“The gawd damn attitude you’re giving me! Why are playing? What the fuck is wrong with you?”
“You, this gawd damn wedding, and the way you act like it’s not hurting me is what’s wrong with me!”
“Veronica, what do you want me to do? Am I not supposed to talk to you about what’s going on in my life? You asked me what I was doing and I answered.”
“I want you to call off this wedding.”
“We’ve gone through this already,” I said with a grunt.
“And you still haven’t made a decision.”
“I said I was sending out reminders for the rehearsal, didn’t I?! Obviously, I have chosen what I want to do!”
Veronica huffed and puffed. I was flabbergasted. I couldn’t believe that she was acting like this wedding was innovative news to her.
“Veronica, I have been clear during this past year. I thought we were on the same page. I have never had any desire to be in a relationship with a woman, and you haven’t either.”
“Fuck that woman versus man bullshit, Lyric! We love each other! People who love each other should be together.”
“I love you- just as I love Tricey. But I am in love with Bradley, and I want to be with Bradley.”
Then she spit, “Bullshit.”
“Excuse me?”
“You heard me. You aren’t in love with him. If you were, you wouldn’t be able to cheat on him as easily as you do.”
“You think this shit is easy for me? You think it’s easy for me to lie to his face every fucking day? Since I learned that there was such thing as a man wanting a woman to be in his life for the rest of his life, I have been waiting for that man to find me. I didn’t plan this shit.”
“You could’ve left me alone. All this time you knew that you didn’t want me, but you kept fucking with me.”
“All this time you knew the same thing and you never left.”
“Because I love you!”
This wasn’t right. This is a conversation that I have never imagined myself having. It may be hypocritical, since I’ve been having sex with her for a long time, but my desires are my desires. Just because we’ve been attached to the hip for the past year doesn’t make the yearning for a man in my life go away.
“You’re not in love with him.”
“I can’t believe you’re saying that,” I said.
“It’s true. You’re marrying him because your dyke ass is scared to come out of the closet.”
“Oh, please! Spare me, okay? I like women, but I love men, and it was the same for you.”
“But I’m not so ornery that I would pass up true love just because the person that I want to be with is the same sex as I am.”
“Veronica, I’m with who I want to be with.”
“You and Bradley’s relationship is so much different than ours. You and I laugh, talk, and cry together. We have chemistry. You and Bradley are a routine. It’s the Black American dream that you’ve always wanted and you’re playing a role.”
“And I play it because I want to. I live to play this role, and I play it proudly.”
There was silence once again, and this time I appreciated it. This conversation was giving me an anxiety attack. I knew that I would eventually have to stop having sex with Veronica. Even if there was no one such as Bradley, Veronica and I couldn’t go on forever. I love her as a friend, but not as a spouse. But I never wanted it to come to these extremes. I wanted to at least be able to spare the friendship.
“Lyric, I have to go.”
Before I could say anything, Veronica hung up, and there was no urge in my heart to call her back.
VERONICA
Hanging up on Lyricmay have been a bit immature, but I couldn’t and can’t take this anymore.
When Lyric and I met, we both were bisexual, but very much into men and were anticipating the moment that “the one” walked into our lives. She and I served the same purpose in one another’s lives; very good friends who serviced one another sexually when the time was right. Naturally, as time progressed, we developed feelings for one another. I knew that my feelings were more emotionally attached than hers. She seemed to love the friendship aspect of our relationship, when I was much more into her romantically. But regrettably, I assumed that our chemistry would overpower anything that she thought she felt for Bradley.
I have been on a cloud this past year; not at all realizing what was happening right before my eyes. I saw Bradley, knew he existed, and even cheered him and Lyric on. But in the back of my mind, I thought this marriage would never take place because I am the closest everything to Lyric. I am the one that makes her purr. I am the one that knows her body, her secrets, what makes her cry, and what makes her laugh. I know what she’s going to say before she even knows it. Bradley just embodies what Lyric wants in her mind; the picture perfect politically correct relationship. But there is no depth or chemistry between the two of them. They are like robots; mechanically doing what people in relationships do with no oomph, nothing extra, and no magic.
Lyric and I are magic waiting to happen, when she and Bradley’s relationship will be boring and lifeless no sooner than she says “I do”.
“What’s wrong with you, baby?”
Rick saw that I was obviously in my own world as I stared out of the passenger side window of his white 2009 Yukon.
“Nothing.”
“You sure?”
“I’m positive,” I answered with a phony but convincing smile.
Then Rick simply winked at me and turned Lil’ Wayne’sThe Carter 3 back up so loudly that the bass in the trunk seemed to vibrate through my heart.
Rick and I have been casually getting to know one another since the day I met him at Lyric’s house. Initially, I gave him my number just to get him off my back. But when he called, I was so emotionally frustrated by Lyric that talking to anyone got my mind off of my problems. Ever since then, he has been calling to tell me good morning, calls me during the day to check on me, and is sure to call to tell me good night. His conversation is surprisingly enjoyable and he makes me laugh my ass off.
