by Kris Bryant
“What are you doing here, Kate?” I ask. I grab my bag and continue gathering up my stuff. My body is trembling and I don’t want her to see me like this.
“I wanted to see how you’re doing and to thank you for saving my life that day.” Her voice is so sincere. I know she means it, but I’m still pissed. I know I’m being irrational at this point and probably sabotaging any chance of a relationship I could possibly have with her.
“No need to thank me. You needed my help and I’m glad we were there for you both.” I emphasize the word both. “And I’m doing fine.” I turn and smile. It’s fake. The smile I reserve for photos. “I’m glad you’re doing well. The last time I saw you, you didn’t look so great.” I want to get out of this room, but my body is suddenly very heavy and my heart is tired.
“Maddox and I now have matching scars,” she says playfully. She tilts her head to the side, pulling her hair back to show me a scar that is fresh and pink along her hairline. My stomach churns as I remember seeing it oozing blood with her beautiful hair matted against it. “Do you have another class right now? If not, can we go somewhere and talk?”
“No. I have things to do. It’s my first day and I just…can’t,” I say.
Her face falls and I almost feel regret. Her hair is lighter from the summer sun and she seems even thinner, but still just as beautiful. I’m itching to touch her. I clutch my bag tighter to keep myself from reaching out to her. “Thanks for letting me know you’re all right.” I walk around her, but she reaches out and touches my arm.
“If we can’t do anything today, then let’s plan for a time for us to get together. Can you have dinner with me?” she asks.
“I don’t think so, Kate. I just don’t think this is going to work.”
“Why not? Why won’t you at least talk to me? I had a wonderful time with you. I miss you and I miss Maddox.” I melt a little when she mentions Maddox.
“The whole trust issue between us is a pretty big thing. Trust is the foundation in a relationship and when it’s broken, then what’s the point of continuing the relationship? I can’t forgive you just because we had great sex. What happened is not something I’m going to forget just like that.” I snap my fingers.
“I didn’t want it to ruin the beginning of us.” She moves her finger back and forth between us. “I truly am sorry that I never told you that I got the grant. I know I’m a total chicken shit. You and Hunter are the first people who opened yourselves up to me and didn’t give up because I didn’t talk. It’s not easy for me to trust people and then I took your trust and ruined it.” She is starting to get emotional.
“You never said anything after you were with us in the car for ten days even when you saw how stressed we were about money. You never said anything when we were sleeping together.” I can feel my emotions threatening to spill out and I clench my teeth hoping I can maintain my composure. “You never told us who your father is.”
“What the hell does my dad have anything to do with this?” Anger flashes in her eyes.
“Don’t pretend you don’t know that your father put the squeeze on all the right people to get you that grant. His name is in the paperwork. Did you and your dad just sit around and laugh at how you got money away from people who really need it?” I know I sound like a whiny baby right now, but I’m mad. That man snaps his fingers and suddenly everybody jumps, including the government?
“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” she says. Her voice is low and surprisingly calm. She folds her arms in front of her. “Before the accident, I hadn’t spoken to my father in six years.”
“Oh, and when you needed grant money, he just magically appeared and helped you secure it? That doesn’t make sense.”
“He didn’t help me get funding. He wouldn’t do that. Do you know why? Because when I came out to my family, they practically disowned me. I was an embarrassment to them. I walked away from them, their money, everything. I’ve been on my own since I was eighteen. If my dad had anything to do with me getting that grant, I had no idea. I hadn’t seen him since my freshman year.” Now she’s shaking. Her cheeks are getting flush with anger and I realize this really is news to her. It doesn’t soften me though.
“Well, it’s not as if you shared a lot of yourself with us, Kate. I tried everything to get you to open up to us, to me, but you never did. You never took the time to trust me.”
“That’s the thing. I did trust you. I opened up to you more than I’ve opened up to anyone in six years. Now you tell me my father interfered with my paperwork. It makes me remember why I don’t like to trust people.”
“As far as the grant is concerned, check the backup paperwork. You’ll find his name.”
