by Teresa Hill
That's what she'd done to him. Made him laugh. Made him happy. In that moment, looking at himself in the mirror, his legs nearly gave way beneath him, his whole body feeling like it was not quite his own as he thought about how close he'd come to not being here at all. What would it have been like to have never met her? He simply couldn't imagine that, felt certain that this woman was meant to be here and a part of his life.
He thought about that a lot as he walked that morning. His muscles would be in knots if he didn't, and he had a reason—an important reason—for wanting to be a hundred percent recovered physically. He could do that. It should be so much easier now that he actually wanted to.
He got to the spot on the road where he made calls and dialed his shrink. He had the Captain's personal cell phone number. That's the kind of shape he was in. The doctor picked up right away.
"Lieutenant Commander Shaw? This is a surprise."
"Captain, you said I could call anytime," he reminded the doctor.
"I did. You just never have, except when you've been ordered to do so, and this isn't one of your mandatory check-in days. What's going on?"
"I need you to be absolutely honest with me."
"Of course."
"All those times you told me I could get past this—you weren't bull-shitting me?"
"No, I wasn't. I don't lie to my patients."
Aidan could breathe a little easier. "It sure as shit hasn't felt like I would."
"I know. People feel exactly like that, like it won't ever get better. That's depression talking, Commander."
"And you were right, I didn't... It's not that I actively didn't want to get better. That would have taken too much energy, too much effort, more than I had. I just didn't care if I got better or not, so I wasn't trying."
"I know. People feel that way, too. And they still get better."
"Say it again," Aidan had to ask. "I need to hear it again."
"You're going to get better. I think you're going to be fine. I know, because I've been through this with patients before. I know how this works. I know just how bad you've felt, how hopeless. It's nothing I haven't dealt with before. I know how to help you, and I'm very glad you're finally ready to let me."
God, that was amazing to hear. He hadn't believed it before. He'd nodded and said nothing, not ready to let anyone in on just how bad he'd felt. It had been too bizarre to admit even to himself.
"You can trust me, Commander," the doctor said.
"Okay. So, how does this work? Do I have to come back there?"
"Ordinarily, I'd say yes. But whatever you're doing, wherever you are, seems to agree with you." The doctor offered him a day and a time to talk at length the following week, which Aidan agreed to do. "Commander, what happened to change your mind about everything?"
"A woman," he admitted.
The doctor laughed. "Good for you."
"I don't want to hurt her. I don't want to be unfair to her, asking her to get involved with me, when I'm such a damned mess."
"You've been through a serious trauma and a major, clinical depression. But people get over both. They get better."
"I've told her what I went through, and she's still here."
"Good. That's very good. Women are a lot stronger than men like to think they are."
"Yes, sir. Thank you."
"Thank you, Commander. This is the kind of call that makes my day."
Aidan clicked off his phone and sat there for a long time, trying to take that in, the promises, the reassurances, the hope. God, he wanted to hope. He wanted Grace. He wanted his life back. He wanted to be with her, take care of her, be free to love her. And he was a man who hadn't wanted anything, hadn't cared about anything, in months.
It was both thrilling and terrifying.
She'd said she wasn't scared, that she wouldn't run. In truth, it all seemed too good to be true, nothing he felt like he deserved and nothing he thought the universe would simply deliver to his doorstep. He certainly didn't think he was any kind of prize the world brought to her.
But she made him wish he were.
God, she made him wish.
Now he needed to call his other doctor and hear him say one more time that sooner or later, in all likelihood, he'd be able to have an erection again, maybe even that it would be as simple as taking a little pill to make it happen.
* * *
Aidan hoped to get back to the cabin while she was still in bed. He had plans for her, but didn't make it in time. The bed was empty, and he could hear the shower running.
Grace in the shower, all wet and naked.
Okay, that worked.
He toed off his boots, peeled off his socks and his jacket and went to the bathroom door, getting there just as the water was shut off. He knocked and asked if he could come in. A moment later, he heard the click of the lock. He pushed the door open, and there she was, dripping wet, naked save for a towel clutched to her front, her eyes so big and blue.
"Hi," she said tentatively, eyes on his for a split second and then dropping to the center of his chest.
And wasn't that interesting? Unless he was completely misreading her, she was nervous. After all the things she'd done to him the night before?
He walked over to her, going slowly, not wanting to make her any more uneasy than she already was, and bent down to kiss her softly, briefly, not nearly the kiss he wanted. A fog of warm, fragrant air—smelling of her—wafted toward him, enveloping him in a kind of spell where his head was filled completely with the wonder that was Grace.
"Good morning," he said, grinning like crazy.
"Morning," she said, still so tentative and skittish.
Her hair was dripping all over her and her towel, and she looked at him like she expected him to pounce on her at any moment and just devour her, which—granted—he really wanted to do. But more even than that, he needed to know why she was nervous with him now. She'd all but begged him to take her to bed yesterday afternoon, after all.
"Please tell me I didn't really fall asleep on you in the middle of everything?" he asked.
