“I don’t understand. This was traumatic for you, of course, but why couldn’t you tell your sisters what you’d heard, if not then, later, as adults?”
She stared at him, her eyes bright with anguish. “Don’t you get it? He said he wanted to die. It’s not a far stretch to believe he planned to take our mother with him. All these years, Harper has clung to the belief that their deaths were some kind of tragic accident, that Willy had been mistaken when he said he saw Daddy hit Mom with the oar. Maggie’s hung onto that belief too, because it’s all she’s got. But they didn’t see him that day. They didn’t see how sad he was. He was a man who had nothing left to lose. How could I tell Harper and Maggie what I saw? They’d be devastated.”
“Did you actually see him hit her with the oar and knock her into the lake?”
“No, but—”
“Then you don’t know for sure. You don’t know without a doubt that he killed her and then killed himself.”
Her face contorted in pain as tears streamed down her cheeks once more. “It’s my fault. It’s my fault they died.”
Cam reached for her, alarmed at her distress. “Sweetheart, that’s not true. None of it was your fault.”
“It was my fault!” She pushed his hands away and jumped to her feet. Her sudden movement and her shout spooked a flock of birds out of the trees. With hoarse cries of warning, they took to the air.
Cam leapt to his feet and faced her. “Scarlet, you were a kid. How can their deaths possibly be your fault?”
“If I hadn’t followed them, if they hadn’t caught me listening, they wouldn’t have gone on the lake to get some privacy. They did that because of me.” She thumped her chest in agony. “I killed them. If they hadn’t gone on the lake, maybe Daddy would have calmed down. At least, he couldn’t have pushed her into the water. If I hadn’t followed them, they’d still be alive.”
For a second, he could only stare. Then, he grabbed her shoulders and shook her. “Scarlet! Listen to me! You had nothing to do with their deaths. Nothing you did or didn’t do caused them to lose their lives. Nothing.” He shook her again, his voice rising in panic. “Did you hear me? You did nothing wrong.”
As the seconds ticked by, she stared at him and the bleakness on her face nearly undid him. For years, she’d been carrying around the weight of a guilt she should never have had to bear. He hoped to God he never did something as cruel to Tessa, even unintentionally. He waited, hoping that he’d gotten through to her. That she wouldn’t bolt.
Finally, she nodded and walked into his arms.
With a relieved sigh, he lifted her into his arms and gently set her on the forest floor. He sat beside her and pulled her onto his lap again as he leaned against a tree. She rested her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes, exhausted by her confessions. He hoped that speaking her fears and guilt out loud had lessened their hold on her.
She was silent for so long he thought she’d fallen asleep. But at last she spoke, her voice hoarse. “I lied when I said I’ve never told anyone about overhearing my parents’ conversation.”
“Oh, yeah? Who did you tell?”
She sighed deeply. “A therapist. I went to see her a few months ago. I wanted—needed to know what was wrong with me.”
What was wrong with me? “What do you mean?”
She looked away. “I was engaged, twice. The first time was to my high school boyfriend. Right after graduation, we both went to Minneapolis to college. I wanted to get away from the lodge and from Grandma Dorothy. I wanted to live my life, and I wanted to be someplace where everyone didn’t know me. For once in my life, I didn’t want everyone to know my father killed my mother.”
He could understand that. “Small towns are tough that way. They don’t let you forget.”
“No, they don’t.” She sighed again before continuing. “Then, Mike asked me to marry him. He totally surprised me. I cared a lot for him, so I said yes.”
“You were young. It doesn’t sound like you were ready.”
“That’s what I told myself for a long time, but it was more than that. I went through all the motions of planning the wedding and buying a dress, but the closer it got to the day of the wedding, the more scared I got. I had this dread in my stomach that kept growing. I knew if I went through with the wedding, something terrible was going to happen. Finally, I got so panicked, I couldn’t pretend anymore. About two weeks before the day of the wedding, I told Mike I couldn’t go through with it. And then I ran.”
