“You don’t eat at all,” Mandy blurted.
“I’d eat if I were hungry,” Carrie said, turning to Raylene for support. “Isn’t that the way it’s supposed to be? Food is fuel for your body. You don’t need more until you’re running on empty.”
Raylene shook her head. “That’s only true up to a point. Sometimes, for whatever reason, people can’t sense when their body needs more fuel. That’s when there’s trouble.”
“I’m never hungry,” Carrie said. “So what’s the point of eating a bunch of extra calories?”
“Because your body needs some calories every day in order to function properly,” Raylene said. “Without the proper nutrients, your kidneys and other organs can get all out of whack before you even realize what’s happening.”
“Is that what happened to Annie?” Mandy asked.
Raylene nodded, her gaze on Carrie. She looked intrigued despite her declaration that she was just fine.
“How old was she?” Mandy asked.
“Just sixteen. She collapsed at a sleepover.”
“Maybe she was just faint from hunger,” Carrie suggested hopefully.
“No. Her heart failed. She nearly died,” Raylene said, determined not to sugarcoat what had happened.
“Then she must not have been very strong to begin with,” Carrie said, looking for some explanation that would separate her from Annie and the path that had nearly led to her death.
“Because over time she’d put her body through hell by not getting the proper nutrients,” Raylene said, refusing to back down from the bleak picture.
“Well, she obviously lived and got better,” Carrie said. “She just had a baby. She must be fine.”
“She got better because she got help,” Raylene said. “But only after it was almost too late. You’re a smart girl, Carrie. You don’t want to wait that long.”
“But I’m not anorexic,” Carrie insisted, her tone belligerent. She glared at Raylene and at Mandy. “I’m not! And if it’s going to be like this every time I come over here, you can forget your stupid job.”
This time when she stood up, she didn’t give either of them a chance to persuade her to stay. She ran from the house.
Mandy heaved a sigh. “I’d better go after her.”
“Maybe she needs a little time alone to think about all this,” Raylene suggested, but Mandy shook her head.
“We made a pact when Mom and Dad died. We stick together, even if one of us says we want to be alone.”
Raylene smiled at the show of unity. “Then, go. If you need anything, give me a call.” She would call Carrie herself later and try to make peace. She hated that the teenager had thrown the job back in her face. She’d been counting on that time to win Carrie’s confidence.
Mandy regarded her worriedly. “You’re not mad that we wanted to know what’s going on with you and Carter, are you?”
“I could never be mad that you care so much about your brother.”
“He’s a really cool guy,” she told Raylene earnestly.
“I know that,” Raylene said.
Mandy hesitated, then asked, “Do you think you’ll marry him? You’d be like our big sister, then.”
“It’s way too soon to even consider something like that,” Raylene told her, but the wistful expression on Mandy’s face got to her. “How about you just consider me a friend. And we’ll stay friends no matter what happens between Carter and me.”
Mandy’s expression brightened. “Really?”
“It’s a promise.”
“Cool,” the teen said, and threw her arms around Raylene for a fierce hug. “Bye.”
“Bye, sweetie.”
Raylene watched from the window as Mandy ran down the street after her sister. With each passing day, it seemed she was getting to be more emotionally entangled with the entire Rollins family, whether she was ready for it or not.
15
Raylene was just putting the pitcher of tea back into the refrigerator, when Walter walked into the kitchen.
“Do you have any idea what you’re doing with those girls?” he asked, his expression filled with concern.
“Being a friend to them,” she responded, unable to keep a defensive note out of her voice. “What’s wrong with that? And, by the way, why were you eavesdropping? My relationship with Carter’s sisters is none of your business.”
“I wasn’t eavesdropping, at least not on purpose. The kids are watching a video. I came to get cookies for them.”
“Cookies will spoil their supper,” Raylene said, mostly just to be contrary because she was annoyed by Walter’s observation. It was two hours till dinner and one cookie each would hardly matter.
Walter merely lifted a brow, picked up two cookies and left the room. Unfortunately, he wasn’t gone long.
“Shouldn’t you stay in there with the kids?” she asked testily. She wasn’t sure she could face another inquisition this afternoon, especially from someone who knew her well enough to see right through her. If even a man as insensitive as Walter recognized that getting entangled in Carrie’s problems posed a risk, maybe she should be thinking twice about it. She just wanted so badly to find a way to prove to Carter—and even to herself—that she could play an important role in his family. Lately that hope was what kept her going.
Unfortunately Walter wasn’t fazed by her attempt to discourage his meddling. “Laurie’s with Tommy and Libby,” he reminded her with exaggerated patience. “They won’t get into any mischief. I’m more concerned about you.”
“Why?”
“Because you’re getting too involved with those girls and their problems. What’s going to happen when things don’t work out with their brother?”
“Why wouldn’t things work out?” she demanded irritably, though it was a question she’d asked herself more than once.
“Because you won’t let them,” Walter said, taking her by surprise with his insight. “I saw you with him at the barbecue. It’s obvious you’re crazy about him, but you were pushing him away, as if you had no right to grab on to any happiness that comes your way.”