"No, I think I fell asleep on you. I'm so sorry—"
"Baby, I don't want you to be sorry about anything. Not about last night. Last night was incredible."
She smiled sweetly, her cheeks filling with color, looking so innocent and pretty, dripping wet and so sexy in that good-girl way. He blinked—in his mind he had a flash of her, kneeling over him, her hair spread out across his hip and thigh, her staring up at him with those big, blue eyes as she took one slow, delicious swipe of her tongue up the length of his cock and dared him to tell her that didn't feel good.
He shuddered just thinking about it. None of his good girl had been evident in that moment.
And she was feeling shy and maybe a little embarrassed this morning?
He glanced toward the shower. "All done in there?"
She nodded.
"Then let's get you dry, Grace." He grabbed another towel from the closet behind him, carefully dried off her face, taking the time to nuzzle her cheek, kiss her temple and nibble just a bit on her earlobe.
She smiled and made a faint sound like, "Mmm."
He wanted to devour her even more, but drying her off had possibilities, too, and would provide time to get her to talk to him about what was going on with her this beautiful morning.
Aidan quickly figured out that he'd never get her dry with her hair dripping all over her, getting her wet again. Had to start there. "Turn around, honey, so I can get to your hair."
She did, despite the fact that the towel she had was merely clutched to her front, not wrapped all the way around her. Which meant that when she turned, he could see every bit of her back, the pretty curve of her hips, those long legs.
He did the best he could not to make a sound, not to get too distracted too fast. He wanted to take care of her, the way she'd taken care of him last night, so he needed her to talk first.
He took the dry towel and wrapped it around her long
hair. He'd seen women do this before, this hair wrapped up in the towel thing. Cover it, squeeze to get the worst of the water out, massage the scalp a little as he went. She relaxed a bit, made some little appreciative noises that hit him deep in the gut. His body was humming along with desire now, that little kick of heat, the heart rate accelerating, his breathing. Everything except the heavy feeling in his groin of blood rushing there.
But he wasn't going to think about that.
He was going to think about Grace, naked and wet and his.
He kept working on her hair, smaller and smaller sections of it, getting drunk on the smell of her and the sight of all that pretty, wet skin. He pressed a few light kisses to the sweet curve of her neck and shoulder, then dried her off. Because he remembered the way her fingertips had felt dragging so lightly down his chest the night before, he gave her back the same treatment, a barely there touch.
She shivered when he did it, something he found highly satisfying.
Once her back was dry, he eased down to his knees on the floor and took his good, sweet time with her legs, starting at her ankles and working his way up. It put him just about eye-level with her hips, and he decided Grace's were the closest thing to perfect he'd ever seen. Touching her through the towel was a kind of sweet torture all its own, too.
He couldn't help it. He dropped the towel, held onto her with hands at either side of her hipbones, and then pressed his mouth to the indention at the base of her spine, kissing that delicate spot, licking it. Good thing he was holding her when he did it because she sagged against him for a moment, gasping, whimpering. And he hadn't even finished drying her off yet.
He also hadn't gotten her to talk, he reminded himself.
Getting to his feet, he put a hand on her shoulder to ask her to turn back around. She did, that towel still clutched to her front. He used his towel and started drying her skin, starting with one of her hands and working up the arm.
"Want to tell me what's got you so skittish this morning, Grace?"
She gave him a tight, lightning-fast smile that disappeared almost the second it appeared. A bit of color rose in her cheeks. "It's silly, I know—"
"Grace, if something's worrying you, I want to know."
"It's just that... Last night... The thing is... I'm not usually like that."
"Okay," he said, studying her more closely. She had surprised him, taking charge, giving orders. Maybe that was the problem. Her turn first, now his. Was she worried about what he was going to ask her to do? Or want to do to her? "Honey, you don't have to do anything you don't want to do. Not for me. Nothing... weird or even anything that makes you uncomfortable—"
"Did you think what we did last night was weird?"
"No." He laughed. "It was amazing. I've never let a woman order me around in bed before. I'm perfectly happy to take direction, requests, little tips about exactly what you like, but orders? No. Not till you."
"I've never ordered a man around in bed before," she told him.
"Did you like it?" Because that was really all that mattered between them. She'd established that criteria the night before, and it had served them well.
"Yes."
"Then I'm happy to have been your first." And then, he thought he knew exactly why she'd done it. "You wanted to distract me? You wanted me focused on not moving, not being able to touch you, instead of on whether I was going to be able to get it up?"
She blushed prettily and gave him a little smile, a real one.
Oh, yeah. That was why.
And she'd done it despite feeling a little uncomfortable with it, done it for him. How very sweet. And insanely sexy. Especially when she'd started running her hands over her own body. God, he'd wanted so badly for those hands to be his, and today, right now, they were going to be, his hands on her beautiful body. If he could talk her down from this case of nerves she'd developed.
"Grace, I mean it. Forget that little deal we made about taking turns."
"No. I just wanted to say... That really wasn't like me. I thought, now, you might expect... that or something like that, and I don't want you to be... disappointed."
