by Willow Dean
Gender should not determine what emotions a person should feel or how they choose to cope with them.
Each one of us joined the Torres household six years ago and have only just now, begun to open up to each other. Albeit very limitedly.
After all, it takes a lot to trust others when your past has taught you otherwise.
Plus, some people are far easier to trust than others. That’s not to say that we don’t trust each other. We do, implicitly. However, opening up and spilling your deepest darkest secrets and emotional hang-ups to the world is a completely different kettle of fish.
Personally, I haven’t shared anything with my new family. Not because I don’t trust them, but simply because I haven’t yet learnt to cope with my own emotions. That and the fact that I don’t want to add to their already taxing burdens.
Whether the others feel the same or not, I could not say. What I do know is that Aus is the only one to have shared even a snippet of his past with the group, and that was more out of a necessity than anything else.
So far, I am the only one that Aus has fully confided in. Although, slowly but surely, he is beginning to open up to the others and share little bits with them too.
Hopefully, over time we’ll all be able to come to terms with our past and feel confident enough to share our hang-ups with the others.
For now though, we are content to just be.
I know for certain that each one of us will be there for Mila when she needs to talk and process. She’s a very resilient and resourceful woman and will be okay in time, she just needs space to come to terms in her own way first.
She will be cherished as part of our family and will be given the best life has to offer. We just need to make sure that she has everything that she needs to recover sufficiently first.
I still remember the day that she was brought in on that gurney, too battered and bruised to even be recognized.
Our team was in central command finalizing the plans for one of our investigations when Trick received the distress call. Even though he worked with calm efficiency, it was obvious he was troubled by the whole situation, which is unusual for him.
Following protocol, he sent out a team and continued conversing with whoever was on the other line. That was until he started shouting down the phone a couple of minutes in, demanding to know where Tali was.
That’s when we heard her.
Mila confronted Trick without an ounce of hesitation, not giving a damn as to who he was. Unknowingly, and quite spectacularly might I add, she knocked the big bad boss down a peg or two.
Calm and collected, she rose above him and took control of the situation like a seasoned agent.
It was rather impressive actually. Pride stirs in my chest at the memory of her sweet, authoritative voice filtering down the line. By the looks on the faces of the rest of my team, they were thinking the same too.
The only thing that overrode our satisfaction was the overwhelming concern for Mila and her family’s safety. We watched the surveillance feeds in abject horror as their car spun out and crashed through the barriers, hurtling over the edge before all contact was lost.
The tension grew heavier with each passing second that the team weren’t able to re-establish contact, until eventually, the room broke out into chaos as Lachlan and Trick coordinated a rescue attempt.
Completely helpless to do anything but stand by and watch, we were all twitchy, yet ready to head out at a second's notice.
The only reason we didn’t sprint from that room to Mila’s aid was because there was already a more experienced team on route.
No point in sending cadets out with no field experience.
A collective sigh of relief was released from our team as the report came through to say that she was alive. Accompanied shortly after by anguish of knowing that she was now an orphan.
Desperate for more information, we hung around until Lachlan ordered us out of the room.
His actions were puzzling though.
Why, if we are agents in training, were we being dismissed? Surely it made sense for us to be exposed to these sorts of operations to gain as much experience as possible?
I was completely lost in my thoughts when my brothers distracted me. Of course, we played the good little soldiers and vacated the room as ordered.
Lachlan had his serious I’m in charge face going on and no one should argue with him when he’s like that.
That never did stop us though.
Slipping into one of the rooms a little further down the corridor, I raced over to one of the computers and attempted to hack into the mainframe.
Unfortunately, Lachlan found us just as I was about to break through the last firewall and proceeded to dress us down royally.
Our protests were quickly subdued when he reprimanded us for potentially compromising Mila’s safety and that of the team.
It must have only been a couple of hours after that, that Rick received a call from him, inviting us in where we were briefed on our next unofficial assignment.
Mila’s protection detail.
Whoever wanted her is still out there, and by the sounds of it, are all too happy to try everything and anything they can to get to her.
We waited patiently for more information, but that’s apparently all we were to be privy too.
Pained whimpers drag me back to the present as I strengthen my hold on the precious package in my arms.
Absently stroking away a stray strand of hair that has fallen out of her bandages, I smile as she starts to relax at the movement, her breathing evening out again.
Rick remains sleeping soundly, curled up behind her with an arm draped across her protectively.
None of us have gotten much sleep since she was brought in. Taking it in shifts to sit with her, in addition to keeping up to date on college work and our other duties, it’s not been easy.
Even though it’s begun to take its toll on all of us, I know that not a single one of us regrets a minute of it. Mila deserves to have someone by her side, giving her as much support as possible. Heaven knows she’s going to need it.
Despite it being a group assignment, only Aus, Rick and myself have sat with her.
She only met the twins in passing at the party, and not that she knows any of us in great length with the exception of Rick, but we didn’t want to overwhelm her with new faces. Especially knowing that she more likely than not, would wake up with memory loss.
