His eyes blackened as he twisted away from her caress and took a step backward. “It doesn’t matter what I feel for you. I told you from the very beginning that I didn’t want this. Dammit, this wasn’t supposed to happen.”
“I don’t understand.” Belinda searched his face beseechingly. “I love you and I believe you love me. What’s wrong with that? Why do you want to turn your back on that love?”
His hands clenched and unclenched and a muscle ticked an irregular rhythm in his jaw. “I’m not the man I was three years ago, Belinda.”
“Perhaps not, but you’re still the man I love, the man I want to spend the rest of my life with.” Each word she spoke seemed to bring him more pain. “Three years ago I made a vow to you. You remember?” She moved closer to him, so close she could feel his breath on her face, feel the heat that emanated from his body.
“Three years ago I told you I’d love you until the moon fell out of the sky and melted on Main Street in Cheyenne. As far as I know, that particular phenomena hasn’t occurred.” Again she pressed her hands against his cheeks. “I love you, Derek, and nothing is ever going to change that.”
He seemed to crumble into himself. He closed his eyes and drew in a tremulous breath. When he looked at her again, his eyes were filled with tears. “Belinda…sweet Belinda.” He covered her hands with his, and once again Belinda’s heart filled with joy as his gaze lavished her with love.
“Don’t you understand?” His voice was filled with anguish. “It’s too late for us. Three years too late.”
The joy Belinda had felt was short-lived as she heard the resigned regret in his voice. She pulled her hands away from him. “It’s because of the baby, isn’t it? You can’t forgive me.” Her heart ached with her own regret. “I know I should have told you, Derek, but I was so scared and confused. I didn’t think it mattered and I thought my grief would keep me safe from loving you. But it didn’t.”
“Shh.” He placed a fingertip against her mouth. “Like you, I’ll forever carry the grief in my heart for our child, but this isn’t about that.”
Belinda backed away from him, feeling the first stir of anger. “Then tell me what it’s about.”
Once again dark shutters fell across his eyes, obscuring any emotion from her view. “Just take my word for it. There’s no future for the two of us. Don’t worry, I’ll live up to my agreement with your sisters even if you decide to go back there to live.” Pain flashed once again in his eyes. “Just leave it alone, Belinda.”
“I’m not going to just leave it alone.” Tears of frustration blurred her vision. “I’ve had a crazy woman try to kill me because I love you. I left here because I love you and put myself in the path of another homicidal maniac. No more secrets, Derek. No more secrets between us. If you love me, but can’t be with me, then tell me why.”
For a long moment he looked at her, his expression one of infinite dread. “Fine,” he snapped. “You want to know, then I won’t tell you, I’ll show you.”
His hands trembled as he unfastened his belt. “What are you doing?” she asked when he began to unsnap his jeans.
He didn’t answer. Instead he pulled down his jeans and stepped out of them, leaving him clad in a pair of briefs and exposing the scars that puckered and mottled his thigh. “This is why…because I’m no longer the golden boy with the beautiful body you loved.”
“Oh, Derek.” Belinda ached for him as she realized this had been his secret, his shame.
“By the time I woke up on the night of the fire, the roof was in flames. A burning timber fell on my leg. It seemed like it took forever for me to get it off and by then the damage had been done.” His voice was devoid of tone and he didn’t look at her, but just past her.
“At first they talked about taking off the leg. The bone was shattered and most of my flesh and muscle had been burned away. But they finally decided to reconstruct it. They did a good job. Unfortunately their cosmetic ability was rather lacking.”
He looked at her with dead, unemotional eyes. “I watched my mother turn away from me time and time again with revulsion in her eyes and I swore to myself I’d never see that expression again from another woman.” He swallowed hard. “I knew I wouldn’t be able to bear it if I saw it from you.”
He reached for his jeans, but Belinda was quicker. She grabbed them and threw them across the room. “You remember when I cut my knee in the shed and we ran inside to have your mother help bandage it?” He didn’t look at her, nor acknowledge her words. “There was a lot of blood, but the cut wasn’t very deep. Still, your mom went pale as a ghost and ran for the bathroom. She couldn’t handle the sight of blood or wounds.”
