“I didn’t think about that.”
“Yeah, you don’t spend a lot of time thinking things through before you make stupid mistakes, do you?”
“If I was better at thinking things through, then I wouldn’t make the stupid mistakes, now would I?” He sighs. “Okay, how do I fix it?”
“Find a way to make sure Laina knows you would have chosen her even if Rachel hadn’t dumped your butt. And do it soon, because I wasted a perfectly good Saturday night on you.”
I hang up and toss the phone aside.
I only have ten minutes left to get ready for church before Mom and Laina start pounding on my bedroom door. Luckily, I showered last night and braided my wet hair before I went to bed. All I have to do is throw on a dress, take out my braid and run a comb through my now-wavy hair. A touch of lip gloss gives me just the right sparkle to my yes-I’m-naturally-this-beautiful look. Eight and a half minutes later, I’m ready to go and waiting by the front door.
***
Jarod is waiting when we walk into the church. He shakes hands with my parents and hugs Laina, and as they walk into the chapel, he grabs my hand. “Can we talk? It’s important.”
I shake my head. “Mom will shoot me if I’m late for services.”
“Tomorrow, then? After school?”
I pull my hand away. “I’ll think about it.” I slide into the chapel before he can protest.
I spend the entire meeting watching Jarod out of the corner of my eye, wondering what he wanted to say. I know better than to jump every time he beckons, but tomorrow can’t come soon enough.
***
I shove a bite of my brownie sundae into my mouth and smile at Amy when she comes by to check on us. She smiles back at me and shakes her head at Jarod. Even she can tell I’m crushing on the wrong boy, and this “date” is not going well at all.
When he said we needed to talk, I convinced myself that he was finally giving up on Laina. I thought he wanted to talk about the kiss and everything that went wrong afterward. But we’ve been sitting here for nearly half an hour, and he hasn’t shut up about Laina yet. And that’s on top of the time he spent talking about her while we drove all the way out here.
“Did you hear that Rachel Nichols broke up with Crawford?” Jarod asks. “Now, there’s nothing to stop him from going after Laina. Not that a girlfriend would have stopped a creep like him, but at least Laina wouldn’t fall for his act when he was still dating someone else.”
I smile and nod and take another bite of ice cream. I want to reach across the table and shake him and tell him to wake up, because Laina might not be the perfect angel he thinks she is, and she’s so in love with Shane that she’ll probably never notice Jarod, no matter what he does. But one mistake is hardly a reason for crucifying her. And if he knew that Shane kissed Laina before breaking up with Rachel, Jarod would just get all over-protective and more determined than ever to prove that he’s the one she needs.
“So we’re going to sit here complaining about life being unfair?” I ask.
“No.” Jarod grins and reaches across the table to squeeze my hand. “We’re going to step up our game. We have to show Crawford that he’s not going to win.”
I pull my hand away and run my fingers through my hair, trying to ignore the tingles running up my arm. “First of all, no girl really wants to have guys fighting over her like she’s some kind of prize. Laina’s a person, not a trophy. And you’re going to lose her entirely if you don’t stop treating her like the toy at the bottom of your cereal box. She doesn’t belong to you.”
Jarod’s eyes narrow. “Are you saying that Crawford won before I got a chance to play the game?”
I push my ice cream dish aside and stand up. “I’m saying Laina’s a person, not a pet. And if you don’t drop this macho-jerk-from-the-nineteen-fifties act, you’ll never have a chance!”
I realize that I’m screaming, and the three other customers in the diner are staring at me. I don’t care. I grab my purse and my jacket, and I storm outside.
As soon as I reach the nearly empty parking lot, I realize how stupid my little temper tantrum was. I don’t have a car, and it’s more than thirty miles back to the edge of town. And I can’t call anyone for a ride, because my parents totally live in the dark ages, and they refuse to get me my own cell phone. All I have is a pay-as-you-go phone, and it’s out of minutes.
