“My sentiments exactly,” Lena said. “Jesop? First and final warning.”
“Sorry,” he mumbled and hunched over his scope.
“As I was saying, it’s still on the grounds and mainly happens only when I’m asleep.”
Lena made a sound of discernment, similar to a hum, but she didn’t elaborate. Made me think she knew something she wasn’t ready to reveal.
“Well,” Lena said, “your readings are good. Stable. I think everything you’ve explained can still be gauged well within the normal limits and expectations of your current situation. We can start the second part of your therapy session.”
I pulled myself up into a seated position, legs dangling over the side of the chair while Lena felt around the nearby table for her notebook. She uncapped the pen that had been sitting in its folds and held it out in Jesop’s direction.
“Jesop, honey, can you please take some notes?”
“I can do it if you like,” I offered, thinking it must be hard to do that without the function of her eyes.
“That’s not necessary. Jesop understands my shorthand and knows what details I need recorded. You just relax and worry about yourself.”
Jesop was on a wheelie stool and instead of walking over, he pushed off the bench with his foot. The sound of plastic wheels skittering across stone filled the room. Then he hit the bench next to Lena and hopped off. He offered the seat to Lena. She graciously took it. I watched for a minute as they relocated to a stainless steel table next to me and quietly discussed her readings of my aura while he quickly scribbled. Lena said something and Jesop’s tall lanky frame leaned down to confer with her as he flicked through some recent pages of the notebook. Softly spoken words and little nods of approval gave me a sudden sense of déjà vu. From the way they moved—excited, thoughtful and pensive at the same time—I felt drawn to them. Every day for the last few weeks I’d watched them during moments like those with a sense of affinity.
“Did we work together?” I asked, swinging my feet so they moved idly beneath my recliner.
Lena’s head tilted my way and she paused. She said nothing, only frowned.
“I meant,” I added, “did we work together when I was originally here as the queen—in the beginning. You seem like the kind of person I would have worked with to get this”—I waved around the room—“science experiment off the ground.”
“Did you have a memory?” she asked, interested.
“No… just a feeling.”
“If you’re alluding to creating life on this planet, then yes. We did. Sometimes very closely.”
“Were we friends?”
Lena’s mouth twisted and, without full access to my aura sensing abilities, I couldn’t decipher her meaning. The collar still blocked a large portion of my skills.
Her naked expression of sadness hit me in the chest. She’d suffered so much. She lost her eyes because an original darkling (created by my apparent son and/or brother in law) scratched them out. And that wasn’t the worst thing the queen and her family had done to her. What I had done to her. I’d let them suffer, and then condemned all Seraphim to be Watchers, despite their loyalty to me or not. I must have been unable to discern if they were traitors so banished them all and Lena had been stuck right in the middle of that decree.
“So you must hate me, right? For being the queen who kept you confined to this planet?”
She sighed. “I think it’s long past time to feel anything as primitive as hate. It’s a strong word. Perhaps once or twice I did, as did many Watchers, I’m sure. It’s complicated now. However, many of us are questioning our beliefs after Urser unleashed darkness once again. We thought the danger was long gone and the quarantine should be lifted, but it’s back. It will always be back as long as he is alive. If we feel hate for anyone, it’s Urser.”
I grimaced.
“You’re not convinced,” she added.
“No. I feel as though—”
“It’s a burden you have to bear.”
“Yeah. Sort of.”
Lena wheeled her stool closer to me and placed a palm on my leg. “I believe this guilt you feel is part of your problem.”
“You do?”
“Yes. I sense it oozing out of your every pore. You need to accept what has happened. Stop looking to the past, because then you’re not focusing on what’s in front of you. You miss so much. Shouldering the blame for all of the world’s problems will only send you insane. In fact, it almost did.”
“The Amazon,” I said, nodding, looking at my entwined fingers.
“No, the Empire.”
I glanced up. “What do you mean?”