Was she kidding? He was a guy who couldn't even get hard, and she was worried about disappointing him? After what she'd done to him last night? But she seemed absolutely sincere.
"I just want you to be happy," she said finally.
"Honey, I'm probably the happiest man in the world this morning. Do you really doubt that?" He took her chin in his hand and tilted her head up until she looked him in the eye. "Because last night, you showed me we can have a great time with or without me getting hard. Thank you for that, Grace. You were amazing, so beautiful and so sexy."
"I want to be all those things for you."
"You are. Never doubt that." But she was still uneasy about something, and he just couldn't make sense of it. Did she think he was going to break out the whips and chains? Because he didn't have any. And then he remembered...
The husband.
The dirty, rotten, stupid, cheating husband.
Grace feeling like she needed to be more adventurous, pushing past some of her own inhibitions to be that with Aidan, who was so glad that man was dead, because Aidan could have happily strangled him right then.
"Baby, I'm not even going to say his name, because he doesn't matter anymore. But I don't want you to give anything he ever said to you about sex a moment in your head. A lot of men lie about sex, Grace. Usually when they've either done something they shouldn't have or are getting ready to. And instead of owning up to being the bastards that they are, they want to blame the woman they're with for it. It's just what some men do."
"Okay."
He nodded. "And I want you to know I will never do that to you. I promise."
She smiled then, looking a little less uneasy.
"You're with me now, Grace. It's me. And I'm the man who thinks you are the greatest thing that ever happened to him in his life, and even that's probably not stating the case strongly enough, considering how I feel about you. And you said you wanted me. You wanted to be with me. Well, I want you, just you. I would not be here right now with any other woman but you. Okay?"
She nodded.
"Now, do you trust me?"
"Yes," she whispered.
"Then there's nothing to worry about, baby. I am going to take such good care of you." He cupped her face in his hands and kissed her slowly, lingeringly, the touch making him want much, much more. "Now, tell me what you want, Grace. You liked being in the shower with me. You want to get back in there? You can wear your T-shirt and those pretty little good-girl panties."
"Good-girl panties?"
"Uh hmm. All pretty and white, with just a little bit of lace and a tiny bow. Sexy as hell, the kind good girls wear. The kind a guy has to work really hard to get you out of. I bet a guy really has to work for it with you, Grace, and I'm happy to work for it. I can't wait. Just tell me what you want. Right now. Anything. It's yours. The shower? Want to go back to that spot in the leaves? You liked it there. Want to cuddle up in the recliner, and I can try to act innocent while I slip my hands under your shirt? Wait, I just had an idea. You liked ordering me around. Do that. Except this time, I'll be the one touching you. Whatever you say, whatever you want, I'll do it."
"No, it's your turn. We agreed."
"Fine." Anything was fine with him right now. "What I want is for you to tell me exactly what you want me to do to you."
"That's not fair. To you."
"Grace, if you and I are together, and I get to touch you and kiss you and make you come about a dozen different ways, I'll be happy."
"A dozen?" She looked worried. "I don't think I'm capable of that. I don't know if any woman is."
He grinned. "Half a dozen?"
"So you're planning on showing off?"
"As well as I can, given my obvious limitations. Really, honey, if anybody should be nervous about this, it's me. I want to make you forget what I can't do and be happy, be satisfied, w
ith what I can do."
"I'm not worried about that," she insisted, looking absolutely sincere. "Not at all."
"And I have the seemingly impossible task of trying to show you how much I want you, how incredibly sexy and beautiful I think you are," he said, leaning in close, kissing her slowly, softly. "How amazing it is that you're here with me now, and how happy you've made me in such a short time. You made me happy to be alive, Grace. How does a man show a woman what she means to him, when she's done something like that?"
* * *
Grace sighed, thinking that had to be the most romantic thing a man had ever said to a woman. Certainly the best thing any man had ever said to her, made so by that fact that she believed every word. She was being foolish this morning, had just a little too much time to think. She was letting her nerves get the best of her and giving old doubts and fears about her and Luc time in her head. Why would she do that, when Aidan was here?
She put her hand in his and smiled, letting him know she was ready for whatever was about to happen. He took her by the hand and led her into the living room, surprised her by sitting down in the recliner. He started to tug her onto his lap, her towel still in place, kind of, but she stood there, not letting him.
"Wait. Am I going to be the only one who's naked?"
"Not if you don't want to be," he said, as agreeable as could be.
"I'd rather be naked with you." Much less self-conscious that way, plus she got the pleasure of seeing and touching him, too.
He stood up, made short work of disposing of his clothes and then sat back down. Grace made herself comfortable on his lap, and he snagged a blanket from the floor and put it over both of them. She pulled her towel out from beneath the blanket and tossed it aside, then curled up against him as she had that night she'd slept with him in the chair.
It hit her then, all the delicious sensations of all that bare skin of hers pressed against his, a million little pleasure points, too many to take in all at once. One of her breasts was pressed nearly flat against his chest, his hand cupped her bare hip, her hand was on his face, pulling his mouth down to hers for a long, slow, deep kiss that had them both moaning with pleasure.