by Lainy Lane
“I think I should go in alone.” She turns to face Jarreth and Drake.
Jarreth nods as if he had expected her to do that all along. Drake looks disappointed, but he doesn’t appear to want to challenge her. She takes a deep breath and pulls from within before she turns and enters the cave still feeling completely unprepared for what lies ahead.
The cave is just as beautiful as it was in the vision. It seems wrong to be in a place this amazingly designed and be expecting something so horrible to take place in its beauty. Tristan is against the back wall, his face is dirty, his eyes are tired, and tear tracks streak through the dirt on his face. His hands are behind his back as if he is tied up. His legs are stretched out in front of him.
“Calandra,” his voice is hoarse, “wouldn’t you be a sight for sore eyes if you weren’t so … different.”
It’s her vision all over again. What scares her now is what may happen afterwards, her vision was so short it didn’t give her much insight into what to expect. Water drips off of parts of the cave and sends echoes throughout the cavern.
“Are you okay?” she asks as she walks over to him.
She kneels down in front of him and reaches for his arms. She can’t see anything tying them up, but he is bound by something. She pulls at his arms and feels the resistance against whatever spell is holding him there.
“I’m just peachy,” he says coldly.
She pulls a few more times before realizing what she needs to do to get him out. She steadies her thoughts and emotions and focuses on willing her powers. Crimson shoots out of her fingers and his arms are immediately released. He pulls them in front of him and rubs his wrists. Calandra sits on the damp ground and leans into the wall behind them. She feels the moisture soak into her clothes and onto her skin. It chills her to the bone, but she resists the urge to get back up. She sighs, closes her eyes, and leans her head against the wall pushing away the thoughts of what it will do to her hair.
How can she tell him what she had become without scaring him? She knows what she feels, and there is no way to get around burning him. After everything he had done and everything she’d already put him through, none of it is fair to him. Calandra can feel her words forming the knife that will slice his heart to pieces. That alone is enough to break her own heart. Tristan closes his eyes, he can feel something is wrong, he knows her too well.
There is no way to put it off, no way to lie. She just has to come right out and say it. She opens her mouth to begin slicing his heart open, but he puts his hand up before the words come out.
“Don’t say it. I already know where this is going, and I don’t want to hear it.” He looks at the ground as he speaks.
She is glad he isn’t looking at her, the pain that she knows is in his eyes would only make this ordeal that much more impossible. “What do you mean you know?” she finally manages to ask.
“I felt something was wrong. I sensed the change, a drift in the winds, and I felt you get carried away along with it. Away from me and away from Him, the one that you really need to save you.” His voice cracks as he adds the last part.
She knows what is coming next. She knows the tears are coming for him. She had known for much longer than she is willing to admit that this was going to happen. She just wasn’t sure until this moment exactly how it would happen and now she is going to lose Tristan completely. She is scared he’ll never even want to look at her again. No matter what she feels about anything, she knows she will always need Tristan in her life and by her side. Despite those feelings and despite everything they have been through together, she doesn’t feel sad. She isn’t upset, she is just here doing what she knows she has to do.
Tristan finally looks up at her, and she’s surprised to see that there are no tears in his eyes, it is anger. “I can’t be the one to save you, Calandra, there’s only one Savior, and it certainly isn’t me. It’s like a drug to you, isn’t it? The power, the games, the mind control. You’ve beat me down over and over and when it gets the best of you, you just know I’ll still be standing here waiting to drag you out of that hole. I won’t watch you go through this cycle again, I won’t save you this time. I can’t. I’m done being your fix when I’m the one who gets hurt in the end, Calandra.”
The words cut through her chest and she feels her heart shatter into pieces and land in the pit of her stomach. He is right, and that realization brings on the sting of tears that tries to break through the mask of nonchalant-ness she has been wearing for so long. She fights them down. She starts to open her mouth to rebuke him, but nothing comes out. Nothing she can say will matter after that, but she owes him something. In this moment, Calandra realizes just how selfish she has been. She has broken Tristan’s heart, and yet some part of her still wants him to keep fighting for her despite it being a losing battle.
Calandra sighs and looks to the ground. “You’re right.” She looks back at him.
His eyes cut deep into her soul, there’s an anxiousness in them. He’s waiting for her to tell him she will change, that she will be the person she was before. The hope sits plainly in his expression and his desperation is apparent.
“I really am so sorry. I don’t want to lose you, Tristan, you’re my best friend and I need you,” she pleads, her voice filled with sincerity. “I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. I promise you I never meant to hurt you.” She feels the tears coming to the surface, and she fights with everything she has to keep them at bay. “I just … everything’s so different here. I’m different here. This place is changing me, and even though I wasn’t looking to change, it feels good. There’s nothing I can do to stop it, and quite honestly, I don’t want to.”
