The week at camp was an awesome experience for everyone. Andy loved working with the kids. He loved them teaching him the traditional songs. He loved sitting around the campfire at night, singing with them and toasting marshmallows, he loved it all and thought about all the years that Carlee had gone. Matthew took pictures of the whole week. At night he would upload them to his laptop and share them each morning during breakfast on the projection system in the main hall, and everyone loved it.
The closing ceremonies always touched Carlee like nothing she’d ever experienced. Each year she thought the next would be easier, but each year she missed her mama more than she could imagine. She still grieved her loss. Andy saw it. He felt it. It was emotional for him too. Matthew watched the two of them. So many times he saw Andy with an arm draped, lovingly around Carlee’s shoulder, giving a squeeze, and his heart hurt.
The week was an eye opener for Matthew, and it gave him an idea.
When they left camp Carlee rode back with Andy and Matthew.
“I’d like you to come to Jacksonville with me for a few days,” Matthew said. “I already talked with Andy and he said it was OK to ask you.”
Andy was driving, and Carlee was in the back seat. She put her arms around his neck and whispered in his ear, “I love you, Papa.”
He reached up and patted her hands. “I love you, right back.”
“I’d love that!” she told Matthew.
~ ~ ~
Matthew spent another day with them at Andy’s, and then rented a car for their drive to Jacksonville. He and Carlee talked the whole three-hour trip. He shared things about his family, and she couldn’t wait to meet them. His parents still lived in the house in which he and his brothers grew up. It was on the river, and it was beautiful, like an old southern plantation.
Matthew’s parents, along with his brothers and their families, welcomed Carlee with a big family cookout. Matthew’s nieces, Percy and Megs, loved all over her, and pulled her away for games every chance they could. It was an evening filled with a lot of talk and laughter, and reminded Carlee of the times when her whole family got together.
His mom was ready for Matthew to get home. She missed him, but she was more curious to meet the young woman he was bringing home with him. She was anxious to meet the one Matthew talked and talked about when she spoke with him.
After the meal, Carlee and Matthew went for a walk along the river with his parents. As they strolled, Matthew took Carlee’s hand. His mom noticed, and smiled.
“It’s beautiful here,” Carlee said as they walked. “Thank you for letting me come Mr. and Mrs. Davis.”
“Please, call me Geni,” Matthew’s mom replied.
“And I’m Tom,” his dad said with a smile.
“I’m happy you’re here. I’ve heard an awful lot about you the last two months,” Geni said.
“So, you are off to school soon?” Tom asked to her.
“Yes, sir. Next week!” Carlee replied. “I’m ready, but… I’m not ready!”
“Where are you going?” Tom asked.
“Flagler,” she replied.
“I love St. Augustine,” Geni added. “It’s only an hour away from here, you know.”
“You’ll have to come down some weekend. I feel so blessed to be able to go there, all that history, the beauty of the school. I am very lucky,” Carlee said.
“What are you studying?” Tom asked.
“I’ve not carved my major in stone yet, I still have to meet with my advisor to work on that. Psychology, but I hope to work with children, counseling in some manner. I’m sure Matthew has told you about my mama.” Matthew listened proudly and squeezed her hand as she explained. Geni noticed that too.
“I just know how I felt, how I still feel, over her loss, and then my dad. I love going to camp each summer! At first it was to help me learn how to grieve. Then it became more about helping other kids going through the same thing. When a child finally opens up about what they are thinking, and feeling… Well, it’s a feeling I can’t quite describe. I love those sessions at camp when the kids let go. I love the idea of the camp; that we arrive as caterpillars and emerge from our cocoons as butterflies…”
Geni Davis listened. She liked the passion and vibrancy of this young woman. She watched Matthew out of the corner of her eye as Carlee spoke, and liked what she saw.
Matthew drove Carlee home two days later. He was staying with her and Andy for a few days while she continued packing. Andy rented a van and he and Matthew loaded Carlee’s things to take to school. The night before she left, there was a family get-together at Nanny and Pops’. Matthew met Carlee’s family as they celebrated Jenna’s upcoming marriage and Carlee going off to school.