“You really don’t remember do you?” I sensed a change in her then, a tumbling of walls. Her shoulders relaxed as air left her lungs. “You spent so much time locked away in reclusion, dwelling on your guilt and pain, that you forsook the people who needed saving here on Earth. Do you really want history to repeat?”
A burning hit the back of my eyelids. I had people who cared for me now. Cash, Kitty, Alvin… “I will be better.”
“I know you want to be, but you won’t be until you accept the past and know that you can’t control everything in the future.”
I inspected my fingernails. They’d been picked short from my daily chewing, and without being able to use my abilities, I had to refrain from making them nice again. No purple colored nail polished tips. Just worn, jagged edges.
“How do I accept something I don’t remember or fully understand?”
“That’s something you’ll have to work out. For the most part, this is where the relaxation techniques and coping mechanisms you’ve learned will help. Soon, it will become second nature. The meditation is going well, yes?”
“Yes, it’s fine.”
“Good.”
“I’ve been thinking.”
“Don’t strain yourself,” Jesop mumbled.
“Jeez, you’re on fire today, aren’t you?” I snapped at him.
He arched a brow at me. Lena chose to ignore the snark. I had a feeling Jesop tested me like this to help me focus on something else apart from what I knew was going to happen next: the hour long session of pain. Just thinking about it pulled all the muscles in my neck tight.
“You were thinking?” Jesop reminded me.
“A friend of mine said that getting drunk would help me relax and lower my inhibitions, maybe making it easier for me to open up my senses.”
Lena tapped her finger on her mouth. “It could work. It’s a crude technique, but if your anxiety levels are lowered then you’ll react less to the energy you sense, or care less about feeling guilty. Then again, it could cause your body to completely give way under lack of restraint and you could end up catatonic again. No, I don’t think so. There’s no way of testing it. Too risky.”
I slumped. “And I suppose I’d have to drink an entire bottle of whiskey to get drunk enough for an hour of buzz.”
“More,” she said. “That’s the rate of human alcohol needed for Nephilim inebriation. Which you aren’t any more.”
“Really? That sucks. You Watchers can’t get drunk? No wonder Marc drinks so much.”
“Marc is a delinquent. That’s why he drinks so much.”
“Surely there’s something made for Seraphim that works like wine for humans.”
“Oh yes, I didn’t say there was nothing for us. Just nothing we can get here on Earth. Ambrosia existed only in the earliest days here until it got used up. Without the proper ingredients to make more, we eventually ran out.” She shrugged. “Losing our senses and inhibitions isn’t exactly ideal when we could risk exposing our identities to the human race, anyway.”
“Like I said. That really sucks. If it were up to me, I’d send you all home right now.”
Both Lena and Jesop stilled.
“It was a joke,” I added. “I don’t really know how to do that.”
“But you see, it is up to you, Roo,” Jesop said. Lena clicked her tongue in disapprova
l. “Look, I know I can leave any time with Marc, but I can’t leave Lena here unprotected.”
“Yeah, I get it. We have to stop Urser, right? And the gate can’t be opened, not without my blood or something as a biometric key, right?”
“Yes, of course,” Lena said.
“And my current blood-type is too dissimilar to my original to work, right?”
Jesop was the one who answered, as he prepared the alchemic concoctions that had transfused into me over the last few weeks. “I’ve done all I can to replicate what was left over from the original and from your blood now. The thing is, your current DNA sequence is in a state of flux. You keep changing. And the replication I’ve made is always going to be a cheap knock-off. I guess we’ll find out if its worthy of opening the gate when we actually get a chance to be in front of it. Hasn’t Urser commandeered it?”
“We think so,” I replied. “ It’s near the lab we destroyed. But, you know I’m all willing, right? I’d do that in a heartbeat to get you away from Urser. We’ll get the gate back, and we’ll get it to work. Don’t worry.”
