“And it never did,” I said as I finished her thoughts with a giggle.
“Right!” She was happy. I could also hear that, despite her tears, she was relieved for some reason. She took a lot of deep breaths, but I could still hear the tears as well.
I couldn’t help but wonder and worry. I wanted to know what was wrong. She had screwed me over and stabbed me in the back, but, as we laughed about the good old days, I couldn’t help but care and worry for her as I did back in the day.
“This diary was my savior some nights,” she said. “It helped me through the toughest times. Thank you.”
“What are you thanking me for?”
“For giving it to me. You probably didn’t realize how much it would help me or how much it would mean to me, but thank you.”
“You don’t have to thank me, Vic. I was just being a friend.”
“You always were.”
Suddenly, the tension increased as Vic continued to speak. “It’s about time I start writing in it again.”
“You think so?”
”Yea. It’s amazing the things that I realize after going through these pages. It’s so much history in this diary. Everything that happened to me, whether I remember it or not, is in this book. Jesse beating me, the first time he molested me, boyfriends, drama, and even the things you and Lyric were going through. My whole life is being held in my hand. It’s unbelievable. I even wrote about the time Michael called himself falling for me, holidays we all spent together, and when I started falling for Taij…”
I think that slipped. She said it on accident, but I’m glad she said it. It was time we addressed that elephant in our relationship instead of ignoring it like children.
Taij was my boyfriend during our freshman year of high school. When I got pregnant, he skipped town on me. My mother made me get an abortion. I stayed in love with Taij for four years. Then Vic went off to college without me and our other bestie, Lyric. She bumped into Taij on campus and fell in love with him, all without informing me.
Vic was actually crying uncontrollably at this point. She was sobbing through the phone into my ear.
“I am so sorry, Tricey. I don’t know what I was thinking. I shouldn’t have done that. I shouldn’t have risked a lifetime of friendship. I loved you like a sister. I still do. And I should have acted like it. You don’t fuck over family. You don’t stab the ones in the back that you love the most…”
“Vic, its fine. It’s all right. I forgave you. I told you that. I understood. You were searching for something that you needed. You found it in him. He gave you what you needed. It’s just so happened that he and I shared a past.”
I was full of shit. I had forgiven her, but I never let it go. I was just able to function in a friendship with her because I faulted him more than I did her. I didn’t want to hear her apologies, because it was obvious that she was only saying these things because something had gone tragically wrong with what she ended our kinship over.Now she realized how much of a fool she made out of herself. She had apologized back then, but she apologized while still holding his dick. It was a very hypocritical apology, when now she sounded much more sincere.
“You’re so full of it, Tricey. You don’t mean that. You’re saying that because you’re a real friend. You continued to be my friend because you’re real and genuine. You deserved for me to look past my own unhappiness, not risk ten plus years of sisterhood for a piece of dick.”
“That was years ago. And honestly, this should have been said years ago, but it wasn’t. And even if it were said, it wouldn’t have changed anything. It would not have stopped our friendship from going in the direction that it has gone in. I honestly don’t feel it necessary to have this conversation now that he has obviously made you regret the choice you made….”
“But you should hear this…”
“It’s pointless…”
“But you deserve it!”
I gave her my silence. Honestly, I wanted to hear what she had to say. She was right. I did deserve it. And even more honestly, it would make me feel better in our friendship if we finally talked about Taij like he was Taij, my ex-boyfriend and my ex-baby’s daddy, and not just some “him” that was Vic’s man.
“I may be only saying this to you now because I need someone to talk to. I can’t have this conversation with Sugar. I can and did, but it is not the same as having it with family. And since my mother is dead, my father isn’t shit, and Lyric won’t talk to me anymore, that leaves you. I need to relieve this pressure. And you need to accept the fact that what went around came back around and bit me in the ass, and you got what you wanted.
I should have never assumed that he would treat me any different than you or anyone else that he’s loved. Shame on me for thinking that he would respect me or love me anymore, or that I would be different. A dog is always a dog, even if he is living in a different house and being fed by a different owner. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for being stupid, weak, and naïve.”
“You were just in love, Vic. You were open over a man that made you feel better than you ever have in your life. Don’t think of yourself as having been weak or stupid. You were just in love and people in love make dumb ass decisions.”
“That they do,” she agreed. “It just makes me sick to my stomach that I willingly risked all of what I had to be with him. And here I am, after it’s all said and done, alone with even less than what I walked into this relationship with, despite my daughter. This is so lame. I should have never thought that I could gain happiness from someone else’s misfortune.”
“Don’t compare it to me. I was a different time for him. Whatever happened had nothing to do with me or how deceptive you all’s relationship was.”
“I know. It’s about how he can’t keep his dick in his pants.”
The tone of her voice was oh-so familiar. It was the way every woman sounds when she learns that her man has fallen into the category of being like every other man, when she thought that he was one in a million. It always hurts to find out that your man is as weak as the rest.
I sighed as I told her, “It’s not much redemption. It’s not possible to gloat while feeling sorry for you. I still love you, babe … Though it’s something like a love/hate relationship.”
