Tears of Leyden

by Baysinger-Ott, Naomi

  I slowly remove my hands from his stomach and am momentarily distracted at the dark stain it leaves on his shirt. It is unsettling and distinct on the white fabric, and I almost want to request him to dip it in the water to lose some of the blood, but I know he is busier with getting us to the shore. He glances into my eyes as though looking for any secret resentment or further pain, but finding none, he backs a step back and turns away onto our path along the boat. I begin to follow, but accidentally drop my hand under the water and stop with a gasp at the pain which shoots through the cut. He turns and steps back as I move my fingers of the hand and the blood begins to rise again. “Keep it out of the water…washing it here isn’t beneficial without minerals and salt to disinfect…you are more likely to contract infections here.”

  I cradle my hand in the other and keep it close to me. After a moment, he turns again and walks on. I follow. We pass the area where Zenith is and I look away from the sight of him floating in the water. Nadeje pauses a moment, then slowly steps toward him. As he reaches Zenith, he takes the limp figure and drags it to the boat. I feel my heart hammer as I fear what he plans to do, but it stops as he props him up against the ship and taking Zenith’s knife from his belt, pins it through his shirt and into the wood boards of the ship. Nadeje looks away immediately and starts on again. I do not follow directly but watch Zenith a moment longer. I feel a twinge in my heart at his stillness and move forward with Nadeje.

  We are at the tip of the boat when Nadeje stops. He looks out through the shadows and across the crowds. There is still a fair amount of people waiting and moving in the line. I look out to see if any of my vader’s guards are searching through them, or if Sir Marren is running about, but all is as before. It dawns on me that Zenith probably didn’t have time to call out an alarm. He went to search for me himself, I do not want to put reason as to why, but he must have spent ten minutes running here and there until he found Nadeje and I in the water. I feel my cheeks burn as I wonder how long he had been standing there before we took notice at the sound. I push away the thoughts and focus on Nadeje in front of me as he scans the perimeter.

  “I came around the other way…it was quieter…” he speaks to himself. He backs a step back and I accidentally bump into him. I don’t mind it. I like to feel that he is still with me. “Though it is deep…” he takes another moment to decide, then steps forward. I follow, but he stops as he reaches the view of the platform coming down the ship. He quickly backs away and sighs. “Stay behind me,” he orders gently. I watch him a moment and can’t help but love his protection for me. I feel ashamed at my selfishness of the thought and look away to the water. He steps forward. I follow closely. He stealthily steps ahead and then with assurance hurries beneath the platform with me at his back. He turns and finding me still too far out from under, he draws me in. I curse myself as I flush at his closeness. He moves aside and looks up as the steps above us thud. Shadows fall through the cracks as they pass, and Nadeje watches a moment as though thinking. “You cannot swim?” he looks at me.

  I shake my head faintly and he seems defeated.

  “I didn’t expect differently,” he looks away as though thinking again. He turns away from me and walks to the other side of the platform above us, careful not to splash. I do not follow, thinking it unnecessary. He looks out through the side and at the open space of water. He sighs. “You wouldn’t make it that way.”

  I feel my heart falter at his sadness and the “you” in his sentence. I can’t help but wonder if it implied to me or anyone who tried.

  He turns and seeing me watching, heads back. When he reaches me, he reaches out and gently touches my hands. I meet his request and let go of the wounded one. He takes it and opens it slowly to check the bleeding. It has scabbed a little on the edges, but he seems displeased. He gently releases it into my other hand then quickly reaches up and begins untying his collar still caught about his throat. I watch him and feel flutters inside as he pulls it off over his head, then something above us catches my attention. A shadow had fallen over our heads and remains unmoving. I am called away as he takes my hands again and forget the shadow just as shortly as I had glimpsed it. He very tenderly begins to wrap it around my wounded one. I watch him work as he bandages it, and hardly feel the pain of the fabric as he presses it to make sure of its fitting. He tucks the remaining piece under a layer on the back of my hand and then holds it a moment longer. I do not look up at him or avoid him. I just let him hold it lovingly. Then, he releases it and steps back.