“This is a little more serious than a skinned knee,” he replied bitterly.
“Yes, it is.” Belinda stepped toward him. “It’s terrible and tragic, but any disgust I feel is for the woman who set the fire that did that to you.” She placed her hand against the scarred wound, felt his swift intake of breath. “I love you, Derek. Scars and all. And the only way you’ll disgust me is if you turn your back on our love.”
A strangled sob caught in his chest and for a breathless moment he remained still and unyielding. Then, with a sob, he pulled her tight against him, his arms wrapping around her as if he’d never let her go. “Oh, Belinda. I do love you,” he moaned into her hair. “I’ve been so afraid…so very afraid that you’d see my leg and not want me. I’d rather you hate me than pity me.”
He kissed her, his mouth moving with fire and ice from her lips, down her jaw. “I told myself I was just coming back here because you were in danger. I tried to convince myself that the only way to keep you safe was to marry you. I was only kidding myself, looking for any excuse to be with you.”
Belinda looked up into his eyes, the soft brown eyes she loved. “And I tried to tell myself the only reason I was marrying you was to help out my sisters. But deep inside I just wanted another chance to love you.”
He framed her face with his hands. “When I think of you in that tree, trying to fight off Roger—” He broke off and hugged her again.
“Derek—the strongbox.” Belinda suddenly remembered what had saved her life. “We need to open it, see what’s inside.”
“Later.” His eyes blazed with a fire that stole her breath away. “First we’re going to plan our wedding.”
She laughed. “But we’re already married.”
“Oh, yeah, that’s right.” He smiled, the slow grin that caused heat to unfurl inside her. “Then first I’m going to make love to my wife.”
He scooped her up into his arms and carried her to the bed. As they passed the window Belinda saw the sky bright with the light of dawn. The promise of a new day. She looked at her husband and saw the dawn light reflected in his eyes. The promise of love.
IT WAS SOMETIME LATER when Belinda, Derek and the two kids walked to the Connor ranch with the metal strongbox in hand. Belinda had a hunch, and she didn’t want to open the box without her sisters being present.
The adults had gathered around the kitchen table and the kids had been sent to Cody’s room to play when a knock sounded at the back door.
Abby opened the door to Junior Blanchard. “Morning, Abby.” He peered around her and saw Belinda and Derek at the table. “Ah, thought I’d find the two of you here. I had a long talk with Senator Whinnert’s aide this morning and thought you might want to hear about it.”
“Come on in and I’ll pour you a cup of coffee,” Abby said.
Junior swept off his hat and pulled a chair up to the table. He looked at the three sisters, a smile deepening the lines around his eyes. “I’ll tell you one thing, you Connor girls sure know how to keep things jumping around here.”
“It has been a wild couple of months,” Colette said with a smile.
“Yeah, well if you think this kind of wild stuff is gonna continue, let me know. I’ll hire another dozen men just to keep up with you all,” Junior teased, then sobered. “Unfortunately, not all the news I bring wi
th me this morning is good.”
“Don’t tell me Roger escaped,” Belinda exclaimed, and reached for Derek’s hand.
“No, no, nothing like that. Roger Whinnert isn’t going to see the light of day for a very long time. He and Janice will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.” He paused a moment to sip his coffee, then leaned back in his chair and eyed them all solemnly. “Senator Whinnert passed away last night. Apparently he went peacefully, in his sleep.”
Belinda looked at her sisters. If Roger had been telling the truth, then one of them had lost their biological father. Belinda searched her heart for grief, but could find none. There was only an impersonal sadness for the passing of a stranger.
“At least he’ll never know Roger’s wicked plans,” she said softly.
