by Anne Holster
By the time Thursday rolled around, I was dying to see her. And by the time I got home from rehearsing that night she was already at my place. At least she’d used her key this time, I thought with a smile, instead of the window.
We ordered takeout and ate in front of the TV as she told me all about her trip home. We turned in early – obviously – and got up late – obviously. On Friday, I even took her up to show her the lake house, which she loved, and we made plans to go up for a few days after school ended and the weather was warmer. I took the day off from work at the gas station on Saturday – a first for me – and we took the bus into Baltimore and walked around the Inner Harbor all afternoon – another first. After we got home we took a ride to the grocery store since we planned to make dinner together – obviously a first for both of us, judging from the overcooked pasta and wilted salad that neither of us seemed to mind after polishing off the ten-dollar bottle of wine that we’d picked up at the liquor store.
In addition to several romps in my bedroom and the living room, I was able to convince her, after much coaxing on my part, to join me for a romp in the shower. Sunday came around way too quick, and while we were lying in bed that morning I brought up the subject of the summer tour.
“Wow,” she said excitedly, “a tour! That’s so exciting.” She hesitated for a minute. “Does that mean you’ll be gone all summer?”
“No, I’ll be back and forth, but Grace,” I said as I reached over to take her hand, “I want you to come with me.” Before she could answer, I said, “It’ll be a blast, and it won’t be all summer. When there’s a break in the schedule, we can come back here or go up to the lake house or do anything we want. We’re even doing a few shows up by you, so you could show me around Jersey.” Her eyes looked as big as saucers. “So, what’d you think?”
“I’ll do it!” she said, full of enthusiasm. “It sounds great, but I’ll have to start laying the groundwork to my parents now. They might not be too keen on the idea.” She thought for a minute. “Oh, and I’m working the town’s summer rec camp for three weeks, but that should be the only time I’ll miss. I can’t give it up--I need that money to carry me through the next school year.”
“This is gonna be awesome!” I said as I playfully pounced on her. Wait a minute. Now I’m the guy who playfully pounces?
An hour later, we decided to go have breakfast at the diner in town. I took a quick shower, then straightened up the apartment as I waited for Grace. Just as I heard the shower turn off there was a knock at the door, which I thought was odd for a Sunday morning. Sunday afternoon, actually, but still strange. Without thinking I walked over and pulled open the door to find Kristen standing there. She was all decked out in her Sunday finest with her high heels and perfectly coiffed bleach-blonde hair.
“Hey there,” she said. “Is Scott around?”
This was not good. “Um, no, he didn’t get back yet from break,” I told her as I briefly turned my head to see if Grace was coming.
“Oh, well, do you mind if I wait?” she asked, smiling as she twirled a piece of her hair around her finger.
“Well, actually I’m heading out. Why don’t you stop by later?”
Just then I saw her crane her neck to look behind me, and I didn’t have to turn around to know she’d spotted Grace. “Ooh, I see you have company,” she said, loud enough for Grace to hear.
I had no choice but to introduce them. “Oh, yeah,” I said as I opened the door wider and Grace made her way over.
Before I could say anything Kristen said, “Hi, I’m Kristen…and you are?”
“Hi, I’m Grace,” she said, politely, “Nice to meet you.”
Grace’s hair was wet and pulled back, so it was obvious that she’d spent the night. I saw Kristen give her the once-over, probably taking mental notes so she could report back to Amber, then she said, “Well, it was nice meeting you.” She turned back to me. “Tell Scott I stopped by. See ya.”
“Okay, I’ll tell him,” I said, groaning inwardly as I shut the door behind her. I turned back to Grace, expecting the third degree, but she just smiled and said, “Ready?”
“Yeah, I’ve just got to find my shoes,” I said, relieved.
On the walk over to the diner she asked me what the relationship was between Scott and Kristen because Scott had told her he didn’t have a girlfriend.
“He’s dated her a couple of times,” was all I said, which was the truth. It just sounded better to use the word “dated” instead of “screwed” or, Scott’s favorite, “bagged”.
“Oh, so you know her through Scott?” she asked.
“Sort of. I know her from J.D.’s,” I said, still sticking with my aim to be truthful with her, and that was the truth. I mean, if she’d come right out and asked me: “Did you ever engage in a threesome involving her?”, of course I would have said yes, but since that wasn’t the case I saw no reason to bring it up.
Shit, who was I kidding? For a moment I wondered whether I should just lay it all out for her, tell her all about my colorful past. I mean, what’s past is past, right? It doesn’t matter, isn’t that what they always say? Again, who was I kidding?
Even if I didn’t think Grace would hate me, I actually found my past embarrassing now, and I cringed at the thought of revealing it to her.
Apparently satisfied with my explanation, she didn’t bring up Kristen again, so I decided to just let it drop as well.
We stopped back at my place after the diner so that Grace could pick up her stuff before I took her home. Scott still wasn’t back, which was a relief since I didn’t feel like dealing with him at the moment. I put on the TV and lay down on the couch as I waited for Grace.
