by Beth Bolden
“Did you ask him if he’d changed his mind?”
Ryan shook his head and almost instantly regretted it. “No,” he murmured.
“And did you ask him what was wrong?”
“No.” Ryan hesitated. “I was afraid it would feel too . . . boyfriend-y. That it would open up what we had to even more complexities. And I wanted to keep it simple.”
Ryan didn’t even have to look at Tabitha to know the look she was giving him was galling.
“It was stupid, okay? I should have asked. I wanted to ask.”
“That isn’t why I’m annoyed with you, and definitely not why he’s annoyed with you,” Tabitha said. “So, he was quiet, and you didn’t ask, and then you went to Temple, and decided to pick up a waiter dressed like an angel? I’m not following that logic.”
“I thought he was bored, okay? I thought he was bored of . . .” Ryan paused, because he didn’t want to say me and he definitely didn’t want to say our relationship. That was the whole problem. He’d gone into this very deliberately trying to avoid a relationship, but they’d ended up there anyway.
“Bored? Let me tell you, Wyatt Blake does not strike me as the kind of guy who sticks around when he’s bored.”
“Exactly,” Ryan said miserably.
“You thought he’d get bored and leave you? Really?” Tabitha’s incredulous voice didn’t help. “Wyatt is crazy about you.”
“It sounds stupid but I had an ex, well, you knew him actually. David. He cheated on me, at the end. And he told me that he’d been driven to do it because he was bored. You know how much that relationship ending hurt me, and since that point I’ve made sure to never let things get that far. Ever.”
“David cheated on you? That miserable small-dicked bastard,” Tabitha muttered. “You never told me.”
“It was fucking embarrassing,” Ryan admitted.
“I just can’t believe he had the balls to use that excuse and then you actually believed it,” Tabitha said.
“How was I supposed to know? I was bored too! I didn’t get why everyone was so hot to be in a relationship, because I was just as bored as he was.”
“Darling,” Tabitha said carefully, “I think that was because he was boring and you were not right for each other. Not everyone with a little hiccup in their relationship adds excitement via cheating.”
“I know that, of course I know that,” Ryan retorted.
“So that was what you were trying to do last night? Add in excitement so that Wyatt wouldn’t cheat on you and leave you because he was bored?”
“It sounds so stupid when you say it.”
“Well,” Tabitha hedged.
“He didn’t understand,” Ryan said. “He just said he wanted to stop playing games and kept demanding to know if I was enough for him.”
“Oh dear,” Tabitha said. “What did you tell him?”
“That I didn’t want him to get bored! I wasn’t thinking about me, I could go on like this for . . . I don’t know, a long time probably. I’m not bored.”
Ryan realized what he’d said just as he said it.
“Oh fuck,” he groaned. “I’m in love with him, aren’t I?”
Tabitha put a reassuring arm around his shoulders. “It’s not that bad, I promise.”
“I was so worried he’d leave me that I actually drove him away.” Ryan slammed a fist on the counter. “I’m a fucking idiot.”
“I’m pretty sure he’s in love with you too, so maybe tone down the woe is me inevitability that he’s gone for good,” Tabitha said. “You can still fix this.”
“If I agree to make it official, probably,” Ryan admitted.
“You just admitted that you’re in love with him. Isn’t that something you want?”
“What if it happens again?” Ryan asked seriously. “What if he cheats on me? What if he leaves? David, I didn’t love him at all, I don’t think, and that was so humiliating. I don’t think I could survive it, if it happened with Wyatt.”
“Darling,” Tabitha said softly, “you can’t go into a relationship expecting it to end. You have to believe in each other and trust each other. Trust that Wyatt isn’t going to use some bullshit excuse to cheat on you. And that if you get worried he will, or that he’s not happy with you, communication is key. You’d be surprised what people can figure out when they actually talk to each other.”
“You think I should do this,” Ryan stated. He couldn’t even believe that after being so clear upfront, he’d gone and done the exact thing he’d warned Wyatt not to do.
