“He just wanted to clear the air.” I tried to pretend I wasn’t affected by our conversation, but my sister knew me better than that. Sometimes it felt as if she could read my mind, which was both comforting and unsettling depending on my mood. This morning it was definitely unsettling. I didn’t want her or anyone else to know that seeing Dustin again had awakened feelings I’d thought I’d buried a long time ago.
“If you think I’m going to be satisfied with that, you’re crazy,” she said, laughing. “I want detes. Start at the beginning, and don’t leave anything out.”
“I told him I’d wanted to postpone the wedding, not cancel it. He seemed… surprised.” I couldn’t believe he’d thought I hadn’t wanted to marry him at all. Didn’t he know how much I loved him, that my whole world had revolved around the life I wanted to build with him?
“I told you when he went postal that was just his ego talking. You should have given him time to cool off then reached out to him to tell him you didn’t want to end your relationship. You just wanted to slow things down a little.”
I wondered how different my life would have been if I’d taken my sister’s advice back then. Would Dustin have been building that beachfront dream home for me instead of his fiancée? Probably. But that was irrelevant now. He’d moved on, and I had to do the same.
“Jake is stopping by later,” I said to change the subject. “He had a fishing tournament in Ontario and wanted to see me.”
“I thought that was over,” Catia said before taking a bite out of her banana.
“It is, but he wants to see me. He thinks we should talk.”
“How do you feel about him?”
“Confused,” I admitted. “He’s a great guy, but—”
“You’re not sure he’s the right guy for you?”
I was pretty sure he wasn’t, but since he was the only guy I’d been genuinely interested in since Dustin, I felt I owed it to him to hear him out. “I had strong feelings for him. It was the first serious relationship I’d had in a long time.”
“Which is just sad.” Catia picked off a stem of grapes from the bowl. “Do we have any yogurt?”
I reached into the fridge and grabbed her a small container of strawberry yogurt before I tossed her a spoon. I felt some satisfaction when it landed on the granite countertop with a loud clatter. “You have the nerve to imply I’m sad? When was the last time you were in a serious relationship?” I pressed my index finger against my lip as I pretended to ponder the question. “Oh, that’s right. Never!”
“I don’t do relationships,” she said, wrinkling her nose. “I’d much rather find a hot guy, hook up, maybe a few times if he’s good, and call it done.”
I was well aware of my sister’s philosophy, but hearing it aloud was still disturbing. “How’d you get so messed up? Mom and Dad have been happily married forever. You had a healthy example of a solid relationship growing up, yet you and Darius are both allergic to commitment.”
“I’m not saying I’ll never get married,” Catia argued. “Just not right now. I’m still too young to be tied down.”
“You’re twenty-nine, not fifteen, sis. I’d say that’s old enough to have a real boyfriend.”
“I’ve had real boyfriends,” she said, popping a grape into her mouth.
“For what, like a minute? That doesn’t count.” I nabbed a stem of grapes from the bowl before she could eat them all. “What about Chase?”
Chase owned the construction company we’d hired to build the restaurant, and he had some serious sexual chemistry with Catia. She claimed they’d never acted on it, but I wasn’t buying it. If they hadn’t, it was only a matter of time before they did. My sister wasn’t very good at resisting temptation, and the guy was seriously hot.
“What about him?” she asked.
“Oh, come on, you can’t tell me you’re not interested in him.”
“Uh, have you forgotten he’s divorced with a couple of kids under the age of five? You know I don’t do guys with baggage, Kar. I don’t need the drama.”
I personally thought she was just afraid of falling for a guy who’d demonstrated he wasn’t afraid of commitment. “You light up every time the man walks into the room. Don’t think you’re being subtle about your attraction to him, ‘cause you’re not. And who cares if he’s divorced with kids? So is Jake.”
“Have you forgotten that we’re only here for nine more months? After that, it’s back to Chicago. Why get attached to anyone when we both know it can’t last?”
She had a point. At least I’d met Jake in Chicago, so he had the hometown advantage working in his favor. “Has Chase ever asked you out?”
“Sure, but I told him what I told you. It could never work, for lots of reasons.”
“You didn’t tell him it was because he had kids, did you?” My sister had never been accused of being the soft and sensitive type, but I didn’t think she would be clueless enough to insinuate his kids were a deal breaker for her.
“Of course not,” she said indignantly. “What do you take me for, a monster? It so happens I love kids—when they belong to other people and I don’t have to take care of them.”
I was mildly concerned that this woman would be my future children’s aunt, but I knew she was all talk. When the time came, and it would eventually, she’d be a great mom.
“I should go grab a shower. Rhonda’s stopping by in a little while to help us get this place back in order,” I said, referring to our long-time caretaker. “But get Darius’s lazy ass out of that lounger. He’s going to help with the cleanup.”
Even though we grew up in a mansion with a houseful of staff, our parents had raised us to be responsible and respectful. Now we all maintained reasonably sized condos in the city and did our own laundry, shopping, and cooking. We still had a little help with the cleaning once a week, or twice a week in Darius’s case because, well, he was a guy. And a pig.
