“Um… okay,” I mumbled as she easily pulled me to my feet. Unfortunately, while she may have been strong enough to lift me, I wasn’t exactly good at standing, and the moment she released me, my legs turned to jelly and I toppled forward into her.
My arms went out in a wild attempt to stop myself and one of my hands latched onto her shoulder, while my body sort of spun, causing me to face plant right into her tremendous cleavage. Embarrassment shot through me as I tried to push myself backward, but my legs wouldn’t quite respond, so instead of getting up, I wound up collapsing into her, one hand grabbing her around the waist in a vain attempt to keep from completely pulling off her top.
“Well, if that’s what you were after, I’m sure we can figure out a way to make it happen,” she said, voice full of surprise. Then she smiled at me and patted the back of my head, forcing my face further into her mounds of joy before she tilted her head toward me so her mouth was near my ear. “But not out here where people might see.” She grabbed me by the hair and pulled my face away so she could look at me. Then she licked her lips in a way that made me swallow audibly. “Let’s find somewhere more private. I’d hate to have your friends burst in here at the wrong moment.” She winked at me.
Before I could respond, she took my hand in hers and pulled me drunkenly up the stairs. Her hips swayed with every step, so that by the time we’d reached the first floor, I’d had about seventeen different fantasies. Man, I really needed to get my freak on a leash.
This was a game. She wasn’t real.
As she turned to look at me, batted her long black eyelashes, and grabbed my collar to pull me into a kiss, I decided I didn’t care if it was a game because maybe Cypher from the Matrix was right. While this girl didn’t exist— that it was just a bunch of electrodes telling my brain her warm, luscious lips were pressed against mine, I honestly couldn’t tell she wasn’t real.
She broke away from me then, taking a step back and looking at me with hooded eyes. “There’s a lot more where that came from,” she whispered, reaching around my waist and pulling me close so her breasts pressed into my chest. “I just need you to do one thing first.”
“What’s that?” I asked as she got onto her tiptoes and leaned into me so her breath was hot on my lips as she spoke.
“We want you to join us, adventurer,” she murmured, leaning in close to me and trailing her fingers down my chest. “Help us crush this town, and the Skeleton King will reward you greatly.”
“Wait, what?” I sputtered, trying to process her words as her fingers dipped beneath the waist of my paints, and her lips hovered over my neck.
“Is it so hard to understand?” she asked, pulling back as she spoke so her mouth was practically touching my own. “We need an ally within the town to ensure the Skeleton King’s victory.” Her lips pressed to mine then, shattering my alcohol-saturated thoughts into something primal and deep. Still, even as she entwined her body around mine, I knew something was wrong.
Join the Skeleton King? I couldn’t do that. Firstly, I wanted to leave this town, not stick around, and secondly, he was the bad guy, why would I possibly join him? After all, the Skeleton King was going to try to kill my friends along with the town full of NPCs, and while I didn't care much about the town, I didn’t want to ensure the deaths of my friends.
“I can’t do that,” I said, pulling away from her kiss even though it felt like Heaven, and the only thing I wanted to do was throw her down on the bed in her room. Somehow, I knew that probably wouldn’t be in the cards anymore.
Her face twisted in momentary anger as she stared at me, eyes like the fires of Hell themselves. Then she pushed the look off of her face and ran a hand through her hair, brushing it back so it fell across her shoulders like a crashing wave.
“Are you sure I can’t do anything to change your mind?” she asked, batting her eyelashes at me while running one hand along the curves of her body. “I can be very persuasive.”
“I’m sorry,” I swallowed, trying to push my way past the alcohol, and as I had that thought, I wondered if they’d gotten me drunk to better help them recruit me. “I can’t betray my friends.”
“I quite understand, adventurer,” she whispered, moving in close to me and nuzzling my neck with her lips. “It’s a shame I can’t change your mind. I’d have liked to spend more time with you, but alas, if you will not join the Skeleton King, I’m afraid we must part ways. There’s just one more thing, I need to tell you.” She pulled back then and stared into my eyes while hungrily licking her lips.
