by Dayo Benson
I went back to the table. Tanya was inviting everyone to her church for the Christmas Day service.
Carl accepted a flyer from her. “I’ll go, since it’s Christmas.”
Tanya looked at me and reached in her purse again for another leaflet, which she held out to me. “No thanks,” I said. I didn’t do church. Never had, never would.
She didn’t push it. Maybe Aunt Milly had filled her in about my agnosticism/atheism. She turned to Michelle. “Do you want to come?”
Michelle shook her head. “I can’t. You know what my mom is like about Christmas, Easter, and all that.”
“Well, why don’t you come to church on Sunday instead then?”
“I’ll see,” Michelle replied.
Monica returned to the table.
“You’ve got to come too, Monica,” Tanya said.
“Come where?”
“Church, on Christmas Day.”
“Oh, yeah, you told me. I’ll be there.”
“Why doesn’t your mom like Christmas and Easter?” Matt asked Michelle.
Michelle rolled her eyes. “She’s Jewish.”
This was my opportunity. “Oh, so is she into like Shabbat and rabbinic literature?”
Michelle gave me a weird look. “No.” She looked at Matt. “She’s not really practicing. She just doesn’t know which religion is right, so she refuses to acknowledge any. She’s against me acknowledging any as well.”
Jace stubbed his cigarette and threw it at a trashcan. It dropped in. “That’s why I’m the best in the basketball team,” he told the table. Carl and Liam promptly tried to prove that they could do it too by aiming fries and empty cups at the trash.
“What are you doing tonight?” Matt asked Michelle.
I kicked her under the table, and she colored slightly. “Why?”
“Just thought you might want to hang out.”
“She’d love to,” Monica supplied.
Michelle ignored the comment. “Well, it’s kinda late notice.” She twirled a blond lock around an immaculately manicured finger. “I suppose I could cancel on Dwayne, but I’m not sure.”
“Who’s Dwayne?” I mouthed to Monica and Sandy, and they hid their smiles. Of course, Michelle didn’t want Matt to think that she didn’t have anything else to do.
“Yeah, I guess I could do that. I’ll tell him something came up,” Michelle said. I couldn’t believe how she’d just manufactured a fake boyfriend.
“Well, I don’t want you to lie to, uh, Dwayne,” Matt said. “But our church is open tonight for young people to hang out. We can just go and sit around and talk, play pool, shoot hoops. In fact, you should bring Dwayne too.”
“Nah, Dwayne’s not into church. He probably won’t even want me to go.”
Monica had to leave the table before she collapsed with laughter. It looked like her medication was working a little too well.
“So where’s the church?” Michelle asked.
“I’ll pick you up,” Matt offered.
Chapter 19
Although I was dating Jace, I still found him pretty scary. I felt like I had to look my best and be this woman of the world. It wasn’t anything that he did or said. It was probably just down to the fact that I felt like he was out of my league.
After the mall, he came back to my place again, and we made out. A lot. The next day, we went to the movies, and made out—to the point that I didn’t even remember what the movie was actually about—but that was cool. If that was what he wanted, that was what he was getting. I could be a raunchy girl, too.
The only problem was that it made me think about Carlene. Every time we made out, I wondered whether he was expecting me to slip my hands anywhere.
Now, I was sitting in my room on the Eve of Christmas Eve wondering what he thought of me. Why couldn’t I read his mind? Things would be so less stressful if I could.
He called me just as I was about to go to bed. “Hey,” I answered.
“Hey,” he returned. He really did have the hottest voice on the phone. “What are you doing?”
“Nothing really. What are you doing?”
“Thinking about you.”
This called for a witty comeback that would tell Jace I was calm, collected, and not melting at that comment. I couldn’t think of anything.
“Are you still coming tomorrow?” Jace asked.
“Sure. Six o’ clock.”
“Cool. Are you one of those girls that says six and really means six forty-five, or are you gonna be ready at six?”