She sighs and leans against my desk. “We’ve actually been working on our relationship again. Not that I’m defending him, but I guess he was just making sure I was making it. This sets us back again.” She sounds defeated and now I soften. I know how important family is, especially how delicate it can be when revealing something as personal as your sexual orientation.
“If it means anything, he was very worried when you were in the hospital. If you’re working on your relationship, then tread lightly. What’s done is done. Family is important. They are there for you for the rest of your life.” I can’t believe I’m giving her advice, especially since I got screwed during this process. I should have done a better job getting us the funds, simple as that. I really shouldn’t blame her, but I’m still hurting and I’m horrible at forgiveness.
“I have to go now. I’m glad you’re doing better, Kate. I really am. Thanks for coming down to thank me in person. Good luck with your family and with school.” With as much dignity as I can muster, I walk up the stairs, push through the door, and force myself not to turn around. The further I distance myself from her, the more I can feel myself crumble. I need to get to my office before I break down. First day of school and my students don’t need to witness me crying.
❖
“So Kate was here?” Hunter asks me. Her eyes are huge with disbelief. She’s in my office eating an early lunch. We were able to keep her working for the department by scraping together funds from tiny grants here and there that nobody wanted to apply for because there was more paperwork to fill out than money to be had. Since I was sequestering myself from the world over the summer, I had plenty of time to work on it. It’s not as much money as she would have received if we got the MWSE grant, but it pays her bills and she isn’t complaining.
“Yeah, and I was a complete ass. Apparently, she didn’t know her dad had his hand in getting the grant. She was genuinely shocked at hearing that.”
“So she was sad and quiet because she was alone? That’s kind of awful,” Hunter says. “I mean, good for her for getting out there and being proactive, but that would suck. Can you imagine what it would be like if your family didn’t want to have anything to do with you when you told them? I can’t.” Hunter’s right. Kate’s had it rough the last six years.
“She wanted to do dinner but I just can’t, you know?” I say. Hunter shakes her head at me and rolls her eyes.
“Why do you constantly punish yourself? You know that she’s sorry she didn’t tell you she got the grant. You know that she didn’t know her father was involved. What’s there to still be pissed about?”
“It’s not that easy. I can’t get all involved again. You know trust is hard with me. Once it’s broken, it’s hard to gain it back. Besides, she’s an hour and a half away so we’d do the long distant thing for how long? Our love life would be weekends and holidays and over the phone. Who would hug me when I have a bad day at work or who would surprise me with dinner? I would miss out on all the little things that make a relationship strong. I need that closeness. You know this about me.”
“Welcome to having a relationship, Tris. Tell me which ones have been easy? If they weren’t meant to be works in progress, we all would have married the first person we fell in love with,” she says. She’s right. A relat
ionship is all about give and take and it isn’t always going to be easy. “I think you kind of like wallowing a bit. It’s easier, huh?” Now, I’m starting to get upset. Hunter is pushing my buttons.
“I just need to chill a bit. I promise I will talk to her, but I need time to process all of this. I was just able to function without her and bam! She shows up looking hot and wants to do dinner. Last time that happened, we were up all night doing everything but talk.” I try not to think about how soft her body was to touch and how her skin felt so warm under me, but I can’t help it. I close my eyes and allow the quick memory of her perfection to flood my senses again. So passionate, so lovely.
“Hey, lover girl,” Hunter says. I open my eyes and stare at her. “Come back to reality okay? I’m starting to get a little uncomfortable here.” I smile at her. I’ve gone from pissed off to sappy in about two minutes. It really was good to see Kate, regardless of our problems. I’m glad she is happy and healthy. After what I saw in the hospital three months ago, and the gorgeous woman in front of me today, I say a silent thank you to God.
“Okay, well I’ve got class in ten minutes so I’m out of here.” I grab my bag and head for the door. “Don’t dirty up my office and don’t throw away your lunch in my trash. It will stink up the place.” I dodge a french fry before I quickly close the door.
