“Hey, hey,” he whispers. “It’s okay. Don’t cry, Carly.”
“Oh my God.” My voice shakes. “Mike! Mike!” I’m practically screaming, frantic for Mike to hear me over his headphones.
He does and leaps up immediately, tearing the headphones from his ears and knocking the iPad on the floor. He stares at me then looks down at Pax.
“What are you doing here, man?” Pax asks, his voice like sandpaper across smooth wood in the quiet of the room.
“Holy shit, kid.” Mike steps closer to the bed, running a hand across Pax’s hair as if he needs to touch him to confirm he’s real. “You’re back.”
“Have I been out a long time?” Pax asks, his eyes darting between Mike and me.
“Yeah,” Mike whispers, his eyes filling with tears. “It’s been a long time.”
The tears are streaming down my face, and I can’t hold back another sob, drawing Pax’s gaze back to me.
“Please don’t cry, baby,” he says softly. “It’s all going to be okay.”
“Yeah,” Mike concurs. “It’s all going to be just fine now.”
**
Pax
The first thing I’m conscious of is Carly’s voice. She’s singing “You’re My Best Friend” by Queen. I’ve always loved that song. It’s one Mike taught me when I was in junior high. Her voice is soft and light, and it sends warmth all through me, starting at my toes and flowing up to my heart, where it lodges. The ache it brings reminds me that I’m forgetting something. Something important. Carly needs me for some reason, and I have to get to her.
I struggle to pry open my eyes, but I keep drifting off, the notes of the song soothing me, and the warmth making me tired.
At some point, though, I realize she’s stopped. The music is gone, and I want it back. I want her back, and I know the only way is to open my eyes and ask.
When I finally scrape my lids wide, the first thing I see is my angel. Her long, silky hair hangs down alongside her face as her head dips over the book on her lap. Her hand is in mine, and she’s stroking her thumb along my palm. I feel every movement like my nerve endings are super sensitized. I just want to fall into her and breathe her in.
“Why’d you stop?” I ask.
She shoots up out of her seat like she’s been electrocuted. Her book falls to the floor and her eyes grow wide, her mouth a small “o” of shock. I grip her hand tighter, afraid she’ll run from me if I don’t anchor her here.
“Hey. Why’d you stop singing?” I ask again, trying to smile even though my lips are so parched I can barely move them.
The next few moments are a blur of Carly’s tears, and chaos. Mike appears like a dark guardian angel, nurses are called, people are all talking at once, phones are ringing, and in between, people are asking me all sorts of questions and literally poking and prodding me. I start to piece together what’s happened. It’s like some sort of nightmare. I remember Lagazo taking me. I remember being held in the storefront downtown, and then there are these bits and pieces—being in a deep, dark lake, struggling to reach Carly, periods of hearing sounds and being touched, then darkness, silence.
They’ve finally let me raise the head of the bed so I can see everyone better, and I’ve had some water so my throat and mouth aren’t quite so raw. Carly quit crying at some point, and now, she’s standing next to me, holding on to my hand for dear life. I know how she feels. I don’t ever want to stop touching her.
All but one of the nurses has left now, and Mike is out in the hallway, talking to a doctor, when I hear a commotion and the door to my room bursts open.
My mother barrels into the room, gasping, “Pax? Oh my God, Pax!” at the same time.
Carly melts away, and I try to focus on my mom and not search the room for my girlfriend. Mom throws her arms around me, squeezing me hard. Over her shoulder, I see my dad, who I catch wiping tears from his eyes.
“I’m okay, Mom. I promise. I’m fine,” I say as I pat her on the back.
After a moment, she releases me and pulls back, searching my face with her eagle-eyed mom inspection. Tears are still making their way down her cheeks, but she impatiently brushes at them.
“Don’t you ever do that to us again,” she reprimands, trying to inject a stern tone into her wavering voice.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, looking her in the eyes so she’ll know just how much I truly mean it. “I know I screwed up. I’m just so sorry I scared you guys. I love you, Mom.”
