“I really wanted to come see you. I was so glad you asked,” Carlee told Jenna.
“You can come any time, you know that!”
“I know, but I needed some ‘just us’ time,” Carlee said.
“Oh, I see.” Jenna sat back a minute, thinking. “I have a bottle of some yummy Muscato in the fridge; want a glass before we get yapping?”
“Sure! I’m not going anywhere,” Carlee laughed. She knew she could talk to Jenna about anything. They’d shared many private conversations over the years.
Jenna poured the wine and they sipped while Carlee fixed a plate of snacks for them. They went to the living room and sat in the floor talking. A second glass of wine, and Jenna eased her into the conversation she knew Carlee was looking for.
“So, have you and Matthew talked about when you might get hitched?” she asked first.
“No, he graduates in December. With my major, I still have two more semesters. I don’t know if I can wait that long!” Carlee laughed. “We’ll talk more after he’s home. I’m going to London for Thanksgiving.”
“I heard, Andy told me,” she said. “Have you slept with Matthew?”
“Well yeah!” Carlee replied, sarcastically. “But we just slept!” she said, and then busted out laughing.
“And now you want to sleep with him, but not sleep, right?” Jenna said as she poured Carlee more of the wine, and thought she might be ready to have that conversation.
“I do…”
“So?” Jenna said, and settled back for the chat. “What’s holding you back?”
“First time nerves,” Carlee took another sip of wine. “I went to the doctor as soon as I knew I was going for Thanksgiving. I’ve been on birth control for just over a week. It’ll be three more weeks ‘til I leave,” she hesitated, “but I’m nervous.”
“Good, then that’s not a worry, about birth control, I mean. You’re nervous because you want everything just right. I know Carlee, I remember.” Jenna smiled as she said it.
“I am worried,” she hesitated. “You know… There’s been plenty of exploring, all of that, but I’ve never gone that far with anyone.” But she knew she wanted to with Matthew. “And Matthew’s older, probably ‘been there, done that.’ I’m just nervous.”
Jenna knew about Zane. Carlee talked to her about it when they were seeing each other and told her that he was a “little too frisky,” for her. Not a great first experience, Jenna thought about having to deal with that ego. She’d been around Matthew enough to know he was different. And she knew that Carlee loved him and wanted it to be special.
“Carlee, it’ll happen the way it’s supposed to.” Jenna tried to make it sound like it wasn’t a big deal, but she knew it was. “Just roll with it, I know Matthew will make it special.”
They talked way into the night, finished a second bottle of wine and crawled in the bed together, like they did when they were young girls.
When they got up the next morning, they had coffee and did some more catching up. “Hey!” Jenna said after a while, “Let’s go shopping!” They cleaned up, and were out the door for some retail therapy.
They went to Victoria’s Closet. Carlee picked some things out and Jenna made some suggestions. She left with a full bag, threw it in the trunk, dropped Jenna back at the house, and headed for home.
“Let’s get a bite to eat, I’m starving!” Carlee told Andy when she got there.
“You’re always starving! Where do you put it?” he laughed.
They went to Giovanna’s, her favorite pizza place. She loved it there. It was a place where red and white checkered fabric tablecloths covered the tables. There was a red brick fireplace on one side of the dining room, and soft Italian music was always playing. They shared an antipasto salad and a pepperoni pie. He listened to her rattle on about everything under the sun, loving her chatter.
“I’ll miss you terrible,” Carlee said as they talked about Thanksgiving.
“But you miss Matthew more,” he said. It was a statement, not a question and he watched her as she responded.
“Papa, I never dreamt I could miss anyone that much, I can’t wait ‘til he comes home for good.”
“I know. It’ll be here before you know it.” He smiled, Carlee was in love and it showed.
Carlee stayed with him that night and the next morning they went to The Bistro for breakfast. Afterward, she headed back to St. Augustine.
