I know a thing or two about being used now, too, thanks to him. Why should I care if someone else is using him? And if he really is doing it to hurt me, then Bella’s the one being used.
“You know what?” I say to Thorn. “You’re right. He deserves it.”
“Or maybe he can’t have the one he wants,” Asher says, cutting his eyes at me. “So he’s making do.”
“Right,” I say. “Because that looks like a guy who’s pining over another woman.” I nod to where he and Bella are leaving, laughing and nearly skipping as they hurry out, probably because they can’t wait to hook up.
“You could probably join them if you want,” Thorn says. “Rocco’s always good for a good time.”
“Ha, yeah,” I say. “I’ll pass.”
“The guy likes to have fun,” Thorn says, stabbing at his chicken like it offended him. “If that’s what you’re looking for, you won’t have to wait long. My friend has a notoriously short attention span when it comes to women.”
“What if that’s not what I’m looking for?” I ask.
“Then you probably won’t get it from him,” he says. “But you still won’t have to wait long to find out.”
“Ouch,” Asher says. “Can you say truth hurts?”
“Would you stop?” I ask. “You act like I’m in love with Rocco or something.”
Asher arches one pierced eyebrow at me.
“I’m not,” I protest, but I can feel my face warming. I have utterly no idea why.
On the way back to the dorms, Asher squeezes my arm and leans in, lowering his voice. “I didn’t want to press it in front of Thorn, since it seems like he has the hots for you, but you totally are in love with Rocco.”
“Am not,” I protest.
“I think you’re in love with all of them.”
My mouth drops open with indignation. “You think I’m a slut like Bella.”
“No, but I think you’re in serious need of a good dicking.”
“Why does everyone keep saying that?”
Asher laughs. “Deny it all you want, but every time their names come up, it’s written all over your face. If that’s a secret you want to keep, you need to work on your poker face.”
Find Cleo, get laid, develop poker face… My to-do list is getting longer by the day. Maybe it’s time I check something off the list.
Chapter 19
The next few weeks are not my finest. Elowen avoids both me and Asher, keeping to her House of Necromancy friends. At least I hope she’s made friends. I don’t see a lot of her. Unfortunately, I see all too much of Bella. She flounces around giving me smug smiles and fawning over Rocco. He’s sickeningly smitten with her, and though he returns to guard duty, he trails behind me like Thorn.
I have to admit, I miss him. I miss our flirting. Thorn always walks silently behind, and Ryker strides ahead like he can’t be bothered with me, like he’s always pissed. But Rocco always walked with me, like he was a friend instead of a guard, there only because he was employed to be. Even when he was an asshole, and he tried to cut me down, it felt like we were equals. After all, I can dish out as well as I can take it. After a while, it kinda became our thing. Now that I don’t have it, I realize how much I enjoyed our little game of taking shots at each other.
I try to talk to him a couple times, but he just laughs it off, saying Bella won’t like it. Besides that change, there’s the lack of Cleo to contend with. I can still use my wand in spells class, and learn about magic with Professor Darius, but Ryker’s class is a nightmare. It’s not easy going to swordplay every day without a sword. At last, he agrees to lend me a regular, non-magical sword. It’s a challenge, but I steadily improve under his relentless, brutal training.
I don’t have my private lessons with the professor, which makes things a little easier on both of us in the self-control department. He pulls me aside one day and tells me that as he suspected, someone has a spell on Cleo. The best I can do is continue training and mastering my own magic without the help of a vessel to contain it and supply more when needed.
Controlling my magic may not be the easiest task, but observing other’s reactions to my presence has taught me a lot. Especially as magic builds within me. Since it’s now impossible to store some of my energy away, it grows every day, showing like a neon sign. Pretty soon, random guys start trailing around after me, and I’m completely relieved and grateful to have guards who can apparently control themselves.
And a best friend who has no interest in pussy, magical or not.
