Carter had never been so terrified in his life as he had been when Mandy called, crying almost hysterically, to say she thought Paul Hammond was in the house with Raylene. He’d made the call to Dispatch, then taken off in that direction himself. He’d made the drive at a breakneck speed that even with his experience behind the wheel had seemed insane on the winding rural roads.
“What’s this?” he asked, removing the object Raylene was clutching in a death grip.
“Tommy made it,” she whispered. “It’s okay, isn’t it? Sarah will kill me if I broke it on Paul’s hard head.”
“I think Sarah would gladly make the sacrifice if it meant you were safe,” he said, smiling as he examined the lopsided little bowl that only a mother could appreciate. “But it’s okay. Not a scratch on it.”
Leading Raylene and his sister inside, he asked, “Any idea how Paul got inside?”
“That might have been my fault,” Mandy said, looking miserable. “I tried the front door when I got here, then I used your key. I might not have locked the door behind me.” She lifted her gaze to Raylene. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t think.”
Carter opened his mouth to yell at her, but Raylene’s touch on his hand kept him silent.
“Does it really matter how he got in?” she said gently. “The point is that he’s under arrest and gone now.”
“I suppose,” he conceded, still wishing he could rant and rave at somebody for allowing this to happen after all their careful plans. He supposed his little sister wasn’t the best target for his own frustration over not being able to protect Raylene. He vowed that once he had the Serenity police force up and running, he’d do a better job at keeping local residents safe. He’d fight for the resources he’d need, even under extraordinary circumstances such as this.
He gave Mandy’s hand a squeeze, then grinned at Raylene. “I think we’re due for a celebration, don’t you? Why don’t we call Carrie and the Sweet Magnolias and get everyone over here.”
“Sure,” Raylene said eagerly, but then the light in her eyes dimmed just a bit. “Carter, today is a huge milestone, but it doesn’t mean I’ll be miraculously cured.”
“I’m not counting on a miracle. I’m putting my faith in you.”
“Oh, Carter,” she whispered. “Please don’t do that. Not yet.”
He refused to be daunted. He knew she was just trying to be realistic, but he wasn’t giving up on their future so easily. He knew, even if she didn’t, that they had one no matter how long her recovery took.
“I’m not going to argue about this now,” he said. “We have too much to be grateful for. You make those calls, and I’ll go by Sullivan’s and see what kind of party food Dana Sue can throw together in a hurry.”
“We could just have hot dogs and burgers,” Raylene said.
“Nope, this is a special occasion. Besides, you know Dana Sue will be offended if she’s not asked to bring the food. Do you have all the ingredients for margaritas? Helen’s going to want to know that.”
“We always have those on hand,” Raylene told him. “We just don’t make them for the men. Margarita nights are for the Sweet Magnolias only.”
Carter shook his head at the traditions of these loyal friends. “Fine. I’ll pick up beer and wine.”
He leaned down and kissed her, lingering long enough to stir up plenty of heat. “Love you,” he said, then took off to clock out and put the party plan in motion.
Only when he was sitting in the front seat of his cruiser on his way back to the sheriff’s office did he realize what he’d said. Love you had come out of his mouth without thought, but he realized it was true. Somewhere along the way he’d fallen in love with Raylene, the kind of love that had kept his parents together through tough times and good, the kind that would get them through, as well.
Now he just had to figure out some way to convince Raylene she had the strength to love him back.
When Raylene emerged from the house and stepped into the backyard without a moment’s hesitation, an impromptu cheer went up. She stood where she was, a tray of food in her arms, and what had to be a silly grin spreading across her face. She found Carter in the crowd and saw the hope in his eyes. It would have dazzled her if she hadn’t been so scared of letting him down.
She hadn’t missed those casually spoken words as he’d been dashing out of the house earlier. He’d kissed her, then said he loved her. Oh, he could have blown it off as something any friend might say to another one at the end of a visit or a call, but she knew better. He’d meant it. She just wasn’t sure she was ready to face the implications.