“And that’s a blessing,” Junior agreed, then continued. “According to the aide I spoke to, Roger had been in trouble most of his life. From what I’ve learned, Roger was a disturbed little boy who grew into a disturbed young man. The senator kept cleaning up his messes and giving him more chances. This is one final mess the senator won’t be cleaning up.”
Junior drained his coffee mug and stood. “Well, just wanted to stop by and tell you what I knew.” He smiled at them fondly. “Your mother and father would have been proud of the three of you. You’ve come through rough times, but you’re all survivors.”
“Of course, we’re Connor women,” Abby replied proudly. The three sisters smiled at each other.
“I guess we should open the box,” Belinda said when Junior had left. The metal strongbox sat in the middle of the table, like the guest of honor at a party.
“You think the adoption papers are inside?” Colette asked as she leaned into her husband’s side.
“I do,” Belinda replied. “We haven’t been able to find them anyplace else.” She pulled the box over in front of her and stroked the lid thoughtfully. “You know how Mama loved that tree. Somehow it makes sense that she’d put the papers there.”
Abby smiled, her eyes soft with memories as she turned to her husband. “Mama taught us how to climb that tree when we could barely walk. Daddy used to tease her about being part monkey, but she’d just laugh and tell him the dragon tree was like part of her soul.”
“And she made it a part of us,” Belinda said. With fingers that trembled, she unfastened the clasp. “You know, it doesn’t matter to me,” she said before opening the box. “It doesn’t matter to me who has adoption papers in here.” She looked at Colette, then at Abby, her heart expanding with love. “You are my sisters, and no piece of paper is ever going to change that.”
“I feel the same way,” Colette said vehemently.
“Me, too,” Abby added.
They smiled, and Belinda knew they were all remembering a night long ago, a night when a vow was made under the boughs of the dragon tree. That night, in their youth, the thought of one of them being adopted had been terrifying. Now, with the wisdom of adults, they knew no papers would ever taint what they felt for one another.
Belinda opened the box. A manila envelope marked “adoption papers” was on top. She lifted it out, surprised to find another envelope similarly marked beneath it. And a third beneath that. She looked at her sisters, whose expressions of shock mirrored hers.
“It’s all of us,” she said in wonder. “Three sets of papers for three baby girls.”
“I’ll be damned,” Derek said softly.
“So, what do we do now?” Colette asked.
“I guess we open them,” Abby replied.
Belinda held one of the envelopes, stared at it thoughtfully, then placed it back in the strongbox. “I don’t need to open it.” She smiled at her sisters. “I know who I am, who my family is. If I ever feel a need to know more, I can always open them later.”
Colette put hers back in the box. “I feel the same way.”
“At least from this day on we’ll know where the papers are,” Abby said as she added her envelope in with the other two.
They all watched silently as Belinda refastened the clasp, locking away the papers Roger had so desperately wanted found.
“And now, I’d better get busy,” Abby said as she stood. “I’ve got a ranch to run here.”
“And you promised me a trip into town for some supplies,” Colette reminded Hank.
Derek and Belinda stood. “And we’ve got things to do at home,” Belinda replied. Home. Her heart thrilled at the thought. Home with Derek. Home with the children. She smiled at Derek, her husband…her heart. “Let’s get our kids and go home.”
The answering smile he gave her filled her with happiness. Belinda knew her dawn had finally come, a dawn filled with the promise of forever with the man she loved.
Epilogue
“Pass me some more of the potato salad, please,” Colette said. “What about you, Derek…ready for something to eat?”
Derek shook his head and touched his stomach. “I can’t. I just can’t right now.”
The entire family was gathered on a blanket, enjoying a picnic after the long winter months of snow and cold. The May air simmered with the fragrance of blooming flowers and sun-warmed earth.
“I think maybe I’m coming down with a touch of the flu or something,” Derek said as he stretched out on one corner of the blanket.
“You’ve been fighting off that flu bug ever since Belinda started having morning sickness,” Colette said with a sly smile.
“Who would have thought a macho man like Derek would suffer morning sickness,” Abby teased.
