by Kathryn Moon
Matthieu lingered back at the door as I crossed the open balcony to the screens, stopping and leaning against a pillar. The city air was sooty and smelled like exhaust and maybe a bit like the garbage bins in the alleys, but it was a welcome reprieve from everything that still clung to my skin.
“I’ll make it clearer to the security that you’re to be as much a priority as Rake is,” Matthieu said. He joined me by the screens, a comfortable arm’s stretch away, and held out one of the water bottles.
“That’s not really necessary,” I said, cracking the lid of the bottle and gulping it down like I’d been wandering in a desert, washing away the chocolate and jasmine.
“Anyone in that room could’ve seen how uncomfortable she was making you. Wes would’ve stepped in, but he thought it might be better for you to lessen the number of alphas you had to deal with…”
My cheeks flushed, and I wrapped an arm tightly around myself. It was like having a massive open wound exposed to infected air, knowing that this whole pack was not only aware of my weakness, but paid it enough attention to let it affect how I interacted with them.
You shouldn’t interact with them at all, I thought. This was the cost of getting involved with Leo. The cost of my position at Designate. My working for Rakim this week.
“She marked you in the hopes of irritating our pack,” Matthieu said.
“I could tell,” I bit out.
He was quiet for a long stretch, and the heat on my face grew worse. The scents that now marked me—my neck, my shoulders, my cheek—were tangible brands.
“I apologize if my stepping in added to your discomfort,” Matthieu said with careful precision, his usually soft accent turning crisp with unease.
I groaned, propping my elbows on the ledge and pressing my face into my palm until my eyes burned with the pressure. I took a deep breath, and there was Rakim’s perfume against my nose so I tore away again.
“No. You… I appreciated you stepping in, thank you.” I looked at him and he was watching the street below, hawkish nose outlined in a thin glow of sunlight, the groove in the center of his chin marked in shadow. His head dipped in a light acknowledgment.
Older men weren’t usually my type, or at least not one with the gap between our ages like Matthieu and I had, but he was…appealing seemed like the right word, but somehow not enough. I could imagine him twenty years younger and my age, and somehow I was pretty sure I preferred this more weathered version. Or maybe I was just falling back into nasty old habits. He was an alpha, and I badly wanted their attention.
“I’m going to go…wash up. Would you tell Rakim I’ll see him in the morning?”
“Of course,” Matthieu said, and he turned and made it to the door before me, opening it and standing aside. Like a gentleman. “Leo is watching the show. I’ll let him know where you are.”
“Sure,” I said, but I was already hurrying down the hall, leaving Matthieu and his slower pace well behind me.
I stopped before reaching the back of the studio and sliding into the unoccupied restroom. I splashed cold water on my face, but all I smelled in the water in my palms was chocolate truffles and heavy jasmine. I turned the water to hot and pumped soap into my hand, lathering it up to the cuffs of my sleeves at my elbows. Remembering Rake’s touch on my jaw, Odette’s cheek against mine, I bent over the sink and splashed my skin again, added soap to scrub away the scents and my makeup for the day.
The bathroom was beautiful, with patterned marble and gleaming brass, and there were fluffy towels waiting in a tidy pile for guests’ use. I took one and lathered it with soap, scoured it over my face, my jaw, my throat, and down to my collar. Matthieu’s dense scent was light on my shoulders and when my ponytail swung down to tickle my nose, Rake’s perfume was there. My breath hitched as my heart started to hammer in my chest. I washed my arms again, my face too until my skin was pink and my eyes were red and watering, and then I started over until the water was burning hot and my skin stung from the friction of the towel.
I gasped and braced my hands against the cool marble, water steaming in the sink, towel soiled from my makeup, and mascara shadows dark beneath my eyes.
“You fucking mess,” I whispered at my reflection, face twisted in frustrated disgust. I wanted to strip my clothes off, tear my hair tie out, and scratch away every last whisper of any scent, even my own pale beta notes.
“Lola?”