Saturday morning, Andy followed Carlee and Matthew to the college. She was staying in an all-girl’s dorm, but it was open that day to allow men in to help with unloading and set up. Andy booked a room near the dorms for him and Matthew for the night. They got Carlee settled in and left her for a while to go to the hotel to shower.
They returned later to meet her, and the three of them walked through old St. Augustine that evening. Matthew wanted Andy to meet his parents, and they met Tom and Geni Davis at a Spanish restaurant for dinner. The group shared an evening, getting to know each other, before Matthew’s parents headed home.
Carlee stayed in the dorm that night with her new roommates, Marissa, Sara, and Angie; they hit it off well, and talked late into the night, getting to know each other. She liked them all, but there was an immediate connection with Marissa, a comfort zone, something special she didn’t feel with the other girls.
Andy and Matthew met Carlee for breakfast the next morning. Afterward, Andy headed south. Matthew returned to Jacksonville to spend a few days with his family. He’d be stateside through Labor Day, picking Carlee up Friday morning after her class, to go south for the wedding weekend. He wouldn’t have missed any opportunity to be with her.
Carlee’s class on Friday morning was over at 9:45. She was packed and ready to make the trip south when Matthew arrived. They loaded her things in the car, but before they began their drive, Carlee leaned across the console for a kiss.
“I have to sneak in as many of those as I can,” she laughed. “Unfortunately, there will be a limited supply for a while.”
“You can have as many as you want,” Matthew smiled, and leaned over for one more.
That evening, her family all gathered at Kimmy’s house to celebrate the wedding. Matthew loved being there.
On Saturday, at the ceremony, Matthew and Andy sat together. At Jenna and Maxx’s request, everyone dressed casually in tropical prints. Matthew watched as Carlee passed by them. She looked beautiful in the yellow sundress she wore. Her hair was up, little wild pieces escaping from the mass of curls, and she sparkled from some kind of glitter they had dusted themselves with. Matthew noticed a tear in Andy’s eye as she walked by, headed to the gazebo.
Surely, this is the same gazebo where he married her mama, Matthew thought. He watched as she took her place in the gazebo. She stood holding the simple bunch of daisies Jenna let her choose to carry. Carlee loved the simple bouquet Matthew had given her in London, so she chose them for this simple ceremony. Carlee, Jenna and Kimmy had gone that morning for pedicures and had flowers painted on their toes. Carlee and Jenna were barefoot for the ceremony.
Jenna looked like an angel as she made her way to Maxx, on her dad’s arm. She wore a simple, but beautiful, white-lace sun-dress. Tall and blonde like Kimmy, she glowed. Kimmy cried, but it was a happy cry. Jenna and Maxx had been together since high school, and lived together since their second year of college. It was beautiful when they finally said ‘I do.’
The party afterward was a big family affair; lots of food, lots of laughter, and Matthew was happy to be included. It made him dread heading back to London.
Later in the afternoon, Carlee came to him and whispered in his ear as she hugged him; “I have someplace I need to go.”
�
�OK,” he replied.
“I’ll be right back.” She made the rounds with her family, ending with Andy.
“We’ll see you at home in a little while,” she whispered in Andy’s ear as she kissed his cheek. He knew where she was going. He’d been there earlier that morning.
In the car, Carlee put the top down and they drove away. She was quiet for a minute. Matthew could see the wheels in her head turning. He decided to break the ice, “You look so beautiful, all sparkly…” he chuckled.
“Thank you. That dusty, sparkly stuff was Jenna’s idea. Some kind of ‘Pixie Dust’,” she laughed.
She was quiet a moment, then turned to Matthew and said; “I hope you don’t mind where I am taking you. It’s just someplace I really need to go.”
“I don’t mind anything Carlee, I’m with you; we can go anywhere.” His hand, on her shoulder, made its way to her neck and lightly caressed soft skin.