“The same way you were pushing Rory Sue away?” she inquired, hoping to redirect the conversation. “For the same reason, I might add.”
“That’s entirely different,” he said, disagreeing with her. “For once in my life I’m trying not to rush into something for all the wrong reasons.”
“Maybe that’s what I’m doing, too,” she suggested. “After all, I could be afraid that I’m only attracted to Carter because he’s the first man to come along since my marriage who’s shown an interest in me.”
“Oh, I do believe you’re scared,” he said. “And who could blame you? It’s not as if your marriage to Paul was any kind of picnic. It’s natural for you to be skittish. But I think your fear runs a lot deeper than just thinking that the attraction is superficial. I don’t think you’re anywhere close to being ready for a real relationship, and you know it. But that’s what Carter wants, isn’t it? The real deal?”
She couldn’t deny that. “Look, I’m working through my issues, okay?” she told him. “I’m getting more comfortable with Carter every time I see him.” At least she hoped that was true. She wanted it to be, because the attraction ran deep. So did her respect for him. She didn’t want her problems standing in the way of a real relationship.
Walter obviously wasn’t satisfied with her response. “How comfortable?” he pressed. “Enough to have an honest-to-goodness, long-lasting relationship with him, because if that’s not where this is heading, then you shouldn’t get too involved with those girls.”
“I don’t know,” she admitted. “Why are you pushing this? What does it matter to you if I mess this up?”
“I’m worried about you getting hurt. I’m even worried about a couple of teens who’ve obviously lost too many people they cared about. Carter may know your history. He may have the patience of a saint, but if you send mixed signals long enough, he may get tired of it and walk away. T
hen where will you be? Especially if you’ve gone and fallen in love with him.”
“I’m a big girl. I can handle a broken heart.”
Walter looked skeptical. “Okay, let’s say I believe that. Can you handle breaking his heart? Or hurting his sisters? What if they’ve learned to count on you?”
“Are you saying I need to back off?” she asked, her heart sinking at the thought. That reaction, as much as anything, told her she needed to fight for the future she was just starting to envision.
“That pretty much goes against the popular wisdom around here,” she told Walter. “Everyone else thinks it’s time for me to start living again.”
“I’m all for you starting to live. Getting out of this house would be a fantastic start. Rushing into a relationship might be asking too much of yourself. I just want you to be sure you can handle all the consequences.”
Raylene knew deep inside that he had some valid points, but as she studied him intently, she realized something else. “You know something, Walter? I don’t think we’ve been talking about me at all. I think you’re scared spitless that you’re getting too involved with Rory Sue and that one of you is going to get hurt.”
To her surprise, he didn’t deny it.
“Guilty,” he admitted.
“What’s the problem? She seems very taken with you.”
“She’s nothing like Sarah. And contrary to what all of you probably think, she’s a lot more vulnerable than she lets on. There’s a good chance I’ll let her down. That’s what I do. I was a lousy husband to Sarah, and I’m just finally getting a grip on being a halfway-decent father. It’s probably way too soon for me to try to figure out how to have a mature relationship with another woman.”
“If you’re thinking that clearly, it obviously means you’re making progress,” Raylene told him. “Stop selling yourself short.” She waited, thinking about the situation. “Or are you really worried that Rory Sue’s just playing a game, and you don’t want to put your heart at risk?”
“Damned if I know,” he admitted. “It could go either way. It’s just too soon to tell, which is why I’ve been trying to put some space between us.” He shrugged. “Rory Sue’s not much interested in space. She wants what she wants when she wants it.”
“Just like her mama,” Raylene said, smiling at the thought of Walter trying to hold a determined Rory Sue at bay. “Mary Vaughn went after Ronnie Sullivan more than once despite all the odds against her. I suppose that kind of determination could be flattering.”
“No, it’s terrifying,” Walter said. “I’m a man. It would be very easy to give in. The woman is amazing. But I’m trying to use my brain here, not my…well, you know.”
Raylene laughed. “Yes, I do know, and I admire your restraint.” She met his gaze. “Not to change the subject too much, but how’s the hunt for a house going? Once you find something, you could stop seeing Rory Sue altogether if that’s what you really want.”
“I found one, as a matter of fact. Rory Sue said it was perfect, and she was right. I put in an offer. We should know something tonight.”
“Congratulations! The kids are going to be so excited.”
“I know. I can’t wait until I can take them to pick out whatever they want for their rooms.”
“Is Rory Sue going to help with that?” she asked.
“Probably. She does know where the best stores are.”
“Really?” she said, amused. “And you haven’t been in every furniture store in the region to sell advertising for the radio station?”
He frowned at the question. “What’s your point?”
“She’s becoming every bit as involved in your life as Carter and his family are in mine. I’d say the danger signs are posted for both of us.”
But as clear as she was on the dangers that lay ahead, she wondered if she, any more than Walter, would heed them.
Carter drove up just as Walter was leaving. He exited his sheriff’s cruiser with a take-out bag in hand.
“I came with dinner,” he told Raylene. “Can I stay? I figured you deserved a respite from cooking after dealing with my sisters today.”
