by Anne Holster
I was still lying on my bed well after I heard the shower turn off. The alcohol was making me think things that I shouldn’t be thinking. Maybe Scott was right. Maybe I should just fuck her and be done with it. I knew if I went in there she wouldn’t stop me. Hey, if she wanted to, who was I to say no?
I got off my bed and started slowly pacing as I undid my tie, trying to decide what to do. As I pulled it off and began unbuttoning my shirt, I glanced at the dresser mirror and caught sight of the picture of me and the guys from my high school band. I slowly reached over and plucked it from the mirror, smiling. Me, Keith, Jimmy and Kyle – what a crew!
We were so close back then. Now Jimmy and Kyle were at colleges on the West Coast --Jimmy in Southern California and Kyle just outside of Seattle--but Keith, Keith with that stupid ponytail…that was a whole other story. Keith was the one who had started the band. He was the ringleader, our lead singer. He was the one who got us all our gigs (not that there were many).
Keith ended up getting some girl in our class pregnant halfway through senior year. It had been a real mess. The band split up by summer, but the situation with Keith had been a real wake-up call. It could have just as easily been any one of us. I heard he still lived in town and worked at the gas station near the high school.
That’s why I’m always super careful.
I looked at the picture again as I sat on the edge of the bed and thought about the night it was taken. It was the end of junior year, at the annual Battle of the Bands.
I absently ran my finger along the scar just above my right eye, something I always did when I thought about that night. All that shit that went down with Kiera. Man, I swore I’d never get involved in another relationship after that happened. I was completely humiliated. In my mind, I could still clearly see the kids at school whispering under their breath and snickering as I passed by.
How could she have done that? When she was supposed to be watching me and the guys perform on our big night, she was out fucking Chris Morgan in the parking lot. Did she really think I wasn’t going to find out? Did she even care? The scar was the result of the fight I got into with Chris in the school hallway the following Monday, and it served as my little reminder to never get too close to anyone, to not get involved in relationships other than for sex. Since then, that was exactly the way I’d lived my life. If a girl wanted more than just sex, then I wasn’t the guy for her – no room for discussion – and I was always upfront about it. Except with Grace.
My decision was made. I wouldn’t go there with Grace. I’d stay in my own room and tell her I’d fallen asleep.
It was getting late, so I headed for the bathroom to take a shower. When I finished, I went back to my room and climbed into bed. I flipped through the channels but there wasn’t anything on, so I just shut the TV off.
I tossed and turned for what must have been at least an hour, but I couldn’t fall asleep. Around two o’clock I finally gave up and decided to crawl into bed with Grace. I told myself that it was okay because I wasn’t going to have sex with her. I figured she expected me to, anyway, and maybe then I’d be able to sleep, like I had when she slept over the apartment.
I grabbed my pillow and headed out to the hallway, carefully closing the door behind me. The door to the guest room opened without a sound, but I was still careful when I shut it. Wouldn’t be good to wake up the parents. The room was dark but although I couldn’t see anything I could tell from Grace’s even breathing that she was out like a light. Slowly, I pulled back the covers and eased myself into the bed.
She must have sensed me there because she turned over and curled herself right up against me…and that was the last thing I remembered.
I woke up briefly the next morning with Grace’s back to me and my arms wrapped snugly around her, my legs entwined with hers. I stretched and pulled her closer, wondering if she could feel against her thigh how happy I was to have her there. Softly laughing to myself, I drifted back to sleep.
Chapter 31
Grace
I was lying in bed halfway between slumber and wakefulness, when I shifted ever so slightly and felt something pressed up against me. My eyes instantly sprung open. Was that what I thought it was? He pulled me closer and…yep, it was.
Now what? I didn’t even remember him getting into my bed the night before, just waking in the middle of the night to find myself curled up next to him.