“I love you too.” She sniffs, giving me another quick, hard hug.
My dad steps up next to her now, and I feel my gut pull as I see the relief on his face. He clasps my hand.
“It’s good to see you, son.” His voice is gruff, and I know he’s struggling not to break down.
“They told me you found me,” I say, my own eyes welling up.
“You know I always will.” He smiles.
I smile back. I’m painfully aware that he means it. My dad would travel to the ends of the Earth for me. It’s one of the most humbling things I’ve ever felt, and I vow in this moment to spend the rest of my life working to be worthy of his devotion.
“Do I get to see my nephew?”
I look past Dad and see Uncle Joss standing at the door.
“Shit, yeah, you do,” Dad answers, his voice already stronger. “Get in here.”
Joss makes his way to the other side of my bed, and I turn to face him.
“Do I need to say it?” he asks, his countenance grim.
I look down at my lap, remorse soaking me from head to toe. “No, man. Trust me. I’m thinking all of it and then some. I’m done trying to take on the entire world alone.”
“Lesson learned?”
“Lesson learned,” I answer. “I promise.”
He breathes out a sigh of relief then grabs my head and pulls me against his chest. “I love you,” he whispers into my hair.
“Back at you,” I answer when he lets me go.
It’s ten p.m. when things finally settle down in my room. Vaughn and his mom have been by, although he was pretty uncomfortable, so I asked him to come back tomorrow when we can talk. I want to make sure he knows how sorry I am for the mess I made of everything.
I’ve gotten bits and pieces of what happened after I was abducted, but the one thing everyone’s avoided telling me is what happened to Lagazo. It’s pretty clear they’re all talking around it, and that makes me think he’s still out there somewhere, maybe ready to grab me or Carly as soon as we leave the hospital. It’s one reason I blanch when Vaughn says that he’s taking her back to my place where they’re staying.
“Wait, what?” I ask, looking around at Mom and Dad and Aunt Beth, who are the other three people left with Vaughn and Carly. “Do you have security posted over there?”
“No,” Dad answers, darting a glance at Mom. “It’s safe now, Pax.”
“So, Lagazo’s in custody? Why didn’t anyone say so?”
“Let’s just say Lagazo’s not a threat anymore,” Dad answers. “We can talk more about it tomorrow.”
“I’m going to be worried about Carly all night if you say something that vague to me. What are you avoiding? I can tell something’s not right about this.”
“I’m okay. Seriously,” Carly tells me with a too-sparkling smile. “Vaughn and Beth are with me, and there’s no way Lagazo can get us now.”
I grit my teeth. “Dad.”
He knows by the tone of my voice that I’m not going to drop this until he comes clean. His chest rises and falls as he sighs. Then he runs a hand through his hair in agitation. My mom has become very interested in folding and refolding some blankets on the sofa. When she’s done that three times, she moves on to straightening the magazines.
“Dad,” I repeat, glaring at him.
He sits on the edge of my bed, and Vaughn looks vaguely ill as he scoots toward the far side of the room and leans against the wall. Carly stands awkwardly by the door to the hall.
“When I found you at the
storefront,” my dad begins, “you weren’t alone. I had to step over…a body. To get to you. The cops later identified it as Lagazo, and the investigation they’re doing points to you as the one who shot him.”
My head spins, and for a moment, I see sparks in the corners of my vision.
“Breathe.” My dad’s voice breaks through the haze as his hand squeezes my calf next to him.
“You’re saying I killed him?” I need to get clarification of this.
“The cops are still investigating, but it looks that way, yeah.”
I swallow, my eyes finding Carly’s. She has her arms wrapped around her middle, and she’s pale.
“Hey,” I call to her. “Come here.”
She walks over to stand next to me.
“I’m glad he’s dead,” I tell her, my voice fierce in the quiet of the room. “He can’t ever hurt either of us again.” I reach out and run my hand through her hair, relishing the sensation of it on my fingertips.
“I know you,” she says, looking me in the eyes, her own full of both emotion and tears. “You’ll hate yourself for doing it. Then you’ll hate me for putting you in that position.”
