by Naomi West
Why did Saxton have such a huge place if he was single? Not like he had a wife and kids to fill the rooms. Sara could only dream of having something like this for her son to grown up in. It almost felt like a waste that just one man lived there while her and Ian were crammed into such a tiny space. But, that’s what illegal activity got you. Big risk, but big money.
“Well, I guess some people just like having more space.” Sara locked the car and took Ian’s hand to lead him inside the house.
She pointed to the round wooden table in the corner of the kitchen. “Why don’t you sit there and do your homework?”
“I don’t have any homework.” He dropped his book bag loudly on the floor.
Sara cringed. “We need to be more quiet, okay?”
“Is your friend still sleeping?”
“Maybe. I’ll check. Just sit here and play quietly.”
Sara walked lightly up the stairs to Saxton’s room. She pushed opened the door, and he opened his eyes to look at her.
“You’re awake.”
“Yup. Who’s here?”
She stepped into the room and shut the door behind her. “I had to get my son from school. Is that okay?”
He took a moment to answer. “I don’t know that the place is safe for kids. I have weapons everywhere.”
“I won’t let him get into anything. I just can’t afford a sitter and and my neighbor had bingo today.”
“Can’t afford it?” He pushed himself up so that he was sitting against the headboard. “What happened to the eight grand?”
Sara scratched the back of her neck. “It all had to go to his schooling. I owed them some money and that paid for back tuition and most of the rest of the year.”
He nodded. “And now you’re back to struggling to pay bills?”
She shrugged. “That’s how it’s always been, I guess.”
“That’s a shitty way to live.”
“It’s what I’m used to.”
“Doesn’t make it any less shitty.”
“And it also doesn’t change the facts. Being a single mom is expensive. I’m doing whatever I have to do to make ends meet.”
“What about his dad?” he asked.
“Long gone.”
“How much does he pay in child support?”
“You have to have a job and an address to pay child support.”
Saxton shook his head. “Low life.”
“Guess I know how to pick them, huh?”
He chuckled. “Is that why you’re still here? I’m just another low life you need to take care of?” Something of a challenge danced across his eyes while he waited for her answer.
“I sure hope not. You don’t seem like that type.”
He raised an eyebrow at her. “You think you know my type?”
Sara lifted a shoulder and his moment of anger from earlier came back to her mind. She really didn’t know him at all. “Maybe not.”
“I’m not a good guy. Not like the type of good guy you deserve.”
“Me?” She shook her head. “What makes you think I’m good enough to deserve someone good?”
“You are. I can see it. You’re a good mother. Probably would take real good care of your man. Cook him dinner and all that. You work hard to send your kid to an expensive school. You probably even go to church and teach Sunday school.”
Sara felt her face warm. He made her seem so simple. And he had her figured out completely. “I don’t teach Sunday school anymore. After church shifts can be very busy and profitable.”
He chuckled. “I’m not at all surprised. You’re just a good girl who needs a good man. And I’m nothing but trouble.”
“What makes you—”
“Mommy?” Ian pushed open the door and entered the room, a drawing clutched tight in his small hand. “Oh.” He looked at Saxton, then back at Sara.
“Go ahead downstairs,” she said, putting her hand on his shoulder. “I’ll be down in a minute.”
“Did you get punched?” Ian asked in awe, taking in the sight of the dark circles under Saxton’s eyes.
Saxton’s mouth pulled into a half smile. “Nope. I think I just look like he—crap because my body is healing.”
Sara gave him a look at his almost curse in front of Ian.
“What are you healing from?” Ian asked.
Saxton looked to Sara, asking with his expression if she should tell the full truth. She shook her head slightly and bent down to Ian.
“Remember I told you that he got a bad cut? Let’s go downstairs and let Saxton rest, okay?”
Sara took Ian’s hand and started to lead him from the room, but paused to look back at Saxton. “Do you need anything?”
He shook his head.
“I’ll go start dinner.”
“I could eat,” Saxton said.
Back in the kitchen, Sara made sure Ian was busy with his paper and crayons, then went to the cabinets to see what food Saxton had.
She opened cabinets and the refrigerator and freezer. He didn’t have much. Some boxes of pasta and ramen noodles. A stack of frozen pizzas in the freezer and a gallon of ice cream. In the cabinet he had cereal, oatmeal packets, an almost empty peanut butter jar, and spaghetti sauce. In the refrigerator was a carton of questionable milk, a few slices of cheese, and a jar of jalapeños.