He brushed a wayward curl from her forehead. “Where did you go?”
“I hid out at a friend’s house for a couple of weeks.” Her brow furrowed. “Grandma and Grampa were humiliated. I don’t think Grandma ever forgave me.”
She’d carried a heavy load of guilt for a long time. Cam brushed a kiss over her hair.
“Like you said, for a long time I chalked up my feelings to being young and unprepared for marriage. So when I met Owen in Chicago about three years ago, I thought I was ready. But after we got engaged, I started to have those same feelings again, the same overwhelming fear. I couldn’t go through with it. Again.”
“Is that when you decided to see a therapist?”
“Yes. I couldn’t go on that way.”
He stroked her hair. “What did you find out?”
“She made me remember the day my parents died and the terrible conversation I heard. I guess I’d made myself forget it, buried it deep down because it was so painful. But then it all came rushing back. She tried to make me talk about it, but I couldn’t. I ran away, again, and never went back.” Her small shoulders lifted in a half-hearted shrug. “It seems that’s how I handle painful subjects.”
“You took the first step. I’m proud of you and you should be proud, too.” Cam tightened his hold on her. “When you’re ready, you’ll go back and do the rest of the work.”
“I don’t know how proud I feel. Right now all I feel is tired, like I just ran a marathon.”
“You should go back to your cottage and lie down for a while.”
She shook her head. “I can’t, not yet. Harper and Maggie are there. They’ll ask a lot of questions, and I’m not ready to answer them. Not yet.”
“Then we’ll stay here.”
She turned to look up into his face. “Don’t you have to get back to work? I don’t want Ethan to be angry with you.”
He smoothed her hair from her face. His heart gave a painful thump at the worry on her beautiful face. “Ethan will be fine. We’ll sit here for a few minutes until you’re ready to go home.”
“Home?” She closed her eyes and rested her head against his chest once more. “I wonder where that is.”
He had no reply for that. He simply held her close until her breathing told him she’d fallen asleep.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
By the time Scarlet woke, the sun was low in the western sky. She blinked a few times, struggling to return to full consciousness. Her eyes were gritty and swollen from crying, and her left arm, tucked against Cameron’s hard chest, had fallen asleep.
Cameron. He’d stayed with her. She tentatively laid her hand on his chest and felt the strong, reassuring beat of his heart.
He caught her hand and squeezed it. “You had a nice nap. Feel better?”
“Yeah.” She pushed away from him and slid off his lap. Pins and needles shot through her left arm and she winced.
“You okay?”
“My arm fell asleep, that’s all.” She turned away, and the memory of everything she’d told him came flooding back. She’d never been so exposed, so vulnerable.
But in a strange way, she’d never been so at peace either. She’d told him her most terrible secrets, and he didn’t run away. The world hadn’t ended. Instead, he’d defended her, told her she wasn’t to blame for her parents’ deaths. He’d held her and comforted her. She didn’t understand why he hadn’t run, but she was glad he didn’t.
He ran his hand up and down her frozen arm, gently kneading. “Ar
e the pins and needles going away?
“Yes, it’s better now. Thank you.” She lifted her gaze to look into his face. A five o’clock shadow darkened his strong jaw, making him look even more handsome. Her heart gave an unexpected kick.
“Thank you for staying with me,” she whispered. “Those things I told you, like I said, I’ve never told anyone other than my therapist.”
He smoothed her hair, the movement gentle and soothing. “Don’t keep all that hurt inside, sweetheart. Talk to your sisters.”
She began shaking her head before he even finished speaking. The thought of telling Harper and Maggie about her part in their parents’ death caused her stomach to twist painfully. “I can’t do that.”
After all the years she’d kept the memory locked away, afraid to speak it, she was terrified her sisters would blame her as much as she blamed herself. She couldn’t bear the idea of losing them. They were all she had.