The disappointment makes itself clear on his face as he stares back at her. He opens his mouth as if he is going to say something, but he closes it back immediately. “The world you’re in shouldn’t matter, Calandra. I don’t care if you woke up as Alice in the looking glass, what you believe and what you know is right shouldn’t change regardless.”
Calandra stands up and dusts herself off. She makes an effort to not look at Tristan, afraid she might finally break down if she does. “So I guess you’re going back home now?” Calandra decides to change the subject.
“I think I’ll try staying for a little bit.” He shrugs and watches her as she paces in front of him. She finally stops with her body angled toward the exit of the cave. “Someone’s gotta look after you since you’ve forgotten how to look after yourself.”
Smiling softly, Calandra turns away from Tristan and begins the walk out of the cave. Her body draws back to look back at him but she won’t allow it. She can’t bear to see the disappointment on his face. Not that her heart can break anymore, but her soul still can and she can’t allow that to happen. With every bit of strength she has left in her, she forces herself to walk away.
“Then I guess I’ll see you around. If you want that is, or not if you don’t,” she whispers as she walks out of the cave and leaves him behind.
Tristan is gone, not completely gone, but in the sense that she’s always known him in. The realization of it sends a tinge of pain through her. It’s not quite as much pain as she knows she should feel given the circumstances, but it is there. She wonders where she’s supposed to go from here, what she’s supposed to do. She has just walked away from her safeguard. As this information washes over her, she sees Jarreth standing in the sunlight. Drake is gone, which makes her feel a bit more at ease.
“Did you scare him off?” she asks, suddenly feeling much lighter than she was just a few moments ago. Something about having finally told Tristan and having the confrontation out of the way is like a huge weight lifted off of her shoulders.
“Once you denied him the show, he left on his own.”
“Lovely,” she scoffs as she closes the remaining distance between them.
“Everything okay?” he asks sincerely.
“It’s … handled.” She can’t think of a better word to use to describe the situation.
Jarreth gradually leans into her, holding her gaze as he closes the short distance between them. Her emotions and the stress of the situation slowly drain away from her with his gaze. “So, now what?” he asks. Jarreth pulls her into his side and begins to lead them back toward Calandra’s tree house.
“Now, I guess we see what happens, and where this all takes us,” she says, knowing that she’s oversimplifying the situation.
They walk out into the sunset. The pink and lavender lights shine around them as they walk arm in arm. Her life is nothing like it had been weeks ago. Yet, at the current moment she doesn’t mind. She is excited about it and ready to see where it will go. She doesn’t know what is going to happen from here. She has no clue what lies ahead of her, of them, of the world of Faerie, but it all feels right, it is her destiny. So, with a newfound confidence, she walks with her destiny to embrace the new Calandra and discover exactly what she is meant to become and what the prophecy that somehow regards her birth and her purpose is.
Epilogue
Haunted
Have you ever felt like you were in a completely hopeless situation? Like you tried everything in your power, exhausted all of your means, to get where you wanted to be, but you were still left simply watching your hopes and dreams pass you by? This is what has become of Tristan’s life. He is in an unfamiliar world where he knows no one. Well, he knows one person. The love of his life is here. Yet he is forced to watch as day after day she walks around in the casing of the person that he knows and loves. He watches her laugh and smile and carry on like everything is perfect and content in the world.
However, everything is not okay. He had her, she was his. Through no fault of his own, he lost her. Of course most men say they didn’t do anything to lose their women, and usually it is just denial, but in this case, it is true. He really had done nothing, yet he has still lost everything that’s ever meant anything to him. That’s the problem though, he hasn’t lost it completely, but sometimes he wishes he had.
He can’t help but wonder if it would hurt less if she was just gone or if he actually left. But he’s still in her life, just as her friend. She still comes to him with her problems; he pretends that he’s okay with the situation and helps her figure out her issues. Somehow she doesn’t see that it kills him inside every time she does this and he would never dream of telling her.
He feels haunted. After all those months, he had the impression that he knew her, that he had her figured out. But here he sits, alone, as he watches a complete stranger walk around in his true love’s body. He watches as she tramples over his heart daily. He watches the ghost of who she used to be, who they were, follow her around constantly. It is taunting of what once was, what should still be, but what isn’t anymore. What he desires the most, yet what he can no longer have.
Haunted. That is Tristan’s life now. These are the thoughts that keep him up at night. These are the things that he can’t get out of his head. The reason he has no time alone. He can’t even keep track of time anymore. He isn’t entirely sure how long he’s been here. As of now, it seems like an eternity.
