by Dawn, P.
I don’t want that, but I don’t get a chance to tell her when she continues, “I want to help you discover what you want, I do, but I refuse to play a game of chicken like a couple of teenagers,” she says.
Butterfly moves back and gently touches my lower lip with her index finger, and I’m so fucking tempted to dart out my tongue to taste it.
“I’m never short of offers, Bunny. I’ll admit right now that when you left last night, I turned away two men, a woman, and a couple looking to add a third person to their bed. They found their satisfaction elsewhere.”
Her being hit on doesn’t surprise me in the least but, stupidly, I don’t keep my thoughts to myself. “Why? I mean, don’t you get it on with anybody in here?” Fuck, my mouth has been unleashed. Unleashed, ha! I bet Fido would crack up at that. Shut up, you’re drunk.
Butterfly’s lips purse. Shit, I fucked up. “Sorry, I didn’t—”
“Just because I work here with my mother, doesn’t mean I participate.” No, you just hand out props, make sure people keep the dirty deeds to the designated places… “They’d seen you touch me and thought I was available.”
“Butterfly—” I start, but she cuts me off again.
“Would you prefer somebody else pushed your threshold, Bunny? Because I can tell you right now at least half of the members here want to take it to a whole new level with you and will approach you the second I leave your side,” she says, holding her hand out to the crowd.
“Don’t you dare leave me!” I hiss and grip her hands. “I might be some things, Butterfly, but I’m not that kind of girl.”
“Then what kind of girl are you?” She makes no move to let go.
My shoulders sag, and I release a huge sigh. “The kind that is so messed up right now she doesn’t know which way is up.”
A lazy smile appears on her full lips. “Then we need to work on clearing things up.”
I nod my agreement. “Can I—” I don’t get to finish my sentence; Butterfly is already nodding her head.
I scoot closer to her still, and with the tiny gap that’s left, I can easily kiss her if I leaned forward.
So why don’t you?
Because you shouldn’t; she’s a woman.
But you want to, Jaime. You know it makes sense.
“Are you okay?” she asks, and dips her head slightly, oblivious to the war that’s raging inside me.
“I don’t know,” I almost whisper, and I lift my shaking hands. “Usually, I don’t give a fuck, Butterfly, but there’s so much going on in my head…”
“I understand,” she says, and gently takes my hand. “You don’t have to do anything, Bunny. I’m perfectly happy to just sit with you if that’s what you want.”
No, you shouldn’t do this…
I lift my glass and down the last of the contents to gag my inner turmoil. The fruity cocktail mix enhances my buzz and quietens my mother’s voice in my head.
I raise my left hand and place it gently over the raging pulse point in Butterfly’s neck. “I want…” I pause, unable to find the words. “I…”
“It’s okay,” she assures me and places her hand over mine.
“No, it’s not,” I cut in. “I want to do this.”
I let my hand glide down her neck until I reach where her shoulder meets. I run my thumb down the column of her throat and circle the hollow. I suck my lower lip into my now dry mouth and press down with my teeth until the sting makes me release it. My clit is thrumming, and I need to leave to release the winding coil inside me, yet I can’t stop.
Butterfly lifts her chin and her lips part. I run my thumb up and down the column again, and the upper curve of her breast brushes my wrist. She gasps and I lift my eyes to her face. Her breath is shaky as it releases and I pull my hand back until just the tips of my middle and ring fingers are against her heated flesh. I brush them lightly across her chest as it rises and falls with her quick breaths, barely grazing the arcs of her cleavage.
Just the simple touch has me wet between my legs and the intense pulsing there has me squeezing my thighs together, seeking relief. No man has ever made me feel anything close to this, and with the gentlest touch of this woman’s skin has me blazing. I can see the truth in neon lights, lighting up like a casino in Vegas, but the more worrying thing to admit to myself is that I’m scared.
No, I’m fucking terrified.
“Bunny?”