“You got it.” Catia grabbed my wrist as I walked past her. “Hey, are you really okay with Dustin being engaged? It’s gotta hurt like hell, seeing him here with her, huh?”
“It is what it is,” I said, squeezing her hand. “Now that I’m over the initial shock of seeing him again, I’m fine with it.” At least that was what I kept telling myself. I couldn’t help sneaking a peek out the window every hour or so to see if he was on his deck or jogging on the beach.
Old habits died hard, and I wasn’t sure my feelings for that man would ever die.
Chapter Five
Dustin
I knew I should just pack up and get the hell out of there. Jana was long gone, and I was left alone with my thoughts, which were slowly driving me crazy. Darius waved as he walked along the beach toward me.
I watched him open the gate before I raised my beer bottle. “How about a hair of the dog?”
He chuckled before shaking his head slowly. “Can’t. I gotta head back to the city. I just wanted to thank you for talking to Kara last night. She seemed better this morning.”
“I’m glad.” I wondered if that meant she’d been able to put the past to rest after our conversation because I sure as hell couldn’t claim the same.
“That’s why we’re all clearing out,” Darius explained. “Jake’s stopping by later, and I want to give them some time alone together. I’m hoping they can work things out.”
I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t. Just knowing that he would be there with her, trying to piece their relationship back together, made me feel sick. I couldn’t bring myself to analyze the reason.
“Where’s your fiancée?” Darius asked, glancing through the glass doors. “I was hoping to meet her before I head out.”
“She, uh, left.” At Darius’s questioning look, I added, “Me. She left me.” I chuckled at his look of surprise. “What the hell is it about me, man? Women just don’t wanna stick around. They agree to marry me, then decide they can’t go through with it after all. I’m starting to take it personally.”
“She called
off the wedding?” Darius asked, his eyes widening.
“Yup.” Which explained why I was drinking beer just shy of noon.
“Damn, I’m sorry, Dustin. That sucks.”
“Yeah, it does.”
“Do you mind if I ask what happened?”
I considered giving him some B.S. about her not being ready, but I knew the truth had to come out. “I didn’t tell her about Kara, that we’d been engaged. She found out on her own, and let’s just say she wasn’t happy.” I drained the bottle before reaching into the cooler for another. I had nowhere to be, no one to impress. I might as well drink myself into a stupor.
“Maybe she was just pissed that you didn’t tell her,” Darius suggested. “Could be she just needs a little time.”
“But here’s the thing,” I said, looking my long-time friend, the man I’d once thought would be my brother-in-law, in the eye. “She told me she couldn’t marry me, and I didn’t object. She packed up her shit, walked out on me, and I didn’t even try to stop her. What does that say about our relationship?”
Darius sat on the edge of the octagonal picnic table in the middle of deck. “That maybe you had no business being engaged to her in the first place?”
“That’s what I’m thinking too.” It hurt my pride to admit I’d made another colossal mistake, but it was better to admit it now than after the wedding or, God forbid, after we had kids.
“So what’s next for you?” Darius asked. “Where do you go from here?”
“My plans haven’t changed. I’ll be back next week to start construction, move ahead with my building plans. I’ve got a few projects going on back home, so I’ll have to travel back and forth, but I expect to be here for the better part of the next five months.”
“Interesting.” Darius glanced over at his deck, where Kara was trying to put up the umbrella to shade the loungers. “I should help her with that before I head out.”
“It was good to see you again,” I said, standing to shake his hand. “I hope you won’t be such a stranger.”
“Now that you and Kara have settled things, maybe we’ll all spend more time here. Would you be okay with that?”
I forced a smile. “I’ll tell you what I told her: she has as much right to be here as I do.”
“How do you feel about her spending time here with Jake?”
“Honestly?” I drained half the beer bottle before responding. “I hate it. But there’s not a goddamn thing I can do about it.”
“Are you telling me you still have feelings for her?”
“I’d have to be crazy to admit that after the hell we put each other through. We didn’t just hurt each other, Darius. We destroyed each other. You can’t just bounce back from that. It’s been a long time, but after talking to her last night, I can see that she’s not dealing with it any better than I am.”
“So what are you going to do about it? Are you going to take the time, while you’re both here, to deal with it?”
“How do you propose we do that when she’s trying to get back with her ex?”
“He’s trying to get back with her,” Darius argued. “I’m not convinced that’s what she wants. I think if you told her you still have feelings for her—”
“Not gonna happen.” I’d have had to be crazy to put myself out there again, especially when the woman in question had already handed my heart to me once.
“Why the hell not?”
“I’d never take that kind of risk again, not with her.”
“Huh, I never pegged you for a chicken-shit.”
“Don’t,” I said, raising my hand in warning. “You haven’t been there. All I did for the first few months was drink. I could barely haul my ass out of bed most mornings. I banged too many women just trying to get her out of my head. Even had a pregnancy scare that rocked my world. That’s what finally scared me straight. I realized if I continued down that path, I’d self-destruct and ruin everything I’d worked so hard for.”
