by Willow Dean
Yup. Definitely not going to move from here. Here will do just nicely.
23 Austin
Lila managed about three quarters of the way through the second movie and then she was out like a light. I can’t help but watch as she sleeps soundly in Micah’s arms. She looks so fragile.
It’s a wonder she even made it through all that she has. Credo to her though, she may not look like much, but she’s deceptively strong and resourceful. There is no doubt that she will be a huge asset to our team once fully trained.
The end credits play in the background as Micah changes his position to try and grab his drink off the table. As soon as he pulls away from Mila, she immediately starts whimpering, her face contorting in pain. Micah stops mid reach and settles back, pulling her back into his arms again.
I grab his drink off the table and he takes it graciously from me as he continues to stroke soothing circles on her arm. Shortly after, the whimpers stop and her face becomes peaceful once again.
“Is she like that every night?” Rick asks no-one in particular.
“Yup. I think we’ve all heard her at some point when we’re on lookout,” I answer, looking to the others for confirmation. Each of them nod their heads in some way.
“Has she mentioned to anyone about having nightmares?” Jax enquires softly. A chorus of negatives sound out in response. “There’s nothing we can do then unless she decides to tell us. If she’s been having them and has chosen not to tell us, then there must be a good reason for it. We should keep a careful eye on her for the time being and make sure it doesn’t affect her during the waking hours,” he surmises as he gets up to start collecting the now empty plates.
Linc and I rise to help as Rick leans down to retrieve Mila. In his arms, she looks like a pixie in a giant’s grasp. Completely dwarfed. Stirring slightly, she rubs her face into his neck and breathes in deeply. Rick peers down at her and chuckles quietly before carrying her off to bed.
Linc helps Micah up and we have everything tidied away before Rick walks back in the room. “How did you two get on with tailing that rep last night?” He asks the twins.
“It was a dead end. There was no mention of Mila or Census. They were discussing tech shipments and transfer fees. Nothing that was of any use.”
“Another duff lead huh?” The twins nod. “Okay, well let’s keep up with nightly watches. Paladin should be sufficient throughout the day. We just need to make sure that we remain subtle when tailing her. She won’t be happy if she realizes what we’re doing.”
I mentally facepalm. Are all of them that completely oblivious?! “You do realize that she already knows?!”
They all turn to me with varying expressions of shock and amusement. Micah chuckles. “She does?” His words come out as more of a statement than a question.
“Oh yeah, she definitely knows. Have you not seen her watch you out of the corner of her eye as she rounds a bend in the corridor, or noticed that she takes a different route to class every day? She actually has a little routine going.” I smirk, remembering when I first saw her conversing with herself. “First, she starts muttering to herself about how we don’t need to be following her and that we’re just being overprotective and wasting our time. Then, she moves onto a full-on pep talk where she tries to convince herself to let us just do what we feel we have to, because we only want to make sure that she’s safe.
“It’s quite entertaining to watch to be honest. Especially when she starts arguing with herself. That’s when the real fun starts,” I grin, remembering the last time that she really riled herself up, startling a couple of guys in the corridor when she berated herself out loud. It was rather amusing.
“Are you serious?” Micah snickers with a beaming smile on his face.
“Deadly,” I confirm. Looking around the group, it’s obvious they had no clue. “You guys aren’t seriously telling me that you haven’t seen it? You haven’t noticed anything?!” My eyebrows rise up in surprise at the shocked looks that they all throw my way.
“Seriously, if you guys haven’t noticed it by now, then you need to step up your game. Big style. She’s subtle, but very resourceful when she needs to be. I have no doubt that if she really didn’t want us following her, she could lose us in the blink of an eye.”
Taking in what I just said, Rick looks to the ceiling with a thoughtful look. “We can tackle that in training soon. In the meantime, let’s keep on it, for now. If she has a problem with it, I’m sure she will bring it up. Aus-”
“Yah, I got it,” I say, waving my hand over my head. “See you guys in the morning,” I call out over my shoulder as I leave them in the kitchen to head over to the study.