Instead, the twins are keeping surveillance and assisting the investigation into the hit on Mila and her family.
The nurse comes by to check on her and I quietly tell her what happened when she woke. Unconcerned, she deftly removes the IV line and drip stand from the room, turning out the lights as she leaves.
They aren’t doing much for Mila anymore anyway. Her condition is stable enough now. She just needs to rest and regain her strength.
Theoretically, she would be safe to be left here on her own. There are cameras installed in all the medical rooms and are monitored around the clock when necessary.
Yet, even if Lachlan hadn’t ordered one of us to remain at her side at all times, I know that at least one of us would have remained here with her. Waiting anxiously for her to wake.
No one should be left to fight their demons alone. As the saying goes, a burden shared is a burden halved.
As I lay there, I listen to their even breaths and allow them to soothe me.
We are all here, together and safe, and we will do everything in our power to make sure that it stays that way.
There ’s nothing we can’t achieve together as a team.
As a family.
Relaxing further into the bed, I draw Mila in closer as she snuggles into my chest. Rick’s arm tightens unconsciously around her waist as I take one more reassuring glance at her, before finally allowing myself to succumb to sleep.
Snatching up an orange and banana from the fruit basket, I head over to the coffee machine in the corner over by where Micah is s
tanding.
“Morning, Bro. How’s Mila?” He chirps emphatically. Always the energetic one no matter what time of the day it is.
“She’s doing well. She freaked when her memories came back last night and pulled her drip out, but we managed to settle her and she’s been sleeping soundly since. They were going to take her off the drip once she woke up anyway, so no harm done.” I shrug.
The smell of burnt coffee grounds causes my nose to scrunch as I fill up my coffee flask.
Micah's eyes suddenly gain a distant look. One that I know that comes with a slew of memories from his past, just before his need to fix things and protect people comes flying out at full force.
“I’m glad she’s finally awake.” He lets out a relieved sigh. Plastering a forced smile on his face, he continues. “We need to make sure she feels welcome at home. She’ll need some things from her house to come home to and I’ll have to get her some toiletries too. She’ll need lots of rehab, so we’ll have to work out a schedule for her and we’ll also have to figure out which bedroom would be best suited to-”
He stops abruptly and turns to blink at me rapidly when I rest a hand on his shoulder.
Understanding dawns as he raises his free hand to rub the back of his neck, wincing. “I lost myself again, didn’t I?”
“I know this is hard on you, Mic. I think whatever ideas you have will be lovely and will help her a great deal in the long run, just maybe take it a little slower for now. We don’t want to overwhelm her. Let’s just make sure she’s comfortable and settled first. The bare essentials and a few home comforts are probably the best place to start. What d’ya reckon?”
He releases a big sigh, nodding in agreement. “I think I can manage that,” he answers, a small genuine smile lighting his face. Glancing behind me, he waves at Rick and Linc who are striding towards us. “Morning brothers,” he hollers, completely back to his normal happy-go-lucky self.
A chorus of good morning’s follow his greeting as our group makes their way over to a table in the corner of the room that’s well away from prying eyes.
Everyone is quiet for a while, just taking the time to relax and enjoy the tranquility of the moment. Not that there is much tranquility in the middle of a busy cafeteria, but it’s the most that’s been offered by our hectic schedule as of late.
“Mila is due to be released today, providing she eats and is given the go ahead by the Doc. She’ll need extensive rehab, but Lachlan has persuaded them to let us take care of that when she’s more emotionally stable. She’ll be coming home with us and will stay in the center room. You four are to rotate between Mila, college and surveillance, whilst I assist Lachlan in tracking down whoever was responsible for the hit.
“Any problems just call me and I’ll be there immediately. I won’t be too far away and Paladin will monitor the feeds throughout the daylight hours. It’s expected that they will try to reach her again.”
“Sounds good, Boss,” Micah replies, throwing in a cheeky wink and a sarcastic salute to boot. Rick sniggers at his antics as Linc just shakes his head.
Micah’s always been the loudest of us all and is the resident comedian of the group. Despite being twins, Linc doesn’t speak anywhere near as much as his brother.
Not that I blame him. Micah does more than enough talking for the both of them.
Making the most of our free time, we discuss mundane things like college and the eventual plan for Mila and her rehab. It’s just nice to have a little free time to spend with each other and catch up.
Due to our surprise assignment, we haven’t had the chance to spend much time together as a family. So much so, that it’s hard not to feel disconnected from one another.
Ever since we first met and started to build our trust in one another, we’ve been spending less and less time apart.
Now, we crave the companionship more than anything else. So, being apart recently has been a bit of an adjustment, to say the least.
“-lian KO’d the guy inside three rounds with a spin hook kick to the head with perfect form. I can’t wait until the new semester starts with the new training so I can spar with him. He’s awesome!”
“You wouldn’t last two minutes,” Linc scoffs derisively as he takes another sip of his coffee.
