by Wells, Linda
“Why do you say that?”
“It is nothing.” She looked down at the baby’s face; her own clouded over with the memory of her mother’s unending pronouncements of her lack of beauty and refinement. Mrs. Gardiner watched as her lively niece’s face reflected her insecurity and youth, and guessing her trouble, now addressed the child.
“You are very young yet Lizzy, soon you will blossom just as Jane has. Your mother should have waited another two years for you to be out. This should be Jane’s first season, but clearly worry over her and your family’s security is what has driven her to push you both out so soon.”
“I will be sixteen in a month.” She stated softly and saw her aunt’s nod. “Well, at least I am permitted to wear some pretty dresses now.” She sighed and looked down at the cotton gown. “That is something, I suppose.”
“That it is, my dear.” Mrs. Gardiner tilted her head. “I heard you and Jane whispering in the carriage. Did you attract a young man’s eye in the park?”
Elizabeth blushed. “I think so, but he did not have a chance to speak to us, it seemed that his sister arrived before he could and they left.”
“It would not have been proper for him to speak to you without an introduction.” Mrs. Gardiner saw her resigned nod and continued, “But it proves that you are not so displeasing to look upon; does it not?”
Her chin lifted, and she smiled. “I suppose not! Thank you, Aunt!” Amy awoke and started squirming, and Mrs. Gardiner took her back. Elizabeth stood. “I will be upstairs if you need me.”
She started to run then checked herself, a lady walks, and entered the small bedchamber she had been assigned for her visit. Sitting down at the writing desk, she opened up the journal her father had given her for Christmas, and filling a quill with ink, bit her lip and began a new page.
25 June 1807
Today Jane, Aunt Gardiner, and I went to shop on Bond Street. It was such an adventure to look in the windows of those fashionable shops, but I loved the bookshop the most. I could have spent the day there very happily, but Jane and Aunt forced me to go after only a half-hour. We had tea then finally I got to see Hyde Park. What a beautiful place! I think that I loved it almost as much as the bookshop! But the best part of today was when I received my first attention from a man. He was very tall, and so handsome, with black hair that he wore down to touch his collar, and such lovely blue eyes that just seemed to see right through me! At first I thought what an arrogant man he was to stare at me so blatantly, but when I looked closer he seemed so sad. I wondered what was wrong and I was working up my courage to speak to him when a girl arrived. I think she was Lydia’s age. She called him Fitzwilliam. What a funny name. I thought it was his surname, but then a woman approached and called him Mr. Darcy, so it must be his Christian name. And the girl was Georgiana. She was his sister, I am sure. He is much older than me, I think, or maybe it only seemed that way because he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. I hope he is well. I did smile at him. I should like to make him laugh, maybe someday I will. I will never forget his smile. It was all for me.
Elizabeth put down her pen and reading over her entry, giggled. “He did smile just for me! Men always smile at Jane, she is so beautiful, how can they not? But this man is the first one to look only at me!” She sighed happily. “Thank you, Fitzwilliam!”
AFTER THE EVENING meal, Darcy sat with his father and sister and handed out his gifts. He enjoyed seeing Georgiana’s happiness with the dolls he had purchased in Italy; and her worry over the sheet music he had found. She was only starting to play well, and the music he had chosen was not easy, which was of course done purposely. “I look forward to hearing this played for my birthday gift, Georgiana. That is just over three months from now, so it gives you plenty of time to learn it.”
“That is a good thing Fitzwilliam, because I do not know how to even approach this!” She looked up at him with worry. “This is so difficult!”
“Perhaps we can find you a music master to work with you when we return to Pemberley.” He smiled and looked at his father. “I wonder if Mrs. Hopkins still gives lessons.”
Mr. Darcy chuckled. “I wonder if she does, you were certainly a challenging student.”
“I was determined.”
“You were stubborn as a mule. It is a wonder she stuck with you.”
“I wanted to please Mother. She said that she hoped I would learn.” Darcy said very softly, but Mr. Darcy heard and smiled.