I blink at hearing my new name, and I find my hand has stilled. “I’m sorry,” I apologize. “That was too far.” I snatch my hand back and cup them over my mouth.
“Why are you sorry?” she asks and pulls my hands away from my face. “I gave you permission, Bunny.” She blows out a breath. “I want to touch you like that.” A wave of arousal hits my already throbbing pussy. “But I don’t want to push you tonight.”
I agree, but I don’t like it. The drinks I’ve consumed have given me the courage I need to take that chance, but would I wake up sober and guilt-ridden in the morning once again?
Chapter 8
I was right. I woke up so fucking sober and wracked with deep guilt over what had happened with Butterfly. So I like touching women—fair enough; she let me, so why do I still feel like a fucking asshole days later?
I haven’t been back to the club in two days. I even blew my friends off, feigning a sore throat, and instead, chose to wallow in my room and try to make sense of why I was fighting with myself over getting so turned on by being touched—and me touching—a woman. Fuck, I even looked online to check some super-hot guys, and…they weren’t super-hot. In fact, I would say they were super…meh. The craziest part? I’ve never thought they were anything but nice to look at, much like a beautiful painting in an art gallery. It draws the eyes, but you wouldn’t exactly want it in your own house. Until now, it had never occurred to me that the problem I had with men wasn’t a problem at all.
“Get your ass out of there, Jai!” Sadie calls through the door. “We’re going to be late.”
I turn over and groan into my pillow. My fingers are working hard to get me off, but I just can’t seem to reach the magical end. I press my face into the stuffing and grind my hips into my palm.
She bangs on the door again. “Jai! We need to go in ten fucking minutes, and you’re driving.”
I slow down, resigning to the fact that I’m going to suffer from blue clit from not getting off, and Sadie’s overexcited voice is only putting a dampener on my self-loving. “For Fuck’s sake, Jai, Joss has finally got a day off, and you’re taking your sweet fucking time!”
I come unexpectedly and scream my release into my pillow. My wrist is getting a cramp, but I continue to ride it out until my lungs are burning from holding my breath. “Two minutes!” I call out, trying to sound calm, even though my blood is rushing in my ears and my once clean underwear needs to be changed.
“Hurry the fuck up!”
I clean myself up and slide my legs into my skinny jeans with fashionable rips down the thighs and put on my yellow double-layer flared tank top with thin straps. I grab my keys, bangles, and my fedora, and open the bedroom door where Sadie’s hand is in the air about to knock again.
“I’m ready, Jeez!”
“What took you so long?” she asks, following me to the front door. “Cade has already texted me twice.”
I spin around to face her. “I needed to sort myself out,” I reply, then wink at her.
“Well, why didn’t you say so?” Sadie’s cheeks darken, and she grabs her purse and shakes her head. “I would’ve left you alone.”
“Yeah well, ‘hang on I’m just masturbating’ isn’t something I wanna be shouting out.”
Sadie shrugs a shoulder. “Fair enough.”
I’m tapping the steering wheel as we’re waiting for Joss to come out of her place. It’s only been thirty seconds, but already I’m impatient, which I know I should be the last one to complain.
“Hey!” Sadie waves out through the window. “How are you?”
“I’m starving,” Joss replies, and her eyes flick to me. She waves and I return the greeting.
“Get your tiny ass in here, girl, I’m wasting away!” I call out, trying not to let my eyes drift over her loose white tank that has a V-neck, giving the smallest view of cleavage through her many necklaces.
She continues to walk towards us, her hips subtly swaying in her light jeans, similar to mine. Her giggle makes my jaw drop. Beneath the innocent sound I hear a hint of sensuality, and I’m thinking things I shouldn’t be, not when it comes to her.
“I’m sorry,” she says, and I snap my eyes to her as she slides across the back seat and sits behind me. “I didn’t mean to take so long coming out for you.”
Our eyes meet in the rear-view mirror, and her blank expression leaves me speechless.
“We would’ve been here sooner,” Sadie says, pointing at me. “Only this one needed to sort herself out.”
