by Gia Riley
“Move, Ariel,” Crystal encourages from behind me.
She’s still there, watching me, like she promised. I want to make her proud. I need Ace to see this wasn’t a mistake. Yet I can’t move.
Paralyzed by fear and this pain in my chest, I try to block out the catcalls and whistles and listen to what Crystal’s saying.
Take notes from the director, Winnie. This is a game, remember? A script full of sexy movements to a song.
Bending down, I slide my hands up my legs from the top of my boots to my thighs. I tell myself that it’s just me up here and to pretend like nobody’s watching, but I can’t shake the feeling that Jasper’s close, watching every move I make in disgust. The whistles aren’t from him. Neither are the dollar bills that land by my toes.
Stupidly, I turn my head and look at the front row. The faces morph together, and one has five eyes instead of two. The guy next to him reaches for me with two sets of arms. He has so many fingers, he’s practically an octopus. And then a little monkey hops across the stage and into a beer bottle on the table.
It’s not real, Winnie. Keep going.
At least I don’t think it is.
Whatever I took plays games with me through the chorus, and the river of tears I’m holding back loosens my fake lashes. While fixing them, my ring gets caught on the wig. It shifts and then ends up in a pile on the floor.
I stop moving. I’m back in the parking lot, next to the bloodstain. I didn’t see the gun or hear the shot this time. I’m afraid it already hit me, so I grab my side, waiting for the warmth to run down my hands.
“Look at me, Winn.”
That voice.
Those eyes.
His hands.
“Trey?”
“Can you see me? Look at me,” he says.
“No,” I whisper. I hear him, but I can’t focus. All I know is that I don’t feel any blood, and the puddle on the stage is gone. Cold droplets land on my hot body, and my skin sizzles like I’ve been burned. “Please don’t do that. It hurts.”
“I’m putting you in the car.”
Crystal must have followed because I vaguely hear her voice in the distance, rattling off all kinds of promises to Trey. He doesn’t acknowledge her until I’m in the back seat, nestled against the leather. It smells like his cologne, so I cuddle against it.
“What’d you take, Winn?”
“I don’t know.”
“What was it?”
He punches the driver’s seat, and I flinch.
“Don’t hurt me,” I whisper.
He grabs my face and forces me away from the comforting leather. A warm sigh from his mouth tickles my nose. “You really think I’d hurt you?”
“You hurt me when you don’t let me stay.”
“That’s not what I meant,” he says as he rubs his thumb back and forth across my jaw. “I’d never hit you, baby.”
I can’t stop the smile that sneaks out. He just gave me so many butterflies, I should put my seat belt on before I fly away.
“I like when you call me that.”
He lets go of me and slips out of the car. Crystal’s hysterical, and I try to clap my hands a couple of times, so they stop yelling at each other, but my palms barely brush together.
“What are you doing?” he questions.
I turn my head toward his voice to answer, and it was Trey’s voice I heard, but it’s Jax’s face. Panic returns, and I try to get out of the seat, but I’m already buckled in.
“Don’t hurt me,” I say over and over. “I won’t tell Tess you touched me. I promise.”
“Winnie.”
It’s still Trey, but Jax is right there, too.
“I’ll never tell.”
We’re racing down the highway, and I have no clue where I’m going to end up. If it were up to Jax, I’d be in his trailer, locked in his bedroom. He’d touch me like all those nights in my bedroom when I pretended to be asleep.
My stomach cramps so bad, I scream and dig my nails into the leather. The car being driven by Trey’s voice comes to a jerking stop, and then my door opens again. I wait for Jax to get me out, and he carries me inside, just like I feared.
“Stay here on your side, and don’t move,” he says.
“Trey.” I think I’m going to be sick, but I stay still because he told me to.
“Don’t move, Winn. Promise me.”
I couldn’t get up if I tried. My legs are heavy, and I ache all over. “I promise.”
His cologne disappears, and then I’m all alone. The shaking starts after that, and no matter how hard I try to keep still, I can’t make it stop.