“The Winter Ball is coming up,” Asher says to me one night as we’re watching a movie on his laptop. “Think you can convince Professor Hottypants to let you go?”
“Doubtful,” I say. “I’m pretty much walking around like a cat in heat. I want to hump everyone, and apparently the feeling is mutual.”
Asher laughs. “Glad I can be the exception.”
“Yeah, how come my magic doesn’t affect you?” I ask. “That’s not fair.”
“Oh, girl,” he says. “Trust me, I’ve been affected.”
I draw back and grab the popcorn away from him. “Spill, or you get no popcorn.”
“Just because I don’t want you doesn’t mean I’m not horny as hell,” he says. “Whoops, did that come out mean?”
It’s my turn to laugh. “Actually, right now I really appreciate someone not wanting me. I’m pretty sure Black-Haired Bella made a pass at me today.”
“Okay, first off, gross,” Asher says. “And secondly, just because you’re too uptight to get laid doesn’t mean anyone else is. I’m getting plenty, don’t you worry.”
“What? Who?”
“No one special,” he says, snagging the bowl back. “I promise to let you know if I start seeing someone.”
“How are you having more sex than me?”
“Jade, honey,” he says. “Everyone on this campus is having more sex than you.”
“Really?”
“I live in a boy’s dorm,” he says, giving me an ‘oh please’ look. “And in case you hadn’t noticed, I’m a total hottie. Of course I’m getting laid. You should really try it. Don’t take this the wrong way, but I think you need to release some of that magic. Everyone’s starting to chafe.”
“Oh my god.” I cover my face and flop back on the pillows. “I’m going to have to find someone to have sex with me. How do you even do that?”
Asher stares at me. “Um, you walk outside, girlie.”
“I don’t want some random guy who’s attracted to my magic.”
“Why not?”
“It’s weird. It’s like I’ve drugged them.”
“Then pick someone you liked before. You’re the one who always says you can choose what to do with your magic. So choose someone. You’re a knockout, Jade. It’s not like you wouldn’t have options even without your magic. In fact, there’s a guy outside your door who would probably blow your mind if you’d let him.”
When I think of Ryker standing out there, more than my heart thumps. A throb goes straight to my clit. Ryker blowing my mind might be earth shattering. Or it might destroy me.
“Do you even know who my guard is tonight?” I ask Asher.
He looks me up and down and raises his eyebrows. “No. And that’s exactly my point.”
“Stop that,” I say, grabbing the popcorn back. “Let’s just watch the movie.”
But I can’t stop thinking about the man outside my room. The man I want so badly, and who said he wanted me, too. From the way he’s treated me, though, I have a feeling I want something entirely different from what he wants. And if I offered him what he wants, he’d turn me down just for the joy of hurting me one more time.
*
The next morning, as he walks me to class, Ryker strides ahead as always.
“Hey, can I ask you something?” I say, jogging to catch up.
“What?” he snaps.
“I was thinking,” I begin. “You know how Silas sent that demonling after me? What if he w
asn’t trying to kill me? What if he was after Cleo the whole time?”
“Silas doesn’t have Cleo.”
“How do you know?” I ask, giving him some serious side eye.
He’s silent a minute, his strong jaw clenched. He stares straight ahead as we cross campus. “I paid him a visit already.”
“You did?” I ask, drawing up in surprise. Ryker doesn’t break his stride, so I have to run to join him again. “When?”
“After she went missing,” he says. “The guy was pissing himself by the time we left. He couldn’t have lied if he wanted.”
“Oh.” I’m not sure what to say to that. Did Ryker actually do something nice for me?
“Don’t look so shocked,” he says, though he hasn’t even glanced my way, so he can’t possibly know my expression. “There’s no one on this campus who wants you to find your sword more than I do.”
I gulp at the meanings his words could carry. I shouldn’t ask, but I can’t help myself.
“Because I need it for your class?” I peek at him from the corner of my eye, my heart thudding as I wait for his answer.