He sits against a tree with pink firework leaves blooming from it. The blue flowers on the ground around him look like butterflies and he finds himself wondering if they would actually turn into butterflies and fly away if he were to sit still long enough. He has seen Jarreth and Calandra sit here many times, he’s watched as they enjoy their picnics and tease each other about nonsense. Even though he sits here alone now, he can still see the memories of them play out right in front of him as if they were here.
He closes his eyes against the thoughts and the images that have haunted him since the cave and show no sign of letting up anytime soon. He needs a distraction. He knows nothing will heal him from losing Calandra, but if he can at least find something to take the edge off of the pain, things would at least be a bit more bearable. Unfortunately, he can’t think of anything capable of distracting him from such a pain. He catches a glimpse of someone walking toward him. At first he ignores it, until the sweet scent of honeysuckle catches his nose and causes him to look back up.
Long brown curls frame her exquisite face. She is tall and slender, and wears a white dress that flows along her figure while it drifts with the wind that surrounds her. He doesn’t feel a breeze where he sits, but there is wind that picks up her dress and makes it flap around her ankles as she seemingly glides toward him. Her smile as she approaches is intoxicating. It combines with the smell of honeysuckle, a reminder of innocent childhood days, and he is completely enthralled by the new being that draws near him.
He doesn’t realize he’s staring until she reaches him, but he finds himself unable to stop. Gawk is probably a better word for what he is doing. She looks down for a moment before she joins him in the grass. She holds one hand out toward him. Her long nails are painted a light pink shade that reminds him of Calandra’s lips.
“Trinity,” she says melodically and her smile widens.
He has to close his eyes against the thought of Calandra and pushes it away as he puts his hand in hers. She grips it tightly as they shake hands. Despite his eyes being closed, he can feel that her eyes are on him. He brings himself out of his thoughts and pulls his gaze up to meet hers.
“Tristan,” he says, quieter than he intended.
Their hands drop from each other’s. She sits across from him and she puts her hands behind her, leaning back into them to support herself as she lets the soft pink light of the sunset light her semi-transparent skin.
“Nice day, isn’t it?” she asks as she closes her eyes and takes a deep breath of the air around her in.
Tristan shrugs.
“You know, your face is far too appealing to show such sorrow.” She opens her eyes momentarily and glances over at him before she turns back to the sky and closes her eyes once more.
To his surprise, the comment makes an annoyance build up in him. Like he needs this girl trying to flatter him along with everything else he has going on in his head. It doesn’t matter how pretty she is or how sweet she smells, he is simply not in the mood for compliments, or company for that matter. He is in the mood to sulk. But just as he decides to get up and find another place to melt into his sorrows, his attitude changes completely.
Trinity lifts her arms off the ground and sits up straight. She takes in a deep breath and the air twists around her, it picks up her curls and makes them float mid-air but they still frame her face. She hums a soft tune as she places one hand on the grass directly under her shoulders. The moment her hand touches the ground, everything changes.
Tristan suddenly doesn’t care about his pain anymore, he only cares about her. She is intoxicatingly beautiful and her smell is completely enthralling. The thoughts in his head finally dissipate and the images that have haunted him for weeks now are gone. For the first time since the cave, a real smile comes across his face. This isn’t one of the fake smiles that he has been putting on for Calandra. It is a real, sincere smile. He feels uplifted. His heart is light and free again. He is happy and pain free.
He doesn’t know how she had made it happen and he immediately decides he doesn’t really care, he can breathe freely in the absence of the pain. That realization sets off another, but he knows that he can’t allow it to stop. He can’t feel the pain again. He needs this, he deserves to feel happy again. He turns and looks at her in exasperation from the being freed of his haunting of emotions.
“You’re welcome,” she says before he has a chance to say anything.
“Who are you?” he asks.
“I told you already,” she chuckles, “Trinity.”
“That’s not what I meant,” he scoffs.
Trinity stands up, and for a second Tristan swears he catches a glimpse of small light blue wings just above her shoulder blades. He shakes his head to clear the image from his mind.
“Come with me and I will explain everything you want to know and more.” She smiles in a way that turns her statement
into a dare. “I know all about the prophecy, I can tell you everything that you need to get her back.” She turns and in one swift movement starts to walk away. Her hand gestures behind her back inviting him to follow after her. He starts to get up, but stops himself momentarily to make himself wonder what he is doing exactly.
However, now that he no longer sees the baby blue wings descending from her back, he can’t think of a reason to stop himself. He is far too captivated to turn back now. She has taken the pain that has plagued him for weeks and she has a way for him to get Calandra back and away from the devils she’s been surrounding herself with. That’s all that he hears and his excitement manages to block out all the other warnings surrounding Trinity. He stands and runs to close the distance she has already created. He doesn’t know who she is, where she is taking him, what she is, or why exactly he is following her. All he knows is at the moment, he doesn’t have a choice. He feels like he has to find out, and finding out means following her, wherever that may lead.