We laughed with one another.
She let out a sigh of relief as she said, “I love you too. Always will. Just better this time around. I promise.”
I had the luxury of sitting on the team’s bench in between the coach and the assistant coach. That was the perks of being the love interest of the team’s most valuable player.
The arena was so heated. The crowd was pumped. I would have never guessed that a basketball game could be that intense. There were reporters everywhere, screams, curses, and injuries. And in the end, a sweet defeat by the home team.
I expected for them to win. They led the game the entire time by at least twenty points, so it was something more like a landslide than a win.
It was difficult to congratulate Damion. Everyone mobbed him no sooner than the time ran out on the clock. Half-naked groupies were trying to get his attention as the entire team surrounded him. Reporters were trying to reach microphones to his mouth asking a thousand-and-one questions. I knew that I was currently the last thing on his mind, so I hung out on the team bench, clutching a water bottle and waiting for him to remember that I was there.
He hadn’t actually forgotten about me at all. There were times during the game that he would wink at me after making a shot, or would nudge my crossed legs as he ran by me after a time out. I felt like somebody. My adrenaline was so pumped. I screamed like never before when he made baskets, stole balls, and ran interference. I got as angry as the team did when the officials didn’t call certain fouls. I was smiling the entire time and wished that Lyric was there with me so that she could witness the life that I was hopefully getting ready to live.
Eventually, he was able to focus on me. On his way to the locker room, he quickly told me that as soo
n as he showered and changed clothes, he would be out in the parking lot where he wanted me to wait in his truck. He gave me his keys and told me to sit and listen to the Raheem Devaughn CD that was in the CD player to get myself in the mood for him.
We planned to go to a club, sit at the bar, listen to the music, and get a couple of drinks; a very chill night to calm down from a very exciting day. Yet, when he came out of the exit, he looked tired, as if he needed peace and quiet, so I suggested that we go back to his place.
“Are you sure you don’t want to go out? Aren’t you hungry?”
“Not really. I had the pizza, remember?”
It seemed as if Damion had ignored my rhetorical question. As he watched me, I could see that his chest was rising up and down at an untraceable speed. I wanted to think that that was because of the affect that I had on him, but I had sense enough to know that it was because of the strenuous exercise his body had just been through.
Yet, just for kicks, I leaned over as we waited at the stop light and rested my hand over the area on his chest where his heart is.
He blushed.
“You’re still breathing hard,” I told him.
“I know.”
Then he rested his hand on my chest, catching me off guard. I should have jumped a bit, or at least acted like I didn’t want it to be there. But I actually leaned into his touch, gave him a bit more than what he was able to grab.
“You’re breathing hard too.”
“Really? I hadn’t noticed.”
“What’s taking your breath away?”
I left it at that, letting him assume the answer to his own question.
I don’t know what happened between then and the walk to his front door.
At first, we were walking the stairs, hand in hand, asking one another what we would do to pass the two hours until I had to drive back home. Then my tongue was in his mouth before he could put his key in the door. I don’t know what got into me. I had visions of him dribbling that basketball, making three pointers, people rooting uncontrollably for him, and him in those boxers with an erection protruding in my bedroom last week dancing in my head.
Tunde had left a taste in my mouth; a taste that I was unable to ignore any longer. Usually, when I was feeling this way, I was alone in my bedroom with a vibrator in my hand. Now I had the real life flesh and blood thing in the palm of my hand, and it was hard to resist.
“What are you doing?” He was shocked that I had taken on such aggression with him. When usually I was timid and scared that my hormones would take over my morals, I was mauling him as we walked the path to his bedroom, running my fingers over his chest as I kissed him, unbuckling his belt, and taking down his pants.
“Tricey.”
It was like he was trying to pull me back into reality without fighting it or me. He wanted it as bad as I did, but he understood the concept of my prior stinginess and wanted me to be sure of what I was doing and what I was losing.
But by then, as his butt hit the bed and I straddled him, my hormones had taken over what morals I had left. My lust had taken over my monogamy and it was too late to turn back now. My tube top went over my head and my breast bounced uncontrollably. His eyes grew as big as golf balls. He was like a starving kid in a candy store and I was willing to be eaten.
Then his cell phone rang.
He cursed, “Shit.”
“Don’t answer it,” I moaned into his ear.
I began to nibble on it, suck it, and kiss his neck. He moaned as I seemed to sing. I couldn’t stop kissing him. I was like a beast. I hadn’t been topless while straddling a man in almost a year, and all that had been pent up in between my legs amongst my pelvis was now gushing out of me in the seat of my thong.
Every touch, every grope, every feel sent “hell yeah” straight to my sex. I was so excited that I began to grind against the erection that I was sitting on. I rode him as if he was actually inside of me. That excited him. He began to be rough with me, groping my ass, pulling my hair, yanking my head back so that he could have all access to my neck and breast.
