She lifted her sweet lips from his. “What are you thinking about?”
The question every man in the world dreaded. But after all she’d done for him, Tessa had a right to know what his fucked-up mind was chewing on. “That I don’t think I’m good for you.”
An adorable little line appeared between her eyebrows. “You don’t get to decide that.”
“You’d decide that for yourself if I told you everything that goes through my mind when I think about you. Tess, I’m not who you think I am. The laid-back me is just a freakin’ paint job. But when I’m around you, it starts to chip away.”
And that scared the shit out of him because she deserved more. Someone better. Safer.
“That’s an excuse you use to push people away. To push me away. And you are not a man who was made to be alone.”
She would drop his ass if she knew just how dishonest he’d been with her. “How do you know I’m not meant to be alone?”
Because that was what his dad had been saying, right? If you’re not good for your family, for the people you love, then you should just leave them the hell alone.
Tessa’s smile, when it came, was like a beacon. Something Jonah would crawl through fire and broken glass for. “Because God saw to it that you had a big, nosy family. And whether you know it or not, you try to gather people together. You want to make people’s lives better.”
How could she say that, much less believe it?
“You don’t agree?” She tapped a finger against her lips as if trying to dig up ways to convince him. “Besides how much you love your family, there’s the fact that you built a company of people you cared about. Cared enough to treat them like people instead of coding machines. You bailed your hometown out of bankruptcy. You built a women’s and children’s shelter—a gathering place for people in need.”
He glanced away, but she touched his shoulder and asked, “Why did you bring some Steele Trap folks back together the other night? You never said.”
“I had an idea for a new app.” Something that could mitigate situations like what happened to Doris’s kids. And like Tessa’s.
“And you wanted to involve people you care about.”
“It was stupid. I could do the whole thing myself.”
“Of course you could,” she agreed. “But that’s not the point. The point is I think you miss being part of a team.”
Was she right?
Since he’d returned to North Carolina, he’d been happiest when he was in the middle of a project involving other people, most often his brothers and sisters.
“Maybe.” But that wasn’t something for him to figure out tonight. Tonight, the person he needed to connect with was Tessa. He reached out and trailed his fingers down her arm.
“Jonah, your chest…”
Fuck his chest. He’d strip off pieces of his skin if it meant he could be with her—be inside her—now. “It’s fine.”
Her fingertips brushed one of the bandages, light as a breeze, and the resulting sliver of pain electrified him, made him shudder.
“See,” she said. “That hurt you.”
“I can honestly say that nothing has ever felt as good as you do.”
Her gaze fell from his face, telling Jonah all he needed to know about her belief in his words. How could he show her, convince her, he felt more for her than he had any other woman? That he might, just might, be worth her time? Her love.
His dad’s warning floated through his head again. But Jonah knew that real emotional pain was caused when one person abandoned another. When he was unwilling to be vulnerable enough to tell the truth.
“That thing you said about pain and pleasure? How they sometimes work together? I…I think I’m wired that way.”
She glanced down at the towel that was barely covering the substantial hard-on he’d developed as she bandaged his blistered skin. “So you like pain with your pleasure?”
“I don’t want to scare you. I would never hurt you.”
Her palm was soft and warm against his cheek. “I know that. Tell me what you mean. Bondage? Discipline? Rough sex?”
God, when she said it like that, it made him want to walk the fuck away from her and never come back. Jonah rolled off the bed and to his feet, and his towel dropped to the wood floor. He reached for it, but Tessa caught his hand. “Talk to me.”
“I’m not into whips and shit. I don’t mean that.”
“Okay. But even if you were, that wouldn’t make you a bad person.”
“I…just like to run the show.”
“And that worries you.”
“When it comes to you, yes.”
“Have you ever forced yourself on a woman?”
“Fuck no.”
“Then as long as whatever you do, whatever you want, is consensual, you have no reason to feel bad about it.”
“But what I want and what you need aren’t the same thing.”
“You don’t know that. And the only way we’ll figure it out is to try it. Turn out the light and come back to bed.”
He glanced at the switch, instinct and habit making him want to flick off the overhead light. “I want it on.”
He realized that he meant it. He had a real chance to change the images of Tessa—blacked out and bleeding—in his head. Exorcise them from his soul. He ran a hand down her thigh, urging her to turn sideways on the bed. “Scoot to the edge.”
“Are you sure about the light—”
“I am. Do it, Tessa.”
Her eyes flared with arousal, and she scooted around until her hips were at the mattress edge.
His breathing already uneven, Jonah sank to his knees and slowly ran his hands along her legs, giving special attention to the fragile bones in her ankles and touching each of her red-painted toes. “Damn, your feet are sexy.”
She laughed. “I think you have a fever.”
“Seriously. I didn’t realize feet could be a turn-on.” He traced a pattern on the sensitive skin of her instep and watched the way her thighs tensed and released. Oh, yeah. There were distinct advantages to being able to see every move Tessa made. It would take him years to find all her secret spots, all her hot buttons.
For long minutes, he skimmed his fingers up her calves and explored the topography of her knees. A light touch behind one almost made her jackknife off the bed.
