by Dayo Benson
“It won’t.”
“It will,” Carl argued. “You can continue with college next year.”
“I want to continue with college now.”
Louise came into the room and left again when she realized we were arguing.
“Well, I guess I have to say that I won’t allow you to continue college while you’re pregnant.”
“I’m continuing college, Carl. Get over it.”
“You’re not, and don’t try to defy me.”
I burst into disbelieving laughter. “Defy you? Carl, you’re funny. You’re not my dad, you know?”
“It’s best you stay home, and you are staying home. If I have to chain you to something I will.”
“You actually sound serious.”
“I am serious,” Carl said firmly. His phone rang, and he left the room to answer it.
I wondered why he was so adamant that I stop college. I knew it was just another of his manipulative tactics to get full control of everything I did. I still didn’t have a cell phone, and the Porsche he’d bought me was pretty much just furniture for the garage, since whenever I wanted to go out, he wouldn’t let me. I felt suffocated.
I heard Carl leave the house and wondered where he was going. He still wasn’t back by the time I was going to bed at midnight, so I guessed he was probably out at a bar or something with his friends. I wondered why he thought it was okay for him to do as he pleased, but it wasn’t okay for me to go to college. All I wanted was to study. Was that too much to ask?
When I woke up the next morning, he wasn’t home. I wondered if he’d come home during the night and gotten up early to go out. I asked Louise, and she said she hadn’t seen him. I barely saw him for the rest of the week.
The day college was to start I got up early. Carl still wasn’t home. I wondered where he’d been spending the night. I dressed up and went to make breakfast. Louise was off for the week, visiting her daughter in Chicago.
When I finished my breakfast, I went to get my car keys from the closet in the hallway. I couldn’t believe I was going to be driving a Porsche to college. If Dan Black saw me he’d think I was the biggest hypocrite ever.
I narrowed my eyes at the empty key dish. My keys weren’t there. Well, I would get a taxi. I called it, grabbed my house keys, and made my way to the front door.
My house key didn’t fit. I tried again, still to no avail. I looked at the key to make sure I had the right key. I did. I tried to insert it again, but it still wouldn’t go in. I wondered what was going on. Could Carl have changed the locks? I knew he was insane, but was he that bad?
I went to the back door and then to the side door, and their locks had been changed too. The windows also had new locks on them. I officially had no way of getting out. I was a prisoner in my own home.
I canceled my cab, and went to the den and sat down feeling sick. What if there was a fire or something? How did Carl expect me to escape in such a situation? He obviously wasn’t thinking. His obsession with control was making him senseless and irrational.
He didn’t come home that night, and I didn’t see him again until the weekend. Even then we didn’t speak. The sight of him made me so angry. I thought it best to just stay away from him, so I stayed in the spare room that I was in the process of transforming into my sanctuary.
Louise phoned and said she’d need another day or two with her daughter, and I told her to take another week. She wasn’t really needed, although I did miss her cooking.
I stayed in my new room all weekend, and Carl didn’t bother me. Whenever I emerged to get something to eat or to get a book from the study, he ignored me.
On Monday morning when he went to college, I went downstairs and made myself breakfast. I sat down at the kitchen table with my toasted waffles and started crying. God, I’m fed up! I cried internally. I had never felt so alone like I did now. I was cut off from all my friends, and my mom was miles away in another city busy with her consultancy. I had no one to talk to.
After breakfast, I went back to my room and lay down on the bed. I resigned myself to my isolated state and decided to just accept to start college next year.
When Louise returned from Chicago, Carl and I were forced to talk to each other. He eventually gave me a set of house keys. Why we were trying to keep up an appearance of normality, I didn’t know. Our relationship was far from normal.
As the weeks passed by, my strength waned gradually. I became more and more lethargic as my baby’s due date approached. I found it difficult to even get up and down the stairs, and my stomach still wasn’t even all that big!