And until she was, she needed to keep a safe distance between them.
It turned out that was easier said than done on a night when it seemed everyone was conspiring to throw the two of them together. There was undeniable magic in the night air, along with the sweet scent of honeysuckle.
It was nearly midnight when everyone began drifting off. Even Carrie and Mandy rode off on their bikes, leaving Raylene alone with Carter.
“Don’t you need to spend some time at home with the girls? You’ve been neglecting them lately, and I know Carrie still needs you,” she said, sidestepping him when he reached out to pull her down beside him. She picked up the last of the plates from the party and carried them inside. With an audible sigh over her evasiveness, he followed.
“You’re trying to avoid me,” he accused gently, standing directly in her path. “Why is that?”
“I told you earlier. We don’t know yet what any of this means. I don’t want you getting your hopes up or starting to make any kind of plans.”
“I know you might still have a rough road ahead, but just think about what you accomplished today. You faced down your abusive ex-husband. That took amazing bravery.”
“Knowing Mandy was outside and that I had to protect her gave me the strength I needed to do that.”
“Well, I say that makes you remarkable.”
“Carter, it doesn’t mean there won’t be more bad days ahead.”
“Can’t you just enjoy the moment?” he asked, regarding her with bewilderment.
“It’s not the moment that worries me,” she said. “It’s that look you keep getting in your eyes, as if everything’s suddenly all right.” She met his gaze. “Plus, you said you loved me,” she added, making it sound like an accusation.
He seemed amused. “Shame on me,” he said. “What an awful thing to say!”
“I’m trying to make a point here,” she said testily. “You only said it after you thought I was well—and that the agoraphobia was somehow magically behind me now that Paul’s been dealt with.”
He frowned at that. “And you think that means…” He hesitated, looking puzzled. “What do you think it means?”
“You never said the words before, when you thought I was a wreck. It felt like you were holding back, giving yourself an out in case things never improved.”
“That’s ridiculous! First of all, I never thought you were a wreck,” he said fiercely, holding her gaze until she finally gave a nod of acknowledgment. “And second, it wasn’t until this afternoon that I realized how deep my feelings for you run. I should have said it differently. I should have made some big production out of it, I guess. But it came out, because in that moment, I knew it was how I felt. Period. Don’t make some big deal out of the fact that today was the first time I’d said it.”
“Love is a big deal, Carter. I’m not sure I’m ready for that, especially if it’s contingent on me being back to normal.”
She’d known for a while now that what she felt for him was powerful. She’d even labeled it love. Acting on it, however, facing all of the implications for their future, she wasn’t prepared to go there, not when her life might no longer be on hold. If she once again had a future filled with possibilities, she wanted to explore all of them.
“Then you don’t love me?” he asked.
When she hesitated, he might have looked hurt, but instead, he merely nodded. �
�That’s okay. I think you do, but if you’re not ready to say the words, I’ll wait.”
Was that what she’d wanted to hear, that he would sit on the sidelines patiently waiting until she got her feet back under her and knew who she could be again?
“That’s not going to work,” she told him, struggling with real regret. “You have a family to think about. Concentrate on them. See that Carrie gets well. Don’t put one second of your life on hold for me. If I’ve learned one thing and nothing else over the past couple of years, it’s that life is too precious to waste a minute of it. Out of fear, I’ve wasted far too much.”
“And yet you’re still willing to waste more,” he said. “You’re throwing away what I know we could have.”
“I’m not throwing it away,” she argued. “I’m just not ready for it now, and I can’t ask you to wait.”
“So, what? Me telling you I love you, being here for you, is going to put some kind of pressure on you?”
“Yes,” she said, near tears. The selfish part of her wanted to seize what he was offering, but the unselfish side knew it was only fair to let him go.