“Are you saying you’re not going to wait for me if I’m not ready?”
“No.”
“Then why are you asking?”
Jace chuckled. “It was an innocent question.”
“I’ll be ready at six. We’re just going to your place right? It’s not like there’s really any time pressure, is there?”
“No. I was just trying to keep you on the phone, although you probably have your night time facemask on and want to go wash it off and sleep.”
“Yeah right! I’m not that high maintenance.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. I can’t even remember the last time I put on a face mask.”
Jace probably thought I was like Monica with her subscriptions and her beauty consultant. I was far from it.
“So you look like that naturally? Wow. You’re hot.”
“Jace, you’re funny.” I dug under my bed for one of my fashion magazines and flipped through it while I talked to Jace. An hour later, we hung up. Yes, he made me stress, but he was so worth it!
***
My mom was working all day Christmas Eve. In fact, over the last two weeks, we’d probably spent a total of no more than two hours together. I didn’t know why it annoyed me, and I didn’t know why I felt neglected. I was seventeen for crying out loud. And her absence meant I could pretty much do as I liked.
I met Monica for coffee in the afternoon, but my eye was on the clock because I had to get home by five at the very latest.
“It’s three o’ clock,” Monica said glaring at me. “You’ve looked at your watch three times in the last thirty seconds. It was three o’ clock ten seconds ago; it’s still three o’ clock now.”
I sipped my frothy coffee, milk, and sugar concoction. “Stop hating.”
“I’m not, but if you look at your watch again within the next half an hour, I’m going to scream.”
Monica looked gorgeous as usual, but underneath all the hair and makeup her face looked drawn. I wanted to ask about her family, whether she was taking her medication, and how she was coping in general, but I couldn’t just bring it up out of the blue.
Monica stirred two sachets of organic sweetener into her drink. “Okay, you’ve stopped staring at your watch. Now, you’re staring at me.”
“Just wondering if you’re okay,” I hedged.
“I’m fine.” She smiled for emphasis. “So where’s Jace taking you tonight, and what are you wearing?”
“We’re just going to his place to hang out, and I’m just going to wear jeans and a shirt.”
“You’re going to his place?” Monica’s eyebrows were raised.
“Yeah. Why?”
“Hope you’ve been taking your pill sweetie.”
“I haven’t got any.”
Monica looked incredulous. “Are you trying to get knocked up? I know where my mom puts hers. We can go and get some.”
It was already three o’ clock; I wasn’t going all the way to Monica’s at this time, especially not in Christmas Eve traffic. “We just got together, Monica, I don’t think I need the pill yet.”
She shrugged. “Well, whatever happens, don’t do it without the plastic.”
“Huh?”
Monica rolled her eyes. “Are you staying the night?”
“No. My mom gets home at eleven. I plan to be home before then.”
***
Jace sent me a limo. I couldn’t believe it when I answered the door, and there was a man in
a tux standing there with a bunch of white roses on behalf of Jace Washington. I went to put the flowers in a vase, and then I followed him to the car.
The driver let me out when we got to Jace’s place, and then he drove off around the back of the house.
Jace opened the door before I knocked, in low-slung jeans and no shirt. “Hey, Jace.” I held out the Christmas present I’d brought him. “Why didn’t you pick me up?”
“I was running late, and the freeway was backed up. So, I called Gav. Did you get the flowers?”
“Yes, thanks. They were really nice.”
Jace took his present and grinned. “Wow, I get a present too? I thought you were my present.” He stepped aside to let me in.
Jace’s house was scary. I tried not to stare, but it was ludicrous. I couldn’t believe he lived here. We were in a hallway, and it actually had a reception area with seats and a table.
I followed Jace down the hallway. The double glass doors at the end of the hall slid open automatically, and he led me toward a red-carpeted staircase.
A gorgeous blond was descending the stairs. “Who’s that?” she asked Jace.
“Why?”
“She’s female and pretty. You’ve never brought someone female and pretty home before.”