“I didn’t know.” Darius pulled his ball cap down to shade his eyes. “But there’s something you don’t know.”
“What’s that?”
“The hell Kara went through after you two spilt. You weren’t the only one on a slippery slope. We didn’t know what to say or do, how to help her. She cried all the time in the beginning, barely slept or ate. Starting missing classes, drinking too much. Hell, there was even a time when…” He shook his head. “Forget it. It doesn’t matter now. Let’s just say she was in a bad place.”
“What were you going to say?” I had a feeling I didn’t want to know, but the masochist in me was determined to get it out of him.
“That she went through a phase where she was pretty promiscuous. At least that was the word on campus. You know how guys talk. I don’t know how much of it was true. I never had the balls to ask her outright, but let’s just say I was tempted to bust a few heads when I heard the things guys were saying about her.”
“That doesn’t sound like Kara.” I didn’t want to believe I’d driven her to indiscriminate sex. I had been her first lover, and there was a time when I’d believed I would be blessed with the distinction of being her only lover.
“I know.” Darius lifted his cap, running his hand through his hair before replacing it. “It may have been a bunch of B.S.—I sure as hell like to think so—but whether it was or not, she was messed up over you. Not because she knew she hurt you, but because she loved you. She wanted to be with you, not anyone else.”
Hearing that felt good, but nothing could erase the years we’d wasted or the pain we’d caused each other. “I needed to hear that, thanks.”
“You need to hear it from her.”
“We talked last night.” I glanced at her, smiling when I saw she was still struggling with the umbrella. The crank must have been sticking again. “Maybe we’ll talk again.”
“Doesn’t look like she’s busy now,” Darius said, grinning. “If you want to give her a hand, I’ll head out.”
“Yeah, I think I can do that.”
We walked down to the beach together until Darius needed to split off toward the driveway while I veered toward their deck.
“I’ll see you soon,” Darius said. “And good luck with the house. I can’t wait to see it.”
“Thanks, I’m pretty stoked about it too.” I was used to seeing my designs come to life, but this house was different, special. The culmination of a lifelong dream. When I reached the deck, I stood outside the gate. “Need some help with that?”
“You scared me,” Kara said, flattening her palm against her chest. “Darius just left, and I didn’t think anyone else was here.”
“Yeah, he came over to say good-bye, and we saw you struggling with that. Need some help?”
“Sure, thanks,” she said, stepping back. “It looks like it’s broken though. I’ll have to tell my parents it needs to be replaced. It’s been a while since they’ve been here, so they probably didn’t realize.”
“Why don’t you just use the awning?”
“I just want a bit of shade.”
I raised the umbrella, which I suspected was just stiff from lack of use. “Why haven’t your parents been coming up? I remember how much they used to love this place when y’all were growing up.”
She sat on the lounger, pointing at the one next to her in invitation. “I guess they felt bad about the wedding too. They knew how upset your parents were with me. I assume they thought that extended to them as well.”
“Come on, I know our parents have talked since then.”
“Yeah, they have.” She reached for a tall glass of what looked like iced tea and took a sip. “But I’m afraid their friendship has never really been the same.”
“For the record, my parents weren’t upset with you. They loved you, Kara. They were just disappointed that we couldn’t work things out.”
“I know.” She sighed. “Would you like a drink, or do you have to get back to Jana?”
“Uh, she left, actually.” Since
I’d already told Darius, I figured there was no harm in telling Kara the truth. She and her brother were close, and I hadn’t sworn Darius to secrecy, so I knew he would tell her if I didn’t.
“Why? I thought you two were spending the weekend.”
“Yeah, that was the plan, but things changed when she found out about us.”
“Us?” she asked, taking off her sunglasses and setting them on a home décor magazine at the foot of her lounger. “You mean she found out we were engaged?” When I nodded, she asked, “How? You told her?”
“No, apparently she read about it in some interview you did a few years back.”
She winced. “Damn, I forgot about that. It was a feature on my whole family, and the reporter had really done her homework. I tried to downplay the whole thing, but she was relentless. I’m sorry if it caused trouble for you.”
“Wasn’t your fault.” It was time for me to accept some responsibility instead of blaming her for everything. “I should have told her the truth from the beginning.”
“Why didn’t you?”
“I guess I was afraid things would go down the way they did today.”
“What do you mean?” She was wearing a royal blue bikini with a multicolored sarong tied at the hip, and while it was perfectly appropriate given the weather and locale, it was difficult not to be distracted by her tanned, toned body glistening with some kind of tanning oil.
“I, uh…” I cleared my throat, grateful my eyes were hidden behind dark glasses so she couldn’t tell I was mentally undressing her and remembering how incredible it felt to touch her. “I was afraid that once I started talking to her about it, all those feelings of jealousy and insecurity would come back to the surface, and they did. She saw the disparity between the way I felt about you and the way I feel about her. Needless to say, she didn’t want to be my second choice.”
Kara’s mouth slipped open at my admission. “You didn’t tell her that, did you? That she was your second choice?”
Kara (Starkis Family #4) Page 5