She would have to do some shopping if she was going to stay and care for him. But for tonight, she took out the pasta and sauce, cheese, and jalapeños. Spaghetti would have to do. A few slices of jalapeño and the cheese would give it a little kick and punch up the taste. She got to work boiling the water and preparing the things to go into the sauce. She set out dishes and silverware and turned to Ian to have him set the table. But the place he’d been sitting was vacant. His crayons lay on the table in a pile and the paper he’d been drawing on was missing.
Chapter Twelve
“Ian?” Sara turned off the stove, walked into the living room, then dining room, looking for him. At the bottom of the stairs, she paused and heard Ian’s voice upstairs.
She went up and heard him talking with Saxton. She stood where she could see just inside the room and listened. Ian stood by Saxton’s bed, the drawing Ian had been working on lay at Saxton’s side.
“Does it hurt?” Ian asked, awe present in his voice.
“A bit. Want to see it?”
“Yeah!”
Saxton moved the covers back and lifted his shirt to reveal the bandage. Then he peeled back the edge to show Ian his bloody wound.
“Whoa,” Ian said. “That looks bad.”
“They stitched me all up and gave me pills for the pain. It’s not too bad.”
“You ride motorcycles?”
“I do. I have a few bikes in my garage.”
“Can I ride on one?”
“Well,” Saxton said, half chuckling, “you’d have to check with your mom. Kinda dangerous for a little boy.”
“I’m not that little.”
Saxton laughed again and ruffled Ian’s hair. “Well, even still, your mom might not want you riding around on a motorcycle with someone like me.”
“Like you? Like a… man?” Ian whispered the last word.
Sara pulled her eyebrows together. Ian had asked about his dad, of course. Other kids at school talked about their fathers, and he saw them at school events. He’d wondered where his was, why he didn’t have one, and had once even asked Sara if she could get him a new one since the one he had wasn’t good. At the time, she’d laughed it off. She barely had time to work enough to pay the bills, let alone go searching for love or have any sort of romantic life. She’d told him that it would be just the two of them, and they didn’t need anyone else.
Had Ian taken it wrong? There was a kid in his class who had lesbian mothers. Maybe he thought something similar would happen for him. Maybe having only women in his life had led him to believe that men were somehow not okay, or that Sara didn’t want a man around. That certainly wasn’t the case. They didn’t spend much ti
me with Carter, but Sara had always hoped he could step in as a male role model for Ian. Though Carter certainly wasn’t a very good role model. Had Ian gotten the impression that all men were dangerous or bad? She’d have to have a long talk with him and make sure he understood that there were plenty of good men out there and that maybe, one day, Sara would be married again. Even if she had no hopes that it would happen anytime soon.
Saxton’s answer was, “I’m not the type of man your mom would want you to hang around. Not a good influence.”
“That’s what she says about my Uncle Carter.”
“Oh yeah?” Saxton asked.
“He gets into trouble with the law.”
Sara put her hand over her mouth to stifle her laugh. He said it so seriously and with so much gravity. It was exactly what she had said to him about Carter more than once when she’d had to go visit him in jail. Ian mimicked her perfectly, even if he didn’t really know what that meant. Better that he not know why Carter got into trouble.
Saxton whispered to him, “Sometimes I do, too.”
Ian leaned in closer. “Are you bad?”
“Some people think so.”
“I don’t think so.”
Sara’s heart softened. She didn’t think Saxton was bad, either, even if he didn’t always do the most legal things. Yet, somehow, it felt like he was making this judgment upon himself because of her, because he thought she thought he wasn’t good. And already Ian could see the goodness in Saxton. The things she saw in him. She hoped that meant something to Saxton. That even a child would see something good in him.
Saxton didn’t say anything to Ian’s proclamation, but Ian moved on. “Do you like boats?”
“Sure. I haven’t spent much time on them, but I have nothing against them. You?”
“I love boats. I asked for Santa to bring me a boat for Christmas.”
“Oh yeah? Like a model boat?”
Ian shook his head fervently. “A real boat. I want a twenty-foot gaff cutter with bright blue sales and clouds painted all over them.”
Saxton whistled. “That’s a nice boat for sure. Where would you go sailing?”
“Well, I’d start in Lake Michigan since it’s so close. Then, for longer trips, I’d go over to Lake Huron, then pretty much just river hop until I get to the Atlantic. Then, maybe to Ireland or Spain. I haven’t really decided yet.”
Sara covered her mouth again. Ian had studied maps since he was old enough to know what they were. And he’d planned many long boating trips. When he talked about it, he always sounded so grown up, so sure of himself. And this was no exception. Ian talked like he was ready to hop on his boat at any time. It did make her sad at times, to know that the reality of Ian ever owning a boat or being able to sail on a trip like that was very low. She never could never afford to buy him a boat or take him on that sort of trip. Maybe he’d end up choosing a career that would get him on the water. That might be his only chance.
