Deanna carried the load of laundry into the bedroom and tossed it on the bed. Since her breakdown last week, she’d alternated between feeling slightly more hopeful and knowing if she disappeared tomorrow, no one would miss her. The constant mental back-and-forth wasn’t restful, but it beat being miserable all the time.
She started folding the pile of towels, even as she wondered why she bothered. Her kids hardly cared that the linen closet was organized and color-coordinated, and she suspected Colin could use the same towel for weeks without noticing. No one noticed the effort she went to, and it was—
Deanna dropped the towel back on the bed and walked out of the bedroom. Once in the hall, she pulled open the door of the linen closet and stared at the neat stacks. They didn’t notice. They didn’t care. So who was she doing this for? Why did she take all the time and make the effort? If it was for herself, if it made her feel better, then fine. But if she was doing it to get credit, no wonder she was always disappointed.
She stood in the center of the hallway, half expecting a choir to start singing. Isn’t that what happens in movies when characters have an epiphany? At the very least, there could be elevator music.
She started down the stairs. Lucy was on her way up.
“Honey, can you watch your sisters for a couple of minutes? I need to go ask Boston a question.”
Lucy stared at her. “Me?”
“Sure. You’re responsible and the twins are playing together. The three of you have played outside alone for hours. I think this is the next step. Come next door if anything happens, okay?”
Lucy grinned. “I can do it, Mom. I’ll watch them.”
“Good girl.”
Deanna headed out her front door and hurried along the sidewalk. She raced up the porch stairs to Boston’s house and rang the bell.
“I’m being a pain,” she began when the other woman opened the door. “I know. But I need to ask you something.”
Boston invited her in. “You’re not being a pain.”
“I’m showing up without an invitation. I would consider that being a pain.” She paused, not sure how to ask the question delicately. Then figured this woman had seen her with snot pouring out of her nose. She didn’t have much left in the way of pride.
“Do you think it’s possible for me to seduce Colin back? We haven’t slept together in months. I’m not sure he still wants me, but I don’t know what else to do.”
She immediately wanted to call the words back, but was determined to stand her ground.
Boston’s expression shifted from concern to surprise to something Deanna couldn’t read.
“I’m not the right person to give you an answer,” Boston told her.
“Sure you are. You’ve been with the same guy since you were what, twelve?”
“Fifteen.”
“You’re blissfully happy. I see you hugging and kissing all the time.” What she didn’t mention was how she generally found those PDAs annoying. Or she had. Now that she thought about the way Zeke looked at his wife, she felt a little envious. Had Colin ever looked at her that way?
Boston led her into the kitchen, where they each settled on a stool. “Is sex going to solve your problem?”
“I don’t know. I’m not clear on what the problem is. I think it’s that Colin doesn’t like me very much. Or he thinks I don’t like him.”
“Do you like him? Are you happy in your marriage?”
“What’s happy? I have responsibilities. I take care of them.”
“Maybe he wants to be more than a responsibility.”
Deanna did her best not to look impatient. This wasn’t helping. There was no way she could get inside Colin’s head and figure out anything. She wanted things back the way they had been. Which was exactly what he didn’t want, she realized.
“He says I don’t want him to be involved with the girls. That I need everything to be my way.”
“Is that true?”
“Of course not.”
Boston smiled at her. “Really?”
“Okay, I have my systems and it’s annoying when he ignores them. There’s a reason I fold the towels the way I do and fill the dishwasher with the plates facing the center. It’s more efficient. It makes life easier later. I do my best to keep things organized and he drops in and messes it all up.”
Deanna heard her own words and thought maybe they were part of the problem. But why did she have to be the one to change? Sex would be easier. If he was happy in bed, wouldn’t he be happy everywhere else?
“He swears he’s not sleeping with anyone else. So he’s got to want to do it,” she muttered. “I just don’t know how to seduce him.”
“How did you do it before?”
Deanna stared at her neighbor. “I don’t understand the question.”
“When things were good between you, how did you tell him you were interested?”
“I didn’t.”
Boston waited, silent, her green eyes dark with compassion. “Not ever?”
“No. He asked and I said yes.” Most of the time. She glanced down at her hands, then wished she hadn’t. “Some of the time.” She glanced back at Boston. “Men are the ones who want it, so they should be the ones to ask.”
“More rules.”
Anger joined impatience. Why didn’t people understand that rules were good? Rules showed a person where she stood. What the risk and dangers were and how to avoid them.
She stood. “I guess you don’t have an answer.”
“Everyone is different, Deanna. I’m not trying to be difficult, but there is no way I can know how to seduce your husband. If I did know, wouldn’t that be a little scary?”
“I was looking for general information.”
“Let him know you want him. Most men find being wanted a powerful aphrodisiac.”
Which was its own problem, she thought as she left. She didn’t really want to have sex with Colin. She wanted her life back. Still, she could do what had to be done and consider it a small price to pay for the ultimate goal. Maybe she could find some ideas on the internet.
