“Don't worry, Kim. We'll take this as slow as you need it to be.”
“Thanks, Jack.”
BURT scratched his cheek. “The doctor didn't find anything?”
Claudia shook her head and squeezed the back of his other hand. “All the regular tests did not show a significant decline since last time. In fact, as you know, the arthritis has improved; the swelling's down. She is looking deeper into the source of my exhaustion. They took a lot of blood and we will get some results next week.”
Burt pulled Claudia into his arms and held her, his chest tight with fear. “Will you at least cancel Wednesday night's session? I think this twice-a-week schedule may have something to do with your fatigue.”
He felt Claudia nod against him and he felt a little bit relieved. “That will probably work better for Karen and Kimberlee anyway. They both have big weeks already,” she said.
KAREN waved goodbye to the last student and began packing the materials on her desk. After a while, she noticed she'd been humming. I'm happy, she thought and wondered why. It was the last day before a break in the school year and she should be completely wiped out. But she wasn't.
It worked! She thought, ecstatic. I love deal-making!
What Mike had said, about being able to heat things up and microwave, had proved to be the key. On several occasions, Karen had visited her folks in Chicago and left behind a whole refrigerator and freezer full of home-cooked meals. But it had never occurred to her to do it for herself. Funny how we always take better care of others, she thought.
Mike had liked her idea and wanted to participate. When she returned from the grocery store on Sunday, he'd sat at the kitchen counter and chopped to her heart's content. They'd made bean soup and egg salad, a huge green salad, lasagna and enchilada casserole, and a whole grain blend she could heat up or eat cold. Then he'd helped her parcel things out into mealsized-containers. Some went in the refrigerator and the rest in the freezer.
All week, he'd been in charge of dinner. She'd told him honestly that she'd be happy with anything and each night he picked what to reheat. He'd set the table, served the food and cleaned up afterward. Every day she'd found her lunched packed and ready to go. She felt like a princess. No, a Queen.
And the handsome knight was well rewarded, she thought. When have I ever wanted to make love this time of year? But he'd saved her from hell week and she was catching on that his favorite form of appreciation was her warm body under his.
How nice, she thought, smiling as she finished packing up her personal effects. She recalled their conversation the night before, when she'd finally gotten up the courage to ask Mike the big, scary question. She could never have anticipated his answer.
“The only thing I've given up on getting is lingerie,” he replied. She'd hoped he was kidding, but when she examined his face, it was clear he was serious.
“Really?” she asked, still disbelieving.
“You always say you're too old or too fat for lingerie. But that's crazy. I love your body and this cowboy likes for you to dress up.”
She had suppressed her usual reaction of defending her position. Instead, she'd thought about what she needed to give Mike what he needed. “Okay, cowboy,” she'd replied and he'd instantly perked up. “I'll do it; on one condition. You have to come with me and pick out something you love me in.”
He'd grinned. “If I had it all my way, I'd come with you and we'd pick out something we both loved you in. Imagine if you turned you on too?”
She smiled again and thought, And I was afraid of that question!
CLAUDIA thought about how to introduce today's Hero Language; two of the most difficult words and concepts for a contemporary woman to grasp. She also felt compelled to address what had happened between Kimberlee and Melissa. She could not let it go; there was too much at stake.
Burt was watching her, monitoring her from behind his newspaper, while trying to conceal his attentiveness. Ever the provider, her well-being was paramount to him. I will have to take it easy today, she thought, and make sure I do not expend too much energy. Then she had an idea and brightened, Perfect.
“My love?” she said softly, testing how difficult it would be to get his attention.
“Yes, Sweetheart?” Burt responded promptly, looking up from the newspaper he was only pretending to read.
“Could you help me today?”
She watched as he instantly straightened. “Yes, of course. What do you need?”
“I need help with today's topics. I think your perspective and way of articulating things would help Karen and Kimberlee understand better. And, at the same time, save me a lot of energy.”
