by Gia Riley
I almost wish he wouldn’t say a word about it because Melody’s expecting answers tonight. I told her I’d ask around and find out if he had a girlfriend. I already knew the answer to that. Jasper has me, and until I tell him he’s never going to have me, he’ll just keep trying. If I tell him, I might lose him, and I don’t think I’m strong enough to get through that.
“It’s a long story, but I was at the hospital. Well, I didn’t go inside. I sat across the street, trying to find this lady who helped me find you the day you were shot. I’ve thought about her a lot and wanted to thank her.”
“That’s nice of you.”
“She was great. Rode with me on the bus and then walked with me all the way to the emergency room. I was freaking out, like completely losing my mind. I was so messed up on that ride, she thought I was in trouble.”
Jasper’s never talked about the time between the shooting and me waking up. I never asked because I didn’t think it was important. I was shot. Then, I went to surgery. It all seemed pretty cut and dry to me. But Jasper’s complex, and just because nobody’s ever cared about me before doesn’t mean they don’t now.
“Did you find her?”
He shakes his head. “She never came, or maybe I missed her bus.”
“I’m sorry,” I tell him.
“I’ll try another day.”
Another day means he might go back to the coffee shop and see Melody. Melody will see him and expect another kiss, maybe even more. I don’t know how I feel about that. On one hand, it would make Melody really happy, and she deserves that. But I’m undeniably selfish when it comes to Jasper. He’s the only real friend I’ve ever had, and if he replaces me, I could lose that connection completely. No more friendship. No more talks. Nothing.
“Is that all that’s bothering you?”
Without warning, he says, “I kissed this girl at the coffee shop while I was waiting.”
I wasn’t sure he’d tell me about Melody. Now that he has, I’m not sure how to act or what to tell him.
“Maybe that’s why you missed her bus.”
“Ouch,” he says.
“I didn’t mean it like that.” Not intentionally anyway.
“No, I deserved that. But I kissed her before I left. After the last bus on the schedule dropped off its passengers.”
“Okay.”
“Okay?” he repeats. “That’s all I get?”
“What more do you want, Jasper?”
He runs his hands over his face, and the frustration’s palpable. “Something, Winnie. Anything. Everything. I don’t know.”
“That’s a lot of things,” I whisper.
“It is,” he says as he stares over my shoulder into thin air.
I’m glad I can’t hear his thoughts because I’m pretty sure they’d either make me cry or entirely knock me off the bench. “Do you like M—her?” Almost giving her name away, I quickly correct myself.
He doesn’t seem to catch the mistake. After all, what are the chances I’d be roommates with the girl he kissed in a coffee shop across town? It’d make no sense to him, but to me, it’s normal. The universe loves to play games with me.
“We barely talked, and then we were kissing. I know nothing about her other than what she looks like and that she can sing.”
He heard her voice, so it’s no wonder he’s struggling. Melody singing one of her love songs could cripple any guy within a mile radius. She has the looks and the talent. A double threat.
I can’t agree that she’s magical, so I just say, “Okay.”
Jasper immediately rolls his eyes. “I hate when you say that.”
“Why?”
“Because it feels like you don’t care.”
Sliding closer to Jasper, I reach for his hand. Mine’s shaking so bad, he squeezes me harder than normal to steady it.
“I care,” I tell him. “I care about everything you do and everything you say. You’re my only friend in this school.”
“That’s not why you should care.”
“Let me finish. I care because you sat with me in the hospital, never leaving my side unless one of the nurses made you. You barely slept for days, and I think you were forced into a shower at one point. But you never complained about your stiff neck from sleeping in a chair or how much time you’d missed out on in your own life. You’ve kept your bedroom window open every night since you met me, all so I can climb a ladder and get into bed with you when I’m scared. So, that’s why I care, Jasper. I care because you’re you, and you accept me for me.”
“But it’s still not enough, right? You care, but you’ll never want me like you want him.”
“It’s not fair to compare the two of you. If Trey wasn’t in the picture, I’m not sure I’d even still be alive.”
“Don’t say that, Winnie.”
“It’s the truth. There’s no telling where I’d be or the shape I’d be in. Maybe, without him, I’d be with you. It’s possible. Or maybe I’d never have met you at all. So, the what-if game is too hard to play.”
“Can you try?”
The only way Jasper will understand is if he were inside my head. That’s a scary place to be, and all I can do is try to make him understand. I owe him that much.
“I can try.”
He lets go of my hand when I need him to hold me tighter. But I get it. Nobody wants to hear why they’re not good enough while holding on to the person they can’t have.
“It’s not that I don’t care enough about you, Jasper. It’s just that someone else has been in my life longer. Someone I can’t walk away from because they’re my family, my home, my heart, my entire world. In your arms, I’m protected and safe, and I love that. It’s what I need. But Trey’s arms feel more like home than any house ever has. I don’t expect you to understand that, but until I figure it out, I can’t be with anyone else. As long as he’s in my heart, I’ll never be what you need me to be.”