  I am too shaken still to say thank you, but as he steps away again to look for an escape, I doubt he wants me to say it. He turns back to me and looks sure of something. “Lyra,” he requests me softly. I silently hurry forward and glance up as there is a thump above us. I make it to him and he lightly reaches out and takes my arm. “I need you to do what I do exactly…if I duck under the water, you must too. You must trust me. I wish I didn’t have to lead you at all like this…but if I have to I need us to be careful,” he looks me in the eyes for a promise. “I swim, and you must swim.”

  As much as it unsettles me to think of water going over my head I trust him; though I do not trust the water. I nod and his grip relaxes. Then, he lets go.

  He turns and after a look around us, he steps out. I follow quickly as he nears the shore. He stays low in the water and so I must do the same, ignoring the sting in my hand as it is submerged in my hurry to follow. He occasionally veers away from the shore and I am taken with him, but then he tries again to near it. I stay a few feet behind, and try to replicate his every move.

  We are half way across the shore, when suddenly he ducks. I am about to, when I feel my heart falter. This is water…I could drown. I hesitate. I plunge. Immediately I forget how not to breathe and inhale. This is my flaw. I need air as I try to cough it out, but under water it doesn’t work. It is dark and I cannot see. I shift on accident and I can’t remember which way is up and which way is down. Then, Nadeje grabs me. I feel him pull me to him and I expect him to guide me to the surface, but instead, he holds me down. I grip his shoulder but he does not let me go. I need air…I press against him but he forces me down to remain. I choke on more water and my eyes open to his chest as he pulls me close. I weaken and he grows rigid. Then, he lifts me and my head is out of the water. I gasp and cough and choke and he pulls me into his throat to block the sound of my near drowning. I sob out in apology but he seems unconcerned by my noises. He combs his hand into my hair and I sob again. I am crying.

  When I have stopped chocking out the water, he gently draws me back and seems softened. “You are fine…I won’t let you go down again…I should’ve been more careful. I had to keep you down longer in case they were still looking. I’m sorry.”

  I can’t help but lean against him a moment to rest. He doesn’t push me away, but doesn’t just relax with me. He begins to walk backwards, looking out for danger. When we have gone a few steps, I lift away to move. I release him and he goes ahead so I can follow. I realize how close we are to the shore and feel a little hope flutter in my chest.

  Soon it is too shallow to stay beneath the water, and he crawls up over the ledge of rock where the wall had stood. He turns and looks around, and seeing no one, reaches to me and helps me over. Once more he looks around, then stands from his kneel and I follow slowly. He steps in front of me to block me from view of the ship and crowds, and I hurriedly ring out my skirts from the water gushing down my legs. When I have given up a few seconds later, he slowly starts forward on our path.

  “Keep in exact step with me,” he directs firmly.

  I do as he says, watching his strides and trying to be his shadow. He leads me towards the crowd where we most likely will be able to blend with all the people there, but as we near, I grow uneasy. I look up to the boat and notice the sailors on lookout for the first time. They wouldn’t know though if we blended…

  Nadeje leads me into the line and starts through, but as he does, I notice a Dutch soldier’s f
ace, coming closer to me. I rush in beside Nadeje to tell him, but as I do someone bumps my shoulder and I am forced back. I turn my head to make sure he is gone, when I notice a second officer’s uniform…then a third, and a fourth, and one more…

  I stop in my tracks and Nadeje does too. He turns to me, but his eyes catch on something behind. I look past him to make sure they weren’t there too, and I realize are in perfect outlook of Sir Marren.

  I feel cornered. Nadeje seems to realize the trap as I do. He grabs me by the wrist and hastily pulls me to the other side where we entered. It would have been a wise decision, had it not been for the wiser strategy of my vader’s crew. As we break out of the crowd, we are just more vulnerable. Suddenly, all the different soldiers pour into our space. Nadeje pulls me away and toward the ship, but there is more coming from there than the last way. Behind and gradually encircling us is the crowd and before us is the water.