My dad shifts on the bed, and I know he’s biting his tongue.
“No.” My tone is sharp, but only because I want her to be very clear about this. “Never. I was never going to leave you alone in this. We were in it together, and maybe we should have asked for help, but that’s a different issue. There isn’t going to be some moment when I start to resent you, because I will never regret anything I’ve done to protect someone I love.”
I hear a sharp intake of breath from my mom, and Dad clears his throat as he stands. I look at Carly and see her stunned expression, and I realize what I’ve just announced. I’m in love with her.
“I think it’s time for Pax to get some rest,” Dad says to no one in particular. “Sweetheart? Let’s head back to the hotel and get some sleep. I’m sure Carly will stay with him tonight if he wants someone here.”
I look at my mom and watch her struggle not to break out into a grin. Shit.
“Yes. It’s way past bedtime for old people. Vaughn? Beth? Why don’t we walk down with you?”
Everyone quickly mutters goodbyes, and before I know it, it’s just Carly and me, alone and awkward.
“I can, um, go if you’d rather be alone…” she mutters, gesturing to the door.
“I meant it,” I tell her, and though it’s still hoarse, there’s conviction in my voice.
Her eyes are big as she watches me warily.
“I just about died, Carly. And I haven’t had much time to process that, but the one thing I do know is that the little bits of consciousness I had the last week, the only moments I can remember after being shot and the first thing I can recall when I started coming out of it tonight—it’s all you. Your voice, your face, my need to get to you.”
She drifts closer to my bed, and I reach out to take her fingers in mine. I look at her soft, slender hands and feel that never-ending tug on my heart.
“Everyone says I want to be a hero all the time. And maybe they’re right—to a point. I would have wanted to help any girl in your situation. But I never would have put my dad’s fortune, my family’s safety, and my life on the line for just any girl. I never would have killed a man for someone I didn’t love, Carly.”
I look into her eyes, my heart racing in fear of what she’ll say next. Will she walk out? Laugh at me? Let me down easy—tell me that she’s too young for all of this?
I know that it’s none of the above when her hand presses against my chest as she lowers her head and brushes a delicate kiss across my lips.
“You’re my hero. And I can’t imagine ever loving anyone more than I do you, right this minute.”
I grasp the back of her neck and pull her closer for another kiss, this one deep and needy and full of everything I want to say but don’t have words for. When we break apart, we’re both out of breath and her eyes are sparkling with heat.
“You’re making a very quick recovery,” she whispers.
“Just give me a day or two,” I tell her, grinning.
She giggles, and I pull her up on the bed with me. When she lays her head on my chest, I feel like I can breathe for the first time in weeks. She’s safe, Lagazo is gone, and my family is here. Life just got a whole hell of a lot better.
**
Everyone’s heard some variation of the saying “nothing worth doing is easy.” I know my parents must have said it to me at some point in my life, and generally, I can get behind the premise. But after the last few weeks of my life, I really feel like I’m entitled to some easy for a while.
Unfortunately, that’s not in the cards.
“Good morning, Mr. Reed,” the nurse says as she enters my room a few minutes after Carly has left to go home and change. My immediate reaction is to correct her, but then I remember that it is indeed my legal name, and out of the blue, all I can think is, What the hell was I thinking? Why did I ever imagine—even for a moment—that changing my name would change who I am? I can call myself Juan or Derrick or Maximilian, but it won’t change the fact that I’m Pax. Pax Clark.
I’m rock and roll royalty, and it’s about damn time I accepted that and learned to live with it, because no amount of hiding out and name changing is going to erase it.
“I’m going to get you off of that IV this morning, and then we’ll start doing the pain medications and antibiotics in pill form instead,” she tells me as she sets a breakfast tray down on the tabletop that extends over my bed.
“Do I need pain meds?” I ask as I sit up a little more in order to eat. I’m famished. “My chest is a little sore, but nothing major.”
She laughs. “That’s because of the morphine drip. Trust me. When that wears off, you’ll be wanting those pills.”