“That sounds like a heck of a trip. When will you go?”
“Mmm, I don’t know. Maybe next month. I guess after I get my boat.”
Saxton tried to hide his smile. “Won’t you need to learn how to sail first?”
“Oh, I already know that. I watch a lot of videos online.”
“Oh. Gotcha. Well, I guess you’re all set then.”
“Pretty much,” Ian said. “Do you want to come with me on my trip?”
“I guess it depends. I’d have to be all healed up by then. And your mom would have to approve.”
“I think she will. Do you like her?”
“Of course. She’d been a big help to me.”
“Do you love her?”
Saxton took a moment to respond. “Well, love is one of those things that takes time. I like her, though.”
“Do you think you will love her?”
“I don’t know. Do you think she likes me?”
“Yes. She doesn’t usually have men around. And she told me that someday she might find me a new daddy. Maybe you could be it.”
Sara took a step, ready to go into the room to stop this particular line of conversation. But she hesitated. She wanted to hear what Saxton’s response would be.
“I… think you need to talk to your mom about that.” Saxton’s face was straight and serious. He didn’t seem to happy to be talking about these things.
“This is a big house. It’s much bigger than our apartment. My mommy and I could live here with you and you’d still have lots of room.”
Before Saxton could make any sort of response to that, Sara walked in. “Hey guys.” Enough was enough. It wasn’t fair to Saxton to make him handle those sorts of questions from a six-year-old.
“Mommy!” Ian ran over and hugged her middle.
“Are you in here keeping Saxton from getting rest?”
“He was telling me all about his sailing plans,” Saxton said.
“Oh really?” Sara asked.
Ian nodded. “I think Saxton should come with us. Do you think Santa will be able to fit my boat in our apartment? Maybe we could tell him to leave it here instead.”
“Well, we’ve talked about this, remember?” Sara’s heart tightened every time Ian talked like Santa was really going to bring a boat. She’d planned to get him a nice toy one, but that wouldn’t stop from being fully disappointed on Christmas morning. “I don’t think Santa can bring you a whole boat. It’d be bigger than his elves.”
“Maybe he has some taller elves. Or maybe he can get some help from someone else.”
“Well, I think if he brought you a big fancy boat, that would mean other kids couldn’t get any presents. Boats are very expensive.” She gave Saxton a look, pleading with her eyes for him to jump in with any thoughts.
“I have that all planned out. I told Santa in my letter than after this, he doesn’t ever have to give me any more presents. This can be it.” Ian spoke the words in a proud, sure tone.
“I tried that once,” Saxton said. “I really wanted a dirt bike when I was eight. I made all sorts of deals with Santa. I even got my friends to give up their presents in exchange for being able to ride it. But you know what ended up happening?”
Ian shook his head.
“Santa didn’t bring me a dirt bike. I got a note that said a dirt bike would be available when I was older, but since I didn’t have a place to ride it, and I wasn’t old enough to ride, he had to wait.”
Ian’s face fell. “Do you think Santa will do that to me? Give me a note instead?”
“I’d say it’s possible,” Saxton said. “You don’t have a place to keep it, and you’re not old to sail by yourself. He’ll probably have to hang onto it for a while for you.”
Ian hung his head. “Yeah, I guess so.”
“But,” Sara said enthusiastically, “that doesn’t mean you won’t have a sailboat someday. For now, it can be a toy and you can look forward to having a real boat when you’re older.”
“I want one now though,” Ian said.
Sara wrapped him in a hug. “I know you do. But if Santa brought one now, we’d have to keep it outside on the street, and it would get hit by cars and maybe even stolen. It’s the best thing for the boat if Santa keeps it for a little while. You wouldn’t want to have your boat now and then have something happen to it, would you?”
“No.”
“Santa knows,” Saxton said. “And when I got my dirt bike when I was older, I didn’t have to share it with anyone.”
Ian nodded. “Do you think Santa would get me an Xbox instead?”
Sara took in a breath. “Maybe. We’ll just have to see.”
She often hated Christmas and Ian’s birthday because of things like this. He didn’t understand that she couldn’t afford to buy him fancy gifts. And she always felt so guilty that she couldn’t, that he had to suffer for her lack. Hopefully he wouldn’t be too disappointed on Christmas morning when all he got was a toy sailboat.
“I’m sure whatever Santa brings, it’ll be good,” Saxton sa
id.
“Right,” Sara said. “But for right now, Ian, I need you to help me get things all set for dinner. It’s probably cold by now.”
Ian followed Sara back downstairs. While he set out the plates and silverware for the two of them, Sara prepared a plate to take up to Saxton.
“I really like Saxton,” Ian said. “I don’t think he’s bad at all, do you?”