“Yes, please, get him out of here!” I said. We deserved free dessert for this ridiculousness.
Adrian was still fuming, watching Buttholeworth.
“Fine! Though by your tone, I can see you’ll be resuming a sucky date,” the intruder remarked.
“I’m having a great time, thank you very much.” I don’t know why I felt the need to respond, thus continuing this unwanted spectacle.
Assholeworthy got up, eyeing Adrian in disdain. “You sure? I thought we all could be friends, talk about how nice our suits are, but it’s clear your buddy here,” he wiggled a finger at Adrian, “Is a spoilsport who couldn’t charm a woman, even if there were a manual how to do so right in front of him. I mean, come on, what man lets their woman order the salmon?” Disgust twisted his face. “He should know you always order a full lobster with corn and a baked potato!”
The dragon abruptly stood, fists clenched, but then whirled on me. “Do you have a problem with salmon?”
“Adrian! Don’t feed into his psychotic break. And if I had an issue, I wouldn’t have ordered it.” I got up too, since everyone was standing like jackasses.
Buttshitterworth tsked. “He doesn’t sound confident, or even worthy of your hand.”
“What?” My screech made everyone wince. And shattered several wine glasses. Damn, now I’d have to pay for those.
Angelica yanked him away till they were finally gone. They must have known each other. My anger suddenly blazed. Were they a part of some hidden camera prank show that fucks up people’s date—er, casual dinner outings? Had to be. The last twenty minutes had been entirely too absurd to be real.
“OKAY, TV PRODUCERS! YOU CAN COME OUT NOW!”
They should have been able to hear my yells since the entire restaurant was dead silent. Of course it was. All these so-called customers were in on it. I checked behind the fake plants in corners, under our booth for taped mikes, and jerked up tablecloths. “COME OUT! COME OUT!” I called.
People huffed and grunted at me as I went to each table. Mad you’ve been busted?
“Kokoa, what are you doing?” I heard Adrian ask.
I didn’t halt my search to answer. Fueled by irritation, and a growing pissy fit that I had been suckered in on a televised joke, I ripped aside more tablecloths, knocking over drinks and plates.
The demon manager appeared, spouting smoke, and yammering on about my mental state—not in those exact words, just the usual Are you crazy? Please stop this at once!—he was at my side as I beelined for the Gatsby couple. Surely, they were paid actors. It was nowhere near Mortalween, the supernaturals’ Halloween version, and I would have known if there had been a random costume party happening in town.
The Gatsby woman squeaked when I snatched the menu she’d been holding for the past half hour out of her suspiciously gloved hands. Coincidence? I think not! “Who hired you?”
My demand shocked her. She glanced, wide-eyed, at the man and I took his menu, too. Ha, now no one gets one.
“Answer me, damn it! All I wanted tonight was a simple, easy time with a hot dragon guy and to eat some damn crab dip! Why can’t you money-hungry, insensitive fucktards leave people who don’t want any more embarrassing moments alone? Now look at me! I’m screaming in a restaurant like a crazy woman—are you happy now?”
Firm hands grasped my upper arms and raised me inches off the ground. “Kokoa, calm down,” Adrian commanded. “Though I am flattered by the hot dragon comment.”
I struggled, kicking out. “How can I when a fucking film crew has been sabotaging our wonderfully romantic dinner outing?”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about, and seriously, what’s the harm in just saying the word date?” he grumbled.
Before I retorted, two things occurred within mere seconds of each other. The restaurant’s entrance glass doors slammed open, and a pair of women with big periwinkle wigs, in heavy makeup, wearing short bedazzled dresses and go-go boots strolled up to the podium. Behind them was a security guy in skin-covering black, combat boots, and sunglasses, equipped with an earpiece and sporting a bushy goatee.
“MAKE WAY FOR THE SEXY YODELING SISTAS!” the mocha-skinned lady of the duo announced. Her pale counterpart popped her gum, shook her wide cleavage, threw her head back, and began yodeling horribly. Everyone up front hunched in pain, closing their ears.
What the hell is going on here?