After checking all the camera feeds are working as normal, I lock up and leave the house to go check the outer edges of the property.
Walking the trails tonight is kinda eerie. The full moon is out, casting silvery shadows across the footpath and everything is silent. Almost deathly silent.
The only sound that permeates the thickness of the night is the odd cricket and owl hooting here and there. Without a breeze in sight, there’s no rustling of the leaves. No twigs snapping. Nothing.
Despite the ominous silence and limited visibility, it’s a nice, refreshing walk that helps to clear my head. Heaven knows I need it. We’ve had far too much going on lately.
With one problem after another, the end doesn’t seem anywhere in sight. The trouble is, Mila doesn’t know the half of it either, or not yet at least.
She hasn’t been privy to the multitude of leads that have been called in. Each one, just as bogus as the last. It’s exhausting and downright infuriating that we can’t even get a sniff of good intel.
The worst thing is, I know this is just the beginning. Everything is only going to become more elusive and dangerous from here on in. We need to make sure that we are prepared for everything to come.
Looping around the last section of the perimeter, I give a satisfied hum and head back inside. As I step inside and close the door, I hear the sound of shuffling feet.
I tense, immediately on high alert, knowing that everyone went to bed before I left. Closing my eyes, I concentrate on the direction of the noise.
Upstairs.
Looking up to the mezzanine outside of the rooms, I relax when I realize it’s just Mila. She looks different though. Pale and clammy with her eyes shut and heading straight for the-
Shit!
Throwing myself forward, I race up the stairs two at a time and reach her just in time for her to take the first step. Pitching forward, she completely misses the step and her body collides with mine.
Thankfully, I’d already prepared myself to catch her so I’m able to easily compensate for her forward momentum. Wrapping my arms around her securely, I plant myself firmly on the step.
My heart races at the near miss, adrenaline coursing through my veins as I stand there for a little while just to let my breathing settle. Shifting her in my arms, I gently move a strand of hair out of her face, causing her to stir.
“Aus? Wha- What is…what’s happening?”
“You were sleepwalking, Lila. It’s okay, go back to sleep. I got you,” I soothe, scooping her up and carrying her back to bed.
Walking into her room, I falter for a second. The covers and the pillows are strewn everywhere making it look as though a wild animal has torn through the room.
Laying her down in the middle of the bed, I grab a pillow that’s miraculously close by and place it under her head. I barely make a move for the covers on the floor when she reaches out and grips on tightly to my arm.
“Lila, I’m just getting your covers, give me one sec.” She grunts in acknowledgment before reluctantly letting me go.
As I settle the covers over her and tuck her in, she cutely nuzzles her pillow and inhales deeply. It’s something we’ve all noticed. She seems to do it as a way to ground herself.
That would make sense since she was probably having another nightmare.
Assured she’s settled and unharmed, I go to walk away, but I don’t even manage a step. Lighting fast, her hand darts out and firmly grips onto mine, pulling me back towards her with a force I didn’t know she even possessed.
“Please, stay.” She utters the words so quietly, that at first I thought I’d imagined her speaking, until she repeats herself. Her voice cracking at the end, thick with pain and angst.
“I’m here, Lila. You’re not alone. You’re safe, go back to sleep.” Wrapping her in the sheets, I start stroking her hair knowing it’s another thing that seems to help settle her.
“Thank you- Must- Safe- Family- Thank y...” She trails off as sleep claims her and her hold on me relaxes.
These nightmares can’t be any good for her if she’s started sleepwalking. I know we agreed to wait, but I don’t think that’s going to be an option for much longer. We need to talk to her about it, and soon. Especially if she continues her nightly excursions. If I hadn’t come back in when I did, she would have fallen down the stairs.
Grabbing a couple of motion sensors from the study, I head back up and place some around her room. Making sure that the window and door to the landing are both covered.
