by M. J. Fields
Logan gives him a quick hug then says, “I need a fucking drink.”
I have T at my side, Harper close by, and Logan on my other side. I feel a little better about things now. A little.
Dad, Tessa, Brody, Emma, and London all come in together.
“That’s a lot of people,” T whispers, causing Logan and me to laugh.
“They occupy the other side of the valley, man. We’re safe over here,” Logan whispers to him, putting T at ease.
“Safer in the city,” T whispers back.
“Love to come visit.” Logan chuckles. “Holidays in the city now?”
T holds up his beer, and they clink glasses.
“You’re welcome any day.”
London walks past Logan. “Hmm … city girls. Now that’s a lot of plastic. You’ll be in heaven.”
“London,” Emma gasps while I laugh.
“London, you wanna drink?” Logan smirks.
In the most London-like way, she flips him off. No one notices except him, T, and me.
T smirks. “You can come visit anytime, too, London.”
“Let me know when he’s not there.”
Logan’s face turns beet red, and she sticks her tongue out at him.
His jaw tightens. “Yes, please do. I wouldn’t want to have to babysit.”
I smack Logan as London glares at him.
She walks to the table and sits next to Brody with her arms crossed over her chest. She immediately notices the frame and gasps. She leans in a little and then looks back at me.
I put my finger over my lips to tell her to hush. She seems excited to know something no one else does.
Logan whispers, “I knew first.”
She rolls her eyes and mouths, “Grow up.”
Within ten minutes, everyone at the table is whispering to each other, and I see Tessa wipe her eyes as she hands Dad the frame. His jaw drops, and he looks at Harper. Before he has a chance to say anything, Tessa hands him the other frame. She is watching him closely, taking in every emotion his face is showing.
He sits back and takes in a deep breath while she smiles at him. God, I wish I could see his face, but the frame is in the way.
He pushes back his chair, stands up, and turns around. He is tearing up, and it makes me do the same.
“This for real, Ava?”
I nod, unable to say anything because I am holding back my emotions.
“Two?” he asks, and I nod.
He closes his eyes and smiles. It’s big. It’s real, I think.
He walks over, stretches out his hand to T, and T shakes it.
“You have one hell of a young lady here. I hope you know that.”
T nods. “I do. Thank you for bringing her into this world.”
My dad’s eyes get bigger, and then a handshake turns into a hug.
I have to cover my mouth to stop from sounding like an idiot because I am sobbing.
Dad then turns to me, tears falling down his cheeks. “Ava girl.”
“Daddy,” I whisper.
“I’m so happy for you.” He hugs me tightly.
“For us, Daddy, for all of us.”
I look at the other side of the table, Tessa, Brody, and Emma are hugging Maddox and Harper.
London walks over and gives T a hug.
“You’re going to be a great dad, T Hardy.”
He laughs. “Thanks, L Fields.”
She steps back and whispers, “Gotta go give the brother from an evil mother a hug.”
“Oh, my God, London, really?” Logan snaps at her.
“Seriously, man, lighten up,” she says as she walks away, and we all start to laugh.
Logan looks at us like we are traitors.
“Need another drink, Logan?” T asks.
“Yes, yes, I do.”
TWENTY-TWO
* * *
You must love yourself and be happy within before you can fully love another.
— M. Meredith
TWO MONTHS LATER
“I am big, fat, and pimply,” I snarl as I look in the mirror at the zit between my shoulders.
“Ava, you are not,” T says, handing me my daily Snickers bar. “Here, eat this. It’ll make you feel better.”
I unwrap the candy bar and take a big bite then shake it at him. “This is why, you know. You are feeding the fat pregnant chick too much.”
“The beautiful pregnant goddess is eating for three, and those two,” he says, pointing at my tits, “so that makes five.”
I laugh as I chew. “You want me fat, don’t you?”
“Ava, you are five months pregnant with twins. The doctor says you have not gained enough weight.”
“That’s because we changed doctors since you wanted the best for your babies.”
“Hell yes, I want the best for you all.” He laughs as he walks behind me and cups my very full C cups. “These are so fucking beautiful.”
I take another bite. “The new doctor has no idea that I have already gained twenty pounds. The records haven’t been received yet.”
“I’m convinced it’s all right here in my hands.” He jiggles my boobs. “Fascinating.”
“They won’t fit in my dress,” I complain.
“They will, and if by chance they spill out a bit, I won’t complain at all.”
“That’s so kind of you.” I laugh as he continues watching my boobs jiggle in the mirror. “Okay, T, I need to get to work.” I pull away from him, and he groans. “What are your plans today?”
I really didn’t have to ask. He has been very busy turning the spare bedroom into a nursery and painting the two walls that are not exposed brick. He is so talented, and not just musically.
“The cribs come today.” He smiles and shakes his head as if he still can’t believe it. “Ava, we’re less than a month away from getting married and four months away from having a baby.”
“Two babies.” I giggle, and he smiles more brightly than the sun he has painted on the east-facing wall in their room.
“You simply amaze me.” He laughs.