“I think it’s worth a shot. You two clearly care about each other. I want you to be happy, and I think you were really happy with him.”
“I was.” Ryan hesitated. “I am.”
“Then you should go for it,” Tabitha said, giving him an extra encouraging squeeze.
“What if he turns me down?” Ryan asked, because the fear of that eventuality was terrifying, squeezing the breath out of his lungs.
“Do I think you’re going to say, let’s get together for real, and he falls all over you? No. It’s not that simple. Love isn’t that simple.”
“Groveling, then,” Ryan said.
“There will probably be some groveling involved,” Tabitha hedged.
“Do I get on my knees or . . .”
Tabitha held up a hand. “And that’s where I step out. Whatever you two do in the bedroom or any other room of the house is between you.”
“No, I meant, how should I grovel? Begging? Promises? Gifts?”
“I think,” Tabitha said slowly, “that’s going to depend on two factors. One, who Wyatt is as a person. And two, how pissed off he is at you.”
“And you think he’s really pissed off.” It was unreal that while facing that particular fact, which was something he’d suspected since Wyatt had walked out of the alley, something in his chest started to ache even worse than his head.
“I think that Wyatt is an honorable guy, who keeps his promises, and that he’s in love with you. He wouldn’t ditch you last night if he wasn’t really pissed off.” Tabitha stared at him frankly, and Ryan realized there was actually something that she was insinuating but not actually saying. Which was the scariest thing of all, because Tabitha was renowned for telling the unapologetic truth. If she was trying to cushion this, then it must be really bad.
“Oh god,” Ryan said, a spike of panic rising through him. He’d thought the worst it could be was groveling, maybe even begging Wyatt to forgive him. And then in the twenty or so minutes since he’d come to terms with his own feelings, he’d seen them in a sort of nebulous, happy-ever-after future.
But what if Wyatt didn’t come back? What if Wyatt came back and didn’t forgive him?
It could be so much worse.
“You might as well just lay it on me,” Ryan said bluntly. “I know you’re holding back, and it doesn’t suit you. I’m already down; I’m not sure it’s going to get much worse.”
“He’s pissed, he’s embarrassed, his pride is in shambles because during your first night out as an official couple, you were all over some waiter dressed in a trashy Halloween costume. But the worst of it is that you definitely hurt him a lot.”
The ache in Ryan’s chest intensified. “I don’t suppose me explaining I was incredibly stupid and never meant to will fix that?”
Tabitha’s look was soft and sympathetic. “We can sure hope it will. Or else I’ll be back here in a few hours with ice cream and more tequila.”
* * *
“I have a great idea. We should hire an assassin,” Evan said excitedly.
Wyatt looked up from his hot fudge brownie sundae in surprise.
“He really doesn’t mean that, I swear,” Miles said.
“Doesn’t he?” Wyatt said dully. He shoved the hot fudge around in his bowl and didn’t put the spoon in his mouth. He’d been sitting here for half an hour, watching Miles’ famous caramel crunch ice cream melt in a puddle of hot fudge, barely able to stick a spoonful in his mouth.
He must really look awful because Miles usually took exception to his friends not eating the desserts he made for them, but he hadn’t said a word.
“I’m not sure I do,” Evan revised. “It sounded really badass, though. At one point I thought about hiring an assassin to kill you, Miles, when we first started working together.”
Wyatt was not as surprised by this as he should have been. Evan and Miles, while rapturously in love now, had not always gotten along. And Evan was all for finding unusual solutions to problems, thus the assassin.
“True love,” Miles announced proudly. “That’s really true love right there. You were willing to pay someone a lot more money to get rid of me.”
Evan rolled his eyes but they were still so fond that Wyatt’s heart ached. Just yesterday it felt like he and Ryan had been on the same path as Miles and Evan. Instead they’d been heading in the opposite trajectory. Instead of hating each other at first like his friends, they’d immediately connected. That first night had been magical, and Wyatt had been so sure that this was the guy. He was still pretty sure he still felt the same way, under all the anger and the humiliation and the hurt, but he couldn’t believe anymore that Ryan was the right guy.