“Your timing’s great. I was going to start cooking any minute,” she said, aware that the mere sight of him had stirred up her senses. Given the conversation she’d just had with Walter, it was disturbing. Maybe she really should think things through carefully before she allowed herself to get any more involved in his life. He and his sisters represented the unattained dream she’d envisioned for herself, a ready-made family. She finally dared to meet his gaze.
“I hope Sarah and Travis like Chinese food,” he said. “I brought enough for them, too.”
“That’s very thoughtful of you,” she said. “Travis will probably just grab a quick bite. He has his show to do tonight.”
“Then maybe we should leave everything in the to-go containers. He can take whatever he wants with him.”
“Perfect,” she said, then studied him. “Aren’t you still on duty? Can you really take a break?”
“Dispatch can reach me.” He patted the radio and cell phone at his hip. “And I gave Gayle this number, too. It’s fine. I have some news I wanted to share.” He leaned down and kissed her cheek. “And I just wanted to see you, make sure you survived an entire day with Carrie and Mandy.”
Raylene sighed. “We do need to talk about that,” she admitted. “Let’s go in the kitchen. We have a little while before Sarah and Travis will be here.”
Carter frowned as he followed her. “Was there a problem? They didn’t bug you about me staying over here last night, did they?”
“That wasn’t the problem.” She told him about the discussion she’d had with Carrie. “She got extremely defensive. I might have made matters worse by pushing so hard. She’d agreed to take the job here, but now I’m not so sure she’ll be back.”
Carter sighed. “I’m glad you spoke up. I’ve been on her case lately, too. She needs to know we’re paying attention.”
“But she must have felt as if we were all ganging up on her. Mandy chimed in, as well. I’m not sure all that pressure at once is good.”
“Isn’t that exactly the way those interventions work?” he said.
“But those are usually handled by professionals,” Raylene said. “A psychologist would have known what to do when Carrie fought back. They might have been able to stop her from taking off.”
Carter’s expression turned grim. “She left?”
Raylene nodded. “Mandy went after her. I should have done it. That’s what a responsible adult would have done.”
“Come on. There were extenuating circumstances,” he said. “To say nothing of the fact that helping my sister is my job, not yours.”
“But you don’t upset a kid and then let another kid deal with the fallout,” she said with self-derision. “I tried calling earlier, but Carrie wouldn’t take my call. Mandy said she’d shut herself in her room.”
Carter muttered a curse and immediately stood up. “I’d better get over there and check on things. A rain check on dinner, okay? I guess that news of mine will have to wait, too.”
“Do you want to take the Chinese food home with you? The girls would probably like it.”
“I don’t think walking in the door with food right now is a good idea.” He gave her a frustrated look. “What’s it going to take to fix this? I’m at a loss.”
“Do you want to talk to Dr. McDaniels? I’m sure she’d be happy to give you some ideas. She’ll be here tomorrow at one. You could drop by, say, around one-thirty.”
He nodded. “I might do that.” He leaned down and kissed her again, just a quick brush of his lips across hers. “Thanks for caring.”
He paused in the doorway. “It means the world to me that you care about what’s going on with Carrie. The past couple of years have been tough. I’ve been totally out of my depth with everything that’s happened since my folks died.” He gave her a lopsided grin. “Who knows? Maybe with a little help from
you I’ll figure out this parenthood thing, after all.”
When Dr. McDaniels arrived for their session, Raylene immediately filled her in on what had been going on with Carrie. “I told Carter he could stop by to speak with you, if that’s okay. He’ll be here at one-thirty.”
To her surprise, the psychiatrist frowned.
“Is it a problem?” Raylene asked, puzzled by her reaction. “Would you rather not speak to him? Did I violate some code of ethics or something?”
“It’s not that,” Dr. McDaniels said. “I’m happy to help. What worries me is that you’re putting your own situation on the back burner to deal with his sister’s problems.”
“But this is important,” Raylene said.
“So is your recovery.”
“I’m not skipping a session,” Raylene argued. “At least not all of it. We have a few more minutes before Carter will be here.”
“Not long enough to spend the time in the garden that we’d planned,” the doctor said. “Are you sure you didn’t intentionally plan it that way?”
Raylene shook her head. “That never even crossed my mind, I swear it. In fact, I’d even offered Carrie a job spending time out there with me. The rest of this kind of came to a head after that. I saw how worried Carter was, and it seemed this would be the perfect chance for him to speak to you. The offer to let him use part of my time with you was impulsive. I’m sorry if it was the wrong thing to do.”
Dr. McDaniels didn’t look entirely convinced, but she nodded. “Okay, then, let’s see what we can accomplish before he gets here. In fact, why don’t we try going outside to wait for him. We’ll spend time in the garden next time.”
“Okay,” Raylene said. Maybe on some subconscious level she had hoped to put off an extended period outside, but maybe it was better this way. She’d have to just do it, ready or not.
She led the way to the door and grasped the handle.
“Deep breath,” Dr. McDaniels encouraged. “Don’t think about what’s next. Just open the door. Concentrate on the fact that it’s a beautiful summer day. You’ve been doing this a lot lately. It’s nothing new.”
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