“God no!” Taylor scrunched up her face.
“I like you,” the bride laughed. “I’m Michaela, by the way.”
“Yeah, I know. I’m Taylor.”
“Well, Taylor, why did Grant send you?”
“It’s a really long story, but it’s about his roommate…”
“Wait.” Michaela covered her mouth with her hand and tried to stifle her squeal. “You’re that Taylor?”
“Uh…”
“Oh my gosh, okay, you have to come with me.” She stopped and grabbed Taylor’s arm. “You better be here to fight for him, because honey, if you break his heart at my wedding… well, I’ll just leave it at that.”
“I’m not exactly dressed to go in there,” Taylor paused, suddenly regretting all of her decisions. She should have been in a beautiful dress when he saw her. It should’ve been perfect.
“I don’t care about that,” Michaela waved off her concerns. “He won’t either. Come on.” She tugged on Taylor’s arm and they weaved their way through the crowd. She was still a few tables away when she finally saw him. He sat at the bridal table, leaning back with one leg crossed over the other. There was a smile on his face as he leaned over to listen to something a tiny blond woman was saying. He laughed, completely at ease amongst these people.
She never felt more out of place.
As much as she wanted to run, Michaela’s death grip on her arm wouldn’t let her. It was like she could read her mind.
“Hey, Maggie,” Michaela called bringing attention to them. The woman looked up, but so did Josh. He looked over them and then did a double take before bolting upright in his chair.
Taylor locked eyes with him and barely noticed anyone else anymore.
“Help me pee?” Michaela asked the woman Taylor now knew as Maggie. “This dress is a nightmare.”
Maggie looked from Josh to Taylor with a smirk on her face, and then left to follow Michaela.
“You,” Josh breathed.
“Me,” Taylor responded.
She had the sudden urge to laugh at his seeming lack of words. Or maybe it was the nerves, but she took a minute to control her laughter before looking back at him.
He wasn’t laughing.
He wasn’t even smiling.
Taylor stepped closer. She could see the vein in his neck pulsing in time with the pounding of his heart.
She searched his face for anger. For resentment. What she found in his eyes cut deeper than that. There was a deep hurt. He was in pain. A part of that was because of her. She’d never wanted to hurt him. He’d become collateral damage in her battle with her grief and she’d never forgive herself for that.
Josh slowly reached a hand towards her.
She studied him and then took it cautiously. His palm was warm against hers as he started leading her through the crowded room to a door at the back.
Fear kept Taylor silent. Fear of what Josh was going to say. Fear of what she deserved to hear. But, she needed him to speak those words; to tell her that she’d hurt him. That she’d abandoned him.
They reached the door, and a blast of cold air hit them as Josh pulled it open. Taylor shivered, glad she was in jeans rather than a dress. She took her hand from his to wrap her arms around herself, trying to regain some heat as they stepped out onto the patio. They were the only ones out here besides a solitary man smoking a cigarette. Taylor held her breath as they sidestepped the man and got upwind.
They stopped moving along the side of the building, and Josh looked down at her with a mixture of shock, uncertainty, and something else. He scanned her from head to toe, taking in her outfit with a slight tilt to the corner of his mouth. His eyes left a trail of heat wherever they traveled.
Taylor glanced at the stranger who was now stomping out his cigarette. She willed him to leave, but silently begged him to stay at the same time. She’d practiced what she was going to say to Josh. What she needed to say. She knew the words, but that didn’t make them easier to say. As long as someone else was out here with them, she wouldn’t have to.
The stranger didn’t even glance at them before striding over to the door and opening it.
As soon as the door shut, Taylor looked back up at Josh. His expression changed, all uncertainty disappearing.
“Josh,” she breathed, making herself begin the groveling. “I…”
Before she got another word out, Josh’s mouth descended into a claiming kiss. It was rough and very un-Josh like. Taylor slid her arms around his sides and pulled him closer. He responded by pinning her against the wall.
Panting, he pulled away, leaning his forehead against hers. She breathed him in, felt his body still pressed tight, and knew one thing for sure. She certainly wasn’t cold anymore.
Josh studied Taylor’s eyes and found that he couldn’t read them. Frustrated, he took a step back and blew out a long breath. Usually, everything Taylor felt was evident on her face, but she was guarding herself carefully. Protecting herself. From what? Him?
He should be mad, pissed as hell, unforgivably harsh. With her kiss still lingering on his lips, he wasn’t thinking straight. She’d left him. Ran when things got real. Despite the anger seething inside of him, all he’d wanted over the last week was to see her. To kiss her. For her to tell him that everything was going to be okay.
She reached a hand up to touch her lips and her shield dropped. Suddenly she was his Taylor again. The girl who felt everything, even while she was trying to feel nothing. The girl who was so unsure of herself, but still had this unbelievably sexy confidence. She’d come to an incredibly elegant wedding looking like she was just headed to class. And he loved that about her.
As the emotions came rushing back, so did his insane ability to look into her eyes and know what was happening in her head. They widened as he took a step forward. She was terrified, but not of him. Of what she’d done.