~ ~ ~
She finished her classes the Friday before Thanksgiving, and had everything ready to go to the airport for a flight at six Saturday morning. Marissa was driving home to Atlanta and taking Carlee to the airport was a way for her to get started early. Carlee was on her way and she couldn’t wait.
Matthew had just completed his shift at Six, and was anxiously pacing, waiting for her. It was ten on Friday evening when he finally saw her round the corner.
“I’ve never been so happy to see anyone in my life,” he said, wrapping her in his arms. The feel of her, the smell of her, left him breathless.
“Me too,” she said as he smothered her with kisses.
By the time they reached his flat it was almost midnight. He had sandwich meats and fresh bread ready when they got in. He knew Carlee would be hungry. He requested that Cook make brown sugar scones for breakfast the next morning and he gave him a pan to take home to bake.
Carlee sent a text to everyone letting them know she arrived safely and settled in as Matthew showered before heading to bed. When he finished, she slipped into the bathroom, and came out wearing that big Traveler t-shirt, and Matthew smiled.
They crawled in bed, into each other’s arms, and quickly fell asleep. The time difference and travel left her tired. Matthew worked all day, and he had an early shift the next morning.
They rose early Sunday morning, and Matthew made coffee while Carlee baked the scones. “Want to go with me?” he asked.
“I’ll just hang out here and you’ll be home before I know it,” she smiled. Home, she thought and smiled again. “I have some reading to do, anyway.”
He left at nine, and told her he’d return around 5:30. Carlee spent a lazy day studying. When he returned they walked to the pub he’d taken her to on their first tour of London, for fish and chips.
Monday morning, Matthew had class and was working a mid-day shift. He’d be off the remainder of the time she was with him. While he was gone, she tidied up and made a list to go to the market. When she headed out it was cold; she knew her coat wasn’t warm enough, so she grabbed one of Matthew’s from the closet.
She walked the few blocks to the market, grabbed what she needed and started back to the flat. Her phone vibrated indicating a text. She juggled the bags and pulled it from her pocket. She looked at the message and smiled as she read the words, ‘I love you.’
She’d spent days searching for easy recipes; she was just learning to cook and she wanted to fix a special dinner. The grocery store at home had a recipe that she figured she could handle. There were step by step instructions for roasted pork loin chops, potatoes, and brussel sprouts.
One pan! I can deal with this one, yummy, but not too risky, she thought as she got everything ready to put in the oven. She made a salad, and then ran back out to the a little shop up the street where she picked up a bottle of wine. She knew what she wanted. Andy had taught her well.
She showered and got ready, dressing in a purple sweater and black jeans. Purple awakens the romantic spirit, she read on-line. Dinner ready, she waited for him to come home.
Matthew entered the flat to soft music and wonderful smells, the food, as well as Carlee, he realized. He wrapped her in his arms to drink in the smell of her. She looked gorgeous to him. Something was different; he couldn’t pin it down, but there was something. He kissed her and went to shower. When he returned, she’d lit candles on the table and poured them each a glass of wine. They sat together on the sofa relaxing for a while.
“Wow, dinner smells great, Carlee. But you…” he pulled
her onto his lap, into his arms. “Dang, you smell like heaven rolled into the body of a beautiful woman.”
“Woman…?” she asked as she kissed him. She was days away from her 20th birthday.
“Yes Carlee, woman…” he said. He set their glasses aside, and dragged his fingers through her hair. Tangling them in the curls, he pulled her to him and they kissed again.
She pushed back. “Let’s eat,” she suggested, quickly.
She saw Matthew’s attempt to regain his composure as he joined her at the table, and she smiled. She served the meal and topped their glasses off with more of the wine.
Matthew took her hand and kissed the palm; “Thank you for this, it’s wonderful. Who knew you could look like that and cook like this?”