“Roo,” Lena said. “Like I said, stop blaming yourself. Focus on healing, then we’ll worry about the rest later. Attempting to open the gate now would only pose another risk. We have a duty to eradicate the virus Urser’s created before it wipes the world, and infects the Empire. ”
“Do you think there’s another way to send you home without risking that?”
“That’s why I’m working on the vaccine,” Jesop said. Then he turned to Lena. “Do you need me anymore?”
“No, you can return to your work. Thank you.”
A note of sadness had crept into both of their voices. Jesop was a Player and free to leave for the Empire any time he wanted. In fact, we’d all encouraged it. The danger that the dark serum would fuse his soul to his body was too great, and if that happened, he’d never return home. He insisted on staying to help anyway.
So I could put up with his snark because there was a heart of gold behind it.
“The sooner I can desensitize myself, the sooner I can kick Urser’s butt and you can all go home. Let’s do this.”
We removed my collar. At first, it took me a while to get used to the pain. I spent the next hour routinely running through my relaxation techniques to get on top of my senses. Once that onerous task was done, I had to learn to reopen myself to the energy in the room, a sliver at a time until I could push my awareness out a foot, then a yard, then more—inch by inch. When I could cope with Lena’s and Jesop’s aura energy, I pushed further out of the confines of the thick stony walls of the room and beyond into the gardens and the buzz of life from nature. By the time we were done, my body was covered in a thick layer of sweat. I beat my personal best, though. I extended my awareness across two rooms on the interior, and on the exterior, to the edge of the forest that surrounded the castle. One attempt, I’d sensed about seven people at a time and had zero episodes of crippling pain. It wasn’t until I sensed the immense block of nature that I really packed it in and collapsed, writhing in agony. At the start of my therapy, I couldn’t stand to be in the same room as anyone other than Cash without wanting to vomit from pain.
“Good session,” Lena said, patting my leg. “You’re improving. We’ll adjust the settings on your collar to allow a little more energy in. At this rate, you’ll be fully recovered in a few months.”
“A few months! I don’t have a few months.” Kitty’s wedding was a few weeks away. I covered my face, thinking of her unborn child. I had to get on top of this so I could help her. I couldn’t ruin her second go at marital bliss by delivering the news her child could be hexed.
“We can’t rush it without risk,” Lena said.
“But I’m needed,” I said. “There are so many things I can do to help.”
“Patience. Now, if you will excuse me, our session is over. I have a house call to make.” With the grace of someone who had sight, Lena packed up a medical bag and left the room, her long skirt trailing behind her. She really was amazing.
But months… My limbs liquefied and I flopped backwards onto the chair, groaning, feeling very much like a drama queen. I reclined and rested the back of my hand on my forehead. “This isn’t going to work. I need to be better, now.”
“You heard her, Roo. It takes time. Stop complaining.”
“No, you don’t understand. There are lives at risk. A baby!” I chewed my lip. “Don’t tell Lena, but I’m going to try the drunk thing.”
“You’re pregnant?” Jesop gasped.
“No! Definitely not.” Cash and I would have to have sex first for that to happen. Still, a small niggling feeling in my gut made me disappointed that I wasn’t saying to Jesop, Yes I’m pregnant. I quickly shook the thought away. Cash and I were way off discussing that topic and it certainly wasn’t the time or place to play happy family. “It’s a friend of mine who might be hexed. Eve may have done something to her before she died, and I believe I have the skills to detect the truth, maybe even fix it.”
“Lena might, too.”
“But I’ve used witchcraft before and, unless I’m mistaken, Lena hasn’t.”
“No. She hasn’t, but you still need to say something.”
“Not with this. It doesn’t look good if I selfishly commandeer her to Australia when she’s needed here. I’m confident I can work it out once I harness my full powers. So I’ll try the alcohol.”
“Really? You’ll drink a few bottles of rum in one sitting?”
I glanced over at him. “Sure, why not. Well, maybe not rum. There’s got to be something out there that’s high in alcohol content and will work faster. So, yeah. I can take it. Can’t be worse than what I’ve already been through, right?”