I worried about whether it was Carl’s. Maybe if it wasn’t, he would divorce me, and I would be free from him. In November, Carl and I received an invitation to Sam and Shawna’s wedding in January. Carl tore it up and threw it away. I observed him through cold eyes. My hatred toward him was growing with every second.
Christmas approached, and my mom called to say that she was fully booked up. She wouldn’t be able to come for Christmas. She sounded terribly sorry, but I assured her it was okay. I knew she was really busy.
I wanted to tell her that I was pregnant, but I didn’t want to say it on the phone. Plus, I knew that she would drop everything and come if I told her, and I didn’t want that. I’d have to apologize later for not telling her.
Chapter 63
“Louise,” I panted painfully, staggering into the kitchen, while she was loading the dishwasher. “I think the baby’s coming. I need to get to hospital.”
Louise took one look at me and grabbed her cell phone. “I knew it would happen when Carl was out. I wish I could drive. Do you know where Carl is?”
“No.”
I leaned on the kitchen table while Louise called an ambulance. “They should be here soon,” she said hanging up after giving them the address.
“I feel like I’m going to die,” I whimpered.
“You’re not going to die,” Louise assured me. “I’ll call Carl to meet us at the hospital.”
The ambulance arrived in good time, and when I got to the hospital, the midwife checked me over and said she was sending me home. I started crying and begged to stay. I couldn’t go home. I was convinced that I was going to die if I went home. It was a good thing I begged because I was only in labor for another two hours, although it seemed like an eternity.
By the time Carl arrived, I’d had the baby. He came into my room looking apprehensive. He thanked Louise and told her to go home. I gave him a tired smile, forgetting about our troubles momentarily. The baby girl I held in my arms was so beautiful, and I felt this strange happiness as I watched her sleeping. I held her delicate frame protectively. She was so tiny and fragile.
Carl came and peered at her. “I think she looks like you,” he observed.
I thought she looked like me too, although it was still too early to really tell. Carl touched her silky black curls and smiled. It was the first time I had seen him smile in what seemed like ages.
“Can I hold her?” Carl asked. I let him take her from me, and he held her awkwardly. “What should we call her? I was thinking Crystal.”
“I like that,” I agreed. I hadn’t really thought of a name, since I hadn’t really been happy about the whole thing.
“Crystal Anais Layton.” Carl said.
“Where’d you get Anais from?”
“It’s Cuban. I figured she should have a Cuban name because you’re Cuban.”
I was impressed. So Carl had been thinking about the baby after all. He kissed Crystal’s cheek. “Hey, Crystal. I’m Carl, your daddy. How you doin’?” he whispered.
I watched him, surprised. I’d expected him to march in there and demand an immediate DNA test. I decided that I didn’t know Carl. He was strange, complex, and confusing. I would probably never fully understand him.
Carl left that evening with a promise to get Crystal’s room ready and do some baby shopping.
I was discharged the next day, and Carl came to take me home. He
and Louise had more or less sorted Crystal’s room, and I couldn’t believe it. “How did you manage to do all this in a day?”
“I got a couple of guys around to help. We still need to do the walls, and there’s still a lot of stuff to buy. We only bought the basics.”
He showed me the buggy he’d bought. It was pretty cool, and I couldn’t have chosen a better one myself.
“I’ve set up a crib in our bedroom too so that Crystal can stay with us until she’s old enough for her own room,” Carl said.
I followed him to our bedroom and nodded. “You’ve done a great job.” Did this mean he wanted me to move back into our bedroom? I’d been sleeping in my own room for a while now.
Louise took Crystal and told me to get some rest. I called my mom when they left me alone, excited to tell her about Crystal, but I couldn’t get through to her. I dialed again, and it still didn’t go through. I decided to try again later.
***
Louise had just left when the doorbell rang. I went to open the door, and I was taken aback to see Dan Black standing on the doorstep.
“Yeah, I heard you had a baby,” Dan said looking at Crystal. He pushed past me into the house.