“So you’re telling me I’ve been on morphine continuously for going on eight days now?” I’m stunned—and really damn unhappy.
“You had major surgery, Mr. Reed—”
“It’s Clark. I mean, you can call me Pax, but my last name is Clark.”
She wrinkles her brow. “I could have sworn…” She moves to the foot of the bed, where my medical chart is hanging. “Yes, here it is. Pax Reed. Are you saying that we’ve been using the wrong name since you came in? Dear Lord, I hope there isn’t another patient with that name. If we’ve mixed up the patient records…” A look of sheer panic rolls across her face.
“No,” I tell her quickly. “No, it’s… I’m…” I take a deep breath, trying to organize my thoughts. “Legally, my name is Pax Reed. I used it so that people wouldn’t know who my family—who my father—is. But I’d prefer to be called by my real name—Clark.”
Understanding fills her eyes now. “Oh, I see.” She gives me a sympathetic smile. “Kind of tough having such a famous father sometimes, I imagine.” She moves up to me and pulls a blood pressure cuff out as she keeps talking. “I had a friend in nursing school whose mother was the lieutenant governor of Alabama. Poor girl could never go anywhere without someone accosting her about her mom.”
I nod. “Yeah, it can be hard, but I think I’ve learned that pretending to be someone else doesn’t make it any easier. I am who I am. Can’t get around it.”
She removes the cuff, seeming satisfied with the reading. She pats me on the arm. “You’re going to be just fine. If you’ve figured that much out at your age, the rest is cake.”
“So, about those pain meds?”
“Yes, dear. What do you need to know?” She deftly slides the IV needle out of my arm, places a cotton ball over the wound, and applies pressure.
“I’m sure you’ve heard that there’s a history of addiction in my family?”
“Do you have a history of addiction?”
“No! No. But my dad was an alcoholic—is a recovering alcoholic.”
She looks at me, waiting for more.
“I’ve always been really careful about drinking and medication, drugs and s
tuff. I don’t know if I inherited the tendency, but I don’t plan to find out the hard way.”
“So, you’re saying you don’t want pain medications?” She looks at me like I’m insane.
“Right. It’s been a week, I’m sure I can handle it on my own now.”
“I’ll need to talk to the doctor about this,” she says, her voice dripping with skepticism. “I’ll get back to you in just a bit. You’ll be fine for a few hours anyway.”
I nod. “Thanks.”
When she leaves, I sink back into the bed, already exhausted and I’ve only been awake for two hours.
My eyelids are heavy, but my mind goes back to this morning—waking up with Carly next to me, her little body curled around mine. The weight of her head on my shoulder, her warm breath fanning across my neck, her arm slung across my waist. It was heaven. I lay there for forty-five minutes, trying not to move or even breathe too much so as not to wake her.
My daydream is interrupted by my parents entering with Carly’s Aunt Beth.
“Good morning, sweetie,” Mom says as she comes over and kisses me on the cheek. “How are you feeling? Carly said you slept well?”
“You talked to Carly?” I ask, wondering what that’s all about.
“Of course. She knew I’d want to know how your night went. She called first thing this morning when she got back to your condo.”
My dad must see by the look on my face that I’m not catching on to things very quickly. “I’ve been staying with you overnight since the accident,” he tells me. “Last night was the first night in a week that I wasn’t here with you. Your mother didn’t want you to be alone. You’ve had one of the family in the room with you twenty-four-seven since the shooting.”
I swallow. “Wow. I had no idea. So, Joss and Mike? They’ve been here in Bittersweet the whole time? I figured they’d come and gone at least once. And Vaughn and you too, Beth?”
Beth nods and smiles. “Carly wasn’t going anywhere until she knew you were okay, so Vaughn and I weren’t going anywhere either.”
“I don’t know what to say,” I tell them all. “Thank you. I mean, I’d never doubt Mom and Dad would be here for me, but I had no idea all of you had spent that kind of time.”
Bittersweet Chronicles: Pax Page 21