* * *
Boston sat on the rocker, watching the sun slowly drift toward the horizon. It was nearly nine in the evening. The longest day of the year was only a few weeks away. Then the days would start to get short again. While she appreciated the beauty of fall, she didn’t love the lack of sunlight. In the fall, the rains came. But until then, she basked like a cat on a windowsill.
Zeke lay stretched out on the grass. They’d had dinner on a blanket in their backyard and he’d yet to budge. His eyes were closed, one hand lay flat on his belly, the other held a beer. The air was still, the evening filled with the sounds of birds settling in for the night, a dog barking a few streets away, the sound of Deanna’s girls playing in the front yard.
“How’s the mural coming?” he asked.
“Good. I’ll start painting in Andi’s house next week.”
“Looking forward to it or are you nervous?”
She smiled. “Both. I keep telling myself her patients won’t be critical, and that helps.” She pushed her bare foot against the grass to start the rocker moving. “I like Andi. She’s dedicated and funny.”
“We need to get more men on this street.”
“What do you mean?”
“All three houses are owned by women. You and Deanna inherited your homes and Andi bought hers. Colin and I are outnumbered.”
“That’ll keep you in line.”
“I’m a rebel at heart.”
She laughed. “You’ve been with the same woman since you were seventeen. How exactly is this rebellious streak manifesting?”
“I haven’t figured that out yet.”
She watched him, enjoying the shape of his face, the curve of his shoulder. Back when they�
��d been younger, she’d done several portraits of Zeke nude. Because of his construction work, he showered when he got home. Sometimes, when she was in a playful mood, she put one of the nudes out in the bedroom. A not-so-subtle invitation. He would see it and then come find her. They would make love wherever she happened to be.
“Deanna and Colin are having troubles,” she said quietly.
He groaned. “I don’t want to know that.”
“She wants to make things better.”
“She’s one scary lady.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Everything has to be perfect with her. The house, the kids. Have you ever seen those girls in anything that didn’t match? She won’t let them watch regular TV.”
“How do you know so much about her life?”
He turned his head and looked at her. “Carrie tells her dad. Wade tells me.” He frowned. “You’ve always disliked her. Why are you sounding sympathetic?”
“I didn’t dislike her.”
“Sure you did.”
She drew in a breath. “I didn’t exactly warm up to her before, but she’s different than I thought. Vulnerable.”
“Right. Just avoid the claws. She’s the kind of woman who would go right for the soft underbelly. Or the dick.”
“Does Colin think that about her, too?”
“I don’t know. He and I don’t talk. He’s never around. The guy spends his life on the road. What’s the point in having a family if you never see them?”
“Do you think he wants to leave her?”
Zeke groaned and closed his eyes. “Don’t know, don’t want to know.”
His dismissal irritated her. “That’s your style, isn’t it? Avoid anything unpleasant.”
He kept his eyes firmly closed. “Neither of us has the facts. What is there to discuss?”
She could think of a dozen things. Or just one. The one that was always with them, lurking. Rubbing at the edges of their lives like sandpaper. Leaving raw spots that never quite healed.
“You don’t want to deal with your pain,” she said softly.
“Neither do you.”
“You drink.”
“You paint.” He opened his eyes and sat up. “At least I’m hiding from something. You’re pretending there isn’t anything at all. You get lost in your pictures of Liam. He’s not coming back. He’s never coming back. You can’t paint him back to life any more than I can drink myself into forgetting.”
“I want us to be different. I want us to talk.”
He shook his head. “No, you don’t. You want me to get over it. I’m trying. Every day, I’m dealing with my pain and yes, sometimes I drink to escape it. But it’s there, with me always. Fix yourself, Boston. Then we’ll worry about me.”
She glared at him. “I’m trying, too. I’m doing the mural.”
“Have you cried? Even once?”
“My lack of tears has nothing to do with how I feel.”
“Right. Just like me being unable to get it up is unrelated. Face it, we’re both broken.”
“How do we fix it?”
“Hell if I know.” He stood. “I’m going out.”
To a bar. She rose and put her hands on her hips. “Don’t you walk away from me.”
“Why not? Neither of us is willing to be the first to bend. We’re too afraid we’re going to break.”
“I’m bending.”
“How?”
She opened her mouth, then closed it.
His gaze was steady. “Want to talk about how you felt when he died? How you screamed for help and there wasn’t any? Want to talk about the way time didn’t move right or how everyone said exactly the wrong thing at the funeral? Want to talk about the way—”
She raised her hands and pressed them against her ears. “Stop it! Just stop it. I don’t want to talk about it anymore.”
He nodded slowly, then walked past her. A minute later, she heard his truck start up, and then he drove away. She sat back down on the rocker and turned her face to the sun. There were no tears, she thought, pressing her hand to her stomach. There wasn’t much of anything.