Jasper absorbs my words, and with every syllable processed, his knee bounces a little faster. “I kissed her because I was thinking about you and Trey. I know what you were doing in his trailer yesterday, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. You were in there with a man you loved, and he doesn’t deserve any of it. He’s not good enough for you.”
The lump in my throat builds until I can barely swallow. While Trey was touching me, Jasper was watching the trailer, waiting for me to come out. Even though there were walls between us, I feel like he was in the room with us.
“How did you know?”
“I figured it out,” he says. “It wasn’t hard.”
There are a million things I could say about privacy and boundaries, but they wouldn’t help. Pissing Jasper off more than he already is could be dangerous. I don’t think he’d ever do anything to intentionally hurt me or get me in trouble, but after what happened with Raven, I can’t take any chances.
I leave it with a simple, “Trey’s a good person, Jasper.”
“I wouldn’t go that far,” he says under his breath. “The guy basically lives in hiding. Is that the kind of life you want?”
Explaining myself more than I already have won’t help the situation. No amount of persuasion will ever make Jasper accept Trey. He’ll never get what it’s like to love someone the way Trey and I love each other. I don’t need any man to save me. I need to be found and appreciated, and all Jasper sees is a girl who can’t make it on her own. Trey already knows I can fly.
“I’m sorry,” I tell him as I stand up on shaky legs. And then I take one last look at Jasper. Because, when I walk away, things will never be what they were. I can already tell.
“You can still pick me, Winnie. When he lets you down, I’ll still be there to pick you back up.”
I wish it were that simple. Jasper’s so much more than I deserve, and I hate that I have to hurt him like this. But I do. My heart isn’t going to budge.
“I can’t,” I tell him. “And that’s not going to happen.”
Trey and I have plans. We have an entire future
to build as soon as I turn eighteen. What Jasper needs is a girl like Melody who’ll love him the way he deserves to be loved. A girl who isn’t so messed up that she can’t leave the house without looking over her shoulder or feeling the burn of a bullet.
Twenty-One
Winnie
The entire walk to the trailer park, I can’t get Jasper’s face out of my head. His pleading eyes and gentle voice will haunt me for a long time. Nothing about saying no to him was easy. Sure, I have this plan in my head about how my life will go, but not once did I think it would be easy. Life with Trey’s going to be nearly impossible as long as he’s working with the boss. That man doesn’t want him to have a life outside of the business, and I have a feeling it’ll get worse before it gets better.
None of it matters though. Dollars in the bank are meaningless if you can’t live a life to enjoy it, and that’s what Trey wants. He wants a life with me.
I thought I’d have to wait a few hours to see him since I didn’t bother going back to class after the talk with Jasper. I couldn’t. Seeing Dray would have only made me feel worse because I got him in trouble with Cindy and Doug. I needed a break from school and all the drama following me around.
What I don’t expect is Trey’s bike to be parked in the driveway when I get to the trailer. He’s here, waiting for me. But, when I turn the knob and push the front door open, I’m not prepared for who’s sitting on the couch.
A woman wearing a leather skirt and a lacy bra top is smoking a cigarette like she just had the best sex of her life. “Who are you?” she asks like I’m not supposed to be there.
I guess I’m not. I don’t live there, and she’s already judging me for my age. I can feel it as her eyes slide up and down my body. Too young to be competition. Pretty enough to be questioned.
Frozen in place, I blink a couple of times, trying my best to remember my own name. Instead of telling her the truth, I slink back into the invisible girl from school and keep my head down. “Nobody.”
“Are you his kid or something?”
“No.”
Her nervous laugh bubbles through the inhale she takes of the cigarette, relief mixed with anxiety. “Well, he’ll be right back. Don’t look so scared.”
I’m not scared of Trey. He’s never made me afraid, and I can feel his presence before I see him.
“What are you doing here?” he says a little harsher than needed.
I can’t figure out if it’s an act or if he’s really upset with me. The woman on the couch stands up and rubs his arm the way the girls do at The Whip when they’re hoping for extra tips. She’s probably one of those girls, and Trey doesn’t pull away fast enough to make me believe otherwise.
He’s pretending, Winnie. He can’t give away that he wants you and not her.
“Here, this is all I can do,” he says as he slips a tiny package into her hand.
Pills.
I’ve seen deals go down before, and despite the touches, this one’s no different than all the others—a woman who can’t pay but shows up wearing next to nothing, hoping her body’s enough to cover the tab. What she doesn’t realize is that Trey would rather sell for less than take what she’s offering. But why is he dealing at all, especially out of the trailer? He has people who do that for him.
“Thanks, baby,” she practically purrs. “I’ll make sure I’m good for it next time.”
“You were good for it this time,” he tells her with a straight face, giving nothing away.
I can’t figure out if that means she paid in full or if she sucked him off.
My thigh starts to burn, and I ball my fists up until my knuckles ache. “I’ll be in the bathroom.”
Trey steps in front of me and catches my arm with his hand. He nods toward the door, and the girl with the pills shows herself out.
Once she’s gone, he closes the door and locks it. “What’s the attitude about, Winn?”
“What attitude? I said I was going to the bathroom.”
“Look,” he says, “it’s not what you think. You’re getting yourself twisted for nothing.”