“Shall I join you from the beginning?” he asked.
She shook her head. “No, I have to address another issue first. Could I signal you somehow when I need you?”
“Sure. I'll be in the shop. Wave when you're ready.”
“But how can I be sure that you will be watching?”
He looked at her over his reading glasses, eyes crinkling with amusement. “Oh, I'm pretty sure you always know when I'm watching. Otherwise, you would not have interrupted me ‘reading’ the newspaper.”
She laughed, caught. His smile echoed her delight.
KIMBERLEE tried not to squirm in her seat. I deserve this, she thought.
Claudia began her story. “The Covenant prohibiting us from teaching anyone other than our own daughters, or a granddaughter we raised, has been in place for nine generations. That means this took place about two centuries ago.” She paused for a sip of her tea.
“One of my great-grandmothers, Elizabeth, had been teaching Faith, a neighbor she thought would use the information well in her partnership with her husband. Unbeknownst to her, Faith had been relaying the lessons to her own daughter who had a troubled marriage. During that time, Elizabeth, Faith and her daughter were holding a meeting after church services to plan a potluck dinner. They needed to circle some chairs for each of the women to sit. Faith saw her son-in-law nearby and said, “Harold, we need chairs. Would you please provide them for us?”
Kimberlee noted how Faith used the two words in the Hero Language together.
Claudia continued, “Harold responded as most men would. He was glad to provide, counted the women standing and collected the right number of chairs. When he had circled them around and stood looking at the arrangement proudly, the daughter said loudly, “Harold, you imbecile, my mother completely manipulated you with those ridiculous hero words.”
Kimberlee felt sick to her stomach as she imagined a crestfallen Harold. From victory to shame in one cruel sentence. Tears escaped her eyes and she reached for a tissue.
Claudia concluded, “Elizabeth was horrified and became one of the biggest proponents of the Covenant. She was stricken by the damage the information could cause in the hands of someone with an adversarial relationship to men.”
“I'm terribly sorry, Grandmother,” Kimberlee said. “By breaking my promise, I betrayed your Covenant as well. I caused exactly what you were afraid would happen. Melissa asked me for help and I gave in.”
Karen said, looking panicked, “Does this mean you won't allow us to teach others, Claudia?”
Claudia sipped her tea then closed her eyes, lips pursed. Is she praying? Kimberlee wondered. She held her breath, not so much for herself as for Karen, to whom she knew this meant the world.
After what seemed an eternity, Claudia looked earnestly at each of them. “During Karen's lessons last year, I began to believe that there are thousands, perhaps millions, of women who are ready for this information. Women who are tired of being angry, hurt and frustrated in their relationships with men. Women who would be willing to lay down their sword if only they could see its damage. Women who would use the Language of Heroes as it was intended, to bring out the best in men and women both.”
Claudia paused and Kimberlee held still as she searched their faces. “But,” Claudia resumed, “we cannot assume that because a woman says
she wants help, that she is ready to accept it. You must promise me that you won't teach the Hero Language to anyone who has not yet given up the right to emasculate men, forever.”
Karen let out her breath and Kimberlee gulped. That was my mistake, she thought. Melissa rejected all my attempts to point out emasculation as a cause of her troubles. She wouldn't accept any responsibility. That should have been my clue.
“Grandmother?”
“Yes, dear?”
“Would a woman's willingness to consider that a man might be responding to her, or have a good reason for what he does, be good signs that she's ready for this information?”
“It is not a guarantee, but I think it may herald that possibility,” Claudia replied and Kimberlee was reminded of Claudia's advanced age by the archaic terms in her vocabulary. She looked closely at the elderly woman and noticed how tired she appeared. Her shoulders looked even more tiny than usual and there was weariness in the normally bright blue eyes.
Karen interjected, “Them giving up the right to emasculate men is the only real guarantee.”
