While that wasn’t what I said, I can’t deny that her amendment was accurate.
“Life is about choices,” I repeat, getting her attention back. “But I wasn’t given one about you.” I grab her hand again. “Loving you was the only option.” Her lips part on a breath while I tuck a stray lock of hair behind her ear, my eyes boring into hers. “I love you, Dahlia.”
“Zack.” She falls into me, her head resting on my shoulder.
I hike myself off the seat to gather her in my arms, placing her on my lap while her soft cries vibrate against my chest. I make a soothing noise and stroke her back until she pulls back, her eyes puffy and her cheeks flushed and wet.
“I’m sorry about everything. About not asking you or giving you a chance to explain what happened.” Her lips press together, and a fresh tear falls from the corner of her eye. “And I’m sorry for not believing you when I should have known better. Instead of being there for you when you needed me, I abandoned you.” She leans back, taking her hand from underneath mine to run over her hair. “You were right. I am like my mother.”
“Baby.” I pull her tighter into me. “I didn’t mean—”
“I was selfish,” she cuts in. “I allowed my fear to get in the way of everything. School, the studio, my friendships, and you.”
As she swipes a hand across her cheek, I catch it and press a kiss to the center of her palm. “So don’t let it get in the way anymore. And if it does, run to me, not from me.”
A ghost of a smile pulls at her lips, and she leans forward, resting her forehead against mine. “I love you, Zack. And it terrifies me that one day you’ll see I’m not enough.”
“Dahlia, you are enough, you’re perfect for me. You’re all I can see.” My nose nuzzles hers and she grins, her arms wrapping around my neck.
Just as our lips touch, a familiar cocky tone butts in. “Jesus, if I hear any more of this gooey shit, I’m gonna blow chunks all over this room.”
Dahlia falls forward, giggling into my shoulder while I shoot a taunting glare at my now-conscious best friend. “Charming as always, man.”
“MIND TELLING ME WHAT THE fuck I’m doing in a hospital gown?” Keith asks groggily, digging his thumb and forefinger into his eyes.
“Sure,” I say. Dahlia pulls away to go sit in the chair next to me, and I lean forward, pinning my best friend with a harsh stare. “As long as you tell me what the fuck you were thinking snorting coke.”
His eyes shoot to the side. At least he has the decency to look ashamed. “My condom stash was running low, so I went into your room to grab some.” His fingers knot together at the tops of his thighs. “Found the bag on your floor.”
“Still doesn’t explain why you decided to take it.”
I’ve known Keith nearly all my life. He’s a party addict, no doubt about that, and the man could drink Andre the Giant under the table despite not even being half his weight, but drugs have always been a hard limit. Keith’s grades have always fluctuated, so getting into Oakland was all thanks to him being a kickass right winger. And drugs are a deal-breaker that could result in being thrown off the team.
“I don’t know, man, I was completely blasted. Wasn’t thinking straight. When that chick I was with found it in my drawer . . .” He huffs out an exasperated sigh. “It was fucking stupid, I know.” He shakes his head as if he can’t even fathom his own stupidity.
“Well, you better start praying to the powers that be that Coach doesn’t catch wind of this,” I warn, crossing an ankle over my knee.
His skin grows even more pale. If Coach gives him the boot, his entire academic and athletic career is in dire jeopardy. For all we know, Coach may already be aware. The gossip birds are likely chirping louder than a flock of seagulls over a county fair.
I nod toward Dahlia fiddling with the metal zipper at the top of her hoodie. “I should let Dahlia give you an ass kicking. Lord knows you deserve it.”
He chuckles, but there’s little humor in it. “Do your worst, Chun Li.” He holds his hands out wide like an offering.
The corners of her pink lips turn up in a half smile. “You already landed yourself in the hospital. Not much more I can do from my end.”
Several knocks on the door have us all turning our heads to see Keith’s mother’s fear-stricken face peeking around the door. When she finds her son awake, she flings it open and rushes to his side.