Maybe I am, but he’s done nothing to convince me otherwise. I can’t help the jealousy.
“You never deal. Why today? To her?”
When he links his fingers with mine, his defensive stance becomes comforting. “We didn’t have sex, if that’s what you’re asking. I wouldn’t do that to you.”
“But you’re not having sex with me either.”
I’ll never be like that girl. If she appeals to him, then we’ll never work.
“You think I’ll automatically cheat on you because you’re not old enough to sleep with me.” It’s not a question, rather a statement.
And he’s right. He reads me like a book.
“Stop,” I tell him before he can reveal any of the other thoughts swirling around in my head.
He cups my jaw and pushes my chin up, so he can look into my eyes. His are extra stormy. “I won’t stop, Winn. If you’re old enough to assume the worst of me, you’re old enough to have this conversation.”
I don’t want to have this conversation. It would hurt too much, so I take away the possibility of his truth and replace it with my own. “I believe you, Trey.”
“Are you sure about that?” he questions with his annoying smirk that hits me right in the gut. It makes his dimple pop out, and then it’s impossible to stay mad or concentrate on anything other than kissing him.
“I’m choosing to believe you. I’ll leave it at that.”
“But that doesn’t mean you do,” he adds.
“I’m still here, aren’t I?”
He nods, and his smile fades a little. “Now, tell me what you’re doing here. Why’d you leave school early?”
“Bad day.”
“You can’t skip anymore, Winn. Social workers aren’t too keen on that shit.”
“Please don’t parent me. Just kiss me.”
His eyes soften even more, and when he licks his lips, my pulse whooshes in my ears like I’m underwater.
“You have to be more careful. That could have been the boss on the couch.”
I don’t imagine the boss makes house calls to random trailers, but I don’t question it. If he says it could happen, then it could.
“I feel the same way about you. Why are you dealing?”
He brushes the hair away from my face, and his knuckles graze my skin. I get instant goose bumps all over my body.
“It’s nothing for you to worry about.”
When I’m told not to worry, that’s usually when I worry the most. Trey’s smart though. He wouldn’t do anything that would jeopardize his life or us.
“Okay.”
He leans forward and presses his lips against my forehead, a sign that we’re okay. He’s not really mad that I skipped school, and he’ll get over the fact that I walked in on a deal, putting myself in danger.
“She thought I was your daughter.”
“We’re done talking about her,” he says way too calmly.
He might be done, but her rosy cheeks, pretty auburn hair, and long legs are ingrained in my brain. Maybe she doesn’t have much common sense, but she’s so much more than I’ll ever be in the looks department.
“She’s really pretty. I get the appeal.”
Trey spins me around so fast, I get dizzy. He has my back pressed against his front and then pushes the hair away from my neck. Once the skin’s exposed, he sucks and kisses his way from my collarbone all the way up to my ear. “I don’t ever want to see that look on your face again, Winn. You hear me?”
“What look?”
The hand gripping my hip fades down my thigh and then between my legs. He presses his palm on my clit, and my back arches. His groan vibrates through me.
“The one where you think I’m cheating on you.”
“Cheating?” I question.
You can only cheat on someone you’re actually with. Trey isn’t mine. At least, not when it comes to titles. He’s always been a pa
rt of me.
“Does that mean…”
“Yeah,” he says. “That’s what it means.”
“But I thought we had to wait.”
Three more weeks. Twenty-one days stand between now and a future with Trey.
He turns me around and runs his fingers through my hair. “This is still our secret for now, but you’re mine, Winn. You’ve always been mine.”
With our lips only inches apart, a loud crash and shattering glass rock the trailer. Trey pulls me against his chest and then to the floor beside the bed. His fingers dig into my arms, and if looks could kill, whoever just broke the window would already be dead.
“Get in the closet, and don’t come out until I tell you.”
“Don’t go out there! Wait until they leave.”
“I can’t wait. There’s a stash in the bathroom.”
Trey digs around in the bedside drawer, and by the time I get to my knees, there’s a gun in his hand. Just the sight of it takes my breath away. It’s identical to the one Tess pointed at me, the same black darkness that haunts my dreams.
“Closet. Now,” he barks.
And then he’s gone.
I crawl on my hands and knees across the room and slide the closet door open as quietly as I can. Other than a pair of riding boots and a pair of jeans, there’s nothing to hide behind. All I have to protect myself is a shoe.
Suddenly, I’m back in the parking lot, staring at the puddle of dried blood on the ground. The closet walls close in on me, and I think I hear the bedroom window breaking. I can see little shards of glass spray across the carpet, and I know it’s really happening again. Pressing my body into the corner, I wish I had superpowers to make myself invisible.
There’s no struggle or argument. Not a single raised voice or sign that anyone’s in the trailer. The silence is deafening, and I’m positive something happened to Trey.
I’m tucked into the tightest ball with my arms over my head when the closet door slides open, and the sunshine chases away the darkness. It bleeds into my eyes until I’m forced to open them.
I expect it to be Jax or one of his thugs, but Trey’s standing there with remorse written all over his face.
“Is it over?” I ask him. “Are you okay?”