“Well, you simply amaze me, too,” I say, giving him a quick peck on the cheek. “Now, I simply must go to work.”
***
When I return home, he is in the babies’ room.
He looks up when I walk in and smiles. “Shit, why didn’t Casey tell me you were here?”
I shrug. “Does she always?”
He sets down the screwdriver and stands up to give me a hug. “Bad day?”
I sigh. “Exhausted.”
“Snickers?” he asks as he looks down at me.
I smile, and he kisses my cheek then leaves me to go grab one.
“The mini!” I yell.
When he walks back in the room, he holds his hands up. They are empty.
“We’re out?” I laugh.
He sighs, looking forlorn. “I have to tell you something.”
The playfulness in his put upon sadness is adorable. His head is bowed, and he looks up at me through the thick lashes that frame his beautiful, telling eyes.
“I may have a slight addiction.”
I gasp and cover my heart. “No!”
He smirks and nods. “I may have more than one, but both are due to you.”
I throw my head back and laugh. “Do tell.”
“Snickers and you.”
“Snickers and me, huh?”
“Yes,” he says, bending down on one knee. “Will you forgive me?”
“Forgive you?” I pretend to consider if I should. “Yeah, I forgive you, and I love you more because of it.”
He stands up, gives me a quick hug, and says, “I’ll run to the store and grab some.”
I laugh again. “You really don’t have to. Real food is probably a better idea, and Lord knows we have enough.”
He steps back and squints his eyes. “But after dinner?”
“I don’t need one.” I grin, shaking my head.
“Maybe I do.”
“Okay, we’ll go tog
ether,” I say, giving him a quick kiss.
“No. How about you have a soak, and when you get out, I’ll be back and we’ll fix dinner together?”
“You sure?” I ask.
“I insist.” He hugs me tightly, and yes, I smell him. He looks down and smiles. “I love you, Ava Links very soon-to-be Hardy.
I can’t help the smile that spreads across my face. I love the sound of my name when he says it.
“I love you more than Snickers.”
At that, he laughs. It’s deep and rich and filled with happiness. His happiness is contagious. Every bad part of this day gets erased by it.
He leaves quickly, and I stand and take in the room. It’s not just a room anymore; it is a place T has made more beautiful. It is a place that, together, we will show these two babies what true love is.
I walk into the room that his desk is in and grab the journal, bringing it with me. Then I sit down in one of the two rocking chairs he has put together for us in front of the window and open it.
Page 18
Love grows deeper every day.
Page 19
Love is her, and I am so blessed.
Page 20
Love is in the little caramel on the corner of her mouth.
Page 21
Love grows stronger when it’s just the two of us.
Page 22
Love’s blessings are growing inside of her.
Page 23
Love will grow even more with four.
Page 24
Love is still and peaceful. It’s in her slow, sweet breath as I lie next to her with her head on my chest.
Page 25
Love is in everything we do to protect love.
Page 26
Love is love, still.
I open to page twenty-seven and click the pen to start writing, but then I hear something, a sound like metal on metal.
I sigh and set the book down before walking over to the window. I see a car has hit a pole outside our flat. Then I see it back up.
Some idiot is probably drunk and trying to get away without being caught.
“Here’s an idea, dipshit, take a cab,” I comment, shaking my head.
When I lean over with my phone camera to get a shot of the license plate, because yes, I despise drunk drivers and will report it, I see something. I don’t know if it’s a person or an animal.
My heart is in my chest as I run to the cargo elevator. I reach for the key we leave on the hook next to it, but it’s not there.
“Damn it, T,” I say as I make my way to the stairs. I run down the three floors and out through the lobby.
When I look left, I see a crowd has formed and already surrounding whatever it is. I look for T, hoping he’s run to the corner store and heard the commotion because I hate blood, and if I pass out, he can take care of me. I don’t see him, so I walk up slowly and stand behind the crowd.
“Did someone call an ambulance?” I hear a girl’s voice cry.
“Yes,” a man says in a panic-stricken tone.
“There’s a lot of blood,” someone else cries.
I grab my phone from my pocket to call T, hoping he has his, already feeling light-headed. He doesn’t answer, so I try again.
I hear his ring tone, our song, the one that’s surrounded by smiling sun shines and soaring butterflies that have now become symbols of our love and our babies.
“T,” I say as I walk around, knowing he’s here. “T,” I say more loudly as I call him again, hearing his phone even more clearly now. “T!” I yell as I see his phone lit up, lying next to the lamp post.
“His eyes opened,” someone says with a voice full of hope.
I feel weak in the knees as I grab his phone off the ground and see my number and our picture behind a cracked screen. Reality strikes, and I push through the crowd.
“Oh, God, T!” I fall to my knees beside where he is on his back and reach for him.
I don’t see blood, so he’s going to be okay. Oh, God, he has to be okay!
“Miss, don’t move him,” a man warns me.
“T,” I say, putting my hands on his face. “An ambulance is coming. You’re going to be okay!”
He starts to close his eyes, and I scream at him to keep them open. He does.