“Wanna go, Bro?” Micah taunts as he stands from the table just as Rick’s phone starts ringing. Answering it, his face brightens before he finishes the call and stands, collecting his plate as he goes.
“Mila’s awake. Linc, Micah, go home and make sure her room is set up and all of her stuff is there waiting for her. She needs to feel as welcome as possible. Double check the security system and do a sweep of the perimeter and I’ll keep you updated on our progress.”
All joking forgotten the twins stand with serious expressions and nod their assent, ditching their trays on the trolley as they stride out of the cafeteria.
“Let’s go see our new girl scout, shall we?” Rick jests with a face splitting grin. He’s enjoying this new addition to the family far too much already.
I have a feeling Mila’s going to be good for this disjointed family of misfits.
Only time will tell.
11 Mila
A tightening sensation on my arm jolts me awake and straight into a panic.
With my heart pounding, I lash out before a large hand encircles my arm and presses back on my other shoulder, pinning me to the bed.
No! I can’t let him take me.
Sucking in sharp gasps, my eyes snap open to look up into a set of glacial blue orbs.
“It’s okay, Lila. The nurse is just doing your blood pressure. You’re safe here. Relax,” he soothes.
Once he sees I’m awake and no longer struggling, he releases my arm and softly strokes his warm fingers down my cheek.
“Sorry, Doll. We should have woken you up first,” he murmurs apologetically. “It’s okay now, just relax. I won’t let anyone harm you. I promise.”
Although his voice is gruff and he looks as though he’s about to punch someone’s lights out, his eyes and voice have an edge of softness to them.
Clearing his throat, he continues to watch me cautiously. “How are you feeling?”
“Better thank you,” I admit quietly.
Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath and hold it, concentrating only on the feeling of his slightly calloused hands stroking the hair back away from my face.
He tucks each strand behind my ear with such care and tenderness that it almost melts my heart.
“Thank you for watching over me. All of you,” I mumble, getting completely and utterly lost in the comfort of his touch.
Peeling my eyes open, I detect the slightest up-turn of his lips even as he endeavors to keep his expression stoic.
Caressing my face one last time, he pulls back and retakes his seat by the side of my bed before absentmindedly taking a hold of one of my hands, and extracting his phone from his pocket with the other.
Whilst he busies himself with his phone, I apologize to the nurse. If she was offended, she doesn’t show it. Instead, she offers me a sympathetic smile and starts moving around the room, getting lost in her work.
That’s when I notice her bob swaying back and forth. Her cerise red hair catching the light as her body morphs into-
Mum.
Pain crushes me as the memories assault me with fervor. It’s funny how, even though the human body's self-preservation instinct kicks in at times of physical need, there is no defense against ones' haunting past.
Sure people lose their memories for a time to allow the body time to recover, but one way or another, those bastards always find their way back.
Mum, Dad and I covered head to toe in paint, from finger painting gone wrong. The awed expression on their face when I play piano for a charity choir performance.
The two of them laughing and smiling as they splash around in the river together. The happiness on their faces as they slow-dance by the campfire under the lights of the night sky.
Gem and I play fighting in the grass or dodging sticky chocolate covered marshmallows.
The stark fear in Mum’s eyes as she turns around to check that we are safe, and the relief that follows shortly after.
The pride in her eyes when I sass her back and demand they tell me everything.
The sheen that descends over her eyes as the life drains from her body.
“Shhh, Doll. It’s okay, it’s all going to be okay.” A pair of strong arms encircle me, rocking me back and forth as they offer whispered words of comfort.
A thoughtful notion, yet one that’s completely void.
Numb, yet in inexplicable agony all at once. Nothing can penetrate this excruciating torture.
Although it feels like a lifetime, I don’t know how long he holds me for, but it’s long enough for my senses to start to return.
They force me to listen to the loud keening noises that echo throughout the room. It takes me a while longer to realize that those sounds are actually coming from me.
Once the notion takes root, I calm down enough to shake with silent sobs and cling like a monkey to whoever has ahold of me.
A large hand is buried in my hair as another one is splayed across my back, pressing me securely to a firm leather chest.
Gently stroking the back of my head, he maintains his hold on me even after my sobbing and whimpers subside, like he knows just how much I need the extra comfort to ground me right now. To keep me firmly in the present.
My faculties start to return, allowing my mind to slowly begin processing my surroundings again. I try to remember who was here with me, but I can only recall brief flashes of color.
Vivid blue eyes and hair the color of midnight swim in my vision as the smell of leather engulfs me.
Aus.
With that knowledge, I relax further into his hold, allowing his presence to soothe me as he continues to cocoon me in a warm and peaceful bubble.
I don’t really know any of these guys, but for whatever reason, I trust them wholly. Instinctively, I know that none of them would allow any harm to come to me.
The door opens as a happy Jax and Rick walk through. Their delighted expressions drop quickly once they catch sight of me bundled up in Aus’s arms.