After the meal, they cleaned up, and made their way to the sofa where they again found themselves in each other’s arms. The snuggling turned into kissing; kissing turned into more, and Carlee pushed back, this time to catch her breath. She looked at Matthew and rose; not saying a word, she left him on the sofa. She went to the other room and was gone a while. Finally, Matthew went into the bedroom. Curious, he found that she’d gone in the bathroom.
“Everything OK?” he asked.
“Mmm hmm… I’ll be right out.”
He sat down on the edge of the bed to wait for her. She took a big, deep breath and opened the door.
It wasn’t the big t-shirt.
“Carlee…” It was pink, and lacy, and Matthew knew he stopped breathing.
She moved closer. Straddling him on the bed with her knees on both sides of his legs, she scooted forward on his lap and put her arms around his neck. The chemise rode up over her thighs.
“Carlee…” he said again in a breathy voice as he pulled her closer.
“Matthew…” she replied, kissing him senseless.
He lay back, pulling her to him. Wrapping her in his arms, he kissed passionately.
Finally, she pushed up. Looking down at him, her curls falling on his shoulders, she smiled.
“I don’t know if I can stop,” he told her, his voice a raspy whisper.
“You don’t have to,” she replied.
“Carlee,” he said once more as he sat up with her still on his lap. “Are you sure?” he asked, knowing there would be no turning back.
“Never so sure of anything in my life,” she told him. She was ready. Still on his lap, she pulled the lacy, pink slip over her head revealing nothing but matching lacy panties, and small, firm breasts. He kissed her breasts as she held on to him, arms wrapped around his neck. He set her beside him, rose from the bed to remove his clothes and saw her watch nervously. Naked, he returned and pulled her to him. Wrapping her again in his arms, he fell backward on the bed. He knew it was her first time, and she knew it wasn’t his; they’d talked about it, so he wanted to take his time – make it special.
“Carlee,” he whispered in her ear, kissing her neck. “I don’t want to hurt you. If it does, you need to tell me to stop. I want this to be right.”
She rolled off and moved to the middle of the bed. His hands explored her body like a blind man feeling a woman for the first time. He was slow, pleasuring both of them. He kissed places he’d only touched before. He could hear her breath come in short huffs, nervous pants, and he felt her squirm against his touch. Her quivering hands exploring his own body were making them both crazy. He slipped her panties off and brought her back to his lap.
“Stay here, just like this,” he said holding her there. Feeling him against her, she was nervous and scared, but she was more anxious.
“I love you, Carlee. Relax,” he whispered pushing hair back from her face to kiss her, His fingers taking her to a place bordering on insanity.
“Help me with this,” he said finally, handing her a condom. “It’ll help you feel more comfortable.” With trembling fingers, she removed the condom from the foil packet. He held her hand and showed her how to help him put it on. With the condom in place, he scooted to the middle of the bed and lay back. He wrapped her in is arms, rolling her on top of him. Slowly he raised her hips above his and eased her down on him. He felt her quiver, and slowed himself. She was wet, and he could tell she was ready. He lowered her just a little more. Once he was all the way in he just held her to him.
“OK?” he asked in a soft voice.
“Yes,” she said, breathlessly.
Slowly, he eased up and slower still, he moved back inside her.
“Oh, my god,” she said, her voice a whisper.
“OK?” he asked again.
“Yes,” she said nervously. “Yes, oh, my god Matthew…”
What they shared was slow; he didn’t want to rush for lots of reasons. He wanted her to enjoy it as much as he didn’t want to hurt her. He felt her tense, and then relax, and then tense again. He slowed up again.
“You OK?”
“Yes, it hurts a little, but the good feeling makes me forget the hurt,” she said pulling him closer.
He eased out and reached his hand to touch her. “No,” she said and moved beneath him, raising herself to meet him as he entered her again. “Oh, my god, Matthew,” she said in a raspy voice as she felt quivers, followed by shakes go through her body, and she tried to stifle the yell she wanted to scream.