Seeing the dismay in his eyes, she tried to explain. “It’s been so long since I’ve even thought I could have a life again. I need time, Carter, time to figure out all the possibilities that might be out there for me. And you need to think about whether you’ll feel the same way about me if it turns out that I’m not recovered after all.”
He looked deeply into her eyes. His were filled with hurt and confusion, but he gave her a curt nod, accepting the finality of her decision. “You want time, Raylene, you’ve got it,” he said.
Then, his back stiff with pride, he turned and walked away.
Carter wasn’t entirely surprised when his sisters cornered him a few days after the party and demanded to know why they weren’t spending time with Raylene or, more specifically, why he wasn’t, now that the danger of her ex-husband showing up was past.
“You never go over there anymore,” Carrie complained. “You just sit around here and watch me eat. Even though Dr. McDaniels has told you herself that I’m doing everything I’m supposed to do, you act like you don’t trust me.”
“I do trust you,” he said. Mostly, anyway. He could tell she’d put on a few pounds, and meals were certainly less stressful. Not only had she started baking again, she’d even fixed a few dinners and eaten her share. That didn’t mean his worry had evaporated.
“Then prove it,” Carrie challenged. “Have dinner with Raylene. Take her someplace special.”
He shook his head. “I’m giving her space. It’s what she wanted. She’s probably right. It’s for the best.”
“I don’t believe you,” Carrie declared. “And it’s not best for us. She actually gets us. We like her. Now we can’t go over there, either, if the two of you are fighting. We’d feel disloyal to you.”
“We’re not fighting,” he said wearily. We just aren’t speaking.
Carrie gave him a piercing look. “Was she just some project for you, so you could feel like a big hero or something?”
He regarded her with shock. “Don’t be ridiculous.”
“Well, what are we supposed to think?” Mandy chimed in. “You’re moping around here like you’ve lost your best friend. It’s depressing.”
“Well, this is the way it is,” Carter told them. “Deal with it.”
Unfortunately, judging from the defiant expressions on their faces as they stomped out of the house, they weren’t going to deal with it quite the way he’d envisioned.
Raylene opened the front door to find Carrie and Mandy on the doorstep. Her mood brightened at the sight of them.
“Come in,” she said eagerly. “What brings you by?”
“We want you to stop fighting with Carter,” Carrie said at once in her familiar, blunt way. “He’s miserable, and if you don’t mind me saying so, you don’t look so hot either.”
Raylene bought herself some time by going into the kitchen and pouring the girls glasses of lemonade and bringing out the oatmeal-raisin cookies she’d baked that morning. To her relief, Carrie grabbed one as eagerly as Mandy did.
“Well, aren’t you going to say something?” Mandy finally challenged, even as she devoured her second cookie.
“I don’t know what to say,” Raylene admitted. “Things between your brother and me are very complicated.”
“It seems pretty simple to me,” Carrie said. “He loves you. You love him. You work it out. At least that’s how I thought it was supposed to work. You can’t solve anything if you’re not even talking.”
Raylene tried to make them understand. “Look, you know about this panic thing, right? We’ve talked about it before. It hasn’t just vanished overnight.”
“But I thought you were better,” Carrie said, her eyes filled with concern. “Aren’t you?”
“Actually, I’ve made some improvement,” Raylene admitted. “Quite a bit, in fact. But there will be setbacks. And once I do get completely well, I have to figure out what I want. There will be options I never even considered a few weeks or months ago.”
“Why can’t Carter be one of those options?” Mandy asked, then added earnestly, “He’s a really good guy. You won’t do any better.”
“Carter’s an amazing man,” Raylene agreed. “He needs to move on with someone who’s ready for a relationship.”
“Come on,” Carrie protested. “He can’t just move on and pick somebody else like he’s choosing a cantaloupe. That’s not how it works. He’s in love with you.”
Raylene regarded her with envy. It must be wonderful to be on the threshold of becoming a young adult, when anything seemed possible and love conquered everything. “Sometimes love’s just not enough.”