“Because you’re a distraction,” he snaps.
Okay then. Not that I expected him to say anything different, but… Maybe I hoped. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I can’t seem to get him off my mind, but I have some other connection with Thorn, and then I’m jealous as hell and hurt about Rocco, so obviously I like him, too. Again, I blame the magic. That has to be it.
“You don’t seem very distracted,” I say after taking a moment to recover my ego. “You’re the most focused person in this place.”
“I was focused,” Ryker says, halting so fast I’m several steps ahead before I register that he’s stopped. “Until you.”
I wheel around, my temple pounding with anger. I’m so sick of being blamed for this shit. “Excuse me?”
“I want to fuck you,” he says, stepping forward, invading my space with his presence and heat, his imposing height, his angular jaw and piercing eyes. Everything about him makes me tremble, and my anger dissolves. I’m not sure if the feeling that replaces it is excitement or fear or both. Ryker grabs my chin and pulls it up, squeezing so hard my lips pucker up and my eyes are forced to meet his. “I want to fuck you every second of every day for the rest of my life.”
“You do?” I whisper.
“And it still wouldn’t be enough,” he says, enunciating each word. “So forgive me if I’m a little resentful of the intrusion of your magic into my life.”
With that, he turns and storms off, leaving me to trail behind like usual. But today, my mind is reeling. Ryker hates that I’m here. He hates that I distract him. I knew he wasn’t my biggest fan, but it still hurts to have it spelled out so plainly. He doesn’t like me. He doesn’t want me here.
I enter the training studio only to see that in the thirty seconds it took me to make it there, Black-Haired Bella has already attached herself to his arm. I try to ignore them as I go to put my bag in the cubbies and get my dummy sword, but they’re standing right there, as if Bella accosted him the moment he walked in.
“I thought we went over this,” Ryker says to her. “You’re too young for me.”
“I’m legal,” she purrs. “Barely.”
Hurl.
“I don’t have time for this,” Ryker says.
“But it’ll be the three power couples on campus,” she says. “We’re the last one in the trifecta.”
I almost snort out loud. Does she honestly think Ryker gives a fuck about how people see him?
“I’m not interested in being a power couple,” he says.
Called it, I think, smiling to myself.
“You’re not the only one on this campus who’s suffering,” she says. “I feel it, too, Ryker. I need it, too.”
I glance over, and she catches the movement and quickly looks back at my sorcerer. She strokes his bicep, fluttering her lashes at him. “I’ll let you fuck me anywhere, any way you want.”
I just about choke on my spit at her words. What the actual fuck. Is this how the other Bella got Rocco? Because he was definitely needing something when he left my room that night. If he ran into her, and she offered… I mean, Asher pretty much told me as much, but hearing a girl say it like that, so bluntly, throws me for a loop. If that’s what the guys at the academy want, I’m never going to get laid. There’s no way in hell I can compete with that.
I realize Ryker hasn’t answered, and I look up to find his eyes on me. A throb of longing goes through me. I straighten from cramming my stuff in the cubby and grab my sword.
Say no, I want to shout. Say you want me instead.
Bella sees where he’s looking, though. For one second, her gaze meets mine, and she narrows her eyes with pure hatred. Then she turns her attention back to Ryker, tugging at his arm.
“If that’s who you want, you can put a bag over my head and call me her name.”
My shock must register on my face, but I don’t know if Ryker sees it before he turns away.
“Fine,” he says. “I’ll see you tonight.”
With that, he turns and strides to the center of the room to give instruction to the students beginning to trickle in. Bella flicks her hair back and smirks at me.
“And that,” she says smugly. “Is how it’s done.”
Suddenly, the entire semester of rage boils up inside me. The way they called me a whore because of my magic, when she’s going around offering to let a guy fuck her in the ass with a bag over her head. The frustration in knowing I’m not that brazen, and the hurt in seeing that it works. The pain of rejection from both him and Rocco. And worst of all, the fact that Bella’s using my second-hand magic to get him. Because he has needs, and he can’t have me. Because she’s letting him pretend she’s me when he fucks her.