Pulling into the Memorial Gardens, she drove back the road, parked, and grabbed a pair of flip-flops from behind her seat. She got out of the car and Matthew followed. She walked down to Beth’s grave. It was warm, and the sun was setting. She stood looking out at the river as Matthew took in his surroundings. This was a personal moment and he knew it was special for him to be there. He gave her a minute, and then reached for her hand.
The flowers on the grave were fresh. She looked at Matthew and said, “Sometimes he brings them, sometimes they’re delivered, but they are always here.” Tears rolled down her cheeks as she spoke. “I knew he came this morning, I heard him leave early. Anytime there’s an event of some kind he comes.”
Matthew didn’t say anything. He just held her hand and let her talk. “I keep thinking that someday it won’t hurt so badly, but so far ‘someday’ hasn’t come. Sometimes I come here and sit on the ground and look out at the river. It’s kind of peaceful, this view I mean, and them, they are almost always here,” she smiled and pointed to a family of sandhill cranes off to their left.
“Sometimes I talk… I hate that I don’t have the opportunity to share what’s going on in my life with her.” She continued as she looked at him and smiled, “And sometimes when no one is around, I yell, because I’m angry that she died. Most times I just cry,” she said and looked away. “Today I just needed to share Jenna’s big day with her. And you,” she said, still not looking at him.
She turned to him. “Let’s go,” she said. But he wrapped her in his arms and held her, as she cried.
Matthew drove her car as they returned to the house. It was a quiet drive. He could tell Carlee was trying to regroup. After a while he told her, “Carlee, I read the book.”
“You did?” Surprised, she looked at him.
“I had to,” he replied and glanced her way. “Needed to… I wanted to know about you, and I guess I figured I needed to know your mama, to do that.”
Carlee started to cry again, and at that moment Matthew knew, without question, that he was in love with her.
CHAPTER TWELVE ~ ANOTHER Chapter
Back at school, both Matthew and Carlee rolled into their routines. They continued their daily talks and used the video chat on their computers to visit. Carlee’s phone had a video application, but Matthew’s didn’t, so she sent him a surprise.
“Hey there!” he said when he called her. “I got a special delivery today!”
“Well get the dang thing set up and use it, please,” she laughed. “I think I can’t get enough of you!”
Carlee kept busy with school. She and Marissa developed a great kinship. The two of them spent a lot of time together, going for coffee, or to the library to study. And, Andy couldn’t stay away from Carlee for long. He went to St. Augustine often, going occasionally to stay overnight to take her out for meals, or shopping, tours of the old city. And sometimes he would drive up and take her and Marissa to dinner and drive back home the same evening. He missed Carlee, and he liked Marissa.
Geni took Carlee up on her offer to come to St. Augustine. She drove down on a Saturday and the two of them had lunch, shopped, talked, laughed, and began to build a wonderful relationship. Carlee enjoyed Geni’s company, and Geni was happy for ‘girl time.’ She’d been with boys the last thirty years. Angela and Malia, and then Percy and Megs were a welcome change when they came along, but she was enjoying getting to know Carlee. She was a breath of fresh air. Carlee proudly showed Geni around her favorite places. It wouldn’t have mattered if Geni had been there a million times, seeing and sharing it through Carlee’s eyes made it all a new experience.
Matthew went to his photography advisor, Dan Patrick, soon after he returned to London. He was on a mission, and wanted to share his idea. “I’d like to take these pictures and make them into a book.” They looked through the pictures on Matthew’s computer.
“These are good, Matthew,” his instructor paged through them again, “really, really good. Tell me more about the experience so I can wrap my head around what you want to do.”
They went for coffee and Matthew told him about Beth, about the camp, about the kids, about Carlee. He told him about Carlee’s passion for the camp, but Dan Patrick could see all of that through the pictures. Those were the kind of pictures Matthew captured. No words were really necessary. He’s a damn good photographer, Dan thought as he looked and listened.