It was past eight in the evening, and Carl could get home anytime. “Dan you can’t stay,” I said. He ignored me and went to the den, and sat down.
“You have to leave before Carl gets home.”
Dan looked at Crystal who was gurgling restlessly in my arms. “I want a DNA test.”
“Huh?”
“I know that baby is mine.”
“She’s not,” I said although I didn’t know.
“Well, I want a DNA test.”
“She’s Carl’s.”
“How old is she?” Dan asked.
“Three months.”
“So you got pregnant last April,” Dan said doing the math in his head. “You stayed with me for about a week last April. Remember? Carl brought a girl home, and you came to me.”
“This baby is Carl’s.”
I heard the front door open, and my heartbeat accelerated. Carl was home. He was going to see Dan. I was in trouble.
Dan’s eyes were on Crystal.
Carl entered the den. “Whose car is that in the driveway?” he began. Then, he saw Dan.
“Hey, Carl,” Dan greeted.
Carl looked at Dan and then at me. He turned on his heel and walked out. We heard him leave the house, and Dan grinned. “Is that how he treats guests?”
I went to the window and watched Carl get into his car. He made no move to go anywhere. He just sat there, probably waiting for Dan to leave.
“You think this is funny, don’t you?” I asked angrily. “You’re not the one who’ll have to deal with his anger later. It’ll be me.”
Dan removed a piece of paper from his pocket. “Here’s the DNA test form.”
I didn’t bother looking at the form. “Get out, Dan, now!”
“I want to be a part of my baby’s life, and Carl is not going to stand in my way.”
“I’m going to call 911 and have the police come and get you out if you don’t leave.”
Dan placed the form on the table and stood up. He came and touched Crystal’s hand. She grinned and grasped his finger. “She’s too dark to be Carl’s.”
“Maybe she gets it from me?”
Dan kissed Crystal’s cheek. “You’ll be hearing from me.”
He left, and I watched him drive away from the window. Carl waited a few more moments in the car, and then he came out. I quickly went to sit on the couch, trying to look like Dan’s visit was no big deal. I rocked Crystal and buried my face in her mass of thick dark curls. She had lots of hair compared to other babies.
I heard Carl go upstairs, and I was worried. I switched on the TV and cradled Crystal in my arms, rocking her gently. It was time for her to sleep.
I switched to the fashion channel. They were on a commercial break, so I switched to the entertainment news channel. To my surprise, my mom’s beauty consultancy, Flawless, was being reviewed. They showed a couple of celebrities testifying to my mom’s sheer brilliance, and then my mom’s face flashed on-screen.
The beautiful Rachel Dixon is currently in Dallas setting up Flawless for the women of the South. Her daughter, Lexi Dixon, is a model and has worked for the likes of Roz Petroz and Moschino.
They showed a clip of me on the runway, and I smiled. “Mommy’s still going to be a supermodel. She’s just taking a little break,” I told Crystal. She was still awake but only just.
The piece on my mom came to an end, and I reduced the volume as the commercial break began. At least my mom was still alive. I’d been trying to get through to her for months. I hadn’t spoken to her all year. I missed her, and I wanted to tell her about her grandchild.
Crystal had put her small thumb in her little pink mouth. Her long, dark eyelashes almost touched her delicate cheeks. I studied her critically. She was probably more likely to be Dan’s than Carl’s. She was even more likely to be Professor Jackson’s than Carl’s. Dan and Professor Jackson were both dark, and Carl was fair with blond hair and blue eyes. I hoped she had indeed taken her looks from me, because if Carl too decided to get a DNA test, I didn’t know what would happen if it turned out she wasn’t his.
A new show started, and my eyes were drawn back to the TV. Hollywood’s top ten craziest party girls! The countdown began with a blond pop singer. I grinned at the ridiculous outfits she was fond of wearing. Her stylist needed sacking.
As the countdown progressed, I analyzed the celebrities’ clothes. The model in the number six spot wore a dress similar to the one I’d worn to Michelle and Matt’s wedding, only hers was white and got torn before her night out at a club was over.