I had no idea what time it was. I couldn’t see the clock on the nightstand, and my phone was in the small black purse I had brought to the wedding. It was on the floor right next to the bed, but there was no way I could get it without disentangling myself from him.
Now wide awake, I stared at the ceiling, wondering what to do. As happy as I was to be lying next to Tanner, I was anxious as well. What if his mom walked in? What would she think? I lay there for a little bit longer, then attempted to slide from his grip.
“Where’re you going?” I heard him ask in a gravelly, sleep-filled voice.
“Nowhere,” I whispered, in case his mom was in the hallway nearby. “I just wanted to see what time it was.”
“Come here,” he said, pulling me back. “Do you have someplace you have to be?”
I looked over at him; even first thing in the morning, he was perfection. “Oh, uh…no, I was just was curious,” I said, then quickly added, “Do you think your parents are up?”
“They’re up and out already,” he said, his eyes still closed, “so don’t worry about it. They wouldn’t come up here anyway.” He didn’t say anything for a minute, then he grabbed the clock on the nightstand and brought it towards him. “Ten o’clock.” He put it back, then he turned onto his side, propping himself up on his elbow with his head resting on his hand. He stared at me for a moment, kind of half-smiling and making me feel very self-conscious.
I held his gaze as long as I could, then blurted, “What?”
He didn’t answer right away. “Your hair…” he whispered, motioning with his chin to my head. “It looks…wild.” He reached over to touch it.
“Oh,” was all I said in response, but I interpreted “wild” to mean “crazy messy”.
“Did you enjoy yourself last night…at the wedding?” he asked, still half-smiling.
I nodded. “Yes, very much.”
“Good. Me, too,” he said as he turned onto his back again and rested his head against the pillows. “I guess we should get going. Back to school tomorrow, right?”
Before I could answer, he swung his legs over the side of the bed and sat there for a minute before hoisting himself up. “I’m going to take a shower and then we’ll get going, okay?” he asked on his way to the door.
“Sure,” I said. “I’ll start getting ready.”
As soon I heard the bathroom door close, I shot out of bed to look at myself in the mirror above the dresser, nervous about what I would find. When I saw my reflection I decided I didn’t look half-bad. My hair was a little crazy, but nothing I couldn’t fix.
My mind more at ease, I rushed around the room, getting dressed and throwing stuff in my bag. I then brushed out my hair, throwing it up into a tight ponytail, and by the time Tanner got out of the bathroom, I was sitting on the bed, packed and ready to go.
He stopped by the door to the guest bedroom, a towel wrapped around his waist. He seemed surprised to see that I had gotten it together so quickly. “Oh…you’re ready,” he said, as I tried not to stare at his chest.
“Yeah, I just want to wash my face and brush my teeth.”
“It’s all yours,” he said, gesturing to the bathroom. “I’ll be dressed in a minute, then we can get something for breakfast. If I know my mother, she left something for us in the kitchen.”
“Oh, great,” I muttered, sneaking a glance at his butt as he turned toward his own room.
A few minutes later, we met back in the hallway and headed down to the
kitchen. Sure enough, there were bagels and a basket of little muffins on the table, and Tanner found a bowl of fresh cut fruit in the fridge. “You know this is for you, right?” he said smiling. “I don’t usually get a continental breakfast.”
I felt myself grin as I took a seat at the table. He handed me a Snapple and a big glass of ice, then sat across from me. As we were eating, I felt his eyes on me, like he was studying me or something. I kept trying to distract him by asking him questions. It worked sometimes, but then he would go back to staring at me, almost as if he’d never seen me before. Thankfully, it didn’t take us long to finish; then, after quickly cleaning up the kitchen, we brought our stuff to his car.
The drive home was fun. He told stories about some of his relatives that made me laugh. When we got back to my dorm, I didn’t want to get out of the car. It had been such a great weekend, and I hated for it to end. As Tanner parked the car then went to get my stuff out of the trunk, I wondered if he felt the same. It wasn’t like I could ask him, though, so I just followed him as he carried my bags up the three steps to the front door of my building. He set them down, then reached over and tucked a stray hair behind my ear. “I had a really good time last night…and this morning.”
