As Bradley spoke, he took a tissue from his glove compartment and began to wipe my tears.
“I love you,” he told me. “And that’s all you need. No need to worry about what you don’t have anymore, because I’m here to make up for that.”
There was so much need behind my love for Bradley that it was frightening. I love him because he replaces so much that I miss, and he fixes so much that is wrong in my life. Bradley’s presence in my life made my past okay to live with. I love Bradley because he represents the family that I want so that I can be the mother to my children that my mother wasn’t; so I can give my children the father that I didn’t have. I love him because he’s that picture perfect father-figure that I’ve always wanted.
There was only one way for me to show Bradley how much I appreciated and loved him. I know that it’s quite cliché, but Bradley had money, toys, jewelry, and clothes. I cooked and cleaned for him every day, so that wouldn’t have been extraordinary. The way he emotionally protected me tonight made me want to give him something to merely tell him thank you.
So I gave him me. I submitted totally to his wants and desires and let him have me however his heart desired.
We showered together upon returning home, and I was anxious to succumb to his commands. When he kissed me, I didn’t resist. When he picked me up, wrapped my legs around his waist, and put my breast into his mouth, I relaxed under the running warm water and allow him to enjoy his feast. I didn’t disturb him with my personal desires and didn’t stop him to satisfy myself. I wanted him to do whatever his heart desired, because that was the only way that I could imagine thanking him.
He kissed, touched, and rubbed with anticipation, and I kissed back, touched back, and rubbed back simply to say that I was grateful. He had an obsession when I had a mission; a mission to totally surrender and offer my mind, love, and body to him because he effortlessly deserved every inch and element of me.
His body, his presence in my life, and the way he loves me was poetic. I only yearned to read more, to enjoy the pages of our relationship, and never see the end.
He forced me on my knees, and I approached his dick with appreciation of the chance to serve him orally.
I sucked his dick with intent to thank him, and with intent to kill any question that he may have of my faultlessness, excellence, and ability to be worthy of being his other half. I sucked with obedience and submission. I sucked to thank him for loving me more than I can imaginably love myself. I sucked his dick for loving me so much that he embraces my flaws. I sucked him with love and gratitude for turning Lyric intoMrs. Morris.
VICTORIA
It was nearly midnight when my doorbell rung. I couldn’t imagine who it could be since I gave Crystal a key and no one else has the balls to show up to my house unannounced.
When I looked out the peephole of my front door, I saw that it was Sean, Crystal’s husband.
I asked anyway, “Who it is?”
“Sean.”
“Crystal isn’t here.”
There was a pause. I was glad to be the one to tell him that it was nearly midnight and his sweet innocent wife wasn’t at home on a Friday night. I was also ecstatic to be able to see his reaction.
“Can I come in anyway?”
He actually sounded sincere, so I slowly opened the door to let him in.
“I don’t want any trouble,” he promised as I slowly made room for him to enter the house.
Though it was late, I was actually up watching reruns of Law and Order SVU on TNT. I was restless. I couldn’t sleep because the argument with Vince was still bothering me, and the fact that he hadn’t attempted to contact me was killing me; though I haven’t attempted to contact him either.
As Sean sat on the love seat, he asked, “So where is Crystal?”
“I’m not sure.”
I honestly wasn’t sure. She wasn’t home when I got here early this afternoon, and I hadn’t talked to her all day. However, I made it my business to text her in capital letters and exclamation points, “SEAN IS HERE! GET HERE FAST!!!”
Sean is usually mean, cocky, arrogant, and smug. Tonight, however, he is sitting here looking like a puppy dog with bags under his eyes and weariness in his expression. He looks humbled when usually he oozes haughtiness and superiority. He looks weak in comparison to the man that has blacked my girl’s eye more times than I can count.
“Have you called her?”
He answered sadly, “She’s not answering my calls.”
That was unlike Crystal. Though she and Sean have been separated for the past few weeks, Crystal still has been respectful in answering his calls.
“Do you know where she is?” There was so much fear in his voice that I actually felt a little bad for his anxiety.
“I told you that I don’t know,” I answered sincerely. “I seriously don’t know.”
“Where can she be?”
I think he was actually talking to himself, so I just let him roll with it as I looked aimlessly at Mariska Hargitay chase a bad guy with her gun drawn while still maintaining her pretty.
“What has she been telling you? Do you think she’ll come home soon?”
Sharing with Sean what Crystal has told me felt weird. Sean and I weren’t associates and we certainly weren’t cool. I never felt comfortable being nice to someone that I knew I hated. Though no one is perfect, Crystal surely doesn’t deserve how Sean treats her.
“I don’t feel comfortable having this conversation with you,” I told him.
“I just want to know.”
“Talk to her about it.”
“I’m asking you. You know how she really feels. Not that bullshit she tells me.”
“Sean, I can’t…”
“I love her,” he said, sitting up in his seat so aggressively that he was nearly on his feet. “Ilove her. I know I was wrong. I know she doesn’t deserve the things that I do to her, but I love her.”