Oh my fucking God! I’m going to kill her!
The heat spreads wildly up my neck into my face and my ears flame. I give Sadie the evil ‘shut up, or you’re going to die’ stare.
“No worries.” Joss flicks her braid over her shoulder. “I had a few things to do, anyway.”
“No, she needed to sort herself out,” Sadie repeats and winks.
“You couldn’t just shut the fuck up, could you?” I spit, surprising Sadie.
“What? You don’t usually mind talking about it.”
“Well, maybe today I do.”
Her mouth opens and closes, but I don’t want to continue the conversation. My nostrils flare, and my hands grip the steering wheel tighter, hurting my palms. I don’t know why her telling Joss has affected me so much or why she felt like she needed to share.
“Where the hell have you guys been?” Cade asks with her arms wide. “I’ve been standing here for a fucking lifetime waiting for you.”
“Sorry,” I say as she huffs and stomps over to the car. “But we’re actually right on time. What’s eating your ass?”
Cade folds her arms over her chest. Her eyebrows are drawn together and her lips tight. She closes her eyes and releases a sharp breath. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to snap. It’s Mark.”
I almost switch off as she’s telling us that during ‘the most amazing sex of my life’ Mark said he wanted to go steady. “I couldn’t believe it,” she snorts. “There I was, right there on the edge of oblivion, and he casually asks me to go steady. What? Are we in fucking high school?” She waves her hand, her face pursing in disbelief. “He’s twenty-eight, guys, twenty-eight.”
“So what did you do?” Joss asks, and I check her in the mirror.
Her hand is on the back of my seat, but she’s facing Cade. Fuck, even her ear is flawless. The loose hairs from her messy bun are hanging around her jaw and neck.
“I told him to get off of me and leave. When he grows the fuck up, he can call me.”
The car’s silent and I side-glance at Sadie. She’s pulled her lips into her mouth, but they can’t be contained. She bursts out laughing, and Cade joins in a second later. “It’s not funny, Sade,” she says through her chuckles.
I’m not in the mood to take this piss out of Mark or go into the sex details. Instead, I keep my mouth shut and drive to the restaurant.
We walk into the Florence restaurant on Fifth, and our waiter takes us to our table. The rectangular wooden table has two chairs either side and sits near the front, looking out over the river behind it. The lights shining on the walkway outside make it seem almost romantic.
I reach for my chair, and I pause when Joss takes the one next to me. Without saying a word, she sits down, and I lower myself before I fall. Sadie and Cade are oblivious as they continue to chatter about men and relationships.
The waiter returns, and we order our food and drinks, and the conversations pick right up where they left off. Sadie pats my hand, and I look up at her. She’s still talking to Cade, but letting me know she’s not ignoring me. I chance a peek to my right, and I see Joss playing with her fingers on her lap.
“No guy news for you?” Sadie asks her and my throat tightens. “Anything happening with that guy?”
“What guy?” Joss tilts her head to the side, and her eyebrows pinch together.
My head snaps to her, and Sadie explains. “Lou. The guy you were talking to for a while a couple of weeks ago. Did anything happen between you?”
Joss’s eyes flick to me and back to Sadie. “Uh, no. He was nice, but not my type.”
“Oh. Have you met anybody else you’re interested in?”
She shifts in her seat and resorts to staring at her hands.
Fuck! Sadie, I’m seriously going to hurt you.
I watch Joss blow out a breath as she fidgets again. My heart kicks up speed, and I wait for her to speak.
“I think she’s been secretly hooking up with someone,” Cade cuts in. “Sometimes I can’t get her on the phone and then there are other times she looks so tired like she’s been getting kept up all night.” She winks and sticks her tongue between her teeth as she grins.
Joss’ face flames before turning back to Sadie. “Not exactly, but I think I’m getting somewhere.”
“Oh, so that means there’s a someone!”