I never planned to go out with him, since dating one of Bradley’s friends is so risqué because of me and Lyric’s relationship. However, after that conversation she and I had earlier today, I really just wanted Lyric to feel the hurt and betrayal that I feel. In addition to that, I deserve a good time out with someone who has my best interest in mind.
It may seem dirty and deceitful, but considering Lyric’s heartless actions, I don’t give a fuck. I am finally more interested in fulfilling my needs than Lyric’s, and if that means allowing her fiancé’s friend to fulfill them, oh well.
Embarrassingly, I haven’t been on a date with anyone else, be it with a man or woman, since Lyric and I connected. I subconsciously allowed her to fulfill the relationship void in my life. Though we were just friends, she played every role that a relationship would, so I wasn’t in need for attention outside of what she gave me.
Yet, being out with Rick only made me miss Lyric even more and hate with more passion that she was soon to give someone else what I’ve wanted so badly;her.
In my heart, there is a lot of resentment for her. I love her. I adore her. I want her in my life forever. But I hate her for not choosing me. I needed that bitterness soothed to make me feel better about not being good enough for Lyric to choose.
So when Rick asked if he could come in after we shared a few drinks at Joe’s, I didn’t decline. I knew what that was implying, but, for once, I wanted to do what I wanted to do and not take Lyric’s thoughts or feelings into consideration.
There wasn’t much small talk before Rick and I were spooning in my bed with only the light of the television reflecting late night TV back at us. The attention felt good to me. Lyric and I hardly have time for intimate moments such as these. I was surprisingly comfortable and excited, but wondered whether I was feeling either emotion because I wanted it so badly from someone who wouldn’t give it to me.
; When Rick and I kissed, I didn’t pull away. We both wanted it, but for very different reasons. He probably thought that he was getting me to buss down on the first date, but I was only using him to take my thoughts and pain away for however long the sex would last.
I didn’t want the emotional aspect of the physical; not much kissing and definitely no foreplay. I simply wanted his penetration. But I’d forgotten how long it’s been since I was penetrated by something alive and breathing, verses something strapped onto Lyric. Therefore, when he penetrated me, I nearly melted all over the sheets. Thankfully, Rick was slow and gentle. It seemed as if he wanted to take it slow and enjoy the moment. He rode me slow while ridding me of my top and bra. Once my breasts were in sight, he licked and sucked my nipples while giving me deep, long, and slow strokes.
He took the time to find my G spot. Once he found it, he never left.
There were no words between us, and I was appreciative of that. His voice would have reminded me that there was someone else pleasing me besides Lyric. I simply wanted to enjoy the moment and pleasure with only the sounds of our satisfaction to keep us company.
SIX
Friday, November 21, 2008
TRICEY
Since Amiel had the day off, he met me at the job for lunch. I wasn’t really hungry and neither was he, so we sat in his car at the park and talked the hour away.
“I’ve missed you,” he told me as we sat watching people walk by aimlessly.
The hospital is located in a more rural area of the city, so, unfortunately, our scenery was a beautiful park, with gorgeous greenery, that was populated with bums and crackheads.
“Have you really?”
He nodded as if that shouldn’t have been a question.
“We haven’t talked much since Monday night,” he said.
We haven’t. For the past couple of days, I’ve been feeling so empty. I haven’t had much motivation to go out of my way to speak with him, so if he calls, I call back, and if he doesn’t, it’s not the end of my world. I think I’ve come to the point where it’s time for him to put up or shut up; either be a man by getting out of his situation in order to give me what I deserve, or leave me alone. But unfortunately, the same goes for me. I can walk away just the same.
Amiel broke me out of my trance by rubbing the back of my neck. It was as if he saw the worry and anxiety in my expression and wanted to massage it away.
Then he told me, “I love you so much.”
I simply looked him in his eyes rather than giving him a response.
“Your happiness means a lot to me.”
That’s when I spoke up. “Oh really?”
“You don’t think so?”
“I think you know that I don’t enjoy being in this situation, but since you’re satisfied, you’re willing to ride it out as long as I am willing to.”
“Since when haven’t you been happy?”
“I was content with you being separated and soon to be divorced. I respected the fact that you were married and was never so naïve to believe that you weren’t fucking your wife just because you all were separated. But I was very unhappy to find out that you moved her back in and that she was pregnant. You just used that car to shut up my unhappiness.”
He sighed while saying, “I didn’t want it to happen either. I’m in a fucked up situation.”
“And it’s fucked up for me too. I love you. I love being with you. But knowing that you go home to pussy every night is a fucked up feeling to live with every day.”
“I’m not fucking her.”
“You can say that all you want to, but I’m not there to know for sure. I didn’t get involved with a man who was living with his wife. I got involved with someone who was separated.”
“Do you want to walk away?”
“Do you want me to?”
Whether I wanted to walk away was not a question. Amiel knows the depth of my love for him because I’ve spared no moment to show him. Amiel has professed his love for me over and over again. He was the first to claim our chemistry and the first to say that he couldn’t see his life without me in it. But every now and then, I need him to profess it again so that my anxiety can be soothed for the moment.
