the easiest wedding decision we made. I told Tony that I needed a few minutes to get myself in check but not to worry about chasing down a runaway groom or bride. I wasn’t going anywhere and neither was Karen. We loved each other very much and fought like hell to get here. I looked to my father’s picture, the one I always kept on my desk. It was my beacon for anytime I would need to talk or just do some soul searching of my own. I leaned back in my chair, and my mind went back to Christmas Eve, the first one Karen and I shared together.
I remained true to my word and gave Karen the time she needed to process all that happened with Alex, supporting her decision to seek therapy, furthering her need to move forward and close this chapter of her life once and for all. She met with a therapist for a few months following the holidays and then had the girls also see one. Trinity, as I suspected, was oblivious to the drama the adults in her life were going through.
Our concern was always for Gigi. Her relationship with Alex was not a long one, but it did exist and she loved him for whatever time they had together. Gigi, very smart for her young age, expressed early on how she felt about her mom dating not just me, but anyone for that matter. Our relationship progressed slowly, but in the end, Gigi grew to love and trust me.
By Christmas, Trinity was already beginning to call me “daddy” with Karen’s blessing, and then she looked to her big sister for approval. Gigi didn’t need to think about it, because she also wanted to be able to call me daddy, and the first time I heard her say it, it was the best day of my life…
We were sitting around the huge Christmas tree we had picked from a farm out in New Jersey. Thank heavens for vaulted ceilings, or this monstrosity was not going to fit in my house. With some careful trimming, we made it work and Trinity called it our mini Rockefeller Center tree.
We were toasting marshmallows in the fire, and Gigi’s was about to burn. She called out for me as her gooey ball of fluff became a ball of fire.
“Help me, daddy!” she called out.
I was right there to blow out the flame, and then Gigi decided it was perfect and carefully began to eat it off the skewer. Just three words, and I was happily stunned into silence. Karen was too but waited for Gigi to take the lead on this one. She knew not to push her.
After toasting a few more, it was time to read The Night before Christmas. We were snuggled together in front of the fire as I began to read to the girls. The girls were on my lap as Karen was beside me. It was a rough few weeks that led up to Christmas, but by the time the holiday was upon us, we were all settling back into our lives and living as a family. It was the only thing I wanted, and to marry my very stubborn girl.
As I read the last line in the story, I looked down to see Trinity sound asleep.
It was Gigi who then said, “I love you, daddy. Thank you for giving us the best Christmas we ever had.”
“I love you too, Gigi, so much. Merry Christmas, baby.”
“Merry Christmas, daddy.”
There was not a dry eye in the living room after her very sweet declaration of love for me. I carried Trinity up to bed and tucked her in, while Gigi went upstairs hand-in-hand with Karen. We said our good nights and then went downstairs to sit in front of the fireplace and have some alone time for us.
I made love to Karen in front of the fire and showed her how much she was loved. My girl needed that, and I was more than happy to remind her as much as she wanted me too.
I promised her time, and she promised she wouldn’t leave me. We would be together and work to making our life work for all of us, but I also needed more. I wanted Karen’s promise and the physical evidence of how much I loved her with the ring I had chosen for her. The guys were taking bets on when I was going to propose. My mother was relentless with the phone calls. It was great to know how many people were supporting and loving us.
She was sleepy in my arms, but not asleep just yet. I reached for the ring and asked her to look at me. She did with no hesitation.
I said, “I love you, baby. You know that, right?”
“With all of my heart.”
“Good, because knowing tha
t will make the next part easy for me.”
She smirked and then tried to sit up, but I wouldn’t allow her to move.
“You stay where you are. I like you under me,” I ordered.
“Oh yeah? I like you in me. How about round two?”
“I love how your mind works, but not before I give you your Christmas present first.”
She nervously smiled, and then before she could argue all the reasons why I should wait, I quickly opened the box and showed her the ring. Her beautiful brown eyes filled with tears, but for the first time in weeks, they were not sad tears, but happy ones. I wiped away her tears, and then I moved us to where I could sit up to face my girl.
“I love you, Karen, with all of my heart and soul. Falling in love with someone can never be measured in any length of time. It can be love at first sight, or take years to get there, but in our story, I truly believe it was both of those factors. You remember the fight we had back at my bar when you opened my eyes to what was standing in front of me?”
“Yes, I was screaming at you.”
“Yeah, you were. I told you that I never knew, but that’s not true. I think a part of me always knew how special you were, but for whatever reason we never shared our feelings for each other. We were young and didn’t know any better, but now I do. Those silent years were leading me to you, to fall in love with you as the man I am now, and to show you what true love really is. Our love is so real that it can be trusted without ever having any doubts. When I finally opened my eyes, I truly believe I fell in love with you right there in my bar. It was the thought of losing you forever before I ever really had my chance to love you. I had to come to terms with my past before I could ever dream about having a future with you.”
I continued, “I promise you on the memory of my father that I have done that and would never risk hurting your heart if I wasn’t ready to commit my life with yours. Even though you wanted to run and retreat to what worked for you, you stayed because I asked you to. You had your life and I had mine, but now, baby, I want us to live our life together. I want us to be a family and be together forever. Karen, I’m asking you to marry me. My eyes are open, baby, and they only see you.”
“Okay, I will marry you!”
My girl answered my question with five easy words. I slipped her engagement ring onto her finger before she could say anything more. I had her answer, and that was enough.
“Thanks, pop, for listening. From the day you left this earth, I have been trying my best to be the man you were, and I hope I have made you proud. I’m marrying the love of my life today, and I know we are going to be happy for the rest of our lives. I love you. Watch over us today, okay?”