I bit back my moan as a light knock sounded on the door. Leo. I bent in half, resting my forehead against the cool of the edge of the counter, and tried to control my breaths.
One look at me, and Leo would know. Maybe not all the details, but he’d know I’d fallen apart again. How many times could I reasonably expect a guy to put up with my bullshit before he packed it in and gave up the pretense?
I hadn’t locked the door behind me and it opened slowly by a few inches, and then Leo was sliding inside. I didn’t move. I was waiting for him to look his fill, and then turn around and leave.
He crossed to me, hands pulling me up gently by my shoulders. I kept my eyes on the running water as he looked me over, watched his hand reach over and turn the taps off with a numb and vacant attention. I hissed as his fingers turned my face to his, his touch against the spot where I’d scratched myself pink trying to wash away Rake’s perfume. I stared at his five o’clock shadow and then raised my eyes slowly to his, struck by the solemn and sorrowful empathy in his gaze.
Just give up, Leo.
He winced when he saw the red mark on my jaw and his hands retreated from me. I sighed, but instead of leaving me in the restroom alone, Leo shrugged his large coat off his shoulders and draped it around mine. It was warm from him and I shivered inside of it, my eyes growing wide.
“Think about what you want to pick up for dinner. I want to sit on your couch and eat takeout tonight,” Leo said.
“Leo,” I whispered, a crack in my voice.
He opened his mouth, probably expecting me to protest. But god, I was too fucking tired for that. I threw myself at his chest and he let out an ‘oof’ of breath before his arms surrounded my shoulders.
It didn’t escape me that he smelled like that lovely, warm alpha of his, but it was so familiar on him that I almost thought of it as his scent. I tucked my arms into the sleeves of his coat and tilted my head back, my eyes falling shut as his head bent, and his lips pressed to my forehead.
“Just pizza,” I said.
Something wild and abrasive that roamed constantly under my skin went still as Leo smiled in answer. “Just pizza it is. We’ll have it delivered.”
Ten
Lola
I couldn’t be certain, but I was pretty sure Matthieu ran interference with Rake while Leo helped me grab my things from my station before we made a quick escape from the rapidly crowding backstage. We rode in quiet in the dark car, but it was peaceful instead of tense, and Leo didn’t ask if I was all right. Either he didn’t want to make me uncomfortable or he was learning the truth—I was never all right.
I used to be.
But it wasn’t pizza waiting in the brown bag in front of my door when we got back to my apartment.
“I hope you don’t mind. I called in a favor,” Leo said, bending and grabbing the bag. He opened the bag and pulled out a bottle of…shampoo. I blinked at it. “It’s scent canceling. They make it for omegas and Rake’s used it before, but I used it for a while… Well, we’ll get to that.”
I stared at the bottle. There were others in the bag too, a whole collection from the size of it. “Which of them brought it?” I asked.
“Caleb knows the brand, but it was probably Wes that brought it here,” Leo said.
I swallowed and unlocked my apartment door as I processed the information. This was probably going to be how things went. Whatever happened to me, if one of the pack was there to witness it, the others would know. They were a pack, so that was probably a given. I needed to decide if I was okay with that.
But the decision seeme
d unexpectedly simple.
“Will you tell them I said thank you?” I asked, stepping aside for Leo to join me.
His shoulders dropped in relief. “Of course, don’t worry about it. I’ll put them in the bathroom, yeah?”
It struck me all at once, the roles this pack had already found themself taking in my life.
Cyrus sticking up for me against Wendy. Rakim’s playful flirtation and teasing. Matthieu stepping in against Odette. Caleb, who I hadn’t really even spoken a word to, scooping me up during my panic attack, his scent putting me under. Leo’s eternally patient dedication to caring for me despite our time together consistently colored by my fucking issues.
Leo had told me from the beginning. These men weren’t out to hurt me. I was starting to believe him and, more than that, I was really sick of being the problem. I rolled my shoulders, imagining the heaviness of the afternoon dropping to the floor.