“I love you so much,” was his answer. “You and I bond on a level that I’ve never experienced with another woman. It’s just unfortunate that currently I am in a fucked up situation. I don’t want to be married, but I can’t and won’t put my children out on the streets. At the same time, I want you to be happy.”
That answer meant that he loves me, but not so much that he couldn’t live without me if my happiness led me to leave him. That hurt. Usually he would never say anything that hurts me because my feelings weren’t that involved. That’s when I knew that, for me, our relationship has transformed from me having fun with someone that I like, to me being in love with someone who is attached to someone else.
LYRIC
“This is Lyric speaking.”
“Hey, baby.”
“Hey you.”
Immediately, I sat back in my office chair and relaxed. Bradley rarely gets a free moment during his day to call, so I knew that if he was calling, it was important.
“How is your day going?”
“Fine,” I answered. “And fast, thank God. I’m ready to go. I have so many things to take care of.”
“Like?”
“Just confirming last minute details as far as the caterers and flowers are concerned.”
“Is your dress finished?”
“Yes.”
“Is there anything that you need me to do?”
“No, sir,” I sang flirtatiously.
Bradley has done more than enough for our wedding, as in pay for it, so I didn’t want him to lift a finger when it came to making the wedding plans, except be there with my ring saying “I do”.
“You sure?”
“I’m sure, babe.”
“I love you so much.” He seemed to be professing his love for me for the first time.
“I love you too, baby.”
“I’m so appreciative that you’re marrying me.”
That made my heart melt. “I’m so appreciative that you asked me. I promise to make it worth it.”
In response, Bradley smirked a bit, as if he were smiling shyly.
“I’m serious,” I ensured him.
“I’m looking forward to it, baby.”
“So did you call me just to make my panties wet?”
Laughing, he answered, “No. I’m glad I did, though. Means you’ll be good and ready for me when you get home.”
Then I was the one smiling shyly.
“Do you want to go out tonight? I figured you were free since Veronica will be all up under Rick tonight.”
“What?” That threw me for a loop, and it was hard for me to hide it.
“Veronica and Rick. Apparently they are going out again tonight.”
“Again? What do you mean byagain?”
“Yea. They went out last night. Was you as surprised as I was that she gave him some ass?”
My throat seemed to be closing.
“Hello?”
I told him, “I’m here.”
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. Just typing an email,” I lied. “But no, I didn’t know that she had sex with him. I didn’t even know they knew each other like that.”
“Well, apparently they exchanged numbers the day they met and have been heavy ever since. They went out on their first date last night, and from what Rick said, they had sex.”
“How do you know that he isn’t lying on his dick?”
“Why would he lie knowing that that’s your best friend?”
“True.”
“I take it she didn’t tell you.”
“I haven’t talked to her in a couple of days.”
“Well, you need to holla at your girl because apparently she got a man now.”
I laughed as I said, “A man? That fast, huh?”
�
��Well, Rick says he really likes her and she acts like she really likes him. She had sex with him, so obviously she likes him somewhat.”
My eyes were rolling in the back of my head. “Or she was just horny,” I implied.
Bradley laughed. “True dat. Well, if that’s the case, she better make it clear to him, because he’s open.”
This shit was making my stomach turn in knots. Suddenly, I felt like I needed to cry, throw up, and take a shit all at the same time.
“Well, baby, I’ll let you go. You sound like you’re really busy,” Bradley said.
“I’m sorry, baby. I’m trying to get this work done so I can get out of here on time.”
“It’s no problem. See you later. Me and you tonight?”
“Most definitely.”
No sooner than I hung up, I slipped back on my heels, left my office, and was heading down the corridor towards the elevator.
Rick?! Is she serious?! What a way to get me back. There is no fucking way that she slept with him because she “likes him”. She “likes” her dog. She “likes” her new pair of Prada boots that she got on sale at Nordstrom last weekend. She would fuck those boots before she would fuck Rick’s ignorant ass. She did that shit out of spite and it’s so pathetic.
How could she be so grimy? She has been crying and acting as if what I am doing to her issooooo deceitful, but she can fuck my fiancé’s friend?
I know that I’ve been doing my dirt, but I was truthful to her. If anyone has a right to shit on me, it’s Bradley. He is the one that’s been in the dark, not her. She’s had full knowledge of everything that’s going on and she knowingly stayed. I didn’t make her stay. I didn’t ask her to stay. I did not deceive her, so this stunt she has pulled has pissed me the fuck off, rather than hurt me, as I’m sure she planned.
When I entered Tricey’s office suite, I saw that her office door was open, so I walked right on in. When she saw my face, she immediately stopped filling out whatever paperwork was in front of her.
I closed her office door, sat in the seat across from her desk, and tried my best not to get loud.
Good Girls Ain't No Fun Boxed Set (The SIX romance and urban fiction volumes of the LOVE, SEX, LIES series) Page 9