The right guy wouldn’t want to keep pretending when the reality was better than any fantasy.
Still, he’d come here to Evan and Miles’ place early this morning and after plying him with a gourmet breakfast he had barely been able to choke down, they’d sat him down in front of bad reality television for two hours. Then Miles had made him the sundae, proclaiming that brownies and caramel crunch ice cream topped with hot fudge could cure any problem. At the very least distract from one.
Wyatt was marginally distracted, but he didn’t really feel any better. Miles would try to keep him here, and away from Ryan, but Wyatt was beginning to think he should go home, and try to figure out how they were going to proceed. Would Wyatt stay his personal chef? Would the fake relationship be on? Could he even get out of that contract he’d stupidly signed, all hopeful and optimistic only a few weeks ago?
Knowing Ryan’s shark of an agent, getting out of it was probably going to be a nightmare. But on the upside, Ryan could probably hire the waiter to take his place pretty easily.
“You don’t have to go back there, you know. We can go get your stuff. And you can stay with us for awhile.” Like Wyatt didn’t know Miles and Evan had marathon sex sessions complete with noises he’d really prefer never to hear. “I can even put out feelers for a new job. There’s so many more opportunities in LA. With your resume, you’ll get something fast.”
He probably would, Wyatt reasoned. Miles wasn’t even lying. But despite everything, he wasn’t really sure he was ready to quit his current job just yet.
Wyatt didn’t think he was nearly as stubborn as some people—like say, Xander—but once on a path, it was hard to shove him off of it. And he’d fallen in love with Ryan pretty irrevocably. It was probably going to take more than an angel to change his mind.
“I’m tired,” Wyatt finally said. “I’m going home to try to get some sleep.”
He’d gone home from Temple the night before, and had lain awake in bed all night, fully expecting that he would hear Ryan come home from the club with company. He’d tortured himself for hours, preparing his heart for what he might hear or see the next day. But he wasn’t sure that Ryan had come home at all, or else he’d come home and been too quiet for Wyatt to hear.
Removing himself from the house and going to Miles’ had seemed like such a good plan, but now he wasn’t sure that being around Miles and Evan was helping him at all, no matter how sympathetic they were.
Or how many assassins Evan was willing to hire.
Miles opened his mouth and Wyatt held up a hand. “I know, I don’t have to. I need to.”
“Well, make sure to text me, tell me how it goes,” Miles said quietly. Evan had faded into the living room, leaving the two friends alone in the kitchen. “I know how rotten you must feel if you can’t even work up an appetite for my caramel crunch ice cream and homemade hot fudge.”
“You even made brownies without walnuts,” Wyatt said ruefully. “I’m sorry I couldn’t enjoy them.”
“I’ll wrap them up,” Miles said, beginning to do just that. “You can snack yourself into a chocolate coma later.”
“Thank you,” Wyatt said. And to his embarrassment, he was near tears. Again.
Miles walked over, handing him the container full of brownies, and wrapped him in a big hug. “You’re a great guy,” he said. “Either Ryan realizes he needs to do better by you, or you’ll find a guy who will. You deserve that.”
Wyatt left, saying a quick goodbye and drove his bike home to Ryan’s house.
Wyatt was not ashamed that when he reached the gate, he kicked off the power on his bike and walked it in. Ryan wouldn’t even know he’d come back. Of course that was assuming he’d noticed he was gone in the first place or that he even gave a shit.
He collapsed in his bed, and as he snuggled into the pillow, couldn’t help but be grateful that they’d been sharing Ryan’s bed. His sheets were thankfully completely Ryan-free.
He fell asleep hoping that Ryan was suffering a little because, unlike his own, his bed wasn’t a Wyatt-free zone.
* * *
Ryan took a deep, steadying breath and braced himself for the difficult conversation to come. He knocked twice, trying for soft but determined. If you could even interpret that from a knock.
Nothing.
Wyatt was either ignoring him or he wasn’t home. Normally, Ryan would have been fine giving him the space he wanted, but after last night’s relationship debut had not gone as planned, Eric was chomping at the bit to get things back on track.