And then Boobooworths ran out of the swinging kitchen door, chased by Angelica, and crashed smack dab into a busboy holding a tub of dirty dishes. The three crumbled to the floor. Bumwankersworth recovered first and stopped short, upon seeing me I dangled in the wind.
“Unhand the woman!” He glared at Adrian. That was when goat man, Assbottomworth, decided it was a good idea to charge at a Dragon.
Cue: Hell breaking loose.
I was suddenly set free, deposited on the carpeted floor. Buttonsworth intercepted by Adrian and thrown across the Gatsbys’ table, crashing through food and dishes. Adrian had a tight grip on him, baring his growing fangs. The sista’s security guy ran into the mix and so did the Gatsby Guy, either trying to separate or contributing to the fight, I didn’t know. It was a blur of speed, growls, roars, and fists. The men went at it on top of a lonely baked potato.
Smashed potato, more like it.
The demon manager zipped in the air on black bat wings, cursing us all, waving a cell phone and threatening to call the cops. Folks began to clear out or back against the walls, afraid of a rogue punch.
“Adrian, no!”
That wasn’t me who had yelled. Yodeling Boob Shaker lady rushed over, teetering on five-inch heels. How does she know Adrian? And should I start pulling hair since her hands are all over him? Well, actually she was trying to pull him off of BreadRollStealerWorth, who was caught in a chokehold.
Okay, I needed to wade in there too. This was getting... sorry, I was going to say out of hand, however it had left the hand and tumbled off a cliff a while ago. I ducked and weaved past their flying elbows and reached in through the tangle of limbs on the table and gripped whoever’s collar. I applied extra strength, since I was dealing with pissed off supernatural men.
Turns out, I’d freed the security dude from the mess. As I yanked him up, his crooked sunglasses fell, revealing red eyes vibrant with pure guilt. I stumbled, frowning at his face—No, it couldn’t be - and suddenly Angelica was there beside me.
“Hell, Heidi, change us back,” she told—the Gatsby chick?—who took out a maroon colored wand—yeah, I’ve seen that before and don’t think I missed her being called by my witch friend’s name.
Gatsby Chick waved showers of glitter, the magic swirling around every odd duck, excluding me and Adrian, in the area, hitting BootyPoppinWorth, Angelica, the yodel sistas, the security guy, and the Gatsbys.
In the spotlighted middle of disarray, countless broken porcelain plates, shattered glass, mushed food debris and stains, I faced their revealed identities in regular clothing. Unmasked, as well, was their magic that had been dulled and essentially another aid to hide their true selves.
My friends.
Should’ve known.
Chapter Eleven
Isn’t this just lovely?
All were wearing guilty expressions like the “security dude” who, shocker—not really, was Gavin. The goatee was a nice touch, although I guess he hadn’t planned on having his sunglasses removed. The 1920s couple was Heidi and Onyx. The yodeling drag queens, Yasmin and Arianna. Ari, the one who had tried helping her brother. Angelica, the confusing bird shifter—Piper. The whiff of eucalyptus made sense now.
And what do ya know? Bottomsworth was Lucas. Shame on me for not catching a clue during his maniacal behavior.
“Surprise...” He smiled weakly from where he lay on the table. Adrian straightened, not bothering to wipe away the food clinging to his suit. He crossed his arms, copper eyes trained on ours truly, waiting for answers.
I’m right there with you. Red internal clouds, t
he beginnings of a much-warranted outburst, surged up my esophagus, reaching the back of my throat, crossing my tongue, and out came the scream. “WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!”
They all start talking at once and pointing fingers.
”It was all her idea!”
“Yours too!”
“Yeah, hiding behind a menu was brilliant—not!”
“You were making it so obvious!”
“The real problem was my suit was not snazzy enough!”
“Seriously, get over yourself!”
“How is it my fault that I wanted to wear a fedora?!”
“Who wears sunglasses indoors?”
“What sane individual knocks a troll unconscious and leaves him behind a dumpster?”
“I needed to be their waiter!”
“I just came aloud for the boots and wig.”
“Your yodeling sucked!”
“You blew our cover! I never said to eat her bread!”
“That bread was good, damn it!”