Chapter Twenty-one
Maddox and I are snuggling on my couch. Friday nights are for ice cream and action packed movies. It’s been a grueling week at work and it’s time to unwind. I turned down Hunter’s invitation for drinks and decided to make it date night with my main man. I need to get away from weather and real life. My phone rings. I look down and my heart jumps when I see it’s Kate calling. I freeze, not knowing if I should answer it. My heart says yes, but my brain is trying to smack sense into me. Four rings. Shit.
“Hi.” My voice is slow and low. I pause the movie and Maddox looks at me. I think he knows who’s on the other end.
“Hi, Tris. How are you?” Kate’s very quiet.
“Good. Maddox and I are watching a movie.” I’m rambling, trying to fill the void.
“Am I interrupting?” she asks.
“No, I can pause it. What’s going on?”
“I wanted to see how you and Maddox are doing. I just went through a folder of photos from our time chasing. I’ll have to e-mail you a few of Maddox that you will love. How’s Hunter? Is she still with the department?”
“Hunter is still there and we’re managing. We did score a few other small grants and awards so she is able to work for the department during off season. That’s all she wanted. Plus, there’s enough to spread around to others. We’re fine, Kate.” That’s not entirely true, but I’m just tired of the whole thing. Plus, it’s nice to hear her voice. I close my eyes remembering her face, her touch, the softness of her long hair. “How is your relationship with your family going?”
“It’s slow, but steady. I can’t believe how much my little sister has grown up. It’s amazing.” Her voice is picking up. I smile. At least good things are happening for her.
“I’m happy for you. Family is important.” I don’t know what else to say.
“How’s Maddox?” she asks. She’s stretching our conversation and I’m letting her.
“Well, this is the time of year when he, well, we gain weight. He’s fat and happy and curled up on the couch next to me,” I say. He wags his tail as I pet him.
“Sounds like fun,” she says. We’re both quiet. We’ve reached the point of the conversation when it’s either going to become personal or one of us will hang up before it gets uncomfortable. Surprisingly, we’re both still on the phone. “You know, I miss you.” My heart leaps into my throat like it always does when she says sweet things.
“Kate, don’t. Let’s just keep this simple, okay?”
“Okay. That I can do.” She pauses a bit. “How’s teaching going?”
“Well, the students don’t hate me yet, so I think it’s going well.”
“How many classes do you have?”
“Only three, but one has a lab. That’s where the fun happens.” That class is my only salvation. We get to create weather indoors and watch movies and videos of natural disasters. I don’t even think that’s teaching. That’s more like getting paid to have fun with people who enjoy doing what you like to do, too.
“They probably like the videos from the chasing,” Kate says.
“Oh, without a doubt. Of course, sometimes my language in the videos is very colorful, but they understand. It’s amazing how many of them want to go out with us. It’s unfortunate that so many students go out with little to no experience. Hunter gets very upset with the young kids who chase because they don’t know what they’re doing. They simply want to get a picture of them with a tornado. It’s dumb.”
“Do you ever let them go out with you and Hunter?”
“No, I don’t like to be responsible for anybody else.” I cringe and smack my palm to my forehead. That was a stupid thing to say.
“Why did you let me ride with you?” she asks.
I can be noble, or truthful right now. “I thought it was a crappy deal that you were dealt. The circumstances were bad enough, but it wasn’t fair that you were going to miss a good season.” I shake my head at my own bullshit.
“Hmm. So you wanted to make sure a colleague was going to get the full experience even though she was from a rival school?” I can hear the teasing in her voice.
“Friendly rivals. And, yes, I was extending the olive branch.”
“No other reason? None at all?” she asks. I’m quiet for a bit. Now is the time to either be friends or more.
“Well, you’re easy on the eyes and Maddox needed a back seat buddy.” It’s the best I can do, borderline lame, but it’s something.
“I’ll take that,” she says. I can hear her smile.
“So did they say anything to Gage?” I ask.