I tried to look open and friendly, even though I felt awkward and self-conscious. She smiled and offered her hand. “Jamie Price.”
“Lexi Dixon.”
Jamie’s pretty green eyes studied me with unmasked interest. “Are you Jace’s girlfriend?”
“Go away, Jamie,” Jace answered. He ushered me up the stairs and walked me down a long corridor.
“Who’s she?” I asked Jace, once we were out of earshot.
“My cousin.” Jace stopped outside a door, and he put his hand on a reader. It scanned his palm then the door opened. “Welcome to my space. Let me give you a quick tour.”
Jace’s ‘space’ was like a five star apartment. He had a living room, a kitchen, a gym, an enormous bedroom, a bathroom, and a leisure room. The leisure room was complete with arcade games, a pool table, a ping-pong table, and a myriad of electronic games consoles. What on earth was I doing here?
“What do you want to do?” Jace asked after he’d shown me around. I noticed that he looked a little unsure and maybe a little self-conscious too.
“I’d like us to talk and get to know each other a little.” I knew that was such a girl answer, but we were dating and I didn’t really know him very well. I looked at the gold crucifix hanging around his neck. My eyes were drawn down to his chest and then his stomach area. “Put on a shirt, Jace!”
Jace gave me a slow smile. “Does my not wearing a shirt disturb you?”
“Just put one on.”
He went into his bedroom and returned wearing a scanty gray tank top. He was still all chest and biceps. He may as well have not bothered.
“Want a drink?” he asked.
“No thanks.” I’d heard about date rape drugs in drinks. Okay, I knew Jace probably wouldn’t do something like that to me, but I didn’t really know him from Adam. And if he did, his family was rich enough to silence me permanently if I tried to sue.
“Why are you smiling?”
“Nothing. Are your mom and dad home?”
“No.”
“How many are in your family?”
Jace frowned a little. “Four.”
I sat down on the black sofa. Jace’s den was decorated in black, white, and metallic red. There were a few bits of contemporary and digital art on the walls. The spotlights gave the room a mysterious ambiance, and it was all very modern and masculine. I noticed a black leather Bible on a recliner.
Jace dropped down next to me and picked up a remote. He pressed a button, and the entire wall in front of us lit up. I tried not to look impressed, but it was hard. The whole wall was his TV! Goodness gracious!
“What do you want to watch?”
“Actually, I said we should talk.”
“We can do both.” He handed me the remote, and I chose a music video channel.
“Why don’t you want to talk?” I asked.
Jace’s eyes narrowed slightly. “I’m not good at talking.”
“Yes, you are. I’m the one who’s not.” I lifted his arm and draped it around my shoulders. Before long, we started making out.
Jace’s kiss did all sorts of funny things to me. At the same time, it was scary, like maybe we shouldn’t start something that I didn’t want to spiral out of control. He was worldlier than I was, and he’d probably crush me into a mess if I wasn’t careful.
In any case, I wasn’t giving it up on a sofa; never mind that it was a plush, black, leather sofa that probably cost like fifty grand.
Even as these thoughts whizzed around in my head, I didn’t pull away when Jace carried on and on and on. His intensity was getting asphyxiating, and I was spellbound.
Chapter 20
Christmas was awful without my dad. I couldn’t stop thinking, and my mind wouldn’t stop replaying the memories. He always cooked Christmas dinner, because he was better at the fancy cooking than my mom. I’d bought him at least five presents last year, as if I’d known it would be my last opportunity.
I couldn’t stop crying. I refused to go anywhere, so my mom (who looked like she’d been crying too) went to my grandmother’s for a family party without me.
I didn’t hear from Jace. He was probably having a great time. I didn’t even hear from Monica. I wondered what Christmas would be like for her, seeing as her stepdad was back home.
She stopped by on Boxing Day, en route to meeting Tanya at the mall. “You won’t believe what happened,” she said as she followed me up the stairs to my room.