Damion saw the hunger in my eyes. His smile was devious and excited. He kissed me as he flipped me over his body and onto the bed. I wiggled in delight as he climbed on top of me. I tore his shirt over his shoulders and head. I wanted his penetration like nothing else. As he pulled his pants down, I grabbed his dick to make sure that it was actually all mine.
As he reached over to his nightstand, I prayed that I was doing the right thing, that he would be calling me as much afterwards, and still whispering sweet nothings in my ear. However, if he didn’t, considering the drought that I had been in, I wouldn’t care nonetheless.
LYRIC
Ever since I confessed my feelings to Veronica, she has used it against me, but in a good way. With every opportunity given to her, she smiled the sweetest smile at me, teased me with her curves, and touched me with the softest touch. Her fragrance, Gucci Envy, was all over me as she sat beside me on the couch wearing a tank and panties; what she had worn all day during her visit– since I was comfortable in the same, she too got comfortable once she got here.
Eventually, I had to excuse myself. I closed the door to my bedroom and attempted to calm my anxiety. My emotions had gotten the best of me. She was too close to me, too touchy, too sweet, and too pretty. I wanted her but was confused about whether I should. I had to be careful. I didn’t want things to escalate into something that I was unable to handle, wasn’t ready for, or wasn’t sure that I wanted. Lust can make sex and emotions fill like real feelings. I didn’t want to get the two confused at this stage of the game.
I sat on my bed looking at the woman in the mirror that was staring back at me. I wondered who she was; a sinner because of her sexual desires or a human being that was following her heart. I wondered if I was an assailant to Veronica’s sins and wonderedif they were even sins. I watched the tears fall as I prayed and asked God why I had the same desires for a woman as I have had for a man.
I heard Veronica knock on the door, but I didn’t answer. I was caught up in my own mind. I was waiting for God to answer my concerns. I didn’t wipe the tears away as she invited herself in. I wanted her to see how confused I was and how much I was hurting inside. I wanted her to see what she was getting herself into. I wanted her to see that this lifestyle wasn’t as glamorous and exciting as TV and rap videos make it look.
“What’s wrong?”
She was kneeling in front of me. Then she reached for my hands and held each one with her own.
“You,” I admitted.
“Me?”
“Not literally. I’m just trying to deal.”
“I thought you were doing that yesterday,” she said as she smiled.
“Well, I guess I’m still dealing. Maybe I shouldn’t have invited you over.”
“I’m glad you did.”
“I’m glad you’re here. That’s the problem.”
Veronica sighed as if she was disappointed with my uncertainties. I think she enjoyed me the most when I was the aggressive bisexual meant to cure her curiosities, not a timid woman who was more confused than she was.
“I’m sorry, but I’m having a hard time dealing with being attracted to someone that I feel like I shouldn’t. You aren’t even sure if you want to be with another woman and you haven’t even tried it before. I can’t believe that I actually like and look forward to being around you when I know that I won’t be accepted if anyone finds out that I do.”
“You’re talking about the bible-toting, Republican assholes that have yet to accept the reality that some people have desires for people of the same sex. You are scared of the same people that don’t believe in a woman’s right to abort, burn porn, tsk at people who listen to rap, etc., etc. But you still voted for Al Gore. You still listen to Lil’ Jon and the East Side Boys.” We shared a small laugh. “You’re scared of a minority. They are more of an outcast than you are.”
I felt confused because I couldn’t understand why I
knew that homosexuality was a sin, as far as my upbringing taught me, but I was enjoying the way Veronica’s ass spread as she knelt in front of me.
I was staring into her eyes, but I wasn’t trying to be sensual. I was lost and for once I wantedherto tellme what to do.
When she kissed me, I felt the stress lift from my shoulders. I felt better in the blink of an eye. I closed my eyes so that I wouldn’t be able to watch myself do this. I knew what she wanted, what she thought she could do to make me feel better and keep me into her; rather than focusing on how wrong this was. When our kisses usually consisted of only our tongues and lips touching, for the first time, she traced my body with her hands.
She pulled my tank over my head, reached behind me and unfastened my bra. She seemed to crave at the sight of my bare breasts, as if they were a well-earned trophy; an obstacle course that she was finally about to complete. I was the experienced one, but currently resembled the virgin and timid one.
Before tasting, Veronica asked, “Do you want me to stop?”
I managed to open my eyes and look at her without breaking down. “Do you want to stop?”
“Are you sure?”
“Areyou sure?”
In response, she placed one hand over my vagina. I could imagine how warm it felt because I could feel the fire for myself. She massaged my clitoris with her thumb. First, she used soft and soothing small circles. Then she used a little pleasurable aggression. I closed my eyes, refusing to watch myself do this, and enjoyed her touch.
She whispered, “I’m sure,” and then began to suck my nipple as she continued to play with my sex.
I could feel my clitoris swelling in anticipation as she continued to play with it.
She asked me in a sensual whisper, “Areyou sure?”
My head felt hot and my body wanted to explode with anticipation.
“Lyric, are you sure, baby?”
Good Girls Ain't No Fun Boxed Set (The SIX romance and urban fiction volumes of the LOVE, SEX, LIES series) Page 2