“Bailiff, take Makepeace Smith into custody please,” said the judge. “He’s spending the night in jail for contempt of court, and before he can say another word I’ll inform him that every word he says will add another night to his sentence.”
Makepeace nearly burst, but he didn’t say another word as the bailiff led him from the courtroom.
“The other possibility is that Alvin made the gold out of iron, as he says, and that the gold is something called ‘living gold,’ and therefore the plow belongs to itself. Well, I can’t say the law allows any room for farm implements to be self-owning entities, but I will say that since Makepeace gave Alvin a certain weight of iron, then if Alvin made that iron disappear, he owes Makepeace the same weight of iron back again, or the monetary equivalent in legal tender. This is how it seems to me at this moment, though I know the jury may see other possibilities that escape me. The trouble is that right now I don’t know how the jury can possibly make a fair decision. How can they forget all the business about Alvin maybe or maybe not having scandalous liaisons? A part of me says I ought to declare a mistrial, but then another part of me says, that wouldn’t be right, to make this town go through yet another round of this trial. So here’s what I propose to do. There’s one fact in all of this that we can actually test. We can go out to the smithy and have Hank Dowser show us the spot where he called for the well to be dug. Then we can dig down and see if we find either the remnants of some treasure chest—and water—or a shelf of stone, the way Alvin said, and not a drop of water. It seems to me then we’ll at least know something, whereas at the present moment we don’t know much at all, except that Vilate Franker, God bless her, has false teeth.”
Neither the defense nor the prosecution had any objections.
“Then let’s convene this court at Makepeace’s smithy at ten in the morning. No, not tomorrow—that’s Friday, election day. I see no way around it, we’ll have to do it Monday morning. Another weekend in jail, I’m afraid, Alvin.”
“Your Honor,” said Verily Cooper. “There’s only the one jail in this town, and with Makepeace Smith forced to share a cell in the same room with my client—“
“All right,” said the judge. “Sheriff, you can release Makepeace when you get Alvin back over there.”
“Thank you, Your Honor,” said Verily.
“We’re adjourned till ten on Monday.” The gavel struck and the spectacle ended for the day.
Chapter 17 -- Decisions
Because Calvin used to keep to himself so much in Vigor Church, he always thought of himself as a solitary sort of fellow. Everybody in Vigor who wasn’t besotted with Alvin turned out to be pretty much of an idiot, when it came down to it. What did Calvin want with pranks like luring skunks under porches or pushing over outhouses? Alvin had him cut out of anything that mattered, and any other friends he might have had didn’t amount to much.
In New Amsterdam and London, Calvin was even more alone, being concentrated as he was on the single-minded goal of getting to Napoleon. It was the same on the streets of Paris, when, he was going around trying to get a reputation as a healer. And once he got the Emperor’s attention, it was all study and work.
For a while. Because after a few weeks it became pretty clear that Napoleon was going to stretch out his teaching as long and slow as possible. Why should he do otherwise? As soon as Calvin was satisfied that he had learned enough, he’d leave and then Napoleon would be the victim of gout. Calvin toyed with the idea of putting on some pressure by increasing Napoleon’s pain, and with that in mind he went and found the place in the Emperor’s brain where pain was registered. He had some idea of using his doodling bug to poke directly into that place of pure agony, and then see if Napoleon didn’t suddenly remember to teach Calvin a few things that he’d overlooked till now.
That was fine for daydreaming, but Calvin wasn’t no fool. He could do that agony trick once, and get one day’s worth of teaching, but then before he next fell asleep, he’d better be long gone from Paris, from France, and from anywhere on God’s green Earth where Napoleon’s agents might find him. No, he couldn’t force Napoleon. He had to stay and put up with the excruciatingly slow pace of the lessons, the sheer repetitiveness. In the meantime, he observed carefully, trying to see what it was Napoleon was doing that Calvin didn’t understand. He never saw a thing that made sense.