“And so you did.” Their eyes met and Darcy looked away.
“It has been an exhausting day, if you will excuse me, I think I will retire.” He stood and kissed Georgiana’s cheek. “Good night dear, it is so good to be home with you again.” He turned to his father and bowed. “Good night, Father.”
“Good night, Son.” Mr. Darcy watched him go, and saw his shoulders slump as he left the room, and wondered over how he could ease the burdens to come for him.
Darcy entered his chambers, the ones he had taken after leaving the nursery, and after his valet finished preparing him for the night, stood and leaned on the window frame, staring out at the dark street. Eventually the sound of his sister and father retiring broke him from his silent reverie and he walked over to his writing desk, opened his journal, and pausing to gather his thoughts, began to write.
25 June 1807
Today I returned home from my Grand Tour only to learn that my brief time of frivolity as a gentleman is now over. I have reached the age of two and twenty and at this moment I feel that I am closer to the age of two and eighty. My father has told me he is dying, and I am to take over Pemberley immediately. God help me.
I can barely comprehend this news. Yesterday afternoon I stepped onto the docks after nine months away, full of the wonders that I had seen. I knew that my return to London meant that I must at last take my place in society, and I had been steeling myself for the attention I knew I would draw as father’s heir. I have both dreaded and anticipated this time, but I thought that I would have my father with me as my guide. I pray that his physician is wrong, and the malady is just a passing event. I have never recovered from Mother’s passing, what will I do if Father leaves me as well? What will I be for Georgiana? Will I destroy Pemberley with my poor management?
I walked today in Hyde Park and tried to clear my head from the overwhelming news. I saw nothing of the beauty, and felt only the fear that I would fail. And then I heard a sound that broke through my pain. A laugh, so warm, so musical, it lifted my eyes from my boots and I saw before me a girl, smiling and laughing, and looking at me. Her name is Lizzy, which must be for Elizabeth. She is from Hertfordshire and an estate called Longbourn. She has relatives in London named Gardiner who live in Gracechurch Street. She loves walking and books. She is very young. And she smiled at me today. I hope that someday I might return the gift.
Darcy set down his pen and read over the entry. He wiped his eyes as they blurred over and felt the familiar ache in his heart that he had known for ten years, ever since his mother had died, and now he was to lose his beloved father as well. His hand clenched and the quill broke in half. Closing his eyes again he concentrated, and heard Lizzy’s laugh, and remembering her smile, felt better.
Chapter 2
“Darcy, welcome back!” Captain Richard Fitzwilliam declared upon entering the front door of Darcy House and shook his cousin’s hand happily. “So, how was it? Did you enjoy the adventure? You were away far longer than I expected with the war on.”
“It was quite a memorable trip, Richard. I understand now your enthusiasm for travel.” The two men entered Mr. Darcy’s study and sat down, waiting for their fathers’ arrival.
“Ah, but my experience with the army was likely not nearly as comfortable as yours, eh?” He winked. “Were you sleeping in a tent with a group of filthy men?”
“Admittedly not.” Darcy smiled. “But I did have to hike over the Alps.”
“Poor suffering bastard.” Fitzwilliam chuckled. “You were not carryi
ng the luggage were you?” He burst out in laughter to see the look of horror on his cousin’s face. “Soft man! You are soft!”
Darcy flushed with embarrassment. As the second son, Fitzwilliam had few choices but to find a career; and the army is what he chose. Darcy, by fortune of his birth, would always live a life of luxury and his cousin’s comments were not lost on him. “I imagine you are off to war soon.” He said softly.
Fitzwilliam sobered. “I imagine I am. There is an ill-wind blowing from the direction of France, but who knows what that miniature despot will move our generals to do. I have heard rumours of Sweden and Portugal. I could be anywhere in a few months’ time.” He sighed. “Well, it is a soldier’s lot.”