“Shut up! Every single one of you! Zip it!” I cut through them, stomping my foot. Immediately, their traps shut. I narrowed my eyes at Piper. “You. Bathroom. Now.”
Head hanging low, as it should be, Piper trudged to the hall where the restrooms were. I looked at Lucas, who ducked behind Yasmin. “I’ll deal with you later,” I told him. Next, Gavin. He smirked, ruby eyes dared me to lay into him.
I stuck my tongue out instead. “Clean this mess up!” The manager had disappeared, but I didn’t want us just leaving without attempting to fix anything.
On the way to the bathroom, I apologized to those I’d accused of being paid actors in part of a TV prank show. Still, the joke was on me.
Inside the floral-scented room, I pushed Piper into the family stall, locking it behind us. Not the time to picture what happened earlier in here.
“Explain,” I bit out, arms crossed.
“Don’t go wolfy on me now.” Hands up in surrender, she leaned her tall frame against the wall. The awful orange hair was replaced by her natural green waves, as were the mass of bird feathers. Her iridescent, dragonfly-like fairy wings fluttered.
“You have five seconds till I do. Five, four, three, two—”
“Okay, okay! It was my idea to disguise ourselves and... have dinner with you.”
I blinked. “Try again.”
She heaved a heavy sigh. “All right. We were trying to spy on you... mainly Adrian,” my guilty friend admitted. “I wanted to know if he was going to receive the Friends Seal of Approval Badge. Seeing him alone with you was the only way to check.”
“Taking my word that he’s fine wasn’t enough? I thought you were okay with him. Hell, I’m the one who was sending him pictures, getting his attention. Clearly your sense of who needs to be checked is way off.”
“Kokoa, I’m just doing what I’ll always do...” She shrugged, pouting. “Looking out for my friends. Like I have been.” The quick eye widening and glance away hackled my suspicion.
“Have you spied on me before?” Stepping close, in her personal bubble, I finally forced her to look at me.
“Maybe...”
“Piper!”
“Okay, yes, I definitely have spied on you before!” She rolled her green, long-lashed eyes.
“Piper!”
“Why do you think I’m cool with Jonathan and Gavin? I did my part—dressed as a little boy, riding a bike when you and Jon started hanging out at the park when we were all thirteen. And when Gavin took you to the movies that first time, I was there, a few rows back, hiding on the floor, throwing popcorn each time I thought he was going to bite you.”
I was in shock. Speechless? Oh, just for a moment, then I found my voice. “Kernels were stuck in my hair for days afterward!”
“Ahhh, but who helped shampoo them out?” Piper beamed, then tapped her nose. “This girl right here.”
I could not believe what I was hearing. I spun for the door and shoved it open. Wham. I met my horrific reflection in the mirror. Smudged mascara was dark under my eyes. My hair was a rat’s, eagle’s, whatever, nest. Food speckled my black getup. I must’ve rolled in some of it when I was trying to break up the fight. Dear Ancestor, Kolonda, is this a valid time to shift and turn invisible?
Piper slung her arm around me. “Don’t be mad, I just don’t want to see you get hurt.”
“Lucas, ShitStarterWorth, was terrible. He needs a class on being stealthier,” I said, and couldn’t help but snort a laugh.
“Yeah, we should’ve left him at home,” she sighed, grinning.
“And the Tacky Yodeling Sistas? How were they supposed to come into play?”
“To see how Adrian would react in a spontaneous public display of awkwardness.”
“It was all awkward!” I rounded on her. “When did it occur to you that your plan was absolutely, without a doubt, going to explode in tiny booger-sized pieces?”
“Oh, the second we walked out the door.” She clasped my shoulders, crouching to my short level. “Look, the point here is, my spying came from a truly good place. Even from Lucas and the rest.”
That I knew, one hundred percent, which is why the last drop of pissy fit left and I hugged my best friend. “Does Adrian get the Friend Seal of Approval Badge?” I asked, smiling and wiggling my brows.
“He handled what to do when a crackpot stranger eats your food perfectly: with an ass-kicking. That gets him an honor’s degree.” She laughed.
“Thanks, Tinkerbell.”