He’d given Ryan stern orders that they would go to dinner tonight and they would at least pretend to be the most loved-up couple in LA.
That meant that knocking again wasn’t an option, it was a requirement.
He did it, a little louder this time. More authoritarian.
Still nothing.
The third set of knocks were more door thumps, and they must have done the trick because the door swung open, revealing a sleepy-looking Wyatt, shoving a hand through his hair.
His expression went from confused to angry to hurt. And it was the last that made Ryan’s heart ache. It hadn’t been very hard to figure out that was what was hurting so much in the vicinity of his chest. Even Tabitha hadn’t had to tell him.
“What are you doing here?” Wyatt demanded.
Ryan discarded the immediate and obvious explanation that this was his property and attached to his house. “I wanted to apologize,” he said.
“Not interested,” Wyatt said, and tried to slam the door shut, but Ryan got his foot and calf in before he could. Usually Wyatt had incredible reflexes, even more deft than Ryan’s, but he’d clearly just woken up.
“I was an asshole last night. Rude and thoughtless and cruel. I genuinely am very sorry,” Ryan said.
Wyatt had taken a step back away from Ryan’s entry into the house and took another. And then another. Ryan shut the door behind him. His neighbors didn’t need to hear this and send the scoop to TMZ.
Wyatt didn’t look convinced, so Ryan tried again.
“You’re right, I was playing games. And I’m done.”
“Done how?” Wyatt asked.
“You were right about so much,” Ryan said, desperately latching onto the tiny opening that Wyatt had just given him. “About how the boredom thing was about me, and not about you. I should have told you I wasn’t going to get bored, and should have listened when you said you wouldn’t either.”
Wyatt sighed. “Listen, I don’t really give a shit that you’re not going to get bored in a fake relationship. Or by hooking up with me, or whatever. I don’t care.”
“What if it wasn’t just a fake relationship? What if we weren’t just hooking up?” The Ryan of six months ago would have been aghast at the direction this co
nversation had taken, but frankly the Ryan of six months ago had been a tool.
Wyatt hadn’t just made him a better person; Wyatt made him want to be a better person.
“You want to be together? For real?” Wyatt sounded very skeptical, and Ryan honestly could not blame him. He sat down on the couch, leaving Wyatt hovering around the TV. He’d read once that if you wanted someone to believe you, you needed to be absolutely sure of your own actions. Sitting down on the couch like he belonged there seemed the most affirmative action that Ryan could take at the moment.
“I do,” Ryan said.
There was a flash of hope in Wyatt’s eyes as he sat down on the chair opposite and leaned over, his elbows resting on his knees. “I want to believe that,” Wyatt said. But then his face hardened. “I’m just not sure I can.”
Ryan figured this was the best time to lay all his cards on the table. Tabitha had warned him as she was leaving that going to dinner tonight in an attempt to fulfill the original agreement was going to fuck with Wyatt’s ability to forgive. Ryan’s apology would just look like he was manipulating Wyatt to get what he needed from him.
“You need to nip that right in the bud,” Tabitha had cautioned. “Tell him right away and be as honest as you can. Tell him your hands are tied with this. Otherwise he’ll have every reason to believe you’re lying.”
“There’s something else,” Ryan added. “Last night . . . I don’t even need to tell you that last night I monumentally fucked up. Not just with you, though that’s the part that possibly has the worst and most lasting consequences. I also fucked up our agreement. I fucked up the impression I was trying to give people. I was trying to look like someone responsible and trustworthy, someone who cared about you, and instead I made it look like the opposite.”
“Believe me, I was there. We don’t have to rehash it,” Wyatt said dryly.
“What I’m trying to say is that Eric has set up a redo. For tonight.”
Wyatt stared at him incredulously, then jumped up and started pacing between the living room and the kitchen. “Are you fucking kidding me? That’s why you’re here? That’s why you’re apologizing? Because you need me to go play nice with you in front of some fucking photographer?”