I wiped away my tears and then got ready to shed some more as I made my way out to where Tony and Spinelli were waiting on me. They created an aisle under the raised ladders forming an archway of two of our biggest trucks here at Ladder 4. My best men took their place down in the front, and then it was time for me to escort my beautiful mother.
“You ready to get married, son?” she asked, wiping away her tears, looking over to my father’s picture which was proudly hanging behind me.
“I am so ready.”
“I love you, son. I wish you a lifetime of happiness with Karen.”
“Already there, mom. We both are.”
“Okay, let’s get this show on the road,” she said, another line my father always used to use. I loved it.
I walked my mother down the aisle and then kissed her cheek while I waited for our girls to make their grand entrance. The wedding march began, and it was Trinity first. She was practically skipping the entire way down, dropping her basket of roses along the way. She stopped in front of my mom and gave her a big hug and kiss.
“I love you, grandma,” she said.
She then blew me a kiss and said she loved me too. My heart was full. Next it was Gigi, who had grown so much in the last year, far from the tough girl who nearly threw me out before I had the chance to take her mother out on our first date. She was gorgeous, and I knew I would have my hands full when the time came for the girls to date. I laughed and looked over to my mother who just smiled. Yeah, I get it mom…karma.
I nearly fell apart when I saw Karen appear at the entrance escorted by Veronica. They slowly made their way down the now rose-covered carpet. She looked breathtaking and soon would be mine forever. She kept her hair down in flowing curls with flowers in her hair serving as a crown.
Her dress was simple, but it was what was underneath that mattered the most. Karen was pregnant with our first child. We found out in early February after she had been sick for a few weeks in January. I nearly shouted the roof off the firehouse when she told me her news.
And now here we were. In a matter of minutes, we would become husband and wife, and soon we would be blessed with a son, almost a year to the date I knew I would love Karen Lombardi forever.
Today was just one of the beautiful moments that completed my life, one that could never just be described with words.
We clinked our glasses as we rang in the New Year together, no longer a newlywed couple. Having just celebrated our one-year wedding anniversary at Christmas, and welcoming our first child one month before, I laugh every time Carter asks me if I am happy, as if anything else in the world could top my life with him and our beautiful daughter, Clarissa Francine.
I couldn’t stop staring at her as she slept all snuggled within the confines of her bassinet, which was still in our bedroom. I loved it, and it made nursing her easy on me. Not that I had to do much. The minute she stirred, Carter would leap from the bed to pick her up and cuddle with the baby first before handing her to me.
He was such a great father, as I knew he would be. We decided a long time ago that when we married, it would be a new beginning for the two of us, and all we would focus on was our present to our future. We had each suffered to some degree in our pasts and no longer wished to ever go back to remembering our pain and losses. Carter never hesitated for every minute we have been together to show me how much he loves me, and when it came to naming our daughter, it was an easy decision. She was named for our mothers, and not a day would go by that we didn’t tell or show her how much she was wanted and loved by her mommy and daddy.
As I continued to gaze at our baby, strong arms pulled me back to the middle of the bed, where it was warm.
“You need to sleep when she sleeps, or you will turn into a zombie,” he said as he placed a kiss just below my ear, making me crave him more than I already do.
I swear if he even came within five feet of me, I would lose all logical thinking and just want to jump him. I remembered the baby books saying that your sex life was amped up in the beginning of your pregnancy, or sometimes throughout, but not after the baby. Maybe it was all the time we spent together since she was born, which was running out for me with my maternity leave expiring soon.
Carter took some time before and after she was born to be with me, and then eventually returned to work. I still had until the end of the month, but I wasn’t sure if I wanted to go back. My mom stayed home with me throughout my entire childhood, and she never complained about it. Frannie Falcone made being a supermom look easy. Could I do it? Could I walk away from my career to be home with Clarissa full-time? What would Carter think of it?
“I love you, Thea. You know that I do, but you need to turn off your brain and go to sleep.”
“I am sleeping, and maybe you just woke me up.”
“Highly doubtful, my beautiful wife. A husband knows, and I know for a fact you are wide awake. What I don’t know is why. Are we having this conversation now? Or in the morning?” he asked.
“In the morning, but technically, it’s morning now. Happy New Year’s Day.”
“Same to you, love. Now, close your eyes and sleep for at least a few more hours before our daughter wakes.”
And just as he said it, Clarissa let out a piercing cry that let us know she was wet and hungry.
C
arter kissed me before going to our daughter and said, “You owe me, wife, and you better believe I am going to collect.” He winked and then picked up our baby, who had her daddy wrapped around her little finger.
That September, as the last bag was carried up the stairs to the private plane taking our family to New York, Carter once again hesitated getting out from our car.
I asked, “What is it, babe? You do know we won’t get there unless we board the plane?”
“Yes, I do know, smart-ass, but are you one-hundred percent sure you should be flying?”
Always with the dramatics, but it comes from a good place. This is why I no longer tease him about it. I kept my voice to a quiet whisper, so I would not wake our daughter, who was sound asleep in her car seat.
I said, “Carter, I promise you that I am fine, and our baby is fine. I would never do anything to put myself or this pregnancy at risk.”
“I know, but I can’t help but feel a little apprehensive about returning to New York,” he said with eyes on our daughter but his hands in mine.
“Carter, I promised my mom.”
“I know you did. We did. You know I would never disappoint Frannie. I just want to make sure you are going to be okay. I know reliving those sad memories are hard on you, and I never want to see you hurt.”
“I know you don’t, and it is one of a million reasons why I love you. I felt the same way when you brought me to London for the first time. I was worried for you, but you took so much time to show me all the wonderful places you shared memories with your mom. It’s the same way for me and my father. You see, when I made this trip a few years back, I was still so lost to my past and conflicted about my future. It was easy to fall back into old patterns and stay at a snail’s pace, living in the past instead of just living in the present.”
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