“I do not understand why you could not simply buy a commission that would assure your stay here. A militia officer would remain …”
“That is not honourable, Darcy. Would you shirk your duty if it were you? It would be like you abandoning Pemberley and Georgiana to run off with an actress. She would be attractive for awhile, but the guilt would get to you eventually.” Fitzwilliam raised his brows to smile at his younger cousin and saw him smile and nod. Duty and honour were his bywords. “I choose to do this properly, which is why I began with the captain’s commission. I want to earn the rest.”
“I expect to see you are a major at least upon your return.” Darcy clapped his back.
“And I expect you to raise Pemberley’s profits to an all-time high.” Fitzwilliam laughed.
Darcy shook his head. “What if I fail?”
“You will not.” Fitzwilliam met his eye and tried to encourage him. “You feel overwhelmed now, but what is it Aunt Catherine is fond of saying? Oh yes, breeding will win out. That Darcy blood will prevail and you will be outstanding. I know that Uncle George wants me to share this guardianship of Georgiana with you, but truly Darcy, the job is yours. You cannot count on me being with you, not as long as the little devil is free to spread his poison. I will support you as much as I am able, but it is truly on you. This is the making of you.”
“So it is.” Darcy looked up to the landscape of Pemberley and resolved to do just as his cousin demanded. He would do his duty.
The sound of footsteps and low voices were heard and into the study stepped Mr. Darcy and Lord Matlock. His uncle smiled and offered his hand. “It is good to see you home safely, Darcy. Your aunt was worried over you.”
“She had nothing to fear. My guides knew their business, and kept our group well away from any danger. We had to go a little out of our way a few times, but for the most part it was the normal route. Probably the same as you took yourself.” Darcy smiled a little and resumed his seat. “How is Aunt Helen? Well, I hope?”
“Of course, fully in the thick of the Season, you know her, she never stops. The Derby and Ascot are over, so she will be happy to enjoy the cricket matches and a few more dinners and balls before we head home to Matlock. She was all set to introduce you to a number of young ladies, but it seems you are off to Pemberley in a day or so.” He dropped the jovial attitude and looked at him soberly. “Whatever you need, you know that you can turn to me.”
Darcy nodded. “Thank you, sir. I cannot say that I am sorry to be missing out on Aunt Helen’s plans.”
“You never were one to enjoy a good party were you, Darcy? Next Season she will demand your attendance, you know. She is determined to marry you off young since she has failed so terribly with Richard, and it took Stephen until he was thirty to find Alicia. After Audrey’s wedding last year, she is itching to begin the hunt again. You will be very popular and quite the catch.” He smiled and looked to Mr. Darcy; obviously the two men had discussed getting Darcy out in society. “Well, I suppose all we need is the solicitor.”
“Yes, before he comes, I want to say a few things.” Mr. Darcy moved uncomfortably, and grimaced for a moment, then immediately hid the pain behind a slight smile. “I realize that you have had little time to digest this news Son, but as your uncle said, he will gladly lend you his expertise to help you manage the estate. We have a very capable steward in Mr. Nichols, and our staff is well-trained and loyal. It is perfectly reasonable for you to leave the work to him and simply supervise from afar, as most landowners do.”
“That is not what I was raised to do, Father.”
Mr. Darcy smiled at him proudly. “No, it is not. However, at the beginning it will not be shameful for you to accept that perhaps you may rely on them more heavily than you would wish.”
“I …will keep that in mind, sir.” Darcy swallowed and looked at his hands. A knock at the door made the men look up and Foster announced the solicitor’s arrival. They gathered around a large round table and studied the will and the documents giving over Pemberley to Darcy, as well as the details of Georgiana’s guardianship and dowry. With the discussion and questions, it took hours. When at last the meeting ended, and a meal was consumed, Darcy found himself alone again with his father.
“Do you have any private questions?” Mr. Darcy asked him quietly.
Darcy hesitated then spoke just as softly. “Wickham.”
“You disapprove of the living and bequest I leave him?” Mr. Darcy said with a raised brow. “It is a very generous gift I know, but it does come with the stipulation that he take holy orders.”
“Sir, it is not my place to question your decisions …” He saw his father’s unrelenting stare. “However, I wonder if this is … not wise. You do not know him as I do.”