“My baby,” she chokes out, cupping his face as she scrutinizes him. “What happened?”
Keith offers his mother a comforting smile. “Just me being an idiot, Mom.”
Keith’s mother jerks around toward his dad, who is standing with his arms crossed by the door. “Didn’t I tell you he should have stayed at home? I knew he was too young and reckless to be living on his own.”
That earns an eye roll from her husband, and I glance at Dahlia before flicking my eyes toward the door as a signal to leave. I’m not about to get caught in the middle of another one of their arguments. Learned that lesson when we were kids.
If arguing was a sport, Keith’s parents would be all-time champions. If they paid half as much attention to what their son was doing instead of fighting all the time, he probably wouldn’t party so much.
Their volume grows as Keith’s parents pass the blame back and forth like a tennis match. Widening his eyes, Keith looks at me as if searching for help. I shrug before I walk through the door behind Dahlia. He’s on his own with this one.
The entire team crowds the hallway, their heads picking up as Dahlia and I walk out. I give everyone a nod to let them know he’s okay, then I walk past them down the hall.
We walk in silence to the parking lot. I follow Dahlia to her car, stuffing my hands in my pockets as she pulls the keys out from her sweater pocket.
Needless to say, I’m relieved Keith will be okay, but something else is weighing on my mind. Even though it could send her running again, keeping it from her doesn’t feel right.
“I almost slept with someone last night,” I confess, my head tilting toward the pavement as my skin crawls with the memory of Christie on my bed, my ears growing hot with shame.
She draws in a sharp breath as if I punched her in the gut, the muscles in her jaw clenching as she fiddles with her keys. “But . . . you didn’t?”
I shake my head and step toward her. “I was about to throw her out of my room when I found out about Keith.” I swallow deeply. “It didn’t feel right.”
She smooths back the hair of her ponytail. The sun peeking over the horizon paints the sky in vibrant yellows and sets her copper hair ablaze. “You had every right. I pushed you away.”
I close the distance between us, grabbing one of her hands that’s fallen limply at her side. “No, it wasn’t right because she wasn’t you.”
When I tilt her chin up with my other hand, my heart squeezes when I see that her eyes have become glassy. “You’re all I see. In all things, baby.”
A slow smile overtakes her features as the sun bathes her in its warm light and makes her look like the goddess Keith claimed she was so many months ago.
“You’re all I can see too, Zack.” She turns her body into me. “Running from you was the hardest thing I’ve ever done.”
I smile at her, sliding my hands up her back. “No more running, baby.”
Her fingers graze the scruff on my jawline, her eyes wide and hopeful. “Only to you.”
She presses her lips over mine in a gentle kiss that turns into a slow, heated slide of tongues and caressing hands. The sun continues to rise, showering us both in warmth and light, casting away the darkness we’d both fallen into, shining light onto a new day. A new start. A new us.
“I KNEW YOU TWO WOULD patch things up. Twoo wuv will follow you forevah,” Lexi says, imitating the old priest from Princess Bride.
I shake my head at her, but I can’t contain my growing smile. Being without Zack nearly destroyed me.
Two days ago, when I gave myself to him for a second time, no shadows loo
med over my head. Only light. Bright and all-consuming, but I welcomed it. Rather than feeling terrified, with Zack, I feel more safe than I ever have in my life.
“Your wisdom is endless,” I tell her with exaggerated sarcasm as I carry my plate of fresh fruit and my favorite omelette over to our usual window-side table at Café au Lait.
“What can I say? It’s a gift.” She bites into a freshly made chocolate croissant, her eyes rolling back in culinary bliss.
Before I can dig into my own plate, Christie sidles up to our table wearing a conniving grin, holding a to-go cup in one hand and a plastic container of salad in the other. “Dahlia, I can totally understand why even a glacier like you would melt under Zack. Those hands aren’t just good for holding hockey sticks.”
She leans in closer, hovering over the table and giving Lexi and me an unnecessary eyeful of her cleavage.