Double checking that they all come up on the feed, I check in with Lachlan. “Lachlan, I added some motion sensors to Mila’s room. She’s started sleepwalking and was an inch away from a trip down the stairs. I’ll let the guys know in the morning. Can you fill Paladin in, please?”
“Sure thing. How’s she doing?”
“Better.”
“Good. How was her training session today? Reckon she will be ready for simulations next week?”
“She has good reaction times and seems to be well trained in fighting, self-defense and climbing. Potentially weapons too. She needs to improve her stamina and strength, but it’s getting there. She will be ready,” I add on a little reluctantly.
“I’ll schedule the team in then. The deadlines for junior recruitment are moving up. More teams have dropped off the radar. We need more feet on the ground, ASAP. Once she’s deemed fit for service, we’ll be deploying Alpha Race. I’ll contact Rick tomorrow.” A clicking sound signifies the end of the call and I just stand there.
If steam could billow out from my ears like in the cartoons, then it certainly would be doing so right now. He seriously just thinks it’s okay to finish a sentence and hang up on someone?!
My fists clench as I refrain from smashing my fist through the wall. The seemingly one-sided conversation rolling around my head only serves to refuel my anger.
Are we really ready to expose Mila to missions already? Is she ready to take that step? She’s only just recovered, should she really be exposed to such physical and psychological stress so soon?
After seeing how focused and quick thinking she was when fighting Larson, it’s not hard to see how much progress she’s actually made. Instead of sudden movements and loud noises causing her to freeze, she’s now able to suppress her emotive reactions and function sufficiently enough to concentrate on her situation and surroundings with clarity.
Minus the whole instructor fiasco.
Maybe it’s me...us who aren’t ready to let her go or allow her to be put in harm's way just yet. I don’t think anyone could blame us for being overprotective after what happened to her.
All we want to do is protect her and preserve the progress she’s so dutifully made. If I had my way, I’d wrap her up in bubble wrap and confine her to the house with a whole platoon for protective detail.
Especially with that vile fuck searching for her. It’s anyone's best guess as to what damage he’s capable of doing to a woman that is less than half his size and weighs less than a quarter of his body weight. Just like-
“Please, please let her go! Take me. Use me. She’s just a little girl! Please, stop!”
Tessie screams as a guy pins her arms behind her, holding her tight against his chest as another man uses a knife to cut away her nightgown. I lay there, hiding under the bed where Mum put me, just watching. Frozen.
Everything’s numb. Nothing will move.
I watch on as they hit Mum. Dad lays unconscious on the floor, blood seeping from the gaping wound to his forehead. Battered and bruised.
Three guys hold my sister down as they take turns with her. Forcing Mum and I to watch whilst Mum screams for them to stop. To have mercy. To use her body instead.
I need to do something. I need to help. Move goddamn it! She is your sister, MOVE!
But I can’t. My body won’t listen. Besides, Mum said to stay here. To stay hidden no matter what happens.
“Where is he?” A gruff voice demands, causing the hairs on my arms to stand on end. His voice is terrifying. A whimper tries to escape, but my body doesn’t even cooperate enough for that.
“Please, I don’t know who you are talking about! Where is who?” Mum croaks.
Taking a knee in front of her, he slashes her cheek with a jagged blade. She doesn’t scream. She doesn’t even flinch. Sheer determination and defiance shines bright in her eyes.
Holding his gaze, she grits her teeth as the guy behind her tightens his hold. Keeping her still and on her knees. “Tell us where the boy is.”
“I have no idea who you are talking about! My husband is here, there is no one else!”
“Do it,” the guy orders, not taking his eyes off Mum, but I do.
I wish I hadn’t.
One of the men unsheathes a large knife. Sharp and with a wicked serrated edge, he slowly drags it down one of Tessie’s arms, a couple of inches deep. My sister's hoarse voice cracks as she screams and writhes in agony. Blood sluicing dark her arm in thick, red rivulets.