To Kimberlee's surprise, Claudia shook her head. “Even that is not a guarantee. Giving up the right to emasculate is only the beginning. Using the Hero Language rightly requires a series of transformations. Take yourselves, for example. You, Karen, have been challenged to let go of years of anger and resentment towards Mike to use the Provide and Need words appropriately.” Karen sighed and nodded her agreement.
“And you, Kimberlee,” Claudia said gently, reaching for her hand, “are having to rethink your precious self-sufficiency, a value drummed into you since childhood, to allow Raul and Jack and your team to take care of you.”
She's right, Kimberlee thought. And I never would have been willing to without support — and real-life role models.
“That's true,” Kimberlee replied. “And I could not have done it without you and Gramps,” she turned purposefully towards Karen, “nor without you and Mike as an example of what a partnership could be.”
When she looked back at Claudia, she was relieved to see her smiling. “Perhaps great relationships between men and women are beyond the reach of all of us individually.” Claudia stressed, “That is why it is an area in which we all need help.”
Odd that she emphasized that word, Kimberlee observed, and it dawned on her. “Is that the next word in the Hero Language?”
She received a gratifying pat on the hand and Claudia answered, “Yes, my dear, you are correct. ‘Help’ is one of the topics for today.”
“One of them?” Karen responded, looking up from the fresh page of notes she'd already started.
“Yes, one of them,” Claudia replied. “There are two words in the Language of Heroes that are closely related. I intend to teach them both to you today, with Burt's help that is.”
To Kimberlee's surprise, Claudia waved and shortly thereafter, Burt emerged from his workshop.
BURT had been tinkering with his two-part project, careful to not engage in anything that couldn't be interrupted. Keeping an eye on the women through the window at his workbench, he'd seen the emotional rollercoaster play out in their features and body language. He was relieved to see their composure shift from the anticipation of doom to a new hopeful and resolute demeanor.
He crossed the yard in long strides, carrying a folding chair with him. When Kimberlee saw the chair, she responded by scooting closer to Karen. Burt smiled and sat down between his two favorite women. He scanned Claudia's face and immediately noted that she was already tuckered out. I've got to shoulder this somehow. Or change the way she's approaching these lessons.
He rubbed his hands together and turned to his beloved wife. “How can I help?”
She smiled and gently squeezed his upper arm. He resisted the urge to flex his bicep. Still want to impress my girl, he thought with a smile.
“Thank you, my love. You could start by explaining to Kimberlee and Karen what the word ‘help’ means to you.”
Burt had to overcome his initial reaction that it was obvious what “help” meant. He knew Claudia would only ask him for something that really mattered to her. Then he realized that while his reaction to the word was immediate and compelling, he had never articulated what it meant. He had to think awhile about that. Luckily, the three women waited patiently.
“In general,” he finally said, “needing ‘help’ means you are in over your head. The thing you are trying to accomplish is beyond your strength, your knowledge, your abilities or your resources.”
He continued, warming to the subject, “You might know that you need help from the beginning. That's best because then you can set it up. But sometimes you find out a project is beyond you when you're in the middle of it. That's not a pleasant realization for a man, to think he can do something and find out he can't. We'll ask for help because we won't give up the result we're after.”
He was thinking if he had anything else, when Karen said, “I'm sorry to interrupt, Burt, but if a woman needs help, doesn't a man despise her for being helpless?”
Burt was surprised by the question. “Not normally. There is no shame in needing help.”
He thought for a moment, “But it depends on what she needs help with. If the simplest things in life are beyond her, then he'll think she's helpless indeed. And he may provide what she needs temporarily, but it'll be nearly impossible for him to commit to a lifetime of that.”
He elaborated, “Men, in general, want the strongest, most capable woman they can find for a partner. It's to their advantage. But that doesn't mean they don't want to help her. Life brings problems and we all get in too deep sometimes. That's what a wife or husband is for: to build together, to be companions, to enjoy and witness each other's lives, and to help get through the tough spots.”