I watched Leo’s back as he headed toward my bathroom by the bedroom. “Yeah. Actually, I wouldn’t mind a shower.”
“Sure,” he said, over his shoulder as he slipped through the door. “I can order for us and pick something asinine for us to watch. Unless you prefer artsy shit?”
My lips quirked at the offer and I slipped my comfortable sneakers off, tiptoeing down to pause in front of the bathroom door.
“That sounds good. Or you could join me?”
Bottles of scent canceling body washes and sprays and hair care and perfume went clattering across my tiny sink counter as Leo fumbled the bag in his surprise. He whipped around, head cocked, and I fought my laugh at his stunned expression.
“In the shower?”
I raised my eyebrows. “That’s where I was thinking of heading for my…shower, yes.”
Leo swallowed, and his surprise settled into a slow-growing smile. “Are you going to wear my coat?”
I laughed and shrugged out of his coat. “Pretty sure this beauty is dry-clean only, so no?”
I tucked it on the hook on the other side of my bedroom door before returning to the bathroom. It was tiny, and together Leo and I barely fit in the space. I had a tub that I just managed to fit into, but it would be a squeeze with Leo. Which was kind of the point, wasn’t it?
“How about this shirt?” I asked, tugging lightly on his button-down. “How’s it do in the shower?”
“Oh, no, this is silk. It prefers natural rainstorms,” Leo said, reaching for his buttons.
I squirmed on my tiptoes as I watched him start to undress, happy the game I’d started was shifting the mood away from the shadowy one we’d been carrying since he’d found me after the fashion show.
“Your socks?” he asked, lips twitching.
I laughed “My socks? Yeah, they’re cashmere.” They were fucking cotton. I took them off and shucked them outside of the bathroom. Leo pulled his shirt off and my hands stroked a greedy pass up his chest, tracing the grooves of muscle with my fingertips.
Leo wasn’t a huge guy, but he was bigger than I usually went for. Instead of intimidating, it made him feel sheltering, like I could lean into him and let him block out the world for me. My hands trailed back down to his hips and I stepped closer, Leo’s gaze darkening. I plucked at the waistband of his trousers.
“What about these?” I asked.
“Buffalo wool,” Leo said, the dry teasing turned into an almost growl as his voice lowered.
I snorted. “Buffalo?”
“Mhm. Very specific washing instructions. Better not risk it.”
He grunted as I reached to the front of his pants, one of my hands reaching down to cup him through the ‘buffalo wool’ while the other undid the top button. His cock jumped against my palm and Leo stumbled against me, our bodies bumping together. He slipped his fingers under the hem of my sweatshirt, skimming over my skin, and my breath caught.
“This looks expensive too,” he said, raising my shirt up my waist, although his eyes were focused on mine, watching my reaction.
“Priceless heirloom,” I agreed in a whispered murmur, undoing his zipper.
Leo’s head dipped as I raised up to my toes, our mouths meeting in a sloppy, starving kiss. Leo moaned as my busy hands dipped beneath the waist of his boxer briefs, teasing at the base of his cock until he pulled my sweatshirt up over my breasts, and I had to abandon the kiss and my playing to help him pull it over my head.
“The bra is basically solid gold, very heavy in the water,” I rushed out as Leo threw my sweatshirt out to the hall floor.
He laughed and then caught my waist, dragging me up to his chest, his head dipping and mouth sucking hotly along my jaw.
“Fuck, finally,” I sighed, eyes falling shut and neck arching. I moaned as his teeth nipped, my body shuddering with a strange combination of arousal and a reflexive kind of terror. But Leo soothed away old memories of snapping teeth by licking and kissing over the spot until I was trying to actively climb him, body desperate for friction.
“Question,” he rasped.
“No question,” I whined, rolling my hips against his as my toes slipped on the tile. “More mouth.”
“Condom?”
Oh. I went still in his arms, and Leo kissed my pulse gently before lifting his head.