“He’s no longer allowed to use university funds for storm chasing. After what happened to us, he’s not ready to get back out there any time soon. He really is sorry. I’m not defending him. I just want you to know that he feels horrible about hurting me and making a bad, rash decision.” She takes a deep breath. “I know that you and Hunter wrote letters. The department head showed me your letters. That really made an impact, trust me.”
“Well, it wasn’t fun for us to watch and just seeing you…” I trail off because I can tell I’m getting emotional. I clear my throat. “It was hard and what he did was idiotic. It’s a good thing Hunter had all the communication with him because I was going to kill him.”
“Thank you. I tried to stop him, but he was determined to catch the tornado. They said it was a F3. I’ve never been that scared before. It was nice being with you and Hunter because you always kept us safe. Gage is so wild. I honestly don’t think I can do that again,” she says.
I don’t tell her that I saw her text message to me that she never got to send. She probably doesn’t even remember she typed it. “I get that, but you love it. I could see it in your eyes and how excited you were when we saw one, especially the one with the baby goat. Things will change by next season and you’ll probably want to get back out next spring.” I’m trying to encourage her because I know that she had a fantastic time with us. “Hopefully, it’s in your blood.”
“We’ll see. That was tough. I’m just now able to handle being in a thunderstorm,” she says.
“That’s pretty normal.” Sometimes, I get nervous when the winds pick up around the house. It’s one thing to see a tornado in a corn field in the middle of Nebraska, and another to see one headed for your own house. “How did the university handle your injuries? Were you able to finish your classes?” I ask.
She laughs. “Oh, yes. They were afraid I was going to sue so my teachers were very understanding. My classes were extended anyway because of the storm chasing so it really didn’t matter. I passed everything. I didn’t have much of a summer though.”
I settle down into the couch, enjoying the sound of her voice. It’s throaty after she laughs and soft when she gets personal. I’m surprised to notice that we’ve been talking for over an hour.
“It would be nice to see you and Maddox again. I’d like it if you two would come over for dinner or something this weekend.”
For the second time tonight, I freeze. “Kate, that’s not keeping it simple.”
“It’s just dinner. A way to thank you for saving me.” She sounds sincere and now I’m more worried about my reaction to her than hers to mine. I already know I’m going to say yes.
“We should meet at a restaurant,” I say. That’s safe.
“But I want to see Maddox, too. We can’t do that at a restaurant. I promise to behave when you come over. And I’m a very good cook.” I’m already trying to figure out what I’m going to wear. “Would you and Maddox please come by tomorrow and let me cook for you? I’ll cook lean so that Maddox doesn’t gain any more weight.” That makes me laugh.
“But I bring the wine.”
“Deal. I’ll text you my address and the time. And Tris? Thank you.”
Chapter Twenty-two
It only takes us an hour and fifteen minutes to reach Kate’s apartment. It’s in a newer complex with better amenities than most college town apartments. We’re early so I put a leash on a reluctant Maddox and take him for a quick walk around the grounds. It’s a very pleasant place with two pools, a nice playground, and a basketball court. Maddox does his business and we head back to the Jeep for the wine. Kate’s apartment is on the second floor and I have to stop myself from taking the steps two at a time even though Maddox is already at her door. He looks at me, his tail wagging, his tongue hanging out of his happy mouth. Kate opens the door before I even finish climbing the stairs.
“Maddox, come here, boy,” she says. He falls in front of her from excitement and offers up his belly for her to rub. She crouches down and loves on him a bit before she turns her attention to me. She stands up slowly, her eyes never leaving mine. “Tristan. Thanks for coming. You look incredible.” I watch as her eyes leave mine to travel slowly up and down my body. I shiver at her boldness. Truth be told, I want her to like what she sees. It took me a long time getting ready today. I’m wearing straight leg dark jeans, a three-quarter sleeve black button-down shirt, and black boots. I’m a little warm, but I look hot. Sometimes you have to sacrifice comfort for sex appeal. Kate’s the one who looks fantastic. She’s wearing jeans and a tight T-shirt with a tornado on it. I point and smile at it.