“I think I have everything,” she said as she emerged from my room with her bags. She placed them by the front door then came over to the couch, climbed on top of me, and rested her head on my chest. “I had a great time this weekend,” she said. “I hate for it to end.”
“Yeah, me too,” I agreed, then added, “Hey, the band’s playing next weekend at the Crow Bar. You’ll come, right?”
“Do you think I’d be able to get in? Don’t you have to be twenty-one?” she asked.
“Just walk in with us like you work with the band. They won’t proof you, and no one will tell. Now J.D.’s, that’s another story, though. Somehow Cole figured out that you were underage. He let it slide once, but that’s it.”
“Well, if you think it’d be okay, I’d love to see the whole show,” she said as she got up and sat astride me, resting her palms on my chest.
I rubbed my hands along her thighs. “I’m sure it’d be fine.”
“You were really something to see last weekend, you know,” she said as she slid her hands up and started playing with my hair.
“You think so?” I gave her a wry smile. She smiled back at me, but didn’t say anything.
Then I felt her index finger absently brush across my scar, and I felt myself automatically stiffen. “Ooh, sorry,” she said, quickly pulling her hand away, “I didn’t mean to do that.”
“No, it’s okay,” I said, feeling stupid, “it’s just that…”
“Listen, you don’t have to explain. I know you don’t want to talk about it, and I wasn’t going to ask.”
“No, really, it’s okay,” I said as I took both her hands in mine. “I want to tell you.” I looked past her, thinking back to that time. “It happened back in high school, the end of junior year…”
Before I knew it, I’d told her the whole story. She listened quietly the whole time without interrupting. When I finished she asked, “Did you love her?”
“No, that was the weird thing. I didn’t love her, but I always thought about how much worse it would’ve been if I had loved her and that’s why…” I trailed off.
“Why what?” she asked.
I hesitated a moment. “The scar…it’s always
been a reminder not to get too close to anyone, and since that time I haven’t…” and then I looked her in the eyes and said, “…until now.”
Grace looked genuinely surprised by my admission. “You mean to tell me that you haven’t had a girlfriend since junior year of high school?”
“Yeah, but…I don’t want to lie to you, Grace. When it comes to girls, I do have somewhat of a checkered past.”
Just then she stopped me in my tracks. “Tanner, I’m not that naïve. I mean, you’re a very good looking guy and I’d be a fool to think that you haven’t had your share of girls come on to you, but I don’t care about that. I don’t care what you’ve done in the past. It doesn’t matter. All that matters now is us, and like I told you before, since I’ve met you you’ve never given me any reason to doubt you…that is unless…unless there’s something else you want to tell me.” She looked at me, waiting for me to respond, and I felt guilt stab me in the gut like a knife.
But I just shook my head, and when I did, I saw relief in her eyes.
I was relieved as well, but after dropping her off, I began to think again about our conversation. I’d blown the perfect opportunity to come clean—had I made the right decision? I reminded myself that telling her the truth might make me feel better, but it would hurt Grace terribly. It’s not like she’d ever find out.
The first week back after a break always dragged, but this one felt even longer because I couldn’t wait for the show on Saturday. It’d been two weeks since we’d played to a live crowd, longer than usual, and we were all looking forward to it.
I was also looking forward to Grace being there. She’d never seen an entire show, and I knew she’d be impressed with our performance. The club we were playing at was about forty-five minutes away so it was unlikely that any of the regulars (specifically Amber and Kristen) would be there. At least I didn’t have to worry about that tonight.
Grace was already at my place when I got home from work on Saturday. She’d picked up Chinese food on the way and had it all set up on the counter. After giving her a long kiss hello, I jumped in the shower, then joined her in the kitchen. I could definitely get used to this.
Scott arrived home just as we finished. “You ready for tonight?” he shouted. “It’s gonna be wild…” and then he stopped himself when he saw Grace sitting there. “Did I say wild? That’s not what I meant. What I meant to say was, ‘It’s going to be a pleasant evening filled with fine wine and enchanting music.’” He laughed, “Hi, Grace.”
“Hi, Scott. Do you want some Chinese food?” she asked.
“Ooh yeah, what’d you get?” he said as he came over and started peering into all the cartons.
I rolled my eyes but Grace just chuckled and said, “We’re done; take what you want.”
By eight o’clock we were all ready to go. I took Scott up on his offer to drive, and the whole way there, he kept asking Grace about any single friends she might want to set him up with. Grace humored him, but I noticed that she never really committed to anything.
“I’ll probably meet a lot of single girls tonight if I’m with Grace,” he said. “Girls always like to go after guys who they think are with other girls.” He glanced at Grace and said, “Why is that?”
“I don’t know. I wasn’t aware of that,” Grace said, raising an eyebrow.
He shrugged. “Just a general observation.”
I cut in. “Slow down. I think the club’s up this way, a little farther down on the right.” I looked out the window. “Yeah, there it is. Just pull into the lot around the back.” We unloaded our stuff, and I gave Grace some things to carry so she’d look like she was with the band. Then we headed inside.
Cole and the rest of the guys were already setting up in the back, so I told Grace to just stand around and try to look official, which made her laugh.