“I thought that you were great friends.” Darcy’s face flushed with anger. “No? Well, you have hidden your disdain well. Why is that?”
“You seemed to take pleasure in his company, and I was pleased to see that you took pleasure in anything after Mother … well, you know that I was not the most entertaining boy after …” He sighed. “I did not wish to get in the way of your happiness.”
Mr. Darcy smiled. “I appreciate your care Son, and yes, I understand why my shy boy became even more reticent after his mother died.” Darcy looked away. “What has Wickham done that has disappointed you? I was sure that you were friends.”
Darcy’s head snapped up. “Sir, he is a profligate, a gambler, a brawler and drunk. He stole from me in school, he cheated on exams. He did no work and slid through. I could go on but it would be more of the same.” His face was flushed. “I never understood the favour he received from you, sir.”
“You sound jealous.”
“This goes beyond jealousy of a son for a father’s attention. I see Wickham as a dangerous man who has no business leading any congregation. Would you wish such a man as your pastor? Now? At this time in your life?” Darcy stood up and paced. “Was not the gift of a gentleman’s education enough? I cannot stress enough my objections, sir!”
“Enough Fitzwilliam.”
Darcy stopped his movement and turned to face his father. “Wickham’s father was my steward for fifteen years before his death. He took me in hand when my father died, and I was grateful for his loyalty and hard work. When his son was born, I vowed to pay back my steward’s loyalty by giving his son the benefit of my favour. Certainly I know that he is a charmer and that he used his wiles upon me, but I did not give him anything that I felt would not return him a real benefit. I wish that I had been aware of his true nature from your perspective, I would have made my displeasure known.” Mr. Darcy watched his son’s angry visage. “He was a thorn in your side?”
“To say the least, Father.”
“When did this change occur?”
“When you sent him to Cambridge with me.” Darcy chose not to mention the instances of baiting that Wickham inflicted upon him as they grew up. He had ignored the events then in favour of keeping a friend.
“And he was assumed to be more than he was and drafted off of your success.” Mr. Darcy mulled and saw his son nod. “He pretended he was the heir?”
“He used my name on occasion and I cleaned up his … errors to save my reputation and …yours as he was your ward.” Darcy looked down bu
t his father saw his disgust.
“Do you think that he will accept the living?”
“Why must it be in the will at all?”
“I promised his father that I would provide for his future. If he chooses to refuse the living, then offer him a cash equivalent along with the other bequest, and I will deem my promise discharged. You are unhappy with this decision, and I am unhappy to learn of his behaviour, but … I will not back out of my promise.” Mr. Darcy regarded his son. “I am sorry.”
“It is your decision, sir, and I respect your will.” Darcy said stiffly.
“Is there anything else? Any other questions?”
“Too many.” Darcy pinched the bridge of his nose to hold off the headache that was blooming. “However I believe that actually doing the work will be far more beneficial than simply discussing it incessantly.” He looked up to meet his father’s eyes. “When do we depart?”
“Early tomorrow. I have already directed Mrs. Mercer to have our luggage packed, the carriages are inspected, and arrangements for exchanging horses and the inns have been made. I will go over how to accomplish those tasks with you as we ride tomorrow; there is no need to discuss that now. I suggest that you spend the rest of the day addressing any other business you have in town, if you would like, visit with friends or shops …”
“Because I will not be back for some time.” He nodded. “I … I think that I will not be home for dinner tonight.”
“Of course.” Mr. Darcy smiled, and thought to admonish his son to be prudent and thought better of it. “Enjoy your evening.” Darcy stood and left for his rooms, dressed for the evening, then went out. When he returned near dawn of the new day he was exhausted, barely sober, stank of cigars and perfume, and felt no better.
“AH, SENSE HAS RETURNED to Longbourn.” Mr. Bennet embraced Elizabeth and Jane, and happily received their hugs. “You were away far too long.”
“Papa, it was only six weeks!” Elizabeth laughed.
“Weeks of misery for your old father.” He complained. “You have no compassion for my poor nerves!”