“What’s that?” I asked, but before I could say more, she pressed her finger to my lips and rose up on her tip toes.
“Shh. No more talking,” she breathed as she stared into my eyes while her other hand wrapped around my waist. The warmth of her body seeped into me as I struggled to do anything other than stare into her eyes, only I couldn’t. Maybe it was the alcohol, and maybe it was something else, but either way, all I could do was stare at her perfect face.
I nodded and reached up to brush a fallen lock of hair out of her face, and as I did, she leaned in close to me so her mouth was practically touching my ear.
“The Skeleton King sends his regards,” she murmured right before she buried a dagger to the hilt in my stomach. Agony exploded through my abdomen, and my health dropped by fifty percent.
I opened my mouth to scream, to cry out, to do something, but before I could, she shoved me backward, and I tumbled down the stairs much to the dismay of my health bar.
As I crashed to the ground at the bottom, more pain erupted from the core of my being as every nerve inside me caught fire and screamed at me because of course this game not only let me feel unrelenting agony, it could kill me.
“What the fuck?” I cried, grabbing ahold of the dagger and wrenching it free of my own stomach as Jessica Rabbit began to walk down the stairs. Only, with every step she took, her flesh began to slough off of her body, revealing the glistening, white bone beneath. Her face twisted into a grimace, and her eyes turned to crimson embers as she snorted at me and raised onto skeletal hand toward me.
“Were you expecting something else, perhaps?” She scowled at me as complete and utter contempt exploded across what remained of her facial features. “That’s not in the cards! No, the only thing left for you to do is to take your friends and leave before we kill you.” She crossed her arms over her chest. “You have been warned.”
“Warned? Fuck off. Blue balls is one thing, but stabbing me and throwing me down the stars? That’s not fucking cool,” I snapped, fury roaring through me as I put my free hand to the wound in my stomach and attempted to heal it with my magic so I could get up and beat some manners into her stupid face.
“Now, now. Don’t make me kill you.” She licked her lips again, running her decrepit tongue over her bone white teeth. “That would make things messy, and I do so hate when things get messy. Just go, and consider yourself lucky, adventurer.” She glanced past me toward the rest of the NPC patrons inhabiting the Macabre Skull. “Throw him out.”
The sound of lurching feet filled my ears as they turned toward me in unison and rushed forward, skin peeling from their bones with every step.
“Fuck this!” I cried as I put my free hand to the wound in my stomach and cast my Heal spell. White light wrapped around the wound, sealing it over and bringing my health back up to full while causing the throbbing pain of the wound to vanish. Unfortunately, it dropped my mana to just over half in the process. That sucked, but it was better than dying. A quick glance at the unidentified dagger I’d been stabbed with yielded almost no information, but it didn’t matter because it was a dagger, and daggers were my fucking jam.
Besides, smart or not, I was way too pissed to just leave. I scrambled to my feet while pulling out the black mithril dagger I’d found in the lockbox out. Then I turned to face the skeleton horde surging toward me.
“You want some of this?” I snarled, trying to ignore how everything around me was still blur
ry around the edges thanks to all those beers. No, I couldn’t focus on that. I had to focus on killing the fuck out of these guys.
The first of the skeletons reached me then, and as its bony foot arced out toward me, I initiated my Sidestep technique. The force of the blow was enough to knock the breath from my lungs and drop my health by a full six percent, but I didn’t care because even though I took the damage from his attack, my Sidestep skill let me phase through it and reappear behind my opponent. As I appeared behind the skeleton, I initiated my Revering Vendetta skill.
Emerald light burst from the tips of my daggers with so much force that when they struck the undead skeleton, he exploded into a cloud of iridescent shards that netted me a full seven percent experience and moving me closer to the next level. I had half a second to feel good about gaining all that EXP from a single monster before the scarred bartender grabbed me in one scarred hand and flung me across the room like a ragdoll.