What was left for him, then, but to try out the things Napoleon had taught him about manipulating other people, and see if he could figure out more by pure experimentation? That was what finally, brought him into contact with other people—the desire to learn how to control them.
Trouble was, the only people around were the staff, and they were all busy. What’s worse, they were also under Napoleon’s direct control, and it wouldn’t do to let the Emperor see that somebody else was trying to win control of his toadies. He might get the wrong idea. He might think Calvin was trying to undermine his power, which wasn’t true—Calvin didn’t care a hoot about taking Napoleon’s place. What was a mere Emperor when there was a Maker in the world?
Two Makers, that is. Two.
Who could Calvin try out his new-learned powers on? After a little wandering around the palace and the government buildings, he began to realize that there was another class of person altogether. Idle and frustrated, they were Calvin’s natural subjects: the sons of Napoleon’s clerks and courtiers.
They all had roughly the same biography: As their fathers rose to positions of influence, they got sent away to steadily better boarding schools, then emerged at sixteen or seventeen with education, ambition, and no social prestige whatsoever, which meant that most doors were closed to them except to follow in their fathers’ footsteps and become completely dependent upon the Emperor. For some of them, this was perfectly all right; Calvin left those hardworking, contented souls alone.
The ones he found interesting were the desultory law students, the enthusiastically untalented poets and dramatists, the gossiping seducers looking around for women rich enough to be desirable and stupid enough to be taken in by such pretenders. Calvin’s French improved greatly the more he conversed with them, and even as he followed Napoleon’s lessons and learned to find what vices drove these young men, so he could flatter and exploit and control them, he also discovered that he enjoyed their company. Even the fools among them were entertaining, with their lassitude and cynicism, and now and then he found some truly clever and fascinating companions.
Those were the most difficult to win control of, and Calvin told himself that it was the challenge rather than the pleasure of their company that kept him coming back to them again and again. One of them most of all: Honor’. A skinny, short man with prematurely rotten teeth, he was a year older than Calvin’s brother Alvin. Honor’ was without manners; Calvin soon learned that it wasn’t because he didn’t know how to behave, but rather because he wished to shock people, to show his contempt for their stale forms, and most of all because he wished to command their attention, and being faintly repulsive all the time had the desired effect. He might start with their contempt or disgust, but within fifteen minutes he always had them laughing at his wit, nodding at his insights, their eyes shining with the dazzlement of his conversation.
Calvin even allowed himself to think that Honor’ had some of the same gift Napoleon had been born with, that by studying him Calvin might learn a few of the secrets the Emperor still withheld.
At first Honor’ ignored Calvin, not in particular but in the general way that he ignored everyone who had nothing to offer him. Then he must have heard from someone that Calvin saw the Emperor every day, that in fact the Emperor used him as his personal healer. At once Calvin became acceptable, so much so that Honor’ began inviting him along on his nighttime jaunts.
“I am studying Paris,” said Honor’. “No, let me correct myself—I am studying humankind, and Paris has a large enough sampling of that species to keep me occupied for many years. I study all people who depart from the norm, for their v
ery abnormalities teach me about human nature: If the actions of this man surprise me, it is because I must have learned, over the years, to expect men to behave in a different way. Thus I learn not only the oddity of the one, but also the normality of the many.”
“And how am I odd?” asked Calvin.
“You are odd because you actually listen to my ideas instead of my wit. You are an eager student of genius, and I half suspect that you may have genius yourself.”
“Genius?” asked Calvin.
“The extraordinary spirit that makes great men great. It is perfect piety that turns men into saints or angels, but what about men who are indifferently pious but perfectly intelligent or wise or perceptive? What do they become? Geniuses. Patron saints of the mind, of the eye, of the mind’s eye! I intend, when I die, to have my name invoked by those who pray for wisdom. Let the saints have the prayers of those who need miracles.” He cocked his head and looked up at Calvin. “You’re too tall to be honest. Tall men always tell lies, since they assume short men like me will never see clearly enough to contradict them.”
“Can’t help being tall,” said Calvin.