“My ideal scenario would be to sell enough of the books to afford to give each family of the kids in the photographs a copy.” Matthew told him.
“Here’s what I think,” Dan told him, “you need to meet with a solicitor, find out what you need to do with the families to legally use the photos of their child. Become a collector of names. Get in touch with the families and tell them your idea. The solicitor will most likely advise a waiver of sorts. You may find some who won’t want to take part. You may need to work with the Cancer Foundation, as well. The solicitor can guide you on all that. Once you have that in place, I’d start working on a layout, captions for the photos. Actually, you should start that now, while they are still somewhat fresh in your mind,” he continued. “I like this idea, Matthew. I like it a lot.”
He decided not to tell Carlee. He wanted to surprise her. He called Andy one evening, and as they talked, Matthew shared his idea with him. Andy was thrilled. He told him he loved the idea so much that he’d fund the project up front to help. His mom and dad told him the same thing. With his project underway, Matthew was in a hurry to make it happen.
Matthew was going home for Christmas, and he couldn’t wait. He was anxious to see Carlee, anxious to hold her, anxious for the feel of her, the smell of her… He would go to Carlee and Andy’s for the first few days. Then the three of them would go to Jacksonville, Carlee and Andy would stay two days, and Matthew couldn’t wait.
Carlee was anxious to see him too. Her break began three days before his, and she was already home. He flew into Orlando, and she drove over to meet him. She parked in the waiting lot anxious for his call. He called when the plane landed and told her he’d exit from the baggage claim area.
“Just pull up to the curb,” he told her. As she did, she saw him exit. Giddy, she jumped out of the car and into his arms when he emerged. They hugged and shared kisses, until finally a smiling security guard came along and told them they had to hurry on. They jumped in the car and Matthew drove away, and he and Carlee talked the whole drive to the house. When they arrived, Andy was there to meet them.
“It’s good to see you, Matt!” Andy said hugging him when they arrived.
“You too,” he replied. “I can’t believe it’s been thirteen weeks!”
Not three months, thirteen weeks, Andy thought, and smiled.
The three of them went out to eat, and later, Andy excused himself to allow them some time alone.
They curled up on the sofa to watch TV. “Carlee,” Matthew whispered in her ear, “I’ve missed you so much. I’ve missed holding you,” he said as he wrapped her in his arms. “I’ve missed that smell that is uniquely you,” he said as he ran his
fingers through her hair and nuzzled her neck, leaving a trail of kisses from her ear to her shoulder. “I can’t describe it. It smells like peppermint and heaven mixed together.” He leaned back to look at her, and smiled.
“Rosemary,” she said with a sigh.
“Who,” he laughed as he asked.
“What, not ‘who’,” she said, pulling him back for another kiss. “Peppermint and rosemary, my shampoo…”
He pulled her closer and covered her mouth with his as his hands lightly caressed wherever they touched.
Later, Andy peeked in and found them, entwined in each other’s arms, sound asleep. He turned the TV off, and got a blanket to toss over them.
There was a Christmas and birthday celebration with Carlee’s family at Nanny and Pops’ the next evening. Carlee turned nineteen a few weeks earlier, but requested that they wait until Matthew was there to celebrate. Her family gathered, and she was excited to share Matthew with them. There were presents and a big cake, covered with pink roses.
“They always do pink, but yellow’s my favorite color; it reminds me of sunshine!” she whispered in Matthew’s ear, “But it doesn’t matter, as long as I get a corner piece with a big ol’rose, I’m happy! I love the frosting better than the cake anyway!” she laughed lightly as she said it. Her breath in his ear was a feel that Matthew loved.
He gave her a small package to open. She tore into it to find a silver chain. The pendent was a turquoise stone with a hand painted narcissus, her birthstone, and the December flower.
“I love this! It’s so different!” she said.
“I found it in London at place called Unique Stuff. Unique,” he corrected and laughed. “Like you!”
“I love it!” she said again, loving that he thought about the gift. It meant something. “Hook it for me please.”
When I Look to the Sky Page 16