“A secret like that will eat you alive. Don’t give it the power to hurt you.”
She nodded, although she doubted she could ever reveal the truth to them. She got to her feet and Cameron did as well. “I should probably head back to the cottage. I’m sure everyone’s wondering where I am.”
“Yeah, I should get back to the job site. You sure you’re okay?”
She made herself smile for him. “I’m fine.” Unable to deny herself, she laid her hand on his cheek, needing to feel one last connection with him. More and more he was becoming a necessity in her life, no matter what she told herself about a relationship between them being too complicated. Cameron’s big hand covered hers and his dark eyes held a knowing look, as if he could hear the chaotic thoughts rolling through her brain. She could almost believe in that moment that he could hear the desires and hopes she was too afraid to give a voice to. She could almost believe he desired the same things she did.
Fear gripped her. If she wasn’t careful, she’d find herself needing him or, Dear God, loving him. Scarlet closed her eyes to break the spell, letting her hand drop from his face. She took a very deliberate step back. “I should go. Thank you. You’ve been very kind, especially with everything going on with Tessa.”
His hand fell away, his gaze now hooded. It was possible she wasn’t the only one in hiding. “If you ever want to talk, about anything, let me know.”
Scarlet nodded briefly before hurrying back down the trail that led to the cottages. A nagging sense of worry dogged her steps. Perhaps it was already too late. Perhaps she’d already fallen in love with Cameron.
Erin Cochrane’s law office was in an unpretentious building close to downtown Minneapolis. The offices, though pleasant enough, were crammed with desks and filing cabinets, giving the impression of being undersized for the amount of work being done there. Cam was comforted by the humbleness of the office. It made him believe the lawyer cared more about her clients than a fancy address or the view from a corner office.
Cam and his family huddled around a small table in Erin’s office and poured themselves coffee. Everyone had insisted on attending this meeting. Ethan had driven him to the city, and Lydia and Graham had been waiting outside the building when they’d arrived. He was grateful not to have to go through this alone.
Erin sipped her coffee and examined him over her mug. “So, Mr. Hainstock, I’ve heard from your sister why you’re looking to engage my services, but I want to hear the story directly from you.”
“What do you want to know?”
“Tell me about your daughter.”
Cam shifted on his plastic chair. Was this some kind of test? “Tessa is five years old. She’s a very bright and loving little girl. I’m concerned she’s not getting the stability she needs from her mother. That’s why we’re here.”
“Why do you think her mother isn’t supplying a stable environment for her?”
“Laura dragged her away to California after knowing her current boyfriend for only a short time. I heard from Laura’s parents that they spent a few days living out of their car when they first arrived because they hadn’t made any effort to find an apartment first. To my knowledge, Tessa hasn’t been enrolled in a school yet either.”
“And how does that make you feel, Mr. Hainstock?”
He gripped his coffee cup tighter. “Angry. It makes me angry. My daughter deserves better than that.”
“What do you want me to do about it?”
What the hell? “I want you to help her! I want you to bring Tessa home!”
“How do I know Tessa is any better off with you than she is with her mother?”
Erin’s question caught him off guard, but he tried to keep his expression neutral. “You probably already know I’ve got my own problems.”
Erin nodded. “Yes. Your sister told me you’re a recovering alcoholic. How long have you been sober?”
“Three years. I knew that if I was going to be any kind of father to Tessa, I had to stop drinking.” Cam glanced at his sister. “Our father was an alcoholic, so we grew up without a lot of security. I didn’t want that for Tessa.”
“Your sister also told me that there’s some question about Tessa’s paternity.”
Hearing the words out loud kicked him in the gut. “Yes. When Tessa was born, Laura claimed she was mine. But now she says otherwise.”
“What will you do if DNA testing proves conclusively that you did not father Tessa?”