At number five, we have Hotel Heiress Jamie Price, who parties like it’s going out of fashion. She’s already planning three parties for her twenty-first birthday in December—one in LA, one in New York, and one in London.
I looked at the TV, and my mouth dropped as I stared gob smacked at the footage of Jamie Price dancing on a podium in a club, dressed like a hoochie. I wondered what Jace thought of her partying.
I watched the rest of the countdown and then decided to go upstairs and see what Carl was up to. I tiptoed up the stairs with a sleeping Crystal drooling onto my shoulder and opened the bedroom door. Carl was fast asleep.
***
“What’s this about?” Carl asked furiously, shaking a letter at me.
The white envelope had arrived that morning addressed to Carl, and I had set it aside for him.
“Lexi, when is all this drama going to stop?” Carl asked, his face reddening to an angry crimson.
I sat Crystal down in her baby bouncer and went to get the letter from Carl to see what was making him so angry.
It was from Prestige Law Firm. Maybe Carl had been done for drink driving or something. I started to read: Carl Layton, I have been advised by my client Daniel Black…
I stopped reading and just scanned the rest of the page, my heart constricting. Words like DNA test and child support jumped out at me. What was Dan’s problem? Why couldn’t he just leave us alone?
Addressing the letter to Carl had been a smart move. That way, Carl would definitely see it.
“Is it Dan’s?”
“Don’t call my baby ‘it’. She has a name,” I sputtered.
“Not if she’s not mine.”
“She is yours.”
“If Dan thinks there’s a chance she could be his, that means you’ve been cheating on me, like I always suspected.”
I decided to come clean. “It was last year when you brought a girl home.
“I knew it!”
“You were cheating on me too!” I looked at Crystal and quickly lowered my voice. “Don’t get all self-righteous, Carl.”
Carl looked like he might explode. Instead, he left the room, slamming the door with a loud bang. I heard Louise asking him what the matter was on the other side of the door.
Louise came to the living room. “What’s going on?”
I gave her the letter. She read it then folded it up. “You been fooling around?”
“I’ve only cheated on Carl twice. And to be honest, I had every right, because he was cheating on me too. He always has, and he still does.”
“Well, is Crystal Carl’s?”
I burst into tears. “I don’t know.” Louise pulled me into a motherly hug. “I don’t know what I’ll do if she’s not. Carl will go mad. I’ll have to leave. I think I better start packing now.”
“Do you want me to pray with you?”
I pulled back from Louise. Why hadn’t I guessed she was a Christian? “Okay.”
Louise took my hands. “Dear Jesus, thank you because you love Lexi so much. I pray now because things have been going wrong in her marriage for so long, but I want you to prove to her that you are in control. If Crystal is not Carl’s child, then I ask that you soften his heart so that when he finds out he’ll forgive her. Give Lexi the grace and the strength to cope with whatever happens. And draw her close to you through whatever circumstances she may have to experience. I pray in Jesus’ name. Amen.” Louise opened her eyes and squeezed my hands.
I didn’t bother wiping away the tears in my eyes. “Thanks. I wish I had your faith. I wish I could just say a prayer and be filled with peace, but I can’t.”
“Prayer doesn’t always fill me with peace, but faith is not about what you feel. It’s about what you know and what you believe.”
I looked at the clock. “You should have left by now.”
“Dinner took me a while today. I thought I’d treat you guys.” Louise released my hands. “See you in the morning. You have my number, don’t you? Call me if you need anything or if you need to talk.”
“Okay.”
Louise left the room. She returned a few minutes later and set a mug of hot chocolate on the table and then left.
I reached for the mug and took a sip. It scalded me as it slid down my throat, but I barely noticed. When I finished, I went to the kitchen to make another cup. Carl came home while I was pouring in a sizeable amount of sugar. He stood in the kitchen doorway. I picked up the mug and tried to walk past him to go to the living room.