“How can you say that you love her when you beat her, disrespect her, and lock her in that damn house to prevent her from meeting the next motherfucker that will treat her better than you do? How do you love her and beat the shit out of her at the same time?”
Since this bastard wants to sit here and profess his love like he is some kinda Romeo, then, damn it, we can discuss it, and I ain’t holding nothing back. But the moment he lifts a hand to even scratch his ass, I’m calling the police and he’s outta here.
“I know I ain’t shit, Vic. I got a lot of issues, but I love my wife. Sometimes I may resent her because I know that I don’t deserve her. I took advantage of her because I never thought she would leave me. It took her being gone for only two weeks for me to miss her smell, to miss her nagging, to miss her looking at me like I ain’t shit.” He chuckled a bit at the recollection as he continued. “I love her.”
“How is that possible? If you love her so much, why do you treat her so bad?”
I was so sincere in my curiosity. I didn’t want to lecture Sean. He wasn’t married to me, and Crystal is grown enough to speak up for herself. The curiosity in me wanted to hear the raw emotions of an ain’t-shit-nigga because I still wonder what Taij was thinking when, while screwing my friends, he swore he loved me with the same passion that Sean is showing right now.
“Hitting her is wrong and I,we, are going to get help. Yes, I cheat every now and then- every man does- but I come home to my wife. I make sure she’s warm in the winter. I make sure there is food in the refrigerator….”
“But there was another woman going through that refrigerator and that surpasses disrespect.”
“I’m not perfect. I do a lot of dumb shit, but Crystal never faulted me for it. She stood by me. She read the text messages and didn’t leave. I would hit her and she would suck my dick the same night. I was never given any boundaries. I never knew what my actions could make me lose until I lost it. I have my flaws and Crystal accepts me for all that I am; the good and the bad. She is patient with me when no other woman ever even stuck aroun
d long enough to love me. She doesn’t try to change me. No woman can replace that. I may have cheated, but I respect and honor my wife’s role, so I wasn’t trying to replace that while I was out there in the streets. I was out there making myself feel better because there’s obviously a lot of shit wrong with me. Pussy comes and goes, but while I’m fucking these bitches, my love and admiration for my wife never goes away.”
Fourteen
Saturday, December 6, 2008
VICTORIA
Crystal walked in the house about fifteen minutes later.
I was so happy. No sooner than she walked in, I made my exit to sleep my own anxiety away. When I woke up the next morning, I was eager to not only know what she and Sean talked about, but to also find out where in the hell she disappeared to yesterday.
Before I stormed into her room with fifty million questions, I made a nice strong pot of coffee. I am assuming the aroma woke Crystal up, because she was soon standing in the doorway of the kitchen with a smile as I was sitting at the kitchen table watching the snow fall out of the window.
“Sean didn’t act a fool, did he?”
“Surprisingly, no, he didn’t,” I answered. “Had you took any longer coming home, I’m sure he would have.”
Crystal giggled slightly as she walked into the kitchen and sat with me at the table.
“Where were you?”
“On a date.”
I was grinning. “A date? With who?”
“Some guy that I met at the mall.”
“Cute?”
“Cute enough. He’s really tall; like 6’5. You know I love that.”
That she does. Sean is 6’3”.
“How was the date?”
She answered, “Different,” with a slight frown.
“How so?”
“It is just very unusual being committed to one man for eight years of your life and then being thrown into the single life.”
“Then why go on the date?”
“Because it was free dinner and I was lonely. During the date, I thought I was bold enough to get some new dick after all this time, but I wasn’t.”
We both laughed.
“I was just too scared. I wanted to so bad. I have been having sex with the same penis for eight years; eightlooooong years of dealing with that cheating, disrespectful, and conniving dick. But I was sitting in that car with that guy and there was no history, no love, no emotions, no depth, and no substance.”
“Well, you have to get to know someone before those things can exist between two people. It doesn’t instantly happen.”
Crystal sighed, saying, “Girl, I don’t have time to rebuild what I’ve built with Sean, and who’s to say that the person to rebuild it with is even out there?”
That was so very true. Just last year I was yearning for something new. I was so sick of Taij and his shit, and so sick of feeling unloved and empty inside. We lived together, but it still felt like we were so far apart.
Now I’m single and, though I have plenty of choices, I still feel the same loneliness.
“So what did Sean have to say for himself?”
“The same things he’s been saying. That he loves me, but didn’t realize what he had until I was gone.”
“You should have walked away a long time ago then,” I joked.
“No,” she insisted. “This was the right time. I know Sean has done a lot of hurtful and disrespectful things to me, but I can’t deny that I love him. I am married to him. And though he fucks around on me with this and that woman, I am the only woman that can say that she is Mrs. Sean Taylor.”
The realism in that statement sent chills through me, and suddenly I understood the devotion of a woman who is protecting her family and her support.