“Even if she doesn’t have my DNA, Tessa is still my daughter. I would still want her to live with me in Minnewasta, to be close to her grandparents and to my family.” He paused and fought to keep calm. “You asked me if Tessa would be better off with me than with her mother. All I can tell you is that I love my daughter and I want her to have a happy, stable life. I’m not convinced her mother can provide that. Can you help us, Ms. Cochrane?”
Erin studied him for a moment. “It’s not going to be easy, but I think we have a shot. I want you to be prepared for a fight.”
Cam nodded, relieved by her answer. “I’m ready.”
When Cam pulled into his yard late that afternoon, Scarlet’s car was in his driveway. Since the day they’d made love, she’d been very careful about not being at his house when he came home. Maybe she thought he didn’t want her. It was also possible she’d decided he wasn’t worth the risk. Despite everything going on his life right now, he missed her. She was the one person in the world he really wanted to see, especially today.
He unlocked the back door and hung his keys on the hook. “Scarlet? I’m home.”
She came around the corner, her red hair wild and disheveled as if she’d been running her hands through it all day. She’d never looked more beautiful.
“Oh, I’m sorry. I lost track of the time. I’ll get my stuff together and go.”
“There’s no rush. Would you like a cup of tea or something?”
She blinked a couple of times before answering, as if surprised by his question. “Okay. A cup of tea would be nice.”
“Great.”
He filled the kettle with water and put it on the stovetop to boil before turning back to her. “How are you feeling? Last time I talked to you, you were pretty upset.”
She waved her hand in dismissal. “I’m fine. I’m more interested in hearing how your meeting with the lawyer went today.”
“It went pretty well, I think. She thinks we have a good chance of forcing Laura to give me visitation rights, especially since Tessa and I have such a strong bond, and I’ve been supporting her emotionally and financially since she was a baby.”
“That’s great news, but I thought your aim was to bring Tessa home for good.”
“One step at a time. Laura’s never going to win any mother of the year awards, but she’s not a drug addict or mentally unstable. The court would have no reason to take custody away from her. And as long as she has legal sole custody, she gets to decide where Tessa lives.”
“What is your lawyer going to do?”
“She’s going to file a petition with the cou
rt alleging that I’m the unwed father of the child and that access to me is in Tessa’s best interest. We’re also going to petition the court to have me named Tessa’s father. Laura didn’t name anyone as Tessa’s father on her birth certificate.”
“Do you think she’s going to deny to the court that you’re Tessa’s father?”
“I guess we’ll find out. Once the petition to declare me Tessa’s father is filed with the court, she’ll be served the papers and then she’ll have the opportunity to respond. She can either agree that I’m Tessa’s father, or deny it.”
“What happens if she denies it?”
“I’ll have to file a request with the court for DNA testing. We’ll find out for sure then.” The possibility that the test could prove conclusively he wasn’t Tessa’s biological father weighed heavily on his heart.
Scarlet touched his hand. “Don’t worry, Cameron. A DNA test is only going to prove you’re Tessa’s father. She looks so much like you. And there’s a connection between the two of you that goes marrow deep. Laura can say whatever she wants, but she can’t deny the truth.”
He squeezed her hand. Somehow, she’d known the exact thing he needed to hear.
The kettle whistled and Cam placed tea bags in two mugs and filled them with hot water. He brought both mugs to the table and set one in front of Scarlet. “I hope we’re doing the right thing.”
“You absolutely are.”
He grinned. “You sound very confident.”
“I am. You and Tessa belong together.”
He wrapped his hands around his mug and let the warmth seep into his bones. Despite the assurances from his family, he needed a boost of confidence like this from someone firmly in his corner.
He needed Scarlet.
The knowledge took his breath away. It was the first time he’d acknowledged, even to himself, how much he needed her in his life. “Thank you.”
She smiled and sipped her tea. Cam removed the teabag from his mug and set it in a saucer.
Secrets and Solace (Love at Solace Lake Book 2) Page 18