Amy would probably let me use the phone behind the counter, but walking back inside now would completely ruin my grand exit. Besides, I can already feel the tears streaming down my cheeks and I don’t really want to face Jarod looking like this.
I take a deep breath and hold my head up high as I stride across the parking lot. Maybe a thirty-mile walk will be good for me. I should probably exercise more anyway.
Or maybe I’ll get lucky and someone will give me a ride home.
“Where are you going?” Jarod’s fingers close around my arm, and he pulls me back to the row of dilapidated benches outside the door of the diner. He tries to get me to sit down, but I refuse. “You don’t think you’re going to walk home, do you?”
I pull away and cross my arms. “In case you haven’t noticed, I don’t belong to you, either.”
The tears are gushing by now, and Jarod reaches out to wipe them away. I slap his hand and grab a tissue out of my purse to wipe my own eyes.
“I’m sorry,” he says. “I don’t know what I did, but whatever it was, I’m sorry.”
I sniffle and shake my head. Of course he doesn’t know why I’m crying. I’m not even sure myself. I don’t know what hurts worse: the fact that Jarod can’t see why turning my sister into the prize in a stupid pissing contest with Shane Crawford is a bad thing, or the fact that he’s never even thought about fighting for me.
“Come on,” Jarod says. “Let’s finish our sundaes before they melt, and you can tell me how to get Laina’s attention without making a complete fool of myself.”
I take a deep breath and shake my head. I don’t trust myself to speak without losing it again. But I can’t play matchmaker anymore.
A semi-familiar car pulls into the parking lot, and Dave climbs out of it. “Sorry, Jar,” I say. “I can’t do this right now. My ride is here.” I jog across the parking lot and reach Dave as he’s locking the doors. I turn my back to Jarod, so he won’t see the pleading look on my face while I beg Dave to play along.
“Are you here by yourself?” I ask. “I mean, I can see that you’re alone right at this moment, but are you meeting someone, or could you do a huge favor for me?”
“Well, I was supposed to meet my sister, but I’m early.” He glances over my shoulder to where Jarod is still standing next to the door of the diner. “Let me guess. You had a fight with your boyfriend, and now you need a ride home?”
“Yes. Well, no. Kind of, I guess. Yes, we got in a fight. No, he’s not my boyfriend. We’re friends. Sort of. But I really don’t want to talk to him right now, and I kind of already told him that you were here to give me a ride home, and if I don’t get into the car with you in the next thirty seconds, he’s going to know I lied, and can you give me a ride home or not?”
Dave smiles and shakes his head before unlocking his car and opening the passenger-side door for me. “I guess Amy won’t mind if I make her wait a little bit. I wouldn’t want to make you look like a liar in front of your … are you sure he’s not your boyfriend?”
I climb in, and I wait until he slides behind the wheel and starts the car before I respond. “Of course I’m sure. How could someone not know if she had a boyfriend?” I resist the urge to look in the rearview mirror as Dave pulls out of the parking lot. Jarod is probably already back inside, polishing off both ice cream sundaes, but in case he’s still watching, I don’t really want to see the look on his face.
Dave laughs. “No, that’s not what I meant. I saw you guys here a couple of weeks ago, and you looked … the way he looked at you, the way you looked at each other, I thought …” He shakes his head. “Does Mr
. Just-a-Friend know he’s not your boyfriend?”
“Trust me, he knows,” I say. “Jarod does not want to be my boyfriend.”
“But you want to be his girlfriend, right?”
“What? No! Of course not. We’re friends.”
“You really believe that, huh?” He grins. “I’m sorry to tell you, but that’s impossible.”
I fold my arms across my chest and lean back in my seat, refusing to dignify that remark with an answer. But after driving for thirty minutes in total silence, I have to ask. “Why is it so impossible to believe that someone would want to be friends with me?”
“Because.” Dave glances at me quickly before turning his attention back to the road. “You’re too beautiful to be someone that any guy is ‘just friends’ with. And in my experience, a girl doesn’t get so upset by something that one of her ‘friends’ says that she has to go driving away with the first hot guy she sees, to make her ‘friend’ jealous.” He laughs. “Don’t get me wrong. I’m flattered that you chose me to make him jealous, but you are not just friends.”