My back slammed into the wall above the bar, and I toppled to the ground in a daze. The world was too hazy for me to make it orient itself back to reality, and as agony shot through me, I tried to pick myself up. The girl who’d stabbed me was still on the stairs, but the bartender, along with a half dozen skeletons were coming toward me fast.
“You might be wondering why we’re targeting you, Kahn,” skeleton lady said as the bartender leapt the bar and grabbed me by the scruff of my shirt before lifting me over his head like he was the Ultimate Warrior. “The answer is simple. You always get rid of the healer first. Once you’re gone, the others are sure to follow.”
As she finished speaking, the barbarian slammed me down onto his knee like I was Batman, and he was Bane. An earsplitting crack filled my ears and my HUD went absolutely ballistic, indicating I’d just lost sixty percent of my life.
“You have been critically injured,” the voice of my own personal in game notification system told me in the sexy voice of Elizabeth Hurley. Unfortunately, while changing the voice from the robotic one I’d started with to that of Elizabeth Hurley had seemed like a good idea at the time, at the moment though, it just felt sort of silly because she was basically telling me I was getting my ass kicked, which was something I was already really well aware of.
“Is that all you’ve got?” I wheezed as my broken body collapsed to the wooden floor at the bartender’s feet. “Because that’s not nearly enough to stop me from killing you.”
“Kahn, we don’t want to kill you. We want you to take your party and leave,” the skeleton girl said, coming further down the stairs. “But if you prove difficult, we will kill you and your friends along with this town.” She smiled as the bartender grabbed me by the scruff of my neck and shook me like a chicken in China Town.
“You have been warned,” the bartender growled, his voice deep and menacing in a way that made my gut clench and panic surge through my veins.
“This isn’t over, and next time, I won’t be alone.” I smiled, flashing my teeth at them as I reached into my inventory, pulled out a scroll of teleportation home, and initialized it. “Later.”
As my world evaporated into light and my body was instantly transported out of this crazy inn, I suddenly had the urge to stick my tongue out at them, but it was too late for that.
3
I reappeared flat on my back next to the fountain in the center of town, and as I lay there, trying to blink the hazy moon above back into focus, I couldn’t help but laugh. I wasn’t sure why the Skeleton King had sent the Queen of the Damned to deliver a message to me, but it hadn’t fucking worked.
Oh, I’d gotten the message all right, but now, unlike before, I wanted to kick his undead ass. If he’d sent an assassin to make me leave, it meant I really needed to beat him. A smirk crossed my face. This was like when I’d played D & D with my friends and the DM really wanted us to do something so he made the other options untenable.
Well, Mister AI DM, I’d gotten the message. The Skeleton King was going down.
“All right Skeleton King!” I cried, raising my pilfered dagger in the air in triumph. “I’m coming for you!”
“What the hell are you talking about, boss?” George the rabbit asked as he hopped over to me and scowled. “And where the fuck have you been? We’ve been looking all over for you.”
“I was fighting for my right to party,” I said, glancing at the rabbit and narrowing my eyes at him. “Say, how did you find me?”
“As I said, everyone went looking for you, but this since this is the spot where you go if you use a teleport to town scroll, Dark Heart thought it would be wise for one of us to wait here.” He touched his chest with one paw. “That someone is me.”
I rolled over on my side and stared at him. “That’s pretty smart,” I said, somewhat astonished. “I’ll be honest. I was thinking of running away and avoiding the Skeleton King, but then his bitch stabbed me in the stomach with this and told me to leave before she killed us all.” I brandished the stolen dagger. “That makes me think the game doesn’t want us to complete the quest to defeat the Skeleton King which means we absolutely have to do it.” I nodded to myself. If the game was trying this hard to get us to abandon the quest, then something was definitely up. I wasn’t sure if that meant that there was a soul stone at the end of it or not, but either way, I was suddenly determined to kill the Skeleton King and see what happened for myself.
Sure, maybe it was the game just being dramatic, but something about the attack felt targeted and personal. While that may have just been clever programming to make me feel important, I doubted it because at the end of the day, if someone did collect all the soul stones, they could wipe out the Maelstrom and terminate the AI behind this game, giving it a vested interest in keeping that from happening.