And it made him love her even more.
“Taylor,” he said finally.
She put a hand on his chest to stop his advance. “No,” she said. “Don’t use your ‘I’m Josh walker, sexy man-meat and all around good dude’ voice on me. I can’t take it.”
His shoulders shook with laughter and she glared at him, the light over their heads making her eyes shine behind her glasses. He couldn’t help himself, reaching forward to tuck her hair behind her ear. He needed to touch her. She swatted his hand away.
“Yell at me,” she ordered.
“No.” He narrowed his eyes in challenge.
“Tell me you hate me.”
“Can’t do that.”
“Say that I’m the worst human being on the face of the earth.”
“You’re not.”
She sagged against the wall, a tiny sob releasing into the night.
“Please, Josh.” Her voice grew small. “What I did was horrible. I am horrible.”
“I don’t believe that.” When another sob escaped her, he crossed the small distance between them and gathered her into his arms.
“I left.”
“I know.” He laughed softly. “I was there. It hurt.”
“And now I’m the one falling apart when your life has just been turned upside-down. How can you even stand to be around me right now?”
He shrugged.
“You’re seriously not mad?”
“No. Okay, maybe I was. I wanted to cut you out of my life. You have no idea the awful things I’ve thought about you this past week. But as hard as I tried, I couldn’t bring myself to hate you.” He rubbed his hands up and down her back to keep her warm.
“Why not?” She looked up at him, no more tears in her eyes.
Now or never, dude, he thought to himself as he looked at her. He always believed there were moments in life when you know exactly what to say or do, compared to the rest of the time when you’re just blundering along.
This was one of those moments. He knew he’d forgive her for anything.
“Because I love you.” He said it so softly, he was surp
rised she could even hear him. He’d never said it before, but the words felt natural on his tongue.
Taylor twisted around in his arms so she could see him more clearly.
“You do?” Her grin was the sweetest thing he’d ever seen.
He nodded, and she snaked her arms up around his neck before rising up on her toes to plant the softest of kisses on his lips. Too soon, she pulled away.
“That’s good then,” she breathed. “Because I love you too.”
He laughed loudly before kissing her again.
“You want to get out of here?” he asked.
“You don’t have to stay?”
“It’s practically over,” he shrugged.
“Umm …” she stammered, fidgeting with the end of her shirt. “I sort of came here quickly and didn’t book a hotel or anything.”
“That’s good, because you’re staying with me.” He grinned mischievously and she couldn’t help but laugh.
“Your parents won’t mind?”
“Trust me, they probably won’t even notice. They don’t come into my wing of the house.”
“Your… wing?” Taylor choked.
“You’ll see.” He winked as he held the door for her and they slipped inside.
Michaela found them immediately, almost as if she’d been waiting for them. She raised her eyebrows expectantly.
He smiled wide, and Michaela squealed before giving him a hug goodbye.
She surprised Taylor by wrapping her in a hug as well.
Josh went off to say the rest of his goodbyes, leaving the two girls together.
“He needs something good right now,” Michaela said when he was out of earshot.
“I’m not going anywhere this time,” Taylor responded.
“I don’t think it’s all truly hit him yet.”
“No,” Taylor agreed. “I didn’t expect this happy guy when I showed up.”
“He’s had a few rough days, but the worst is coming. I know him. He isn’t going to take it well when it finally sinks in.”
“I don’t know if he’s told you anything about me,” Taylor started. “But he single-handedly put me back together when I didn’t think that was possible. I’m prepared to do the same for him.”
Michaela’s smile was genuine as she nodded, only her eyes giving away how much she worried for Josh.
He returned with his coat in hand and draped it over Taylor’s shoulders before wrapping an arm around her and heading out.
The drive was short and before Taylor knew it, they were making their way down a long drive. Words stuck in her throat as the large, massive, extravagant house came into view. No, house wasn’t a grand enough word for what was in front of them. Mansion. Josh lived in a friggin’ mansion.
A man in a black suit hurried out to open her door. She didn’t even know what to say to him. Josh handed him the keys to park it in the garage so they could just head inside.
The steps led up to massive double doors. Once inside, Taylor felt more out of place in her jeans and Converse sneakers than she had at the wedding.
Josh handed his coat off to someone and then pulled her arm through his.
“This is home,” he said, his lips brushing her ear.
“Home?” she choked out the word. “For like a hundred people?”
He laughed and shrugged. “You get used to it.”
He walked her through the house, empty except for the servants they passed.
Up the stairs and to the right was what he’d called his ‘wing’. “I hope this all doesn’t make you uncomfortable.”
“Nah,” she smiled. “I’m only into you for your money anyways.”
“Is that why you told me you love me after my career is over?” He laughed, but there was a slight bitter edge. “No multi-million dollar contracts here.”
He opened the door to his room and walked inside.
“Josh,” Taylor said, still standing at the threshold. “You know I don’t care about that, right?”
“I do now that you’re here.”
Taylor paused for a moment. Did he really think that was the reason she left? No. She shook her head to clear it of those thoughts. Josh knew her better than anyone. He’d have known.