“Me, too,” I said, squinting up at him in the noontime sun.
He bent down and kissed me gently on the lips. “I’ll talk to you during the week.” His eyes seeming to linger just a second too long, then he turned and hurried back down the steps toward his car.
I carried my stuff up to my room, hoping Beth was home so I could relay the whole weekend to her. When I opened the door, she was lying on her bed watching TV. As soon as she heard me, she turned and sat up, wearing that familiar smirk. “So…are you a woman now or what?”
“Very funny,” I said, but I was smiling. “And, no, I’m not. Nothing happened.”
Beth looked slightly puzzled. “Still holding out? I thought this weekend would be it.”
“So did I, but it seems that he’s the one who’s holding out,” I told her. “He didn’t try anything.”
“Well,” she said, “maybe he doesn’t want to rush you. He wants to make sure that you’re sure before he tries anything. Anyway, enough with that, tell me all the details. Did you get drunk?”
I shook my head. “Um, not drunk, but definitely buzzed. I decided to drink wine because I thought it would seem more sophisticated, and I ordered it with a lot of ice so it was kind of watered down.”
“Good idea,” she agreed. “What about his family? What were they like? Do you think they liked you?”
I answered all of Beth’s questions to her satisfaction and by the end of our conversation we both agreed: I had a boyfriend.
Chapter 32
Tanner
On the short drive back to my apartment, my thoughts were consumed with Grace. I couldn’t put my finger on what suddenly had me so intrigued—she was same old Grace, so why did I feel like I was seeing her for the first time? One thing was certain, I had never met anyone like her. I knew I’d made her nervous when I stared at her in bed this morning, but I couldn’t help it. I’d found her reaction amusing, which was why I kept doing it.
I had to admit I’d had a really good time with her at the wedding. And she had looked really hot, partially because she didn’t seem to realize how hot she looked. In that moment, I knew I wanted to see her again. The novelty would wear off, especially since I wasn’t sleeping with her (and who was I kidding—it would wear off even if I was sleeping with her). It’s not like we had anything in common, but that was exactly why I had chosen her for my little plan.
My parents absolutely loved her, so I knew it was only a matter of time before they gave me the money I needed. Maybe I’d bring her over to their house again soon to seal the deal. In the meantime, I decided to just enjoy our “relationship” while it lasted.
When I got home Scott was in the kitchen, eating a bowl of cereal. He looked up when I came in and said, “So, should I pack my bags for the summer tour?”
“Most definitely,” I answered confidently.
He put his cereal bowl down and walked towards me, hands up for a high-five. I reached up and smacked them.
“Do you have the money?” he asked.
“Not yet,” I said as I put my bags down on the couch. “But one more trip to my parents’ should do it. They loved her.”
“See, man, I knew it would work.”
“Yeah, it’s about time one of your crazy plans worked.”
I grinned. I didn’t mention that I’d actually enjoyed being with her. It was only a novelty, I reminded myself, so what was the point?
©
I had another class with Grace over Spring semester-- probably not a good thing, considering how things were going to end up. But I couldn’t think about that now, especially since it was a required course. As it was also the only class either of us had on Tuesdays, we made a running date to hit the gym together afterward.
When I got to class she was waiting outside for me, looking all innocently hot in her tight little jeans and sneakers. It was fun, walking in with her and pretending she was my girlfriend. We’d sit in the back together and I’d do my staring thing. I’d stick the cap-side of my pen in my mouth and kind of chew on it, half-smiling as I stared at her. She’d get all fidgety and flustered, knowing I was watching her while she was trying to pay attention to the professor. I liked to see how long it would take her to finally turn to me and say, “What?” Then I’d just laugh and focus my attention back on the lecture.