“Trey,” I cry. “Come back.”
The light burns out, and my world is pitch-black. I’ve never been more afraid, not even from the bullet or the blood.
Thirty-Four
Jasper
Normally, when I cross paths with Trey, I’m either jealous or afraid he’ll pull a gun and end my life. He’s scary as hell when he wants to be, yet Winnie looks at him like he’s this gentle giant who can do no wrong.
I don’t totally understand their bond, and I don’t pretend to. She knows how I feel about their situation and that I want her for myself. Still, I can’t deny the insane attraction they have to one another. For whatever reason, it’s stronger that anything I can give her.
When she looks at me, I think we have something worth fighting for. Until I see her look at him and discover all the missing pieces that we don’t have. They shine in her eyes and practically rip out of her chest. Maybe, with time, we could have that, too, but for now, seeing it just stings too damn bad and rips me right down the middle.
My head tells me they’ll never work. If Trey didn’t exist, I really think she’d be with me. We could be the perfect couple. It’s just never been the right time. But two souls don’t get as close as we’ve gotten in such a short amount of time for no reason. I met her because she needs me. She let me in because I’m good for her, and that’s why I can’t give up on us.
I knew he’d show up at The Whip when I texted, and I followed them the whole way to the trailer. He can get as mad as he wants for me being on his property. After the last time he found me here, he made it pretty clear I wasn’t ever welcome back. As long as Winnie’s inside though, I won’t be far away. She’s not safe here, and now that Jax is living across the street again, it’s even worse.
Tess is still locked up, but they gave Jax bail because he wasn’t the one who shot the gun. The thing wasn’t even in his name. So, they couldn’t tie the weapon to him in order to keep him behind bars. He’s free, and I’m scared he’ll get to Winnie if she’s here, hiding out.
I’m about two houses down when Trey storms down the steps and across the street to Jax’s trailer. I stand back for a minute until he’s banging on the door, and then I sprint as fast as I can into his trailer. It’s a stupid move. He could have anyone inside, watching over Winnie, but I take my chances because nobody but those two ever come in and out of here.
She’s lying on the couch, alone, and I press my hand against her chest to make sure she’s breathing. Her face is still covered in a ton of makeup, and she looks ten years older than she did the last time I saw her. I’m looking at Winnie, yet all I see is her alter ego, Ariel. I don’t know who put that awful wig on her head or thought she needed one in the first place. She’s perfect the way she is.
“Winnie,” I say as I shake her shoulder a little, “wake up. I don’t have much time.”
If I’m still here when Trey gets back, he’ll give me a matching set of black eyes. That doesn’t stop me from pressing my lips to Winnie’s forehead. She’s on fire and trembling at the same time.
There’s no telling what they gave her. She’s not the kind of girl to dress in a disguise and get onstage without a lot of help. Knowing her, she did whatever they said, and now, she’s passed out. Ace had security on me, and there was nothing I could do to get to her. He was too afraid I’d call the cops and ruin his big payday.
>
I shut him down the only way I knew how—by calling Trey. Winnie’s clothes stayed on, and maybe she did get onstage, but nothing happened that would make her hate herself in the morning. Because I know her. Once the high wears off, she’ll take one look in the mirror and see the damage instead of the good person beneath all the makeup.
I’m afraid she’ll cut or do worse, so I pull the boots off her feet and cover her with a blanket. She groans a little. Then, her neck jerks, and she’s throwing up. I sit her up, so she doesn’t choke herself to death, and that’s when I hear the yelling.
A glance over my shoulder, and Trey has Jax in a headlock. He’s punching him over and over, and then there’s a second guy on Trey’s back, trying to pull him off. Trey takes some shots in the back of his head and stumbles forward, losing his grip on Jax. It’s two against one, and I don’t know what to do. I can’t leave Winnie, and I’m not about to get myself killed either.