The raging storm of emotion inside me is too much. It overwhelms me. Before I know what I’m doing, I fly at Bella. She shrieks when I slam into her, knocking her to the rubber flooring we practice on. I jump on her, slapping her hard across the face. She grabs my hair and wrenches it as hard as she can. Pain bolts through me, but I hardly feel it. I try to yank away, the momentum rolling us onto our sides. I punch her, and she punches back. She rolls me over onto my back, slapping me on both cheeks before I get in another blow.
We roll around for a good five minutes before I slap the shit out of Bella hard enough that someone grabs me and drags me off.
“As hot as that was, I think that’s enough,” Ryker says in my ear as he bodily carries me off the floor. “I can’t have someone getting seriously injured in my class.”
“Hot?” I ask, jerking away from him as he deposits me in an office off the side of the practice floor. “You think it’s hot to see me beat the shit out of your date?”
“I’d prefer if you were both naked and covered in oil,” he says with a smirk, tossing me a towel. “But yeah, two girls fighting is pretty hot.”
“You’re a pig.”
He shrugs. “I’m a guy who has to spend eight hours a day in your circle of sex magic. You’re lucky I haven’t lost my damn mind.”
“Obviously you have if you’re seeing her,” I shoot back.
“What would you have me do, Jade? Are you going to satisfy the needs your magic puts in all of us?”
I gulp, remembering Rocco and Thorn sandwiching me on the dance floor the night I had my first orgasm. How I fantasized we were all wearing a lot less in that moment.
“There’s three of you,” I mutter.
“You think you couldn’t take us all? You’re a fucking priestess, Jade.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means you could have anyone on this campus who you wanted. So don’t pull that shit with me. If you’re not willing to fill our needs, you can’t blame us for having to get it elsewhere after you drive us over the edge.”
“So, it’s my fault you’re fucking my enemy?”
“Are you offering to do the job?”
I stand there staring at him. Finally, I shake my head. Not like that I’m not. Not when it’s like some kind of transaction.
“That’s what I thought,” Ryker says, heading for the door.
“Have fun fucking that snake,” I call after him. “I hope you don’t get any diseases.”
When he’s gone, I wipe my face off with the towel and toss it in a laundry hamper in the corner for workout towels. I look out at the class, all of them focusing and working hard, and I know I can’t go out there and spread my pheromones around and distract everyone. If I can’t put my magic in Cleo, it’s time I find some other solution.
At the end of the day, I head to Professor Darius’s classroom and find him just locking the door. He has a leather messenger bag slung over one shoulder and is looking so good I could cry.
“Hello, Jade,” he says, offering me a warm smile. “What can I do for you today?”
“You can let me go to the Winter Ball,” I say, falling into step beside him as he heads out. It strikes me that I have no idea where he lives. I assume the guys live in the dorms, since they’re students, but I have no idea if the teachers even live on campus.
Darius clears his throat. “I don’t know if that would be wise right now.”
“Then help me release some of this magic.” My heart drums in my ears while I wait for him to cut me off. “And don’t say I’m a student, and you’re a teacher. I’m well aware, and I don’t care.”
“I’m twelve years older than you,” he says.
I shrug. It matters less than nothing to me. I’m glad. I’m glad to have someone who won’t make fun of me afterwards or run off with my enemy to spite me. “I may only be eighteen, but I’ve experienced a lot,” I remind him. “You said so yourself. I just haven’t experienced this.”
“Which is the only kind of experience I shouldn’t give you.”
“Actually, as my teacher, you’re supposed to help me contain my magic. If I don’t have Cleo, isn’t it your responsibility to teach me alternative methods?” I ask. “Think of it as magical training, nothing more.”
Academy of Sorcery: Term 1: Unleashing Trials Page 15