“And the stick he’s packing is nothing to sneer at either,” she adds, her grin dripping with spite.
Before I can say anything, Lexi jumps up, snatches the coffee cup out of Christie’s brightly painted fingers, and pops off the lid. “Stick this, bitch.”
Lexi tips the cup over Christie’s meticulously blown-out platinum locks. While ice cubes fall to the linoleum, her shimmery pink lips fall open as the iced coffee drips over her face and down her shirt.
“You wanted that to go, right?” Lexi adds before returning to her seat.
Christie stands there for a moment, her eyes bulging, before she lunges toward Lexi, reaching for my best friend’s ponytail.
My chair scratches on the floor as I stand and hook my arm around hers. She yelps as I push upward, nearly popping her shoulder out of the socket.
“Not so chatty now, are we?”
She bares her teeth, and before she utters another word, I shove her face-down onto the table with a smack.
“Come at my best friend again and you’ll need a stick to fucking walk,” I hiss.
One of the baristas behind the counter yells, “Knock it off!”
I reluctantly let Christie go as a wide-eyed Lexi watches. While I’d love nothing more than to shove Christie through the window, the bitch isn’t worth it.
Christie cups her shoulder while flicking her eyes between Lexi and me. Her breaths are audibly sharp as they puff in and out of her nose. She’s seething, and rather than be angry at her for trying to sleep with Zack and then brag about it to my face, I find her laughable. All these years, I thought I was empty, but it’s people like her who are truly alone.
Before Christie can utter another stupid word, the café door swings open and in strides Zack.
He looks confused until realization kicks in and concern washes over his face. I crack a small smile, and Zack’s shoulders instantly relax as he walks over to us and presses a sweet kiss on my lips, lingering just a moment too long for Christie’s benefit.
When he pulls away, he glances at Christie and his eyebrows rise as though he’s just realizing she’s there. He offers her a lopsided smirk. “What’s the matter? Can’t handle a real woman’s touch?”
On a sharp inhale, Christie turns abruptly and walks out with a pulled shoulder and an even more busted ego.
“Do I want to know what happened?” Zack asks.
“Let’s just say it was a more impressive sight than me whipping your ass in the studio.”
“Hey,” Lexi pipes in through a mouthful of croissant, “I may not be a martial arts prodigy, but I have my own ways of taking someone down.”
We laugh as Zack pulls up a chair. His hand reaches under the table and grasps mine. Lacing our fingers together, I smile at him, the light from the sun pouring through the windows. Not a single shadow in sight. All bright light that seems to bring with it hope for the future.
Three months later
“BABE, STOP LOCKING YOUR KNEES,” Zack chides as I wobble back and forth, trying to balance on the blades, my arms jutting out as I prepare for the inevitable fall.
“So you finally pinned me on the mats. Doesn’t give you the right to humiliate me further,” I retort.
He chuckles, skating backward in a circle around me, making me waver even more as my eyes follow him. “Oh, but it does. You had your fun. Now I get to have mine.”
“You’re insane.”
He stops in front of me, a devilish smirk on his face. “Only for you, babe.”
And oh, so sweet . . . “Well, I’d like to be able to stand up straight when we go to your dad’s for dinner.” My torso falls forward as my legs slide out wide, nearly sending my face crashing into the cold ice.
This will be my second time meeting Zack’s father. The first wasn’t exactly under happy circumstances. He was recovering in the hospital after surgery to remove his prostate. Thankfully, the cancer hadn’t metastasized to any other organs, and two months after, he was given a clean bill of health.
“But you look so cute in a pair of ice skates.” He laughs.
I point at his face. “I am not cute.”
He glides over and hooks an arm around my waist, holding me steady. “Fine, you look sexy as all hell.”
I most assuredly do not, but I know he’s trying to make me feel better. He knows how hard I can be on myself when I don’t perfect something within minutes.