* * *
As had become their biweekly tradition, Andi and Dr. Harrington’s staff went out to lunch at the Blackberry Island Inn.
“My daughter’s pregnant,” Laura announced after they’d placed their orders.
“Congratulations,” Dawn said.
“That’s great,” Misty told her.
Andi and Nina agreed.
“Easy for you to say,” Laura told them. “I’m too young to be a grandmother. And my daughter is only twenty-six.”
“Weren’t you younger than that when you had her?” Misty asked.
“Yes, but that was a different time. But she’s excited and I guess I will be, too. She wants me to come stay with her for the first two weeks after the baby’s born.”
Laura sounded both proud and a little stunned.
“Where does she live?” Andi asked.
“Seattle. It’s not far.”
“It’s nice that you’re close.” She couldn’t imagine wanting her mother around after she had a baby. No doubt her mother would spend every second telling her what she was doing wrong.
Perhaps not the fairest assessment, she thought. Hers had never been the closest of families. Achievement was valued over emotional connections. From the outside, she would guess her family seemed successful. All doctors. Yet she couldn’t remember the last time she and her sister had talked. She hadn’t seen her brother in nearly ten years.
“Your mother still lives on the island, doesn’t she?” Laura asked Nina.
“Oh, yes. My mom and her partner share a house.” Nina’s voice was a little strained. “They’re interesting people.”
“Is that shorthand for crazy?” Dawn asked.
“Sort of. The two of them were never poster children for responsibility. My mother defines flighty, but she has a good heart.”
“Which left you to be the responsible one,” Andi said, then wrinkled her nose. “Sorry. Every now and then those pesky psychology classes I had to take rear their ugly heads.”
Nina laughed. “You’re right. I do take care of her and everyone else. It’s why I went into nursing. It’s a natural fit for me. My mom wants to know when I’m going to get married again. One failed marriage is plenty. I’m not looking to take care of someone else, thank you very much.”
Laura raised her glass of iced tea. “To our families. They make us insane and we still love them.”
The four women touched glasses.
“How’s work on the house coming?” Misty asked Andi.
“Progress is being made. I have floors and cabinets and the medical equipment gets installed in two weeks.”
“We want to come see everything,” Laura told her. “You should have a grand opening party.”
“That’s a great idea. I hadn’t thought to do something like that.”
“Make sure Wade is there.” Laura winked. “Wearing tight jeans.”
“Otherwise you’re not coming?” Dawn asked.
“I’ll still be there, but I won’t be as happy.” Laura leaned forward and lowered her voice. “Does he ever work shirtless? Please say yes. I’m going to be a grandmother and I need a little excitement in my life.”
Andi thought about the kiss she and Wade had shared. One that, sadly, had yet to be repeated. Although they were still planning to go out. Just yesterday he’d confirmed their dinner date for Friday night.
“No shirtless working,” she said.
“Bummer.”
Before she could admit she and Wade were going on a date, a server appeared with their lunch. Then conversation shifted to the upcoming end of school and how hard it was to find
good day care.
By one they were back at work. Andi went to check her schedule for the afternoon. Nina came into her office and closed the door.
“Can we talk for a second?”
“Sure.” Andi motioned to the chair by her desk. “What’s up?”
“I wondered if you’d made any decisions about staffing. You’re going to need someone to run your office along with at least one nurse, maybe two.”
“I know. I’ve been talking to an employment agency in the Seattle area. They specialize in medical office placements. I wasn’t sure I could find anyone on the island. Unless you have some suggestions.”
“I think you could find someone local to run the office. That’s more managerial than medical. You could put an ad in the paper and do interviews yourself. I would be happy to help, let you know if the people you’re talking to have any red flags in their past.”
“I’d appreciate that.”
Nina smiled briefly. “I would also be willing to come work for you, if you’re interested. I like kids and I like how you are around them. Dr. Harrington is great, but I used to date his son and it will be awkward when he starts working here.”
Andi leaned toward her. “I appreciate you letting me know. One of the things Dr. Harrington made clear when I came to work for him temporarily was that I couldn’t poach any of his staff.” She smiled. “He really used the word poach.”
“That sounds like him.” Nina shrugged. “He knows about me and Dylan. If you’re interested in me working for you, I’ll talk to him and get his okay. Trust me, Dylan doesn’t want to be around me any more than I want to be around him.”
“May I ask why?”
“We had a high school romance that went bad. We were engaged when he went off to college. His parents didn’t approve. Not so much of me but because we were young. He discovered college girls were willing to put out and dumped me. It was all pretty humiliating. I got back at him by marrying the first guy who asked, which turned out to be a disaster. The rest is history.”
“Don’t take this wrong, but I’m really glad to hear I’m not the only one who picked a complete idiot to fall for.”
Nina smiled. “You, too?”
“Oh, yeah. One night we’ll go out for margaritas and I’ll tell you the whole sad story.”
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