After, both satiated, Matthew rolled off, scooted his body close beside her and held her. Soon, wrapped in each other’s arms, sleep followed.
Tuesday morning, when she finally stirred, she was naked in Matthew’s arms. He pulled her closer, nuzzling her neck as he did. “I love you,” he whispered in her ear. “I’ve been lying here watching you, thinking about last night, loving that you are right here by my side.” He eased up and pushed that mess of curls away from her face to kiss her. As he did he saw the tears rolling down her cheeks, “Carlee, why are you crying?” Alarmed, he asked, “What’s wrong?”
She reached, pulling him back, “I love you so much; I don’t ever want to leave you…”
“I don’t want you to either,” he said, holding her tightly in his arms. “We’ve got a few days yet, don’t cry.”
They stayed in bed a while, Matthew holding her close. He just wanted to feel her there beside him.
Later, they went for a driving tour - places Carlee hadn’t seen when she was there with Andy. Matthew took her on a date to Six for dinner. They were happy sharing their time together, learning each other, learning to make love.
They were up and out early Wednesday morning, making their way to a Farmer’s Market up the street. They stopped at the grocery market to shop for what they needed that evening, and the things they wanted to prepare their Thanksgiving dinner. A quick stop at the wine shop and they returned to the flat. Carlee loved being able to walk where they wanted to go – but she loved that they were together, more…
That evening, they curled up on the sofa and were watching a movie when Matthew’s phone rang. It was Dan Patrick, his photography instructor at the university. “Hey there, Dan,” Matthew said.
“Got a minute? I know Carlee is there, and I don’t want to interrupt, but I wanted to talk to you. It’s kind of important; is this an OK time?” he asked.
“Sure,” Matthew replied as Carlee stopped the movie they were watching.
“I wanted to tell you that I decided to retire. I’ll be closing my books at the end of the next term.”
“Wow! That’s great,” Matthew said, “a big surprise,” he added.
“It’s time, been pondering it for a while. I’m calling to tell you that I suggested you as a possible replacement,” he said. “I wanted to tell you so you could think about it. It’s hard to think about it as a job. ‘If you love what you do, you’ll never work a day in your life’, isn’t that what they say? You’re a natural, Matthew. I hope you’ll at least think it over.”
“Thank you for your confidence in me,” Matthew told him, but it was with mixed emotions. “I’ll be by to see you on Monday.”
Matthew turned to Carlee. She’d heard the c
onversation and was very quiet. “I’m excited for you,” she said, finally. “Very proud of you,” she said and her tears flowed.
“Carlee, it doesn’t change anything,” Matthew told her, folding her into his arms.
“It changes everything,” she said through the tears.
“We can get through this,” he said. “We’ll figure it out.”
She was proud and happy for Matthew, but sad to think he might not come home. She suggested they return to the movie they were watching. She needed a distraction. They watched but neither really paid attention, their minds racing over their future.
They cooked the Thanksgiving meal they planned, together. And as they prepared to eat, Carlee stopped to remind herself of all she was thankful for. She knew this was a great opportunity for Matthew, but she wondered about his We can get through this, we’ll figure it out, affirmation. How? she wondered over and over.
They enjoyed their time together, but their future was first and foremost in both their minds. She tried not to dwell on it, tried to make it good for them both, but struggled to keep the tears at bay. She was flying home Sunday morning. Matthew’s graduation was December 16th and she’d be flying back on the 12th. She knew she could make it that long.
At the airport, Matthew walked with her as far as they would allow. “Graduation is in three weeks, you’ll be back in two. We’ll talk every night. Carlee, please don’t cry.” He held her close, but she did. When she walked away, she wouldn’t look back, she didn’t want him to see her crying. He hated her leaving that way.
~ ~ ~
Matthew called to talk to Andy after he left the airport to tell him about the job and Carlee. Andy knew, so he was ready when he met her at the airport to give her love and support.
When I Look to the Sky Page 21