“I’m glad you found your balls, boss, but I’m not sure why you’re telling me.” The rabbit poked my temple with one paw. “Are you under the impression I care about you or something?”
“Heavens no,” I said, pushing myself into a sitting position against the fountain. Now that I was out of combat, my regen had increased, and in another couple moments I’d be back at full health and mana. I’d still be drunk, but bridges and crossing, ya know?
“Good.” George stamped his feet. “And I’d be careful with that dagger you keep whipping around like it’s your dick.”
“Oh?” I asked, glancing at the dagger. It looked fairly innocuous. Just a sliver of steel with cheap wrappings around the hilt. “Why is that?”
“Why don’t you identify it and see. I’d really hate to miss out on this one.” A look of glee filled the rabbit’s face as he sat down beside me and began licking himself.
I was about to reply, but instead shook my head. He was right. Now that I wasn’t getting my head smashed open by undead, I could spend the thirty seconds to cast Identify, which is what I did.
Dagger of Chance
Damage (Small Monsters): 1
Damage (Large Monsters): 1
Range: 1
Material: Steel
Durability: 100
Bonus: 30% chance of exploding, rendering the Dagger of Chance useless and instantly reducing target’s health by 95%.
As I stared at the message, my stomach clenched.
“That bitch!” I snarled, leaping to my feet. “She was trying to dice me so I dropped to five percent health and fell unconscious!” I shook the dagger angrily as the realization fully struck home. If she’d succeeded, she could have done anything she’d wanted to me, including kill me, and there’d have been nothing I could do to stop her.
“Boss! Get ahold of yourself!” the rabbit cried, ducking for cover before peeking up at me from the other side of the fountain. “You definitely don’t want that thing to go off on accident.”
“Right, sorry,” I muttered, trying to get my anger under control as I put the dagger into my inventory and made my way around the fountain toward George who looked incredibly relieved. “So where are the others? I’ve got a bone to pick in the Macabre Skull.�
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“The what?” George asked, looking at me like I’d sprouted a second head. “I’ve never heard of that place.”
“It’s the bar by the gate. It has an inn filled with undead?” I offered, raising an eyebrow at him. “You walked right by it. I saw you through the window.”
“Not ringing a bell, boss. The only inn in the Town of Silver Gables is the Petulant Petunia.” George turned and pointed across the road to a large purple building with flowers in the windowsills. “And the rest of the party will be there in the next thirty minutes or so. We all meet back every half hour since we can’t exactly communicate when we’re not line of sight very well.”
“Fair enough,” I said, suddenly feeling like a jerk for ditching them. I’d been about to go into the larger world of the game without so much as a word, and to make matters worse, they’d been searching for me while I’d been drowning my sorrows in beer. Man, I was a total asshole.
“This is where you apologize,” George replied, crossing his bunny arms over his chest and glaring at me. “We all know you were getting ready to jump ship. Well, that’s not cool, boss. You may not like them, but I’ve got friends here I’d rather not see crushed beneath the heel of an undead army.”
“You’re a fucking NPC rabbit,” I said, glaring back at the bunny before calming myself because he was right. “But you’re right, I was being an ass. I’m sorry.” I tried to smile at him. “Ready to kick some ass?”
“Eh?” George asked, raising a bunny eyebrow at me. “What do you mean?”
“When we were by the gate, I walked into a place called the Macabre Skull where I got jumped by a bunch of skeletons. What’s say you and me go in there and kick some ass?” I pointed toward the direction of the undead inn.
“No, and Hell no.” George turned and began making his way toward the Petulant Petunia. “Or have you forgotten, we’re missing three party members who will meet up with us in less than thirty minutes and that your scythe is broken?” He shook his head. “Honestly, assuming what you said is true, don’t you want the full party before we go in there?”
Soulstone: The Skeleton King: A LitRPG Novel (World of Ruul Book 2) Page 2