“Ticklish?” he asked.
Her breath was coming fast and shallow. “I…I don’t know how much of this I can stand.”
“Don’t like it?” By the scent that was coming off her skin—hot and spicy—she liked what he was doing just fine. “Spread your legs.”
She did so immediately, revealing a delicious landscape of smooth golden-brown skin. With the movement, her nightie rode up, revealing a skinny strip of lace between her legs, the center dark and damp.
The need to rip away the fabric covering her hummed through his blood. He wanted to put his mouth right there, suck and tongue-fuck her until she screamed. Then he would do it all over again with his fingers. And again with his cock.
But he forced himself to concentrate on her inner thighs, stroking and kissing until her hips were arcing off the bed.
His own arousal was at the edge, his dick pulsing with the blood surging into it.
“Take off your gown. I want to see your breasts.”
Slowly, Tessa pushed herself up and crossed her arms to draw the soft fabric over and off her body. Her breasts—fucking amazing under any circumstances—were spectacular. Swollen with pointed dark nipples.
The sight made him want to push her back, climb on top, and just…fuck her. Trying to will away the intensity of his need, Jonah closed his eyes and breathed.
“Are you hurting?” she asked.
“Like you wouldn’t believe.”
“I knew we shouldn’t have—”
“I’m talking about this.” He reached between his legs to circle his cock with his fist. The pressure of his own touch almost had him shooting off.
Tes
sa laughed softly. “Do men ever think of anything besides their penises?”
He snorted. “Cars, the remote control, football, and women.”
“And with that last one, we’re back to penises.”
“You have to admit they’re pretty handy inventions.”
“They would be if you’d ever do something with yours.”
That forced a bark of laughter from him. “Are you sure?”
“I will tell you if I don’t like something, so stop worrying and touch me.”
He splayed a hand in the center of her chest, savoring the lush feel of her breasts against his fingers, and pushed her back down to the mattress. He grasped her hips and dragged her forward.
Without warning, he put his mouth on her, biting lightly through her panties. Her body convulsed and she let out a strangled moan.
“More?” he murmured against her inner thigh.
“Much, much more.” Her body went lax, was his to command. The sheer trust she was giving him wrapped around Jonah’s heart and squeezed.
“You might want to hold on, then.” Because he wouldn’t let up until she couldn’t take any more. And he’d already discovered she was tougher, stronger than he’d ever imagined.
He hooked a finger through the lace covering her and ran his knuckle along her silky skin, giving extra attention to her clitoris. Soon her hips were lifting and she was making needy, greedy sounds. Jonah’s stomach jumped with excitement and visceral need. Hands shaking, he yanked her panties down her legs and let them fall to the floor.
Sweet, sweet, sweet. The sight of her, bared to him, made Jonah want to drop to his knees and thank God. Since he was already kneeling, he did send up a little manly chin lift to the one responsible for the perfection of Tessa’s body.
She was a gift. Maybe a gift meant just for him.
He edged her knees wider so he could fit his shoulders between her legs. His first lick was long and slow, a delicious taste of ice cream after years of summer.
“Fuuuck,” she moaned, and Jonah pressed his face against her to suppress his laughter. She patted his head, a little harder than strictly necessary. “Jonah…”
So he gave her every bit of his skill and attention, licking and sucking and love-biting. The noises and words she was rambling made his balls draw up and his nipples harden. He brought her to the point of sobbing, then circled his lips around her clitoris and plunged two fingers inside her.
She was coming before he could seat his fingers to the palm. Hard, unrelenting clenches of her muscles. Her orgasm rolled on and on, bringing Jonah a mind-blowing pleasure and pride. They were so damn good together.
This time, when she touched his head, it was to pet his hair. “Wow,” she slurred.
His laugh came from deep inside.
“You should get an award.”
Jonah didn’t even want to think about the shape of the trophy he might be given for his oral sex technique. “The only thing I want is you.”
Her eyes heavy and satisfied, she lifted herself on her elbows. Her hair was a wild halo. “Pretty sure you just had me.”
“What was that promise about showing me how flashy, powerful, and fast you are?”
She reached out as if to pat his chest, but stopped before she touched his skin. “That was before this.”
There were positions that would make his burns a nonissue, one of them with Tessa on her knees and him behind like last time. His cock liked the idea of that just fine, but it didn’t fit with what was happening inside him. He wanted to watch her eyes, see her pretty face, when he made her come hard.
He scrambled to gather up the bed pillows. He’d owe Grif an entire linen replacement after tonight, but who the hell cared.
“Lift up,” he ordered.
She did a clumsy roll to one side and he shoved three pillows under her back and ass.
“That okay?”
“Ah…yes.”
It was perfect, actually, lifting her almost to his hip level. Jonah leaned over her body, supporting himself with his arms, and kissed her. The feel of her mouth against his, the sweep of her tongue was as exciting and intimate as the taste of her on his lips.
Her hands hovered at his sides.
“Touch me,” he said.
But instead of winding her arms around him as he expected, she fisted his dick, lying hard and tight against his belly. Jonah gritted his teeth against the eye-crossing bliss of her hand sliding up and down him.