A rock plummets to the pit of my stomach but hits nothing. It continues to fall and drags my mood further with it. I know all too well what the sensation is, but there’s nothing I can do about it.
What exactly did you think would happen? I try to quiet the voice in my head, and I dig my fingernails into my palms to stop my mother’s judging voice from breaking through and telling me that it’s a sign that I should ‘meet a decent man who’ll love me and look after me.'
“Excuse me, I need to use the restroom,” Sadie says and she and Cade both stand.
“Me too. I’ll come with.”
I watch them leave and look down at my half-eaten food. I lift the fork to my lips, but I can’t stomach another bite of the now cold vegetable stir-fry.
“I thought you were wasting away?” Joss says, and I turn to see her happy face.
“Nah, I lost my appetite,” I reply and put my fork down.
“Are you okay? You seem upset.”
I clench my jaw and look straight ahead.
It’s not her fault, asshole!
I want to ask her why the hell she chooses now to speak to me when all I’ve done is be nice to her, try to talk to her, be friends… But the past week that she’s been ’trying harder’ has been royally screwing with my head.
Butterfly wouldn’t do that. She’d show you what’s going on and make you own up to it.
Yeah, she would. I’ve met her twice, but I already know how that situation would go down, and that image disturbs me. I squeeze my thighs together, but the blush creeping up my cheeks only adds to the bubble threatening to burst.
Okay, what the hell’s wrong with you?”
We’ve just dropped the girls off at Joss’ place, and now that we’re alone, Sadie’s giving me the third degree. I’d been quiet during the rest of dinner, and all I wanted to do was leave.
“I’m just not in the mood.”
“Like hell you are,” she snaps. “You were fine when we left, then when…” She stops.
Fuck, I want to know what she’s going to say. “When what?”
“When I told Joss you sorted yourself out. Is that why you’ve been quiet?
I turn to look out of the window for a second. “Not exactly, but you didn’t have to say that, Sades.”
“You’re usually the first to offer that information,” she fires back. “I was just trying to be funny.”
“Sadie, I offer the information about myself, not anybody else. How would you like it if I spouted out that you and Mitch were fucking like rabbits last night, and I heard every dirty detail because you were getting rammed over the side of the couch?”
“Jai!” she squeals, and I blow out a breath at her horrified expression. “That’s private.”
“
So, me getting myself off isn’t?”
“Look, I’m sorry—”
“It doesn’t matter, Sade,” I say and shake my head. “I bring it on myself. If I didn’t act the way I do, you would never have done that.”
We get to the apartment, and I park up and get out of the car. Sadie follows quickly behind as I rush to get inside.
“Hey, there’s nothing wrong with the way you act,” she says, grabbing my arm. “You’re the coolest person I know, and you wouldn’t be you if you acted any other way. I shared personal information without your permission, and I am so sorry, babe.”
I walk into the living room when she releases me, but I stop and turn around. “What if I told you the real me you think you know is just one big fucking lie?”
I open my bedroom door before she says, “I’d still love you all the same, Jai. You’re my best friend no matter what.”
“I love you too.”
*****
“Sam, can this wait? I have three more end-of-month reports to complete, and my head is already killing me.” He stands there just staring at me with his eyes wide and his mouth open. “What?”
“Nothing,” he stutters. “I just…well… You look lovely today.”
I roll my eyes and count to ten. My white blouse and simple black shift dress seem to have done something for him. I’m pretty sure he likes the secretary look and wouldn’t mind me bending over his desk asking how he’d like me to sort out his ‘filing system.' I know exactly where he could fulfill that fantasy, but I put it to the back of my mind the second House enters it.
“Thank you,” I say between my teeth. “Now what exactly do you want?”
“Well, I was going to ask if you have the financial agreements for Garside Construction. They’re due a review and need to see where their expenditures could be cut back.”
I huff and get out of my chair to the filing cabinet next to the window, and I can see Sam’s reflection in the glass. He’s staring at my ass and rubbing his hand over his cock as he does.