“Such a lie,” said Honord. “You wanted to be tall when you were young, just as I wanted to be closer to the earth, where my eye could see the details large men miss. Though I do hope to be fat someday, since fatness would mean I had more than enough to eat, and that, my dear Yankee, would be a delicious change. It’s a commonplace idea that geniuses are never understood and therefore never become popular or make money from their brilliance. I think this is pure foolishness. A true genius will not only be smarter than everyone else, but will be so clever that he’ll know how to appeal to the masses without compromising his brilliance. Hence: I write novels.”
Calvin almost laughed. “Those silly stories women read!”
“The very ones. Fainting heiresses. Dullard husbands. Dangerous lovers. Earthquakes, revolutions, fires, and interfering aunts. I write under several noms de plume, but my secret is that even as I master the art of being popular and therefore rich, I am also using the novel to explore the true state of humankind in this vast experimental tank known as Paris, this hive with an imperial queen who surrounds himself with drones like my poor stingless unflying father, the seventh secretary of the morning rotation—you gave him a hotfoot once, you miserable prankster, he wept that night at the humiliation of it and I vowed to kill you someday, though I think I probably won’t—I have never kept a promise yet.”
“When do you write? You’re here all the time.” Calvin gestured to include the environs of the government buildings.
“How would you know, when you aren’t here all the time? By night I pass back and forth between the grand salons of the cream of society and the finest brothels ever created by the scum of the earth. And in the mornings, when you’re taking emperor lessons from M. Bonaparte, I hole up in my miserable poet’s garret—where my mother’s housekeeper brings me fresh bread every day, so don’t weep for me yet, not until I get syphilis or tuberculosis—and I write furiously, filling page after page with scintillating prose. I tried my hand at poetry once, a long play, but I discovered that by imitating Racine, one learns primarily to become as tedious as Racine, and by studying MoliŠre, one learns that MoliŠre was a lofty genius not to be trifled with by pathetic young imitators.”
“I haven’t read either of them,” said Calvin. In truth he had never heard of either one and only deduced that they were dramatists from the context.
“Nor have you read my work, because in fact it is not yet genius, it is merely journeyman work. In fact I fear sometimes that I have the ambition of a genius, the eye and ear of a genius, and the talent of a chimneysweep. I go down into the filthy world, I come up black, I scatter the ashes and cinders of my research onto white papers, but what have I got? Paper with black marks all over it.” Suddenly he gripped Calvin’s shirtfront and pulled him down until they were eye to eye. “I would cut off my leg to have a talent like yours. To be able to see inside the body and heal or harm, give pain or relieve it—I would cut off both legs.” Then he let go of Calvin’s shirt. “Of course, I wouldn’t give up my more fragile parts, for that would be too great a disappointment to my dear Lady de Berny. You will be discreet, of course, and when you gossip about my affair with her you will never admit you heard about it from me.”
“Are you really jealous of me?” asked Calvin.
“Only when I am in my right mind,” said Honor’, “which is rare enough that you don’t yet interfere with my happiness. You are not yet one of the major irritations of my life. My mother, now—I spent my early childhood pining for some show of love from her, some gentle touch of affection, and instead was always greeted with coldness and reproof. Nothing I did pleased her. I thought, for many years, that it was because I was a bad son. Then, suddenly, I realized that it was because she was a bad mother! It wasn’t me she hated, it was my father. So one year when I was away at school, she took a lover—and she chose well, he is a very fine man whom I respect greatly—and got herself impregnated and gave birth to a monster.”
“Deformed?” asked Calvin, curious.