“They’re around somewhere,” I said, frowning and relaxing in the circle of Leo’s arms around my back, eyeing my bathroom dubiously. “I only moved in a month ago, and I kind of haven’t settled yet.”
Leo’s smile hinted that he might’ve noticed as much. “Is it ungentlemanly of me if I admit I was planning on maybe seducing you tonight?”
I grinned and shook my head. “Not if it means you came prepared.”
Leo’s hands slipped up my back to undo the clasps of my bra. For a man living with five other men, he was pretty good at that. “Shower before or after?”
Any scents left on me from the day were phantoms now, maybe a few stray traces of Rake. But I was safe here with Leo. I shrugged my bra down my arms and said, “After.”
I stifled a squeal as his hands slid down to cup my ass, lifting me off my feet and pulling my legs around his waist. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and bent my head to his lifted one, taking his lips in a series of slow, needy nibbles and presses. My back hit the doorframe of the bathroom and Leo hiked me higher, pulling his mouth from mine and wrapping it around the tip of my right breast.
“Oh, god!” I arched, pushing myself against his sucking lips.
This was what I missed with all those bar hookups. I never really undressed with any of those strangers, never got this much attention. I forgot how good it felt. Leo was both gentle and thorough, his tongue twirling around my nipple until it was tight and aching.
“Pants off,” I gasped, my feet pushing the legs of his pants down. Leo swapped breasts and I ran my hands up into his short, dense black hair, gripping it tightly.
Fabric hit the floor and Leo pulled away, his lips and my breasts shining from his kisses. “Your turn,” he rasped. “You order the pizza, and I’ll grab the condom.”
I nodded and Leo lowered me to my feet, but I held his face in my hands, taking another long kiss from his mouth, hips rocking against his and stirring up the growing erection he was sporting.
“Get moving or I’ll fuck you here in the doorway,” he whispered, biting my bottom lip and soothing his tongue over it.
We parted in the hall. I’d dropped my bags by the door, and my phone was tucked away in there. I hopped down the hall, wiggling my way out of my skinny jeans until I was left only in my panties, rifling through my bag and digging out my phone.
“Toppings?” I called.
“You. On me.”
I snorted and ordered us extra cheese and pepperoni. When I turned, Leo was prowling down the hall, buck naked and stroking his cock in his hand.
“You are fucking gorgeous,” he said, eyes drinking me in.
“Ditto,” I whispered, eyes widening.
Couch sex for the win, I thought as Leo joined me in the living room. H
e had a condom packet in his free hand, and he tossed it to my coffee table next to my couch before sinking suddenly to his knees in front of me.
“Leo?”
His fingers hooked into the waistband of my panties, and he pushed me backward until I was leaning against my front door and he was kneeling between my parted legs.
“I’ve been thinking about how you tasted on my fingers for three weeks, gorgeous,” Leo rasped, peeling my underwear down my thighs. “I need a refresher. Step up.”
I swallowed hard as he tugged on my underwear around my ankles. He was so ridiculously beautiful, those huge dark eyes staring up at me, dense muscle in strong lines down his back. I raised one foot and then the other as Leo took my last scrap of clothing off. My eyes trailed to my living room windows, wondering if anyone would or could see us like this, but the lights were off, just the orangey glow of flickering street lights outside lighting the room, and the apartment building across the street had its blinds down, mostly.
Leo stole my attention back as he pulled my hips forward and dragged one of my legs to drape over his shoulder. He kissed my thigh by his cheek and scuffed it softly with his stubble.
He looked up at me again. “Put your hands in my hair. I liked that. Wanna know when I do something that feels good for you.”
I slid my fingers into that black silk gratefully and whimpered as Leo pulled me to his mouth, pressing a soft kiss directly against my clit, a warm feathery thrill rushing through me in response. When his tongue slipped out, leaving a hot trail from my clit down to my opening, my hips kicked and my knees buckled.
“Fuck!”
Leo hummed, tongue lapping up my quickly accumulating arousal, shoulders wedging my thighs open and helping to keep me upright. “How much time do we have, gorgeous?”