“Well, I never pegged you for a party girl, Roo.” Jesop grinned.
“I live to please.” I sighed and slung my legs over the chair and pushed myself off. “Thanks for your help, Jesop.”
“Wait. Before you go.” He held up a finger to me and ducked under his desk. I heard the sound of a tiny fridge door open, bottles tinkling, and then a soft slam as it closed again. When he resurfaced, he held a small corked test tube filled with pearlescent golden liquid. “Take this.”
“What is it?”
“Ambrosia.”
I gasped and rushed over to collect it. “But I thought it was all gone?”
“It is. I made more.”
“Are you allowed to do that?”
“Why do you think I waited until Lena was out before I showed you?”
“But… how did you do it?”
“I’m an alchemist, Roo,” he stated, as if that meant everything.
“You found a stash somewhere and replicated it, didn’t you.”
“Yeah. A few years ago one of the Watchers—”
“It was Marc, wasn’t it?”
“—gave me an empty bottle. Yes. Yes it was Marc. The sample was enough to scrape for traces of Ambrosia and replicate. I’ve been making bootleg portions since.” He gave me a stern look. “You have to promise to use it wisely. Don’t overdo it. Just a drop on your tongue will give you the same intensity as a standard drink for humans. It takes about the same time to wear off too.”
“Okay. A couple of drops, no problem. Got it.”
“Make sure someone else is with you too. I don’t want this ending in disaster and tracing back to me. Don’t double dose because you’re impatient. And don’t go getting addicted to it. I won’t be your drug dealer.”
“Okay. No problem.”
“And don’t give it to humans. It can kill them.”
I saluted. “Anything else?”
He grumbled. “No, that should do it. Why do I have a feeling I’m going to regret this?”
I surprised him with another hug.
“Please stop doing that.”
“I can’t. You’re so nice.”
He scowled at me but leaned into the hug.
“Thanks, Jesop,” I said.
CHAPTER T
WENTY-THREE
JED PICKED ME up from therapy. I needed a chaperone in case I had an episode, and with the new adjusted and lowered settings on my collar, that may well be the case. Although, Cash must have been confident of my condition because this was the third time this week he’d sent Jed in his stead. Still, I wasn’t complaining. I gave Jed a quick hug when I saw him, noticing hard biceps under my hands. The ex-police officer was always fit, but it seemed he’d been bulking up.
“I haven’t seen you for a few days,” I said. “Where have you been?”
“Oh, you know, the usual,” he replied vaguely and walked out of the lab.
I stuck my head outside of the room, testing the new settings. After a moment to acclimatize myself to the biting cold and tingle of energy coming through the sensors, I stepped fully out. A recent snowfall had transformed the gardens into white lumps of odd shapes. Snow-laced evergreen vines covered the facade of the medieval castle and sparkled like diamonds in the sun, and the ground was covered in a white shimmering carpet that stretched to the forest in the distance. The sight took my breath away every time. We walked around the castle to the main entrance. I was so enthralled by the beauty of the white gardens that I almost missed a pair of Watchers walking down the steps as walked up. Cato and Thurstan sidestepped me.
“Watch it,” Thurstan said, a cloud puffing from his mouth.
“Thurstan,” his father warned.
“It’s okay. Sorry, my fault.” I blew air on my hands to keep them warm.
“Apologize, Thurstan.” Cato placed a firm hand on his son’s shoulder.
Thurstan glared at his father but turned to me, conceding. “I apologize, Your Majesty. I will take more care in future.”
With that, they went down the steps and toward a shiny black car where they got in and drove off. Jed and I watched them whisk away down the curving driveway and out the electric cast iron gates.
Jed made an unsettled sound deep in his throat, as though he were sizing up what had just happened and didn’t like it.
“You don’t like them?” I asked.
“I don’t know what it is. Just a feeling, I suppose. Nothing to worry about. Come on, let’s go.”
Game Over (Game of Gods Book 4) Page 16