She hissed and squeezed me hard. “No problem, Lassie.”
We separated, laughing, and reached the outer door. It occurred to my grumbling stomach that I hadn’t eaten any of my salmon. Before exiting, I paused, as something else popped up. I narrowed my eyes at Piper. “Did you really knock out Wayne, our waiter, and leave his body by a dumpster?”
She dusted off her shoulder. “Collateral damage, toots. It’s all part of the mission.”
Hell.
Chapter Twelve
So... the cops were called. They arrived just in time for another fight, this one Lucas had again instigated, having gotten all Hulk mode on a busboy who made hubba-hubba eyes at Yasmin. I didn’t interfere this time and stood beside Adrian, near the hostess podium. He handed me my clutch. I unclasped it to pull out cash.
“What’s the total of the bill?” I aimed the question up to his smiling face.
“I took care of it, darling. And the property damage fund—I predicted that would come about.” He snagged my waist. Sagging against him, I watched the shitshow. It had become a long chain tug of war. Lucas, being pulled by Gavin, Onyx and Yasmin, was yanking at the busboy’s hair, who was gripped by the demon manager and the two police officers, one of whom was Trevor Rockford, Piper’s somewhat beau.
“Fancy I’d ping your tracking location at the same location the police are called to,” he shouted at her while still tugging.
“Happy accident?” She smiled sweetly, then she sat on the floor and began unsuccessfully sawing at her ankle bracelet with a butter knife.
Adrian had had enough and directed us outside, into the night. Our shoe soles scuffed against the pavement, the sounds mingling with those of the night—crickets in nearby bushes, the slaps of waves crashing to shore.
The further we distanced ourselves from the restaurant, the louder these simple sounds became, eventually drowning out the ruckus happening inside. Small blessings and all that.
Adrian’s gaze lapped at the left side of my face as we lazily inched closer to his car. I guess he was wondering when I would blow again, cursing the sky with a shaking fist that I had such troublesome friends who others would think had essentially ruined the night. But that was far from the truth. Their actions, their nuttiness, is who I am too. It’s what I love in people. If anything, I’d say tonight had gone exactly like any other night with them. A bunch of misfit monsters causing a public disturbance at a peaceful venue.
Mr. Suit with Scales is the one who should have been runni
ng for the hills.
“Kokoa,” he said in an exhaled whisper, taking my hand gently. We stood at the passenger side of the car, hidden in shadows. The light inside his pupils shone like tiny torches.
I squinted closer.
There were little torches in the center. Hello, Dragon.
He frowned, opening his mouth to start. I cut in before he did. “I had a great time.” I stepped closer till we were squished together, till my breasts pressed against his chest. He relaxed, and desire rolled off him. “From the very beginning—yes, backseat playtime included—through the whole dinner, before I went nutso.” And I truly meant that.
“I’m glad you did.” He looked relieved. That was cute. He really had thought tonight was a bust. Like it might have reflected on him.
“Besides the psychos I hang out with being...” I shrugged and laughed. “Being them, I enjoyed this time with you.”
“Me too. Have I rewritten your opinion when it comes to dates?” He lifted a brow, cupping my face, cradling it in his smooth, warm palms. I went lax, clutching his lapels. We’re portraying those oldies romance movie posters quite nicely, aren’t we?
“You’ve revised it a little, yes.”
“And what is your opinion of what’s to come of... us?”
Beats passed as he waited, jaw clenched, searching my face—seeking any hint, an answer as to what the future held for us. If you X out the utter friend-caused bullshit that occurred throughout the... date, Adrian and I had knitted some gaps of learning more. Mainly me about him, and overall how deeply he craved a release from his formal life.
I recalled him laughing several times. It sounded even better when he’s removed his semi-miserable, serious mask.
I smiled at this handsome man and told him the truth. “Adrian,”
“Yes?” He leaned down until our foreheads touched. Vulnerability ebbed around his eyes, up-turning his brows.
“You’ve got a friend in me.”
“What?” Adrian frowned. He rubbed his chin, in thought. “Wait, why does that sound familiar—”
Panties, Calamities and Hungry Creatures (Grimstone Island) Page 8