Even when I wasn’t staring at her, I had the sudden, inexplicable urge to touch her – run my hand up her arm or my fingers through her hair. Yeah, her hair – she had it up in a tight ponytail like she had the day we left my parents. It was hanging half-way down her back and I wondered what it would be like to grab hold of it and wrap in around my hand, then get behind her and….stop it!
I couldn’t think things like that when it came to Grace, first, because it was never going to happen, and second because of the epic fallout that would occur if it did. Trying to refocus, I leaned back in my seat. When I glanced over at Grace again, I could see her left bra strap sticking out of her shirt. White. Cotton. Yep, just like I thought.
When class was over, we headed for the gym. I was waiting for Grace to come out of the locker room when I spotted Gary talking to two girls.
Gary. What a fucking asshole. I thought back to that frat party early last spring. I remembered exactly when it was, because it was right around the time I’d first played with Hudson-Nash. Scott and I were at the party that night, hanging out with a few other guys. Gary was there too, but at the time I didn’t know him, had just seen him around school. He was there with some girl I’d never seen before. She was thin, didn’t say much. Basically nondescript. We were all drinking heavily – nothing new – and I didn’t notice him or the girl again until much later.
I had just come out of the bathroom and the party was breaking up. I went to look for Scott, who was M.I.A. once again. I went to see if he was in the backyard, but no one was there, so I started to go back inside when out of the corner of my eye I spotted someone. Thinking it might be Scott, I walked over and was surprised to find the thin, nondescript girl I’d seen with Gary earlier.
She was obviously upset and seemed kind of disoriented. When I asked her if she was okay, she started crying and said she didn’t know. She said the last thing she remembered, she was with Gary, and then she said she must’ve blacked out. When she woke up she was lying on a bed, barely dressed, in one of the upstairs bedrooms. Gary was gone.
I asked her what she’d been drinking and she said she’d only had a couple of beers, plus a few sips of the mixed drink Gary had given her. As soon as she said that, I knew what he’d done, so I asked her if she wanted to call someone, or maybe even the cops. I watched as the realization of what he had done to her flashed acro
ss her face, but, still, out of embarrassment or fear or whatever makes girls do what they do, she’d said no, she didn’t want to tell anyone.
I don’t know what I would have done if Scott and the guys hadn’t found me with her and asked what was going on. Maybe I would have done nothing, maybe I would have found Gary and beaten the crap out of him. Instead, I told my friends, and they went off to find Gary. Of course, with Scott on the case, word of what had happened quickly spread through the sparse crowd that remained at the party, then like wildfire across the whole campus.
That prick Gary actually had the gall to try to pin it on me, saying I’d “conveniently” found her, but luckily the girl quickly shot down his theory. A few days later she dropped out, leaving people to speculate, and the matter eventually just faded away.
Ever since then, though, I’d despised Gary, and I suspect he had it in for me as well, since I’d blown his little nice-guy-from-the gym-act. After that night I heard it wasn’t the first time something like this had happened, and I figured it wouldn’t be the last. Well, I couldn’t stop him from hanging out with other girls, but I could stop him from getting his hands on Grace.
Grace finally came out of the locker room, pulling me from my thoughts. “What do you want to do first?” she asked.
“Treadmill?”
She nodded, and we headed over to the treadmills and found two free ones next to each other.
“Hey,” I said, a few minutes into our workout, “you want to eat at my parents’ tomorrow night?”
I’d only had to mention to my mother that we were stopping by the house so I could pick something up and she had insisted we stay for dinner, just as I knew she would. It was perfect timing, too, as the band wasn’t even playing this weekend.
“Sure.”
She tried to sound casual, but I caught the way her eyes lit up. Like any girl, she thought of it as the mark of a “real relationship”, and I brushed away my momentary pang of guilt. I wasn’t going to be able to relax until I knew that money was in my pocket, and this was my best chance of getting it.