“Please, just stay awake. Just stay awake, please.”
He opens his mouth and a gurgled, “Love you,” comes out … and so does blood.
Oh, God, please! I scream in my head.
“I love you, too. Don’t you close your eyes and don’t you talk, T. I love you so much that I’m not even going to pass out, and I don’t do well with this kind of thing. I love you so much I promise you that I will fight for our love as hard as you are going to in order to heal, T.”
His lips curve up on one side. “Forever.”
“Of course forever! How could you ask me that!” I yell at him, and his smile doesn’t fade.
I look up as I hear sirens approaching, and then I look back at him.
“Open your eyes, T! I need your eyes! The ambulance is here! T, open your eyes.”
I hear a sob or a burst of air escape him as I bend over and kiss his chest lightly then his face then his lips. I taste blood.
“T,” I whisper, “I can’t do this without you. Our babies need you. Please, Thomas, please open your eyes. I need to see you. I need you, T—”
“Ma’am,” I hear a male voice behind me, but I won’t look away. I don’t want to miss the moment that he opens his eyes, because he will. “You need to move out of our way.”
“Ma’am, now,” says a female voice.
Then arms reach around me and pull me back.
“Let go of me!” I scream. “He needs me! He needs me, dammit!”
My body is shaking uncontrollably now.
“No pulse,” one of the paramedics says.
“Fight, dammit, T! I need you!” I sob. “Please, we need you!”
They are putting him on a stretcher, and his hand falls off the side when they lift it.
When they start to wheel him toward the ambulance, something happens to me, and I manage to get it together enough to insist they let me ride with him.
“Up front,” the blonde female paramedic insists.
I shake my head.
“Ma’am, we need to work. Get in front, and get out of our way.”
My phone rings as I get in the front of the ambulance, and I look down at it.
“Daddy,” I answer, “I need you.”
“He’s gonna be fine, baby girl. They are flying him into Landstuhl, Germany as soon as he’s stable. Best medical facility in the world. Just pray, Ava. Pray.”
“No, Daddy, we’re in an ambulance. Why would they fly him to Germany? What are you—”
“You’re in a what?” he gasps.
“T, Daddy. God, I don’t know what happened, but I took a picture of the car. He’s gonna be okay, Daddy, right? Tell me he’s going to be okay!” I am sobbing.
“We have a pulse,” I hear and sob again into my hands.
“Daddy, they have a pulse. They have a pulse!”
“Ava,” he says, his voice cracking. “I’ll be there as soon as I can.”
“Hurry, Daddy. Hurry and tell everyone to pray. And Maddox. T needs Maddox, too.”
“Whatever you need,” he says.
“I have to go,” I tell him.
“Ava, which hospital?”
“Which hospital?” I ask the driver.
“NYU Lutheran is the closest.”
“Daddy, he said—”
“I heard him. We’ll be there.”
“Okay,” I cry as I look back at T. “Hurry, Daddy, I need you.”
TWENTY-THREE
* * *
Love is forgiveness, growth, struggle, resilience, laughter and pain.
— J. Ewalani Figueroa
I am in the waiting room. The police have the pictures I took from my phone and statements from the people at the scene of the accident. I can’t even th
ink about justice right now, though. I just need him to be okay.
My mother and Robert are here; Dad must have called them. It has been three hours, three of the most awful hours of my life. Mom keeps telling me no news is good news, and I have to believe it’s true.
I can’t possibly cry anymore, but I can’t stop the silent sobs and the shaking.
I stare at my phone, flipping through all the pictures of T, all of the selfies of both of us. We are forever, just like he said, and forever hasn’t ended. It hasn’t, and it won’t. He will fight for our love, and I will pray for his life.
I stand up and walk to the reception desk.
“Is there a chapel?” I ask.
“Yes, out the door, take a left, and it’s at the end of the hall.”
“If there is any news on Thomas Hardy, my fiancé, will you come and get me?”
“Of course, Miss Links.”
I turn back to see Mom looking at me.
“I’ll be back.”
I follow the directions to the chapel, open the doors, and walk in. No one is in here. It’s just me, several lit candles, and a cross.
I walk up and lower myself upon the deep red velvet kneeler and light a candle then another and another and another until all of them have been lit.
“God, I’ve made some mistakes, but please, please don’t ignore me when I ask that You please save him. I promise I will love him forever. I promise we’ll go to church and do good things and raise our babies to know You. I promise with everything I am that I will be the best mother in the world, the best wife, the best friend, the best humanitarian. Whatever You need, I will give to You. Whatever I can’t give right now, I will find a way …” I stop when I get a cramp and hold my hands over my belly. “They need him. They need him because, when I’m with him, I am a better me. You brought him to me at my darkest and made me see him for who he is and who he wants to be. Please, God, please—”
I stop when I feel hands on my shoulders, and I look at one of them.
It’s my daddy’s hand.
I put my hand on his, and tears find their way back to me.
“Come here, Ava,” he says, and I stand up. “Everything’s going to be okay.”