  I feel my heart pound and I begin to tense again. Nadeje does not release my wrist, but also does not draw me closer. I feel lost as they race forward. Then, they’re on us.

  I feel my heart waver and wish to run away, but then I realize it isn’t me that they’re after now; it’s Nadeje. I step closer trying to block him, but before I can even finish the step, they grab him. I let out a scream as they grasp me too and pull me back and away, but their grips are such that struggling is futile. I fight forward as they pull him backwards and pin his arms to his side, holding him rigid. They force up his chin and there is a moment of confusion as I try to get away and I am jerked back. I stumble but anxiously restart my battle.

  When I look again they are holding him still and there is a knife at his throat. I scream. “No! No…leave him be!” I sob out and yank forward.

  One of my holders jerks me and I accidentally fall back against him so that he stumbles and the other soldier’s grip is lessoned. I rip free and bolt forward. In seconds I cross the distance from my spot to Nadeje, and as soon as I am within two feet I throw myself full bodied against him.

  My arms go around his neck and I clasp to him. My weight and speed causes him to stumble, and his holders are forced to move as he nearly falls back against them. I cling to him with everything I can and don’t let go as he braces our fall. His arms lock around me in defense, and I clutch harder. I feel their footsteps thumping near over the ground, and without a hesitation Nadeje rolls, wrapping me close as I go beneath him. He curls around me and shields me with his body, but it is not enough.

  They grasp hold of him and start to pry us apart. I sob out and breathe whimpering into him as I listen fearfully to his gusts of breath as well. There is a strong tug and our bodies are wrenched apart. I hastily catch to him, staying near and going up with his body as they pull him back, but hands push and press me down and I sob out as I slip on my hold. They grab my hands and wrench them off from their grip around his neck and I let out a scream as they pull him back and away from my reach. His legs grapple around me as he struggles to stay with me, but they are stronger and he slips there too. “No!” I gasp and sob fighting against their hands as they press me down. He brawls against their hold and it manages to interfere slightly with their formulation, but more than this is hopeless.

  “HOLD!”

  It meets all ears and everything stops as they follow the voice of my vader’s command. They are his men and must to remain so, but I am not.

  I don’t hold.

  I hurriedly thrash up and fling my arms around Nadeje’s neck, breaking away from their securement. I feel his face bury against me and he forcefully salvages his arms back around my waist. I pull him down and hold him tight, pulling hard on his neck and breathing in the river drift still in his drying hair. It is silent as I listen to his breaths past me, feeling his chest move against mine and the faint thump of his heartbeat. It is still calm, but mine is drumming.

  There are the sounds of passing words and I half listen and half don’t, only wanting to feel Nadeje against me if it was the last time. There were some shuffling feet and I feel the stillness between us tighten.

  “Get them apart,” it is gentle but firm and the words unwanted.

  The feeling of hands gripping onto my waist and pulling off my arms is cruel and tormenting and I tighten to remain close. Nadeje grimaces against my neck and crushes me to him as they grab at him too. They draw at his arms and twist back my fingers from his hair as they pull us apart. I sob out as he is taken from me and lifted away. I am trembling everywhere and feel exposed without him hiding me, but mostly I feel terrified for his exposure. I reach for him and the last contact between us is my fingertips brushing his white shirt. We are separated. I let out a small cry as they raise him to his feet and begin to drag me up as well. I choke on tears as my back scrapes the dirt’s gravel, but the pain is lessoned as they lift me up straight.

  They half carry me to my feet and when I am there I am still trembling so that it makes it difficult to stand and easier for them to take control. They lock my arms behind my back and tie them there with their own grips. I do not fight now, feeling their ready for any tricks this time, and they hold no weapon to Nadeje. I feel my heart waver as they draw him back a few steps and I am persuaded to move, but I stand knowing my weakness against their greatness is pointless.

  “Get them in their rooms …” the words are half there and half not.

  I pay no attention to the order until action is made. They start pulling him back. I feel my heart plummet. He resists against it but they force him back and begin driving him away from me. Now I do not assent it and feel stimulated.