I do the only thing I can think of, and I dial 911. The dispatcher keeps me on the phone until sirens are wailing down the street. They’re annoying enough that Winnie’s eyelids flicker open, and then she heaves again all over the couch. The little bit of life she showed disappears, and then she’s out cold again.
An ambulance pulls in behind the cruisers and then a second into Trey’s driveway, and I can’t see across the street anymore.
“Trey,” Winnie mumbles.
“It’s me, Jasper,” I tell her. “Help’s here. You’re going to be okay.”
“Trey.”
I bite my lip to keep the anger inside.
Then, one of the medics pulls me off the couch and into the kitchen. He asks me all kinds of questions I don’t have answers to. I wasn’t in the dressing room. I can’t tell him what she took or how much. All I can say is that this isn’t my house or hers and that I love her.
I love her enough to get into the back of the ambulance and drive away with her while Trey’s on the ground with his arms behind his back and a bloodstain on his shirt. He cusses at the ambulance and fights as hard as he can to get out of the hold they have on him.
Trey’s getting cuffed.
Winnie’s on her way to the hospital—again.
And history repeats itself as I sit nervously on the seat next to Winnie with another prayer on repeat in my head. She’ll make it through this. She always does. I just don’t know what she’ll be like once she wakes up, especially if Trey’s not there.
Thirty-Five
Winnie
Six Months Later
They say, time heals all wounds. Or at least that’s what I’ve been told in every one of my counseling sessions.
After the shooting, they force-fed me so much hope along with my hospital food that I honestly believed it was possible. Eventually, I’d forget the blood and the searing pain from the bullet. If I were lucky, the memories of Tess would even lessen. But I knew the damage that was done to my brain wouldn’t be as easy to shed. I’d always walk around with memories from my childhood of a parent I was slowly forgetting and one I couldn’t remember at all.
There’d come a day when Tess won an appeal or was granted bail for good behavior even though she’d never been known for that, and I’d have to face the world with her back on the streets. I’d thought all that would happen with Trey by my side and that I’d survive whatever life threw at me because of him.
What I hadn’t seen coming was a life without him.
When I woke up in the hospital, my mouth was so dry, my tongue was stuck to the roof of my mouth. My head throbbed, and my eyes felt like they were about to explode. Pressure and fullness shook my heart, and I wasn’t sure if I was even controlling it on my own anymore. There had to be something inside me, a tube or a mechanical robot or whatever they used pushing me through the pain.
Then, I opened my eyes and saw the muted lights and the popcorn tiles on the ceiling. I’d counted those little dots hundreds of times when I was recovering from surgery. I didn’t realize the impact they had on my memory and recovery until I found myself already at thirty and then nearing the count of fifty, completely soothed by the numbers.
“She’s awake,” I heard from somewhere in the room.
The voice didn’t belong to anyone I knew. That scared me. I didn’t like strangers almost as much as I hated people touching me.
“Trey?” I asked, hoping he was close this time.
I didn’t want to go through months of hospital rehabilitation without him again. Though the chances of him safely staying with me were slim, I still held on to that little bit of hope that it was possible. I was a dreamer like that.
Then, I saw the kind eyes and gentle smile that belonged to my friend. At least, I thought he was still my friend. He’d done some unforgiveable things, and I wasn’t sure if the kiss we’d shared canceled them out or if I was still supposed to hate him. I didn’t. I never would.
“Jasper.”
“I’m here,” he said. “Just rest.”
“What happened?”
I remembered The Whip and then standing in the spotlight when the music came on. Everything after that was a blur. Maybe that was a good thing because I was sure I’d made a fool of myself.
“Did I do it?” I couldn’t even say the word strip out loud. It made me feel too dirty.
He shook his head. “I called Trey, and he pulled you off the stage in time.”
That scared me. Trey knew. He had seen me dressed up like Ariel. That also meant I hadn’t kept my word to Ace. I’d promised him I’d make him a lot of money, and I’d choked.
“I’m in trouble with your brother, right? That’s why you’re here?”