“Only morally. Otherwise he is quite attractive, and my mother dotes on him. Every time I see her fawning on him, praising him, laughing at his clever little antics, I long to do as Joseph’s brothers did and put him in a pit, only I would never be softhearted enough to pull him out and sell him into mere slavery. He will also probably be tall and she will see to it he has full access to her fortune, unlike myself, who am forced to live on the pittance my father can give me, the advances I can extort from my publishers, and the generous impulses of the women for whom I am the god of love. After careful contemplation, I have come to the conclusion that Cain, like Prometheus, was one of the great benefactors of humankind, for which of course he must be endlessly tortured by God, or at least given a very ugly pimple in his forehead. For it was Cain who taught us that some brothers simply cannot be endured, and the only solution is to kill them or have them killed. Being a man of lazy disposition, I lean toward the latter course. Also one cannot wear fine clothes in prison, and after one is guillotined for murder, one’s collars never stay on properly; they’re always sliding off to one side or the other. So I’ll either hire it done or see to it he gets employed in some miserable clerical post in a far-off colony. I have in mind Reunion in the Indian Ocean; my only objection is that its dot on the globe is large enough that Henry may not be able to see the entire circumference of his island home at once. I want him to feel himself in prison every waking moment. I suppose that is uncharitable of me.”
Uncharitable? Calvin laughed in delight, and regaled Honor’ in turn with tales of his own horrible brother. “Well, then,” said Honor’, “you must destroy him, of course. What are you doing here in Paris, with a great project like that in hand!”
“I’m learning from Napoleon how to rule over men. So that when my brother builds his Crystal City, I can take it away from him.”
“Take it away! Such shallow aims,” said Honor’. “What good is taking it away?”
“Because he built it,” said Calvin, “or he will build it, and then he’ll have to see me rule over all that he built.”
“You think this because you are a nasty person by nature, Calvin, and you don’t understand nice people. To you, the end of existence is to control things, and so you will never build anything, but rather will try to take control of what is already in existence. Your brother, though, is by nature a Maker, as you explain it; therefore he cares nothing about who rules, but only about what exists. So if you take away the rule of the Crystal City—when he builds it—you have accomplished nothing, for he will still rejoice that the thing exists at all, regardless of who rules it. No, there is nothing else for you to do but let the city rise to its peak—and then tear it down into such a useless heap of rubble that it can never rise again.”
Calvin was troubled. He had never thought this way, and it didn’t feel good to him. “Hono
r’, you’re joking, I’m sure. You make things—your novels, at least.”
“And if you hated me, you wouldn’t just take away my royalties—my creditors do that already, thank you very much. No, you would take my very books, steal the copyright, and then revise them and revise them until nothing of truth or beauty or, more to the point, my genius remained in them, and then you would continue to publish them under my name, causing me to be shamed with every copy sold. People would read and say, ‘Honor’ de Balzac, such a fool!’ That is how you would destroy me.”
“I’m not a character in one of your novels.”
“More’s the pity. You would speak more interesting dialogue I you were.”
“So you think I’m wasting my time here?”
“I think you’re about to waste your time. Napoleon is no fool. He’s never going to give you tools powerful enough to challenge his own. So leave!”
“How can I leave, when he depends on me to keep his gout from hurting? I’d never make it to the border.”
“Then heal the gout the way you used to heal those poor beggars—that was a cruel thing for you to do, by the way, a miserable selfish thing, for how did you think they were going to feed their children without some suppurating wound to excite pity in passersby and eke out a few sous from them? Those of us who were aware of your one-man messianic mission had to go about after you, cutting off the legs of your victims so they’d be able to continue to earn their livelihood.”
Calvin was appalled. “How could you do such a thing!”
Honor’ roared with laughter. “I’m joking, you poor literal-minded American simpleton!”
“I can’t heal the gout,” said Calvin, coming back to the subject that interested him: his own future.
“Why not?”
“I’ve been trying to figure out how diseases are caused. Injuries are easy. Infections are, too. If you concentrate, anyway. Diseases have taken me weeks. They seem to be caused by tiny creatures, so small I can’t see them individually, only en masse. Those I can destroy easily enough, and cure the disease, or at least knock it back a little and give the body a chance to defeat it on its own. But not all diseases are caused by those tiny beasts. Gout baffles me completely. I have no idea what causes it, and therefore I can’t cure it.”
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