“It’s not funny,” Derek replied. “And it’s not morning sickness. I just have a queasy stomach right now.”
Belinda smiled at the conversation and rubbed her burgeoning stomach. “I have a feeling my husband’s stomach problems will be better in about four months when I deliver this little bundle of joy.”
As the conversation turned to ranching business, Belinda thought back over the past months. She’d never known this kind of happiness before. Each day brought new joys, a deeper passion and a renewed commitment in her marriage.
Toby and Tasha were thriving and thrilled at the prospect of a new little brother or sister. She caressed her stomach again. When she’d discovered herself pregnant, Derek had insisted she go to the best doctor in town, who assured her that she should have no problems delivering a normal, healthy baby.
Although there would always be a, space in her heart for the child she’d lost, the new life growing inside her helped ease that pain.
“You okay?” Derek asked, his brows furrowed in worry as he watched her rub her tummy.
“I’m fine,” she assured him.
He scooted over beside her and placed his hand on her belly. “You are better than fine. You are the most beautiful woman in the world. You’re my life.” His eyes flamed with fires of love and desire.
Belinda’s heart expanded and as always when he looked at her that way, she felt a delightful breathlessness. “My, Mr. Walker, you do know how to sweet talk a girl.”
“Okay, you two. Knock it off.” Abby laughed. “Derek, are you sure you don’t want something to eat before I call the kids over. You know they’ll demolish what’s left.”
“Go ahead and feed them. I’m fine.”
“I wonder what they’re doing out there,” Colette said as she stood to look out toward the dragon tree where the children were all gathered at the base.
“Probably weaving fantasies of dragons and kings, and warriors and princesses,” Abby replied.
“And if they’re very lucky, their fantasies will come true. Cody and Toby will find lovely princesses to love for all their lives, and Brook and Tasha will find handsome princes to make them happy for the rest of their lives.” Belinda smiled at her husband. “Just like we did,” she said softly. “Forever,” she spoke in a whisper only Derek could hear.
“Until the moon falls down in the middle of Main Street and melts all over the city of Cheyenne,” he replied. She smiled. “Forever,” he
echoed and in his eyes, that’s exactly what she saw.
“WE’RE COUSINS, and that means we’re family. And family always loves and protects each other,” Cody said to the others.
“Protect…” Toby echoed with a grin. Brook babbled in toddler fashion from Tasha’s lap.
“But we’re adopted,” Tasha said.
“That don’t matter,” Cody scoffed in seven-yearold fashion. He spit through his teeth in the cowboy way just like Bulldog had taught him. He couldn’t do it in front of his mother. She scolded him.
“We’re cousins and that’s for sure,” he continued. “We’re gonna make a. pact. We help each other and if trouble comes, we fight it together. Okay?”
“’Kay,” Toby replied.
“All right,” Tasha agreed.
“Mamamamama,” Brook added, clapping her hands together and drooling down her chin.
“All for one and one for all.” Cody stuck his hand out and put Toby’s on top. “Come on, Tasha. Put your hand on ours, then Brook’s.”
She nodded and put her hands on the boys’ hands. Brook pat-a-caked her hand on the very top.
“Cousins forever,” Cody said. “Family for always.”
Tasha and Toby repeated his words, and a soft breeze stirred through the dragon tree and for a moment warm sunshine played on their features.
“Okay, now let’s go eat!”
As the kids ran toward their parents and the awaiting lunch, the dragon tree danced in the breeze, then seemed to reach its limbs up to the cloudless blue sky.
eISBN 978-14592-6838-8
SUNRISE VOWS
Copyright © 1997 by Carla Bracale
All rights reserved. Except for use In any review, the reproduction or utilization of this work in whole or in part in any form by any electronic, mechanical or other means, now known or hereafter invented, including xerography, photocopying and recording, or In any information storage or retrieval system, is forbidden without the written permission of the publisher, Harlequin Enterprises Limited, 225 Duncan Mill Road. Don Mills, Ontario, Canada M3B 3K9.
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