Stopping at her wrist, he completes the same line directly opposite the cut he just made. Only two inches apart.
The screaming stops abruptly as Tessie goes slack in the arms of her capturer. Unconscious and pale. So very pale. The pain is far too overwhelming for her little twelve-year-old body to handle.
I’m glad. So glad.
I want to look away, but I can’t. I can’t seem to take my eyes away from something that I know is my doing. Everything here is my fault. If only I could make my legs move. Anything move. Then I could stop this.
But I can’t. I just lay there. Bearing witness to Mum wail at the top of her voice as the guy finishes the rectangular pattern on Tessie’s arm. Shoulder to wrist.
He waits until Tessie wakes up. Terror rife in her eyes. Sweat on her brow. Skin pale as snow. An evil grin splits his face as he starts from the top, removing the rectangle cut of skin away from her arm.
My hands cover my ears at the shrillness of her screams as he pulls. Slices. Strips. Rips-
Grabbing the trashcan under the desk, the images continue to replay on repeat in my head as I heave up my dinner until there’s nothing left.
Eyes streaming. Heart bleeding. Ragged breaths tear at my throat.
I know they did it all to protect me, but the guilt still remains. Eating away at me. Every second of every day.
Why? Why couldn’t I move? Why didn’t I do anything to stop them?! If I had come out, could I have saved my sister? Would they have spared my family? Would they all be alive right now?
It’s my fault. Always my fault.
A soft hand drops onto my shoulder and has me jumping out of my seat. The figure steps back slowly, raising their hands to the side of their head, palms facing forward in submission.
“It’s okay, Aussie. You’re safe here,” he soothes, giving me a second to work through the fog in my head. “Wanna talk?”
Shaking my head. No. Too numb to think or say anything. He gets the message.
Carefully lowering his hands, he moves slowly towards the desk next to me and into the light. Jax’s features become clearer the closer to the light he gets, his eyes never straying from mine as I watch him approach. My body twitches, still on high alert.
Exaggerating every movement, he reaches for a tissue and a bottle of water. Offering them to me, I t
ake them silently, swirling my mouth out first, before taking large gulps of water to clear the foul taste that always lingers after a good up-chuck.
“I’ll take over man, take your time. Perimeter checked and okay?” I nod absently, still too lost in my thoughts to be of any use.
Patting my shoulder in support, he takes a seat next to me and gives me his back. Allowing me to have my privacy as we sit in silence.
“Why didn’t she say anything?” I croak, staring down into my hands as if they hold all the answers.
“She did it to protect you. They all did,” comes his soft reply.
“It’s all my fault. They could have just handed me over and then they would still be he-”
Jax’s voice is gentle but firm as he interrupts me, speaking without hesitation. “Did you choose to attack your father?”
“No.”
“Did you choose to beat your mother?”
My heart stutters as my throat goes tight. “No.”
Placing a hand on my shoulder, his voice quiets. Laced with sympathy and understanding, he continues on.
“Did you choose to-” Please don’t say it. Please don’t say it. Please don’t say it! “-rape and torture your sister?”
Hanging my head in shame, the tears track down my face as my voice cracks and my chest constricts painfully. “No. The- They weren’t my choices.”
“No. They weren’t,” he says firmly. “You aren’t in control of other people’s choices, even if their decisions revolve around you. Would you have sacrificed yourselves for them?”
“In a heartbeat,” I rasp.
“Own it. Own that choice. Own the ability to be at peace that they got to make their own choices and do what they believed to be right. They knew you were safe and that’s what mattered to them.”
Wiping at my face with clenched fists, I desperately try to breathe through the pain.
“Say it, Aussie.”
“No! I can-”
“Look at me and say it, Austin.” He demands, spinning my chair toward him.
I try to avoid making eye contact, but he locks my chair in between his legs and grips a hold of my shoulders. Even though I turn my head away, I’m drawn back by his intense emerald gaze that’s filled with love and understanding.