The last eight months have felt like that. Frustrating and downright terrifying at times. As if I was tossed on the ice without warning and put to the test. Our relationship hasn’t come easy, but nothing worth having ever does. And instead of fighting against the people who care about me, I’ve had to learn to fight for them. But even more? I’ve learned to fight for me.
I still have my moments though. What Zack and I have is so new, and surrendering to a world of unknowns unsettles me.
“Stop doing that,” Zack warns.
There’s resolve in his eyes when I look at him. “Doing what?”
The corner of his mouth tips upward. “Worrying.”
I can’t help but smile at how in-tune he is with me. It’s crazy to think that months ago, that terrified me. The thought of someone knowing me so well. All of me.
He pulls me toward him until my body presses against his. Those penetrating blue eyes search mine as we stop moving on the ice.
“I love you, babe. You’re it for me. Nothing is going to change that.” He tucks a stray lock of hair behind my ear and traces my jaw with his fingertips.
My chest relaxes on a cleansing exhale. That’s all I need to know. Zack loves me. Loves me enough to endure being thrown on the mat to get a date. Enough to break down all of my walls and cradle my heart in his warm embrace. Enough to ask me to move in with him a week ago at Easter supper.
Can’t say Keith was overly happy about having a girl living in the house and it was probably the last thing he needed to hear after everything he’s been through. Getting suspended from the hockey team hit him hard, but it could have been so much worse. His parents didn’t force him to move home and he wasn’t kicked out of school, so the only ‘rule’ he enforced was no cock-blocking, but according to Zack, Lexi and I have been the only girls at their place since Keith’s hospital stay.
I smile and press a soft kiss to his lips. “I love you too.”
His grin lights me up, sending a delicious shiver up my spine. I’ll never get tired of the effect he has on me.
“Hang on to me, babe.” he says as he guides me around the rink.
And I do, because he is my safety. My anchor. The source of light that broke through the darkness and guided me out of the past and into the now.
And the now is pretty damn amazing.
THE END
Listen To Sweet Insanity’s playlist on Spotify
Coming Soon! Keith’s story!
First and foremost, thank you to all of you amazing readers who took the chance on my debut. Releasing this book has been one of the most frightening, yet rewarding experiences I’ve ever gone through. But the support you all have given me has been nothing short of incredible! I could never tha
nk you all enough.
To the awesomeness that are my Beta readers, Donna-Cooksley-Sanderson, your response to this book when it was a downright mess still makes me teary when I look at it. Because, yes, I totally took a screen shot and saved it. Amanda Clark, who was the first pair of eyes aside from my own to read Zack and Dahlia’s story. Sophie Broughton, Helen Foster, and Trish Taylor, thank you all from the bottom of my heart for reading and lifting me up when I was down.
Thank you, Autumn Gantz for everything. And I do mean everything! Thank you for your guidance, your endless patience for my incessant questions and cluelessness about the publishing world. Thank you for always being on top of things when I couldn’t be. You truly are Wonder Woman. I’m so thankful you came into my life.
Thank you to Melissa Panio-Petersen. It was a dream come true to have you design this cover. I could never have imagined anyone else doing it. You worked you’re your magic out of what little ideas I had and gave this book the perfect cover! I love you!
Cassie Robertson, my editor, for whipping this book into shape and for responding with lightning speed whenever I had questions. That happened a lot…
Thank you to Karen McVino for proofing my book baby and making it all pretty in the awesome way only you can.
My co-bloggers, Trish Kitty Taylor, Kingston Westmoreland, Jacquie Van Mourik, and Helen Foster. Thank you for being my cheerleaders and for being my safe haven. My sistahs from other mistahs, I love you all.
Thank you Maria Karamintzou for helping me with the Greek language and culture.
Trish Kitty Taylor, you’re my rock babe. I love you to the freaking moon and back.
Kate Stewart. Wow. Nothing I could say would ever come close to adequately describe how much I could thank you. You flew into my life like the freaking angel you are and put your faith into me when I didn’t have any. You lit the fire under my ass and showed me that I could do this. Our meeting was not by chance. I know it. I love you, babe.
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