“You are so far off base it’s not even funny,” I say. “I didn’t choose you. You were the only one around, and I needed to get out of there. And Jarod is in love with Laina. He doesn’t even think about me that way.”
“He doesn’t think of you in what way?”
“You know, like a girl. I’m just a little sister.”
“But you’re not his sister,” Dave says as he pulls into my driveway. “So unless he’s gay, and I’m guessing he’s not if you say he’s in love with Alaina, he thinks of you that way. He’s a guy. It’s built into our genetic code. It’s not a choice. It’s a reflex.”
“Whatever. Jarod so doesn’t want a relationship with me.”
“So he’s only attracted to you if he wants a relationship? What if he just thinks you’re hot?”
“Then I guess it’s a good thing that I don’t think of him that way, isn’t it?”
“If you say so.”
I roll my eyes and climb out of the car. “Thanks for the ride. I guess I’ll see you in school tomorrow?”
“Yep. First period. It’s a date.” He winks. “Bye, sexy.”
I laugh and blow him a kiss as he pulls out of the driveway.
Jarod’s car whips into the driveway, tires squealing, and he jumps out almost before the car stops moving. “Don’t you ever do something like that again! Did you even know that guy?”
I lean against the railing on the porch steps and pick at my peeling fingernail polish, trying to look bored. “Of course I know him. That was Dave. We’ve only been going to school together since second grade. I’m not stupid enough to get into a car with someone I don’t know.” He doesn’t need to know I was seriously considering hitchhiking before Dave showed up.
I yawn and glance at my watch.
“Well, next time you get mad at me for no reason, could you please talk to me about it, instead of driving off with some guy I’ve never met who could be a serial killer for all I know and scaring me half to death?”
“Cut the drama, Jar. First of all, you know Dave. He’s been going to school with us forever, he helped out with Laina’s clothing drive, and he’s Amy’s little brother. It’s not like I took off with some psychopath.” I take a deep breath and exhale slowly. “And secondly, you don’t really care. You’re only annoyed because you didn’t get to have the last word. But that is so not my problem. Find someone else to help you measure your manhood against Shane. I am beyond through with you.”
I spin on my heel and storm up the steps to the front door. But I drop my key as I’m fumbling to unlock the door, and it slips through a crack in the porch. I drop to my knees, blinking back tears. I can see the key, glinting in the fading sunlight, completely out of reach and mocking me. Once again, my perfect exit is ruined, and I’m stuck.
“I care.” Jarod kneels beside me and lifts my chin so that my eyes meet his. “I do care about you. You’re my best friend.” He takes my hand and leads me to the swing on the opposite side of the porch. He wraps his arms around me and runs his fingers through my hair. I lean my head against his shoulder and remind myself not to cry, even though all I want to do is sob uncontrollably.
His arms tighten around me, and he rubs my back, slowly rocking the swing back and forth. “You want to tell me what’s really wrong?” he asks. “What was that blow-up at the diner all about?”
I shake my head, too embarrassed to say anything. I knew from the start that I didn’t stand a chance. Jarod has always had his heart set on Laina, and I’ll never be able to compete with her.
Jarod kisses the top of my head and sighs. “I hate seeing you like this,” he says. “Please talk to me. Let me fix it.”
“I can’t.” My tears spill over, running down my cheeks and soaking the shoulder of Jarod’s coat. “You can’t.” I rub my eyes and sit up, pulling myself out of his embrace. “We can’t fix this. I need you to leave. Please.”
He brushes away the tears running down my cheek and caresses my cheek. “I’m not leaving until you tell me what’s bothering you. Please let me help.” He leans in until his lips brush softly against mine, and I want to melt into him and forget about this whole, crappy day. I wrap my arms around his neck and twine my fingers in his hair to pull him closer. But as his lips crush against mine, I stiffen and pull away.