  I jerk forward. “Leave him alone!” they grasp me back but also I am guided after. I stop fighting a moment as we go in the same direction. I pull forward wanting to be with him but they once more resist it and I am stopped. I watch as we near the ship and a tingling starts in my throat as I try to think of what they will do to him here…what they will do to me here.

  In a minute of uncertain silence from me, we are moving up the platform. I fear it as Nadeje reaches the top and my heart races as I imagine them guiding him a different route through the ship, but I am relieved. Some of the men release him but stay within reaching distance, and one of the holders left draws his sword. I sob out and hurry towards them, but they stop me and I let them as I see them continue to move, only holding the weapon to his back, informing him of their power. I watch their every move as they walk on, and every step they make I feel the need to bolt forward to stop their ferocity against him, though I never have to.

  I feel my stomach churn as I watch them stop at the trap door that leads down to the bed chambers, where my room is. We slow until one is down and the other forces Nadeje to comply and follow, still holding the sword down over his head as he climbs. I beg Nadeje silently not to fight, for once, to let them take him down. I try to send him a message promising that I will follow, but I feel the distance and know not why I even try.

  They move me and I realize it is our turn. I let them do similar with me, and one goes down and I immediately follow as others wait for me to get down. When I drop to the bottom, the soldier catches me in his grasp and calls up to the other men. I hear one start to climb down and my holder begins to guide me to the left, down the dark passage, to my room. Soft candle lamps hanging from glass jars hooked up to the wooden boards of the walls light the way, but there is still hardly any light at all.

  I see Nadeje up ahead and my heart falters as I see them unlock a door and without giving any warning push him through. I do not race after and make myself remain as they continue to guide me steadily in the room’s direction. As we walk, we pass the few doors with numbers carved into the wood. We near his, but the moment I think I will get to be with him again, they lead me off the hallway and towards another open chamber.

  I immediately revolt and pull back, but two men had followed us and quickly catch me from behind, urging me on. I cry out and shake my head, turning and pushing against them, but they draw me through the doorway.

&n
bsp; “No! No, Nadeje! Stop! Let me go…no! Let go! NO!” I scream out as they force me in, and I desperately grasp at the door frame, but as I do, there is a searing pain and a rip in my palm, and I realize I used the wrong hand.

  I scream. They do not understand and rip me back, but I don’t let go, and this only stretches it more. I scream again as the bandage does nothing to help me and without meaning to I trip back and stumble. Before they can catch me I clatter to the floor.

  Nadeje must have heard the commotion. I hear the sounds of metal banging to the floor and shouts as he becomes a part of it. I cannot stable myself as they begin to lift me and I feel my head thud to a point of agony. Everything is spinning and I feel that I have hit my head when I fell. I sob out once, but it is weak and a breath that lasts no more than a pant.

  “Lyra?” It is one of the men lifting me.

  I cannot respond as it all blurs together. I feel blood soak through the cloth as I clench my hand into a fist and darkness envelopes me. I go unconscious.

  Chapter 26

  The moment I hear her scream, I know it has happened. I jerk towards the door and my holder drops his sword with a bang. He clutches to me and another quickly assists him as I pull for freedom to get to her.

  I hear her screaming and my heart batters as I thrash at them. “You hurt her!”

  They push me back and before I can stable myself they draw me to the far side of the room. I hear shouts and the soft sound of her voice as she sobs for me. My heart aches and I tear forward. I am restrained, and the door to my room slams shut. I madly rip at my holders but they have full power over me and I am forced back.

  Then I hear a thump and the room next door goes quiet.

  My head roars in intuition and I feel my blood surge.

  “Lyra!” I bellow and fiercely tug at them, but even as they release me I hit the door and find it locked.

  I am thrown back and I can’t process anything until I am on the ground. I hear a knock on the door and its unbolting. Before I am back on my feet they slam it shut again. I jump up anyways and race to it. I place my hands to the door and feel the wood. It is solid and not unlocked. I pant out a harsh Spanish proverb and feel my skin burning from my fight. I turn away and pace the room as I try to think of a way out, and also try not to think of what they could have done to her.