“I pray all the time. I pray and ask God to give me strength, to help Sean change, to show me where it is that I need to be. I want to be with who God wants me to be with. Considering the kind of man that Sean is, I need a really big sign to convince me that he is who God wants for me.”
“Do you think God will put you with someone who cheats and beats you?”
“I don’t think God is that cruel,” she answered. “But what if God put me in his life to help change him? What other woman can endure what Sean has put me through? If Sean was out here alone, he would be lost. And I don’t say that because I want meaning in his life. I say that because I know him.”
“That’s why all you can do is pray.”
“And listen,” she added.
I nodded in agreement. “And listen.”
I thought back and wondered if I ever prayed during the bad times of me and Taij’s relationship, if I took the time and asked God to show me what to do with the relationship that I once swore was fate.
“Some women are so busy trying to be respected, honored, and cherished. They are taught that a woman deserves this and that, and that a man ain’t to do this and that. Then as soon as something happens that their homegirls think is wrong or they mama said was wrong, they just up and leave. But I am never too honoree to stay where I belong.”
“But you weren’t happy with Sean,” I told her. “I look at you now and there is life in your walk and excitement in your eyes about what the day is going to bring.”
“There is still something missing. I couldn’t stand Sean when I was there, but I miss the hell out of him now. I can meet someone new, but no one can replace history and family. I got a small taste of the single life and I don’t like it already. It’s something different about having someone at home when you get there or knowing he’s coming, even if you don’t know what time.”
I was still sulking about the argument that I had with Vince. Crystal saw that and suggested that I spend some time alone, so she kept an eye on DeSire for a few hours while I headed nowhere in particular.
As I sat at a stop light headed in no specific direction, my cell phone rang.
It was Mike, and suddenly I felt like heading towards the South Side.
“Hello?”
“Whad up? What’s poppin’?”
“Hey, Mike.”
“Where you been?”
I played it off. “What do you mean?”
“I been callin’ you.”
Indeed he has been calling during the time that Vince was so far up in my ass that I didn’t have the opportunity to tend to anyone else.
“I’ve been a little busy.”
“What you doin’ right now?”
“On my way to wherever you are.”
“I’m at home.”
“I’ll be there in a minute.”
Mike reminded me of what the past few weeks of my life has been missing; sex and lots of attention. I didn’t want time to sit and dwell on how sad or lonely I felt without the life that I had with Taij. I just wanted to live my life with no pain and no worries.
I drove illegal speeds to Mike’s house. I made it there in twenty minutes versus the thirty-five that it would have taken me had I not been in a horny hurry. I laughed at the way I hurried out of the car and thanked God that his mother’s car wasn’t in the driveway.
I probably should have been using this time to think and reflect as Crystal suggested, but I just wanted the emotions that I was feeling to go away, even if it would only be for a few minutes.
I didn’t waste any time when I got into Mike’s house. I didn’t want to talk about what’s been up with me, didn’t want to tell him why I haven’t been calling, or what I’ve been doing that kept me “so busy”. I just simply wanted him to fuck the weariness away.
However, he did a piss-poor job of making me forget about my problems. It wasn’t his fault at all. He did the same things he usually does, but, for some reason, I wasn’t into him or his dick. I felt like he was just on top of me humping like some crazed animal starving for a nut. His sweat disgusted me. His moans nauseated me. My vagina felt like it was being torn apart with his aggressiveness.
I didn’t blame him because I knew it was me. I knew that a couple of weeks
ago I would have loved what Mike was giving me and would have thanked him with a round two. But no sooner than he was done and went to the bathroom to get rid of the condom, I dressed quickly and made my exit before he could ask me where I was going.
When I got in the car, I was damn near in tears. I knew that something was wrong with me that sex could no longer fix, and I was so scared of it. I was scared to face the heartache that I have been running from for over a year.
TRICEY
I laughed when I saw that it was Amiel calling me. I haven’t talked to him in two days. I could have been in this apartment dead and he would have never known.
“Hello?”
“Hey, baby.”
Amiel isn’t doing anything wrong. I just still feel like he isn’t doing anything right. I know my role. I’m dating a married man, so there are certain things I can’t expect. I can’t expect loads of quality time and phone calls, and I can’t expect to feel like an obligation. Excluding the fact that in reality, I am the other woman, Amiel treats me like I’m the only woman. Yet, his actions remind me that I am certainly just the bitch on the side.
That shit confuses me and I’m tired of it.
I greeted, “Hey.”
“What’s wrong?”
“Not feeling too well.”
“Got a cold?”
“Yes.”
“Have you taken any medicine?”
“Yes, but it’s not working.”
“How long have you been feeling like this?”
“A couple of days.”
“Why didn’t you call me?”
“Because I figured since you hadn’t called, you must be busy.”
And then there was silence.
When he doesn’t immediately offer what he’s been doing with his time, it usually means that he’s been in the house with the Mrs.
Good Girls Ain't No Fun Boxed Set (The SIX romance and urban fiction volumes of the LOVE, SEX, LIES series) Page 16