“What?” I asked gloomily.
“Michelle went forward in church yesterday.”
“What does that mean?” I switched on my flat screen TV, a Christmas present from my mom that didn’t even begin to compare to Jace’s wall/TV phenomenon.
“They asked if anyone wanted to get saved, and she put her hand up.” Monica was giggling. “It was hilarious. She went out to the front and said the sinner’s prayer, and Tanya and Matt were over the moon. Me and Sandy couldn’t stop laughing.”
“Was Jace there?” I asked. Jace hadn’t called me since I left his house on Christmas Eve.
“Yeah. How was his place? I can’t believe he invited you over. He never takes anyone home. Hope you didn’t do anything I wouldn’t do?”
I hesitated, wondering what to tell her.
Monica’s eyes widened. “Don’t tell me you fell for the whole ‘rich, debonair guy whisks naïve new girl to his bachelor pad and dazzles her with his wealth and seduces her’ thing?”
I shrugged. “I guess I did. He hasn’t called me since.”
“Oh, Lexi! You should have called me. Have you been sitting here miserable since Christmas Eve?”
“I’m fine.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah, go and meet Tanya.”
After she left, I wondered about Jace. He hadn’t looked annoyed or anything when I left his place on Christmas Eve. Okay, he’d been quiet, but he hadn’t been annoyed. He’d even given me a load of presents, which were presently sitting on my dresser. There was a lot of jewelry, two bottles of perfume, a Prada purse, and a GPS.
I got up and shoved them all into a drawer. The sight of them made me remember how I’d felt when Jace had given them to me, like they’d been intended as some kind of payment for my body. Okay, I knew it wasn’t like that, but it had still made me feel like human garbage. And contrary to what I’d said to Monica, I wasn’t fine.
One minute he’d been all over me, and admittedly, I’d been a bit hesitant, but when I was finally able to relax a bit, Jace just looked really bothered and started saying it was too soon. I didn’t get the mixed signals and the sudden change of mind, but by then, it was ten o’ clock, and I needed to get home before my mom.
But nothing had happened that meant he should
stop calling. Maybe he’d just been busy. Maybe he was going to call me today.
I waited all day—no call. I used the landline to call my cell phone to make sure it was working. It was.
The next evening, I decided to swallow my pride and call him. I was tired of this waiting and speculating.
“Hey, Jace,” I said brightly when he answered. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine, you?” He sounded pretty normal.
“I’m good. How was your Christmas?”
“It was good,” he said quietly. Now his voice seemed empty and cold. Or was it just my imagination? “Can I call you back in a minute?”
“Sure.”
He didn’t call back, but an hour later, he was on my doorstep. I was so relieved to see him, but I could tell something wasn’t right.
“Sorry to just show up,” he said.
“It’s fine. Come in.”
He didn’t move. “I’ve got Tanya in the car. I’m taking her home, but I just wanted to stop by to apologize.”
“Why?”
He looked at his shoes. “I felt like a real jerk after you left. I’m really sorry.”
There was no bravado, no jesting. Jace looked honest and sincere. “It’s no big deal, Jace.” I kissed his cheek, and he looked uncomfortable.
“I should get going,” he said. He turned on his heel and walked away.
I watched him drive away, then I shut my front door. Now, I was even more confused.
Okay, we’d almost done what we probably shouldn’t have. I hadn’t really wanted to do it, but we weren’t kids anymore. Everyone did it. It wasn’t a big deal. He didn’t need to apologize and get all weird with me. In fact, who said we shouldn’t have done it? How fast our relationship went was up to us, wasn’t it?
I went to my room and decided to journal. When in doubt, my good old diary helped me process my thoughts.
Chapter 21
My phone was ringing. It was Jace. We hadn’t spoken since his bizarre apology three days ago, and I had resisted the urge to call him.
“Hey,” I sang. I had to sound happy. He couldn’t know I was upset, or that his silence had been as tangible as a dagger twisting into my heart.