“Okay, how’s this?” she asked as she grabbed a clipboard and pretended to write something down.
“Perfect,” I said, and kissed the top of her head.
No matter how streamlined we believed our set-up process to be, there was always some sort of glitch. Then everyone would get into a tizzy, running around looking for whatever the missing item of the night was. Tonight was no different--our extension cords seemed to be missing, and it was nearly ten o’clock – show time – when we finally located them. I told Grace to just stay with Scott. “Don’t order anything from the bar,” I instructed her. “Let Scott do it, and aside from that, just sit back and enjoy the show.”
“She’s in good hands,” Scott said as he took her hand and held it up for me to see.
“See you later.” I said and then kissed her again. I couldn’t seem to stop doing that.
“Good luck,” she said, then I watched the two of them walk hand in hand to the bar. There was a decent crowd, nothing like J.D.’s, but it was still early. After the owner of the club introduced us, we took to the stage and started off with some early Led Zeppelin. We’d been playing for about an hour when I realized that the crowd had nearly doubled in size.
I could see from the stage that Grace and Scott had gotten a seat at the bar, and it looked like she was having a good time and enjoying the show. Mickey and Dean had joined them, along with a girl I didn’t recognize. We were about ready to take a ten minute break – just long enough to grab a beer in the back room, change my sweaty t-shirt, and say hi to Grace – but before I was even halfway done with my beer it was time to go back on.
I strapped my guitar back on and quickly scanned the crowd for her. She was still in the same spot at the bar, in what looked like deep conversation with Scott and Mickey. Satisfied that she was okay, I adjusted my guitar strap and waited for Cole to get started.
Cole began with a sort of intro, which I’d always thought was weird because usually that kind of thing is done before the show starts. Cole liked to do it halfway through, said it was more personal or something. As he spoke to the crowd, I looked around at all the unfamiliar faces when suddenly I caught sight of two very familiar faces coming through the front doors.
Shit. It was Amber and Kristen.
My eyes locked on the two of them as they snaked their way through the crowd, closer to the bar. The two of them ordered beers and then began to move toward the center of the long bar to where Grace was.
They stopped to talk to two guys, and I thought I was safe, but then they continued on. I knew as soon as they spotted Scott because I saw Amber tug at Kristen’s arm and motion towards him with her chin. They stopped and whispered something to each other. Both of them watched for a minute before moving closer. Shit, shit, shit!
There was nothing I could do but watch as they kept getting closer. By this time Cole had finished with the introductions and was about to start up the second half of the show, but I kept my eyes on the bar, watching as Kristen tapped Scott on the shoulder. Scott turned around, and I saw a look of genuine surprise on his face. I could see the four of them standing together – Scott, Grace, Amber and Kristen – and I could make out the fact that Scott was uncomfortably making the introductions.
I saw Amber turn to Grace, smiling as she said something. I couldn’t move as Cole and the rest of the band began to play. There, in slow motion, right before my very eyes, my worlds began to collide.
Chapter 47
Grace
“Oh, you must be Tanner’s girlfriend. Nice to meet you, Grace,” Amber said after Scott introduced us.
I smiled and nodded at the attractive girl whom I remembered from the tailgate party back in the fall. “Hi, we’ve actually met. It was a while ago, though.”
“We have?”
“Yeah, you probably don’t recognize me,” I said, now embarrassed remembering my mousey appearance back then. “My hair was a lot different.”
She looked at me curiously, but I could tell that she had no memory of our brief encounter. “I’m sorry, I don’t remember
. How long ago was it?”
“It was back in the fall, at the tailgate party before the big game,” I told her.
Suddenly recognition flashed across her face. “Oh, yeah! Now I remember. You and Tanner were hanging out by Scott’s truck, right?”
“Yeah, that’s right,” I confirmed.
“Oh, that was a while ago. When did you guys meet anyway?” she asked curiously.
“At the beginning of last semester,” I told her, hoping she wouldn’t press any further. I hated when people asked when Tanner and I started dating. I never knew what to say. It certainly wasn’t last September, but I didn’t really know when it was. It just sort of happened. Fortunately, she didn’t ask.
By this time the show had started back up, so I turned my attention toward the stage and Tanner. About fifteen minutes later Amber sidled up to me. “He’s got a lot of talent, don’t you think?”
“Oh, yeah. They’re great,” I replied, “This is the first show I’ve seen.”
“Really? You’ve never gone to J.D.’s?”
“Well,” I confessed, “actually I’m underage, so I’m really not supposed to be here or J.D.’s for that matter…but don’t tell anyone.”
“Your secret’s safe here,” she said with a smile. I noticed then that her friend was missing. When I looked past her, I saw Scott, Dean, and Mickey with their eyes glued to the two of us, each wearing identical expressions on their faces.
I turned to Amber and jokingly said, “Looks like you’ve got a fan club.”
She glanced at the three guys but quickly turned back to me. “I think I’ll pass,” she said, laughing quietly.
I smiled and turned back toward the stage, but she kept trying to talk to me and it was getting annoying. I really wanted to watch the show since I didn’t know when I’d get the chance to see the band play again.