She stepped into his room, not even bothering to look around. Her eyes were only for him. “It’s going to be okay,” she said, knowing personally how much easier that was to say than to feel.
He started to fiddle with his tie, getting frustrated that his shaky hands weren’t untying it fast enough. “Dammit,” he groused.
Taylor moved forward and put her hands on his, stilling them. He pulled them away, and she loosened his tie before pulling the loop over his head and tossing it onto the dresser.
“You’re going to be okay,” she said softly.
Josh exhaled loudly, and Taylor repeated it. “You’re going to be okay.”
She ran her hands up under his jacket and pushed it off his shoulders. “It’s okay to fall apart. God knows I have. You just have to have someone who loves you enough to be there.”
“Say that again.” The haunted look left his eyes, and the side of his mouth quirked up.
“I love you.” She smiled up at him.
He leaned down to kiss her slowly.
“I don’t want to fall apart tonight.” His voice vibrated against her lips. “Tonight I want you to hold me together.”
He kissed her more urgently this time and then broke away to search her face, asking for permission. The last barrier. The last thing that was wholly Danny’s. But she didn’t feel like she was taking it from him anymore. He was giving it back to her. Something that didn’t belong to Danny or to Josh, only to her. And she wanted to share it with the man she loved.
Nodding, she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him back. He put his hands on her hips and lifted her onto the bed.
“I love you, Taylor Scott,” Josh whispered, his breath blowing into her hair. “I could say that a million times, and it would still ring just as true as the first.”
The sun filtered through the large windows next to the bed, creating a glow pattern across Taylor’s pale skin. Josh smiled down at her sleeping form and brought the comforter up over her bare shoulder.
He’d have to wake her up eventually, but he was enjoying some quiet by himself. Last night was the most perfect night, and now it was being tainted with all the other thoughts crowding his mind.
He’d thought hearing her tell him it was going to be okay would make him believe it. That’s what he’d wished for since she left.
But that’s not the way the world works. He’d woken up breathing heavily, with a new weight settled on his chest. Now that Taylor was back by his side, his mind focused in on what wasn’t there for him anymore. The game. His health. It’d all betrayed him, and he didn’t know what to do. There was nothing that could change it. Nothing he’d done to cause it. It just happened. And that was the hardest thing of all.
Taylor murmured something incoherent in her sleep and rolled closer to him. He wrapped his arms around her, her skin warm against his, and rested his chin on her head.
He finally understood. Finally got how it felt to lose something you loved.
Some people say that an athlete dies twice. The second time was obvious -when they actually die. But, the first time was when they hang it up. For most people that happened young, when they graduated high school or college and had no more teams to play on. Very few of them make it past that. Josh made it to the pros, but his first death still came prematurely. It wasn’t supposed to end like this, at least not for another fifteen years or so.
His heart ached, and it wasn’t because of his condition. It felt like a hand was wrapped around it, squeezing the life from the beating organ.
He didn’t want to be bitter. He didn’t want to hate the game.
You don’t always get what you want.
A tear rolled down his cheek, and his body quaked. It was a few minutes before he even realized Taylor was awake
and watching him.
She brushed the back of her hand against his cheek and sighed. “Come here.” She pulled his face towards hers and kissed him briefly before letting him bury his face in her neck.
She rubbed his back in silence for a few moments before he finally spoke. “I keep thinking I’m handling everything okay. Then it hits me all over again.”
“It’s going to be like that for a while.”
“I know.” He sighed, wiping his face dry.
“You know I’m here, right?”
“I like to think that when I have a beautiful naked girl in my bed, I know it.” He laughed, trying to snap himself out of his funk.
Taylor pinched him and then laughed when he yelped.
“That isn’t what I meant, and you know it.”
“I do.” He didn’t stop laughing when a thought popped into his mind. “Your dad must have told you where I was, so I’ll have to thank Coach for sending his daughter to ‘cheer me up’.” His air quotes made her laugh as well.
“I’d love to see his face,” she said. “Only, it wasn’t him. It was Grant.”
That made him sit up. “Mack sent you?” He scratched the side of his face, remembering the last conversation he’d had with his roommate. Needing space, he’d been ignoring his texts, along with all the others from the guys on the team.
“Yeah, he even bought my plane ticket.”
Josh looked up at the clock on the wall. They’d slept in, but there were still a few hours before Mack would have all the media stuff prior to the All-Star game that was being played that night.
Josh leaned down to kiss her once more. “I have to go make a phone call. You can take a shower if you want to, then we’ll head down to breakfast.”
She nodded knowingly, but sat waiting for him to leave before crawling out from underneath the covers.
He laughed to himself as he pulled on a pair of shorts and headed for the door.
Mack answered on the third ring.
“Hello?”
Josh smiled. He knew that voice. The “I was up too late and refuse to wake up” voice Mack had perfected. It was All-Star weekend; he shouldn’t expect anything less.
Dreams: A sweet hockey romance (New Beginnings Book 3) Page 20