Carrie groaned and exchanged an exasperated look with her sister. “I should have known,” she muttered. “Grown-ups are idiots.” She turned to Mandy. “Come on. Let’s go home and fix this.”
Raylene stopped her with a hand on her arm. “Sweetie, I really appreciate that you want to make things right between us, but it’s not up to you.”
“Well, somebody has to fix it, and it’s obviously not going to be the two adults involved,” Carrie retorted with disgust.
And then she and Mandy were gone, though not before Mandy had grabbed a fistful of cookies to tide her over on the walk home. As they walked down the sidewalk, she handed one to Carrie, who accepted it without comment and took a bite.
Raylene smiled at the sight, though she felt oddly wistful. A part of her had hoped to have a place in their lives. Carter had even offered her that. Was she the idiot Carrie had called her for saying no? Or did she owe it to Carter, and mostly to herself, to make sure there wasn’t something else she wanted more, a life she couldn’t possibly have envisioned just a few short weeks ago?
23
Walter had grown up as his parents’ golden boy. Right up until he’d finally developed a spine, moved away from home and settled in Serenity, he’d done exactly what was expected—except, of course, when he’d married Sarah.
Even then, however, he’d let his folks influence him and get in the middle of his marriage until the divorce had been inevitable. There were days when he could still hear their voices in his head, complaining about this or scolding him about that.
From the day he’d met Rory Sue, he’d tried to imagine his parents’ reaction to her unpredictability and untamed exuberance. Tonight, though, as he looked at her sprawled across his bed, her hair like silk on the pillow, her cheeks flushed, a smile on her lips, he realized that his opinion was the only one that mattered. He knew exactly what he wanted, had known it for a while now, but caution had kept him silent.
“Marry me,” he blurted before he could analyze it to death.
Rory Sue shot up, dragging a sheet with her, and stared at him. “Excuse me?”
He grinned at her stunned expression. “I asked you to marry me,” he repeated quietly. “I love you, Rory Sue. I’ve made plenty of mistakes in
my life, but I know you’re not one of them. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”
Instead of flinging herself into his arms as he’d half expected, she studied him warily. “Why now?”
“Why not now?”
“Maybe you’re just feeling left out because Sarah and Travis have set their wedding date for next month and Raylene’s getting her life under control and doesn’t need you to look out for her anymore.”
“Believe me, this has nothing to do with my ex-wife or my friend,” he insisted. “I just realized that you and I balance each other perfectly. When I get stuffy and traditional, you yank me right out of that and get me to do something I never dreamed I’d do. I think maybe you need me for the flip side of that. I’ll keep you from doing something so crazy you’ll wind up in a hospital or in jail.”
“Like when you talked me out of going bungee-jumping?” she asked, a twinkle in her eyes.
“That’s one example,” he said. “And when you talked me into going skinny-dipping in your parents’ pool while they were home.” That had been at the same time the most terrifying and the most liberating risk he’d ever taken.
She laughed. “I told you they’d never catch us, but you should have seen your face when that light in the house came on. It was priceless.”
“I thought for sure Sonny was going to be out there with a shotgun two minutes later,” he admitted.
Rory Sue knelt beside him. “You have to admit, it was pretty exhilarating.”
“That’s one word for it.” He looked into her eyes. “I want a lifetime of that, Rory Sue. I want us to do the unexpected for the rest of our days.”
“What about all the normal stuff, like having kids?” she asked. “I don’t think I’m anywhere near ready for that. You understand that, right?”
Walter swallowed his disappointment. He’d known for a while now that Rory Sue would probably never be tamed to the point of being a traditional wife and mother. “As much as I would love to have a baby with you, I have Tommy and Libby. It may take me a whole lifetime just to figure out how to be a good dad to the two of them. If those are the only children I have, it’s okay. You’ll be an amazing stepmother.”
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