“What are you doing?” I ask.
Jarod smiles. “I’m trying to kiss you.” He inches closer, but I put both hands on his muscular chest and push him away.
“Why?”
He sits back and looks at me, arching one eyebrow. “What?”
“Why do you want to kiss me? Why now?”
“Why not?”
“Seriously?” I laugh bitterly and slide to the opposite side of the swing, turning my body to face him and pulling my knees up onto the seat to create a physical barrier between us. “You spent the entire afternoon whining about how much you want Laina. You really think kissing me is the answer?”
He runs his fingers through his hair in that adorable way he always does when he’s nervous. “I don’t know. I guess not.”
“You don’t know? Really? Come on, Jar. I may not get perfect grades, but even I’m smart enough to know that’s a load of crap. You can’t actually believe that Laina would be okay with it if she came home right now to find us making out on the front porch.”
He shrugs.
I gasp. “You want her to see us kissing. You’re hoping she’ll come home and catch us, so she’ll be jealous and choose you instead of Shane. You’re using me to get to her.” My stomach churns and I swallow hard to keep myself from throwing up.
“What? No!” Jarod’s face pales and he shakes his head violently. “No, of course not. We can’t get caught. She wouldn’t understand.”
I fold my arms and glare. “I don’t understand either.”
This is where a dramatic exit might be really effective, but of course I have nowhere to go. Besides, I really want to hear his answer.
“I know,” he says. “You’re amazing, Andi. And beautiful. And one of the best people I know. I don’t want to hurt you. You know that, right?”
“Yet, you’ll kiss me and make me think you’re totally into me, when the whole time, you’re pretending that I’m Laina. In case you didn’t know, that kind of hurts, Jar.”
“I wasn’t pretending anything. I’m not sorry I kissed you. You looked so beautiful, and your lips were so soft, and … and I admit, the timing was wrong. But I wasn’t thinking about Laina. It was all you.”
“You called me Laina, Bozo. I think it’s pretty obvious that you were thinking about her.”
He gulps. “Yeah, that was an accident. Can’t we forget about that?”
“It’s not exactly something you forget.”
“I know.” He runs his fingers through his hair and exhales forcefully. “I’m stupid. It’s just, I’ve been in love with Laina forever. But you …” He reaches across the seat and takes
my hand. “I don’t know. Sometimes, it feels like you know me better than anyone else.”
I pull my hand away.
Jarod stands up and paces back and forth across the porch, finally stopping beside the swing. He leans against the porch rail and studies my face. “I don’t know. Laina and me, we … I mean, she … Well, you know. I love her. I always have.” He sighs. “But I like you too. A lot. I don’t want to mess up our friendship.” He sits beside me again. “It’s just, sometimes, when I’m with you, I get so confused.”
“Well, until you figure things out, could you please keep your lips to yourself?”
Jarod blushes. “It’s a deal.” He stares at me for a minute longer, then shakes his head and smiles. “So do you want to keep sitting out here on the porch until someone else gets home, or can I be your knight in shining armor by crawling under the porch to find your key?”
Ten minutes later, I hang my coat on the hook inside the front door and say goodbye to Jarod.
“I know I’m not going to get a goodnight kiss, but can I at least hug you?” he asks.
I point to the cobwebs covering his jacket and in his hair. “Not a chance. I’m not a big fan of spiders.”
I watch him walk back to his car and drive away, and then I go to my room, where I climb into bed and pull the covers up over my head. Maybe tomorrow will be less complicated.
***
“Don’t look now,” Emily whispers, “but Dave is totally staring at you. Poor boy is practically drooling.”
I glance across the room, because that’s the first thing you always do when someone tells you not to look. Dave doesn’t blush or look away like a normal person would. Instead, he blows a kiss.
“Oh my Godiva, Andi, you’re blushing,” Emily says. “I never thought I’d see the day when some boy could make you lose your cool.” She giggles loudly, ending with a high-pitched squeal.
Twleve Steps Page 9