But he needed more. Needed to be a part of her. Needed to have her.
That’s when reality struck him, almost gutting him with his idiocy.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” he chanted.
“Yes, please,” Tessa said.
“Condom,” he gritted out.
“Check the bag on the dresser.”
“Huh?”
“Brynne is going to be your new favorite sister-in-law.”
Jonah pushed himself up and stumbled over to the bag. He shoved his hand all the way to the bottom and came up with a row of foil packages. Yeah, Brynne would get a big ol’ thank-you from him.
When he returned to the bed, Tessa’s smile told him she knew exactly how thankful he was. He ripped into the package and rolled on protection.
“By the way,” Tessa said softly. “I’m on the pill and I’m clean. Since… Well, I get tested regularly.”
The indirect reference to her attack knotted up Jonah’s stomach. Don’t fuck this up, he told himself. She’s moved on. It’s time for you to do the same damn thing.
“Me too. Clean, I mean. Not the pill.”
“Then how about this?” Her smile and gaze never wavered as she reached down and rolled the rubber off his dick. Jonah’s brain knocked against the top of his skull, making him woozy and stupid. He was about to slide inside a woman without a barrier for the first time in his life.
Her smile wavered. “I’m sorry. Maybe I was too forward—”
“No. It’s just…I need a sec to get my mind around it. I’ve never—”
“Neither have I.”
A beginning. A fresh start. Isn’t that what he’d wished for for years? He couldn’t turn back time, but he and Tessa could experience this as a first, together.
He bent over her, supporting himself with one arm, while he positioned himself between her legs. He went light-headed at the feel of her—hot and wet—against him.
Tessa raised her knees and reached between them. Together, they led him inside her body in a slow, smooth slide. Once they were fully joined, Tessa let her hand fall away. Jonah lifted it above her head and twined their fingers together. Did the same with the other.
Tessa’s dark eyes were wide open, and Jonah had a feeling if he looked closely enough, he could see into her heart and her soul.
“Be with me,” she whispered. “The whole me.”
Her words wrenched something inside his chest. They were multilayered, asking him to open himself fully to her and to accept that she wasn’t broken.
“Yes.”
Her fingers tightened around his, and she lifted her hips to draw him deeper. When he moved, it was like a spiritual experience. Slightly unreal, yet blinding in its satisfaction. Its sheer rightness.
Their bodies touched at only two points, but Jonah couldn’t have felt closer to Tessa if he’d been able to climb inside her skin with her.
“Feels so good,” Tessa said, her eyes taking on a dazed expression. “Like…like…”
“Being complete.” He changed the angle of his thrust to rub against her G Spot.
Her legs wound around his hips and clasped him tight, limiting his range of motion. God, if only he could lie chest-to-chest with her. He could get his hands under her ass and love her with long strokes. Instead, he pressed kisses to her wrists, each in turn, and disengaged their hands.
“Don’t…”
“I’m not going anywhere.” Not ever again. He’d run enough. Avoided her for far longer than he should have. He gripped the backs of her thighs and, much
as it pained him, unwound her legs from around his hips. That gave him the leverage he needed to slide in and out of her at an angle that had her moaning and shaking within seconds. “Like that?”
“I’m…oh, I can’t…” She clutched at the sheets, wadding handfuls as she tried to get closer to his touch, to the thrust of his cock.
Another small adjustment and Jonah was rubbing her clit on every stroke. “Let go. You’re safe with me.”
The way she was writhing under him, he knew she was close. Probably would’ve been climbing his body if she could. He’d be a liar if he said that didn’t feed his ego.
He wanted this to be the best she’d ever had. He wanted to be the last man she ever wanted.
“Please,” she said, her thighs struggling against his tight hold. She was fighting him. She didn’t want this.
Uncertainty rose up in him and he almost released her. But a tiny rational part of him understood she was fighting to get closer to him, not fighting to get away from him.
He drove into her harder, his ass clenching with the effort to hold off his own orgasm.
Her muscles bore down on him as she started coming, and Tessa reared up and nipped his shoulder. And holy fuck, the feel of her sharp little teeth sent a current of pure electricity through his body and out his dick.
Unable to control his instincts, he flat-out fucked her. Without thought, without concern, definitely without remorse. And when his own orgasm rose and spilled over, he came close to blacking out. At the last second, he caught himself before he collapsed and crushed Tessa beneath him.
“Jonah?” she asked, her voice seeming to come from miles away. “Are you okay?”
Somehow, he managed to roll them to their sides, barely registering that his own sweat was seeping under the bandages and stinging the wounds on his torso. “Tessa, God…I think I love you.”
23
Jonah’s family obviously had some strange affinity for early morning visits, because when Tessa woke, someone was knocking at the bedroom door. The Steeles also had a problem with house key sharing.
It felt as if she and Jonah had plunged into a sleep coma only seconds before. He was sprawled on his back, one arm hanging off the bedside and one covering her pelvic area. That man had sleep groping habits.
Stripping Bare (Steele Ridge Book 7) Page 22