Unexpectedly, Karen reached for a tissue. Burt was focused on the topic and hadn't noticed that both young women were teary-eyed. “Did I say something wrong?”
Simultaneously, they shook their heads. Karen spoke first, “No, Burt. You said something very right. I don't mean to be prejudiced, but I had no idea a man could articulate a marriage so well.”
Claudia responded before he could. “Men do not get credit for their wisdom about partnership. In fact, while they instinctively compete and conceal, men are more compelled to partner than women.”
“But isn't it always women who want to get married?” Kimberlee asked.
Claudia shook her head with some sadness. “A compulsion to get married is not the same as a desire to partner.”
“Huh?”
“It is a long topic, Kimberlee,” Claudia responded. “Perhaps one day we will discuss it. For now, know that helping each other is an honorable thing to do. And there is no shame in needing help. The bigger your commitments, the more help you are going to need.”
Burt nodded at the obvious truth in her statement and added, “Often, the bigger your commitments, the more we want to help. It is an honor to be chosen to help someone we admire.”
Burt watched as the expressions on Karen and Kimberlee's faces compelled Claudia to elaborate, “A person who is determined to be self-sufficient has to keep his or her life and their goals small enough to manage single-handedly. To make sure they never need help.”
“I'm not getting it,” Karen declared.
Burt looked to Claudia to see if she wanted him to respond. She took his hand and answered Karen's implied request. “This gathering is a perfect example. If I were not committed to making this information available to the women who are ready for it, I would not need your help.”
“You need my help?” Karen asked, astonished. “I thought I needed yours!”
Claudia smiled. “That is what makes this the beginning of a great partnership. I want you to teach the material as badly as you want to teach it. We are helping each other.”
She turned towards Burt and smiled, appreciation shining from her eyes. “And I need Burt's help to teach this topic and the next, without exhausting myself.”
“What's the next topic?” Kimberlee interjected.
“Not quite yet,” Claudia replied. “Burt, is there anything else you want to say about the word ‘help’?”
Burt scratched his cheek, thinking. “Only that the word ‘help’ has a way of interrupting whatever a man is focused on. It penetrates his intense concentration. If it's shouted, he'll draw his sword and come running before he even knows what enemy he's facing.”
Claudia turned toward the young women, “I call this reaction, ‘Yes. What?’ and it is one of my favorite things about men.”
“Can you explain?” Karen asked.
“Certainly,” Claudia replied, looking happy for the question and Burt thought, Maybe this happiness is worth the exhaustion. “If you ask a man for help, he will rarely say, ‘That depends,’ the way a woman might. His usual response is, ‘Yes. What?’ He commits himself to helping before he even knows what is needed. That is how compelled he is to help. It is part of his nature as a Provider.”
Burt nodded. “Absolutely. A woman asking for help drills right into a man. I feel it in my chest. If I can help, I will.”
“But what if you can't?” Karen asked.
“I'll be disappointed if I can't provide what she needs. And I'll probably go looking for someone who can, as another way of being helpful.”
Claudia reached for him again. “Karen, Burt was the one who suggested I find someone like you. When I was hopeless, convinced I would die with this treasure, he helped open my eyes.”
“My pleasure to serve, Sweetheart,” Burt added gallantly.
“Then, may I ask you to explain the difference between asking for ‘help’ and needing to be ‘saved’?” Claudia replied.
“Oh, boy,” Burt responded immediately. “Unlike the fairy tale princes, real men do not like having to save someone.”
“Why not?” Karen asked.
“Usually, if a woman needs to be saved, it means she didn't say what she needed, or ask for help in a timely manner. It often means she failed to prepare appropriately or to anticipate accurately. We'll still save her, but it'll come with a lecture. And if we have to keep saving her from the same thing, we'll be really annoyed and try to fix the problem permanently.”
The Queen’s Code Page 28