“No,” he whispered. “My brother can go fuck himself. You shouldn’t have been there, Winnie.”
I had plans. Plans that took money, and dancing was the answer. Fast cash meant freedom, and I wanted it so bad, I could taste it.
“Can I see Trey now? He’s here, right?”
“He’s not here,” he told me.
I knew from the moment he’d said it that it wasn’t like before. Trey hadn’t disappeared because he had to; he was gone because he was forced to stay away.
“Where is he?” I asked, so afraid of the response I’d get.
He couldn’t be in trouble.
“The cops took him. They tried to get a statement from you at the trailer, but you were still unconscious. They’ll be back though.”
I didn’t want to talk to the cops. Trey didn’t do anything wrong. He was good to me, better than anyone had ever been, and I’d tell them that. I’d show the police what a good man he was and how he was the only family I had left. Whatever trouble he was in, I’d clear his name and bring him back to me. I had to. Because, if I didn’t, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself for ruining his life.
Cindy came in the room next and took my hand. I pulled my fingers out of her grasp. I didn’t care why she was there or what her intentions were. There was no way I was going with her again.
“I brought Dray,” she told me. “He wanted to apologize.”
“Apologize for what?” I asked her.
That was when I looked at Dray and finally saw him for what he was. A liar. He had tears streaming down his face and wiped at them with his sleeve. It was soaked, so I figured he’d been crying for a long time. I’d never seen a boy cry before. I thought only girls did that.
Cindy urged Dray forward, and he took his place next to my bed.
“It was me, Winnie. I sent the text, and I’m the one who started the rumor. Jasper had nothing to do with it.”
I figured Dray had only opened his mouth and told Cindy the truth because I had gotten into trouble and ended up in the hospital. If I had gone on with life the way it was at Sunshine Place and never run away, I was positive he’d have let Jasper take the blame.
I wasn’t sure what hurt worse—Dray lying to me or watching him break down in front of me. I knew in that moment that he was just as sick as his dad. All the hate he carried around, he used on
people like me, even if he didn’t mean to. Because, if he made me hurt, then he’d hurt less. Cutting was my defense mechanism, the tool I used to feel human again. Humiliation and lies were Dray’s. I know he didn’t like who he was or that he did mean things to someone he cared about, but he didn’t know how to stop doing it, either.
Guilt ate me alive, and I reached for Jasper. He took my hand, and we linked our fingers together, the way we had done so many times before. This time, I didn’t fight the connection. I knew he was there because he loved me, not because Trey had told him to stay by my side.
Jasper hadn’t ruined what little was left of my reputation, and he probably didn’t break those windows at the trailer either. How could I have thought he did it? Why was it so hard for me to trust my only friend? He’d never done a single thing wrong.
Still holding on to Jasper, I glanced at Dray and said, “Please leave me alone. I don’t ever want to see you again.”
Dray inhaled and then exhaled a shaky breath. He was hurting, and I worried he’d leave and find a new victim.
Cindy cleared her throat, and Dray said, “I’m sorry you ran away and got hurt. I didn’t mean for this to happen.”
It didn’t matter though. There was nothing I could do to stop him. Dray was Dray. Alex was Dray. And it confused the hell out of me.
“You can’t be two people,” I told him.
I knew that better than most. I’d tried to be both Winnie and Ariel, and I’d almost died.
Dray nodded. He understood what I meant. The guy he was at the home was nothing like the kid he was when he walked the halls at school like a god. Pieces of both were genuine, and maybe if he meshed both personalities together, he’d be whole again. But it wouldn’t be easy. I knew that, too.
That was why I told him, “Dray needs help, and Alex needs to stop being fake. Let people see the real you, whoever you are.”
Jasper squeezed my hand and gave me a little half-smile. He liked when I stood up for myself, and that little bit of pride that shone down on me, I latched